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    biggsie's Avatar
    biggsie Posts: 1,267, Reputation: 125
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    #21

    Jun 19, 2007, 11:56 PM
    Children don't sleep with their parents --- The temptation is there in this case.
    He may not be doing anything wrong --- But what he is doing is not right...
    Many daughters have been USED by adult males... Many sons have been USED by adult females... Adults who USE children are sickos, kids will think its normal--- living in a fantasy world --- the daughter is competing for the wife's job...
    Molesters will drag society down to their level, not setting very good examples!!
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
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    #22

    Jun 20, 2007, 12:01 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by goingoofy2
    oddly enough, the mother has sent her to seek counseling for what she stated, "she's having difficulty with the divorce" fact is, they divorced when she was only 13 months old, so obviously she has issues with other things, but the father does not believe in therapist, he thinks if you can't work them out at home then you have real problems.... and yes we have a problem here. hopefully I can convince him to at least sit down with someone to discuss the real issues here. Thanks again guys.
    The mother is trying to escape responsibilities of what she has helped create, by blaming it totally on a divorce. The dad is probably from the background of *keep your mouth shut what goes on in this family is our business*! And he does not like his private life discussed, (unless he is the one discussing it, that way he can make it look the way he wants it to) That way he stays in control. Just like his screaming controls you all. He is also in control when he gives you flowers, baths and nice dinner, enlist his friends help to keep you there. Abusive men give into their women just enough to keep them hanging on and then they revert back to the old ways very quickly, when they know you are not leaving. You need to wise up to the ways of abusive people. Read, talk and listen and you will learn. You will see what I mean someday, that is if your not in denial, and already know. :)
    froggy7's Avatar
    froggy7 Posts: 1,801, Reputation: 242
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    #23

    Jun 20, 2007, 05:42 AM
    All right... this girl has a mother who acts like a tramp. And a dad who sees nothing wrong with her sleeping with him. Your family needs professional help, and needs it fast. I think that, no matter how much you deny it, your husband is getting _something_ out of this bizarre relationship with his daughter. How long have you been married to this man? It is possible that he has been sexually abusing his daughter before you were in the picture, and doesn't see any reason to stop. In fact, you could be "window dressing" to deflect attention, although I would expect him to be more discrete in that case.

    So you need to make a decision. Do you want to stay married to this man? And when you consider that, keep in mind that you have NO power to make him change. And therefore, assume that he is going to continue with his behavior exactly like it is. Are you willing to stay conditionally? Something like "if we get counseling, I'll delay my decision for 6 months and see what happens." Or is it time to leave, if only to keep your own standards of morality? If you do decide to leave, I'd consider taking some pictures beforehand and tipping off Child Protective Services, because that girl deserves a better life than the ones her parents seem willing to give her.
    goingoofy2's Avatar
    goingoofy2 Posts: 49, Reputation: 13
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    #24

    Jun 20, 2007, 05:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by bushg
    The mother is trying to escape responsibilites of what she has helped create, by blaming it totally on a divorce. The dad is probably from the background of *keep your mouth shut what goes on in this family is our business*! and he does not like his private life discussed, (unless he is the one discussing it, that way he can make it look the way he wants it to) That way he stays in control. Just like his screaming controls you all. He is also in control when he gives you flowers, baths and nice dinner, enlist his friends help to keep you there. Abusive men give into their women just enough to keep them hanging on and then they revert back to the old ways very quickly, when they know you are not leaving. You need to wise up to the ways of abusive people. Read, talk and listen and you will learn. You will see what I mean someday, that is if your not in denial, and already know. :)
    You have a valid true point here Bushg... my husband always wants to look like he is Mr. wonderful and hasn't any problems and I hate to say it but he's a charmer in public but a screamer at home. In any event, this is what baffles me about the 12 year old, why would one be so "attracted" to a man that screams at you at such a young age... I'd be running for the hills at that age. (my grandfather was/is my father figure growing up and never once raised his voice) It's bad enough at my age to be screamed at, but as an adult you've already figured out ways of tuning one out or walking the other way, most young ones will cry or I would think not want to come around him... It's so odd cause she and I get along fine, but when the dad is around she clings herself to him. I'm making some calls today and getting professional help on this matter... it's just way out of control.

