I really need some help. My son has to carry a medical card because my work doesn't offer medical coverage. So the job and family services has helped me track down my sons biological father who never wanted anything to do with my son. Making him take a Paternity test. He was of course the father 99.99%. So now I have a support hearing coming up. He says that if he has to pay for my son then he wants to visitation. It's been 4 years he's never seen my son. He lives 5 and a half hours from me. Can he get visitation. I'm really nervous about this.:( :confused:

Look at it this way.
If you want him to pay for your son then you have to offer visitation rights.

Simple really.

You can't have it all one way.

If he is the father, he has every right to want to see his child.

It is good that he is attempting to step up to the plate and try to see his child.

He has visitation rights, unless you have went to court and got them taken away, and even then he can go back to court and try to get them back.

But just the same deal, he has every right to ask for it and yes I would say about 90 percent sure he will get them unless you prove he is a threat to the child.

I disagree and agree with you I guess if he hasn't offered support before and you did not want him to be a part of your sons life you should have let things the way they were. But I understand the frustration of no contact for a long period, because us a mothers could never have done that, that's why we feel so strongly about it. I would say to offer him a way out of any support in exchange for no visitation see if he bits, if he does you know he is not sincere.

If you are on any type of welfare... they WILL go after him to support the child so they don't have to continue to do so.

You could do as the others offered... get off welfare and offer not to go after child support.

But you need to think about this long term... when your child gets older, if they don't see the father... they are going to wonder where he is... it's better late than never.

My daughter is almost 6 and up until about 4 months ago, her father had not seen her since she was 15 months old.
Trust in the fact that the judge is not going to rule for immediate weekend and overnight visits when this child does not know the father.

What the judge did in our case was granted a "graduated" visitation schedule. This was out visitation schedule...

Her father was allowed to see her every Saturday from 1:30 to 3:30 at a neutral location and I had to be there. That continued for a month or so.

Then he was allowed to see her every Saturday from 1:30 to 3:30 and every Thursday 1:30 to 3:30 in a neutral location and I had to be there. And that continued for about a month or so.

Then he was allowed to see her every Saturday from 9am to 3pm unsupervised and on Thursdays from 1:30 to 3:30 unsupervised. That continued for a month or so.

Then overnights were started.

I agree with the others... unless he is a threat to your child, you should encourage visitations. My mother never told me who my father was until I was 7, and my father didn't know. He didn't want visitation and I tried and tried to get him to be a part of my life. He was not a threat to me, my mother was open for visitation, but did not enourage it. It was always me who asked him to see me. I always have wondered if she had asked him not to be a part of my life or what if she would have asked him... maybe he'd listened to her more? There will come a point in your child's life when he will ask you why his father wasn't there. There will come a point where he will more than likely look his father up and ask the same question. Make sure you aren't the one that he holds it against.

I was one of the kids to be blessed with an awesome Dad(stepdad), even though my father wasn't there, my Dad has always been there. Him and my mom married when I was a yr old. I have always known him as my Dad and my father being there wouldn't have changed that. And even though I have the best Dad in the world, there was still an empty spot that only my Father could have filled.

So, unless he is a threat or doesn't want to see the child, I would encourage it 150%, whether he paid child support or not.

But. This is just me.