    Quote Originally Posted by froggy7
    All right... this girl has a mother who acts like a tramp. And a dad who sees nothing wrong with her sleeping with him. Your family needs professional help, and needs it fast. I think that, no matter how much you deny it, your husband is getting _something_ out of this bizzare relationship with his daughter. How long have you been married to this man? It is possible that he has been sexually abusing his daughter before you were in the picture, and doesn't see any reason to stop. In fact, you could be "window dressing" to deflect attention, although I would expect him to be more discrete in that case.

    Froggy thanks for your input, I don't believe there is anything going on with he and the daughter, really; I'm not completely naïve to what goes on in my home, it's the inappropriate behavior coming from the daughter that mystifies me that was why I'm writing asking for answers on the topic of her always wanting to sleep in her fathers room and always clinging to him, inappropriately and he not wanting to address it the way it should be addressed or at least talk about it the way it should be talked about. (married 6 yrs) It's kind of embarrassing for me when family or friends come over asking "why is she dressed that way and why is she trying to hang all over her father like that" He'll push her away some days and say, "ok, enough ****go sit down", but most times it's his little girl and "she doesn't get any attention from her mother". She's a very spoiled 12 year old to boot, only wanting Hollister and Abercrombe or it just won't be worn. (the gram buys her all that daily along with the frequent trips) Again as I stated in a previous post, I'm making some calls today.
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    beachgurly06 Posts: 16, Reputation: 4
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    #25

    Jun 20, 2007, 08:04 AM
    You know I really just think it sick. And I feel horrible for you, I really don't know how you have stuck it out this long. I would try to get them to talk to a counsler. It's just not normal behavior. I'm sure you love your husband very much and you want your marriage to work and you have been very strong through out this whole time but sometimes enough is enough.
    goingoofy2's Avatar
    goingoofy2 Posts: 49, Reputation: 13
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    #26

    Jun 20, 2007, 08:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by beachgurly06
    You know I really just think it sick. And I feel horrible for you, I really don't know how you have stuck it out this long. I would try to get them to talk to a counsler. It's just not normal behavior. I'm sure you love your husband very much and you want your marraige to work and you have been very strong through out this whole time but sometimes enough is enough.
    Thanks beach... at this point, I'm not sure I truly love my husband anymore... so many things are just not good and that's why I need to call someone today... thanks so much for your time
    s2tp's Avatar
    s2tp Posts: 299, Reputation: 61
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    #27

    Jun 20, 2007, 09:02 AM
    Wow, I didn't really read everything word for word, but I definitely think you have a serious issue on your hands Goofy. Let me know if I step out of line here, but it sounds like both you and the ex wife are 'lookers' so to say and have the bodies to flaunt. Now I don't mean that as an insult in any way, so please don't take it that way, but from the descriptions of yourself and the ex, this man has a taste for women who look good... am I correct?

    So this has me thinking that this is why this girl is dressing this way- because she sees this is how to get a mans attention, and it especially works on dad. It does disturb me that she has this mentality, but if her mother was as starved for attention, then she must have learned it from her- plus her dad encourages it by accepting her into his bed.

    I don't get the feeling there is anything sexual here, but all the same it is not appropriate. The father seems to want to protect her- I am thinking he may feel bad about what she has been through, divorce and whatever else has happened in between. He may also feel threatened by your views- this is his daughter and as much as you are his new wife, he doesn't want to share the parenting of her... I am not sure this is just some of the impression I have. Have you tried a different approach? Have you tried sleeping with him instead so that she will not be in there? I know my uncle snores horribly and my aunt can't sleep in the same room... but maybe you could start in there so she will sleep in her own bed?

    Are you able to talk to him and have a calm discussion about the whole situation without him getting defensive? Maybe you can ask him to sit down with his daughter, or maybe even the 3 of you and just figure out what she may be thinking...

    I just know that at 12 is such a sensitive age- she is trying to identify herself as a person and feel out where she fits in... I just remember being awkward and I actually had a strong attachment to my stepfather at that time (though I certainly did not sleep with him). My thing was that I wanted to watch TV and I would give him back rubs all the time... just to be with him. My mother was not around at the time, so I was seeking attention where I could get it... but I know there was nothing perverse about the situation.

    I don't think there is anything perverse as far as the father goes. I think the daughter is very confused and identifying men as a way to get what she wants. Maybe you can find something online about teenage girls and their sexuality, and talk to her dad in a way that he won't think you are trying to attack his parenting, but that you don't want her to be confused. Ensure him you think he is a good dad, but she is at the age when things need to change, and he is the only one who can guide her to be a stronger and wiser woman...

    These are just some thoughts off the top of my head. I hope everything comes out okay. I would hate to see a marriage end over all this. This girl needs some help either way- she is going to become obsessed with getting attention from men... and well the average girl does that already too much... she may be overboard.

    Best Wishes!
    goingoofy2's Avatar
    goingoofy2 Posts: 49, Reputation: 13
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    #28

    Jun 20, 2007, 10:33 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by s2tp
    wow, this man has a taste for women who look good...am I correct?
    So this has me thinking that this is why this girl is dressing this way- because she sees this is how to get a mans attention, and it especially works on dad. It does disturb me that she has this mentality, ...
    Are you able to talk to him and have a calm discussion about the whole situation without him getting defensive? Maybe you can ask him to sit down with his daughter, or maybe even the 3 of you and just figure out what she may be thinking...
    ...I dont think there is anything perverse as far as the father goes. I think the daughter is very confused and identifying men as a way to get what she wants...
    ...This girl needs some help either way- she is going to become obsessed with getting attention from men...and well the average girl does that already too much... she may be overboard.

    Best Wishes!

    How enlightening to hear a different viewpoint s2tp... You hit on a lot of important points that make sense and I truly appreciate your input on this matter... and in answer to your questions,

    1. I've tried to have a calm discussion with my husband, however he becomes enraged at the very beginning [of any conversation it seems] He doesn't handle confrontation well.

    2, he is very protective of his daughter, however he won't pick her up for a month if she and the mother gang up on him... it's his way of punishing her... stupid and infantile, I know. I asked that we try and get full custody but he said daughters should be with their mothers …uh not in that environment.

    3, I realize I have a rather juvenile husband; I don't think the public sees this because he is such a charmer with his refined demeanor outside the home.

    4. Several years ago I noticed the daughter rubbing herself, I immediately asked what she was doing when she of course responded with, "nothing" why? I just know it has to be something she's seen at the mother's house given the information we've received (from the recent x husband and other boyfriends) sick thing is, I was told (by a prefessional) it was natural for a child to touch themselves... however now she's not such a little child anymore.

    5. My husband does prefer a looker, I often accuse him of being rather shallow. I don't dress too sexy or trashy if you will; I try to dress classy but not matronly; I'll wear a long t-shirt to sleep in too so why the daughter feels she needs to dress that way around our home is silly.

    6, the mother does dress for attention, and boy does she get it. And not to sway from the subject entirely, but she might resemble a Kim Bassinger but more worn from sun and bars with maybe a triple F chest. I will admit, she was very pretty 10-15 years ago when I knew her. But several surgeries later, she's not as cute. The mother will often call me [at home] and make remarks about my new vehicle, my new business, something about my boys, my saying something to her daughter, etc. just nonsense items. I generally do not respond, as it's just her way of trying to get to me. They have been divorced nearly 11 years already.

    7. I truly believe you are right with his daughter being confused and using the [wrong] approach to get the male's attention. I'm just very creeped out at how she is with her father. And I swear on my life it has nothing to do with jealousy. Father's day was the last straw when several people dropped their jaw at the picture she gave of herself in a bikini, then having worn a short short skirt draping her legs over her fathers legs was just about all the family and friends could stand. He ended up tearing the picture into three and throwing it across the floor asking, "does this make you feel better"? He just doesn't get it. Sometimes I almost believe the mother and grandmother are pushing her to do this even more. It's really all too creepy for me and that is why I continue to seek outside opinions from everyone. Again, Thank you so much for your time.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #29

    Jun 20, 2007, 11:28 AM
    I think your gut feelings are correct, and you should seek help in rectifying this situation. I can only wish you the best and hope you come to a solution as to what to do with your dysfuntional husband, and his wayward daughter.
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    s2tp Posts: 299, Reputation: 61
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    #30

    Jun 20, 2007, 11:40 AM
    It sounds like she is mimicking what her mother does, and maybe it's a bonus that you are ousted because of his response to you. I don't know- this sounds like such a triangle of issues. My first thought is to talk to him, but it sounds like you have tried that approach several times now. Is it possible that you are attacking his way of raising his children and that is why he gets so defensive? I am somewhat familiar with the type of guy you have painted him to be- and well I must give you lots of credit for dealing with it for so long, I don't have much patience for that kind of attitude (being automatically defensive and resorting to yelling to get his way). Not me, I would have already left- but then I have never been in love with a guy like that, so I guess I really don't know what I would do in a situation like that.

    So have you bonded with the girl at all? Does she have other girlfriends that are like her- dressing and acting like she does? Does she dress like this at school?

    I guess if you feel like approaching the father is a dead end, maybe you can reach the daughter and become a friend to her- and try to coach her in how to be a woman. Of course I do not suggest down talking her mother- that will certainly only bring hostility, but you say she likes you so she should look up to you in some ways as to how she behaves. It sucks she spends so much time with her mother who seems to be a bad influence, but if you feel up to it, maybe you can counter act those influences.

    Maybe you can talk to her about sex, and ask her what she thinks or knows... I don't know how comfortable you are with her, but she is obviously exploring her body and experiencing changes in her body and mind. It really worries me that her mother is so openly sexual and not seeming to care about her daughters actions.

    So I saw earlier that you were going to call somebody- I think I missed it, but are you going to seek professional help for how to deal with this yourself, or are you going to try to get someone else to intervene? I hope that whatever it is helps the situation and doesn't blow it out of proportion. Really I wish the father could see what his daughter is turning into...

    I looked up some sites which might interest you... just maybe you can get your husband to look at them too- though he sounds so stubborn I doubt it.

    GirlHealth | Father and Daughter Relationships - this one is directed more towards the daughters perspective

    "FATHER - DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS" - A Dr's site and a question from a father who is concerned with the publics view on is relationship with his daughter

    Freewheeling Father-Daughter Relationship - Another stepmother in a similar situation as you- father and daughter a bit 'too close'

    PTA : PTA Our Children Magazine Article : Strengthening Father-Daughter Relationships - Parent resource page, an article on how to strengthen father/daughter relationships

    Chat Room: Father/Daughter Relationships another woman with issues of the father/daughter relationship being too close... and other responders.

    There are many more sites, so it looks to be a common problem. I guess you are just going to have to think hard and figure out how you feel you can handle this the best way. You sound like a very sincere woman and you have the best of intentions here- I have confidence yo will handle it well. Let us know if there is any progress, I am certainly curious.
    Emland's Avatar
    Emland Posts: 2,468, Reputation: 496
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    #31

    Jun 20, 2007, 12:13 PM
    Since you have gotten overwhelming confirmation that the father-daughter relationship needs professional intervention, I will simply add - don't let him talk you out of it.

    The thing that caught my attention besides the acting-out-daughter is that you said you don't sleep with your husband because he snores. Please add a doctor's visit to your list of professionals. Your husband may be suffering from sleep apnea. Simple tests could mean that you are back in your bedroom which would strengthen your relationship (I think).
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    kanicky73 Posts: 484, Reputation: 63
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    #32

    Jun 20, 2007, 12:50 PM
    WOW!! Let me first say before I comment on this post, Bushg, you have hit the nail directly on the head on more than one issue going on here! I think you are absolutely correct in every single aspect of this problem. I think that the one poster who told OP to grow up and called her jealous does not realize that kids, especially little girls around the ages of 12-14 are so influental that its almost scary. They will mimic behaviors that they see their mothers, sisters, cousins and even older girls at school doing. It is very apparent that the mother in this situation lets her daughter "see" a little too much if you all know what I mean. As far as dad goes, he is completely wrong for allowing this behavior to continue. If he feels that mom doesn't show her enough attention, then he needs to start doing stuff with her one on one. Maybe take her shopping, or go fishing (if she is into that) He needs to find out what this little girl is interested in and then use that to bond with her. This cuddling at night in skimpy clothing needs to stop. All I keep hearing in my head is Michael Jackson saying it's a natural thing to open your bed up to a child!! NO ITS NOT! Children belong in their own beds. It has been proven that children that are allowed to sleep with their parents have severe issues with insecurity! Get your family some help please, don't wait. Do it soon and please keep us posted on this situation!
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    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #33

    Jun 20, 2007, 01:27 PM
    Well I was very happy to read that the pic of you in a bikini was in a home office. Because that set off alarms for me. I don't know any business that would think a picture like you describe was appropriate for the office.

    My second point is that I don't see anything wrong with a father cuddling a daughter, even up to a much older age. But specifically sleeping in the same bed? Sorry that's going over the deep end.

    So the bottomline here is that you have a somewhat dysfunctional family. Dad's inappropriate behavior, your refusal to share a bed with him, daughter's suggestive clothing and overly affectionate behavior, among other clues.

    You NEED to get the whole family into counseling. Dad needs to be warned that his behavior may get him in jail. Daughter needs to taught what is acceptable and appropriate behavior. You need to learn how to deal with the whole situation.
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    Squiffy Posts: 499, Reputation: 84
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    #34

    Jun 20, 2007, 01:39 PM
    I think the dad needs a good wake up call. I am sure he sees nothing sexual in this at all, his daughter is and probably always will be his little girl, however old she is, but she is old enough to understand that this behaviour is not right between a father and his daughter. I too find the photo thing creepy, but girls like to play at dressing up and acting older than they are-my five year old daughter wants to wear a bra! Actually so does my 4 year old son, but its nothing sexual, they kist like to play at being adults. But at that age, she must realise herself that a line is being crossed. I am not for one minute saying it is her fault, far from it, the mother sounds like a pretty bad influence, but she is not a baby, kids are not that naïve these days. However, the father needs to put a stop to it. He needs to tell her she is just too damn old to be sleeping in his bed and she is to act her age-not younger and not older! If she wants to be wearing bikinis she has to accpet she is growing up and sleep on her own! I don't blame you for contemplating divorce, I would not accept my partner sleeping with his daughter (who is the same age!) Its just not right.
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    goingoofy2 Posts: 49, Reputation: 13
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    #35

    Jun 20, 2007, 02:35 PM
    Well s2tp you've done it again, I feel as if I'm speaking with someone that knows a lot of what's happening here... thank you.

    I will admit there are days when I've finally become so frustrated I attack his ways of raising children... especially when he tells my 4 year old it's okay to tinkle outside if he can't run in the house in time. So it becomes a buildup of several issues and I finally blow in a way that isn't very amicable.

    When I met this man he was incredibly sensitive, caring and seemed so thoughtful towards his mother with taking her shopping all the time, calling her daily to see how she was doing, doing things for her, making every effort to get his daughter, etc. That honestly lasted for about a year, we then married and well, the rest is history. I tell him often he's a true Jekyll Hyde.. He'll even laugh at that some days.

    The daughter and I were always chatty and did things together, she'll still ask me if her hair looks okay or about her new shoes … however my assumption is the mother got word of this and began filling her head with junk... she then became stand offish and almost disrespectful, whatever the mother told her or is telling her is beyond me. Nonetheless I still remained friendly... until she began to sass me, or say "i doooon't think sooo" or "Whaaatever" the last one was, “I only have one mother”. I would say, "young lady, you don't talk to me that way" and she'd run to her father and say, Dad, **** is all mad about something, can we go get McDonald's” I discipline my boys and they respect my decision and my 16 yr old is very well behaved, she just sasses. I can almost sense a bit of phoniness when she comes over now where she wasn't like this in years past. (I've been around her since she's been 5-1/2.

    I drop little hints in reference to promiscuity and how there's so many nasty things going around. She'll say, “OMG, I know, some girls are just nasty hoes” okay, I thought they began saying that in HS not 6th grade. She'll watch the Sweet 16 show and say “those girls are so spoiled and trashy on that show” (I've seen it once) I'll let her know that it's TV and these reality shows are inflated for viewing pleasures, don't get too caught up in that. She dresses older for her age and has been sent home from school or having parents called for her makeup applications. (I found out through another parent as her mother would never tell us) As far as a heart to heart about the S word, I haven't really got too deep into that.

    Another thing is, this little girl goes through friends like I go through milk. One month she'll say “my best friend, blah blah blah”…then the next, “oh, I don't talk to her anymore, I hate her” they all go through those stages however she hasn't established any true friendships that are lasting. The neighbors [her age] make comments like, “wow, you look like your 16 [with that makeup on,] yes her mother allows it …we do not. My girlfriends' daughter of 12 years is the sweetest cutest thing, they have nothing in common since this little sweetie is so inexperienced. I'll explain to my step/d how important it is to have friends as I've had them from 3rd grade, 6th grade and HS still … she'll say “oh wow, my mom has like 4 best friends”, I'll ask if she's known them a long time when she responds with, "oooohhh yahhh, like 6 months and they talk every day" …so her mom hasn't any real friendships either. I guess her one 'best friend' told her now x husband that she was back stage flashing her chest to the band …that marriage lasted 6 months.

    And …while typing all this several have posted their response and I am truly grateful …thank you

    I did phone a PHD with a MA and was able to speak with her on the phone for roughly 40 minutes …in short, she indicated that any 12 year old girl sleeping with her father is not healthy nor is it acceptable, cuddles or not … it's wrong. She also stated that it sounds like my husband is rather immature and selfish. She also stated that the daughter should seek therapy to figure out what normal 12 year olds are doing. She said from the sounds of things, this man [husband] doesn't sound like he's willing to make a change, but only for the moment. All in all she had some very good points and would like for my husband and I to visit with her next Friday … but isn't going to promise anything since she's seen these types before…Friday was the only appointment she had left. Let's see if my husband goes for it, I seem to think not, but we'll see …

    Squiffy … Dad sees absolutely nothing sexual in this, yet he's fully aware of what goes on at the moms place …she's even taken her daughter on trips with her boyfriends staying in the same room … we called the attorney on that one and she (supposedly) has never done it again. The daughter is very hush hush about the mother now.

    Scott, my family “is” somewhat dysfunctional … he and I still take care of business however my sleeping in the same room is a nightmare when his loud muffler is going. It's been nearly 3 years now …but the added tension with everything else doesn't make things better. A girlfriend of mine has been married 17 years and has slept in separate rooms for over 9 …they have a super relationship, without the added nonsense. (Same reason) The pic of me isn't anything seductive, actually I was standing at the table drinking a glass of water when the photo was taken …I just happen to be in my bikini.

    Kanicky …the daughter has seen too much for her age.. she's 12 going on 19, seriously …this is where the problem is … she isn't your average 12 year old. In Dad's defense, he makes cookies with her, reads with her, plays catch, watches movies … guess it's just not enough. (he also tells her he needs to watch his news and she has to wait until he's finished …she gets mad calling her mom)

    Talan … my friends believe the mother and grandmother have something to do with the overly affectionate daughter…especially since the mother and gram helped copy the bikini pic and purchase the frame. My mother would never have allowed that to be given [at 12]to my father or any man for that matter.

    Emland.. My husband snores because he's a drinker too … uh huhh. Even once or twice a week will put him into a snore for days.

    Like I said …tooo many things are not good …I may need to jump ship pretty soon.


    Thanks so much for everyone's great input into all this goofy stuff, it has really shed the light I needed to see …sorry it's so long too. I'll continue to respond if you're still interested.
    rankrank55's Avatar
    rankrank55 Posts: 1,259, Reputation: 177
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    #36

    Jun 20, 2007, 02:54 PM
    I see this in a totally different light. Trust me, I can see how this disgusts you but she is ONLY 12... you have to remember that! She wants her dad to herself and this is how she is doing it. Her brain is not fully developed so she cannot see what you can. It has been ingrained in her head by her mother that his is the "normal" way women act. I also get a sense of jealously and I probably would to but you are an adult and you need to try your hardest to set that feeling aside because this IS his daughter and she is, again, only 12. If I were you, I would talk to the daughter and explain to her that you love her and think she is beautiful but you are afraid that she is sending the wrong image about herself to other people. She is young, it is not too late! I honestly do not think she has been abused; I was a daddy's little girl when I was younger and I can remember doing similar things.
    goingoofy2's Avatar
    goingoofy2 Posts: 49, Reputation: 13
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    #37

    Jun 20, 2007, 03:14 PM
    Rank... I have expressed to her that her flirtatious ways around the boys could get her into trouble and that she doesn't want to have to live her life with "rumors" going around if she were to be misconstrued in some way. She hangs on the boys and they push her away ~I do give her compliments often~... but... again... it is the flirtatious behavior with the father that creeps me out. It is not at all a jealousy thing, she's 12 already, I haven't any reason to be jealous of a 12 year old.. I've encouraged my husband to seek full custody, he won't. If she were 35 and doing all this, you might be able to veer towards the jealousy part... however, I'm comfy in my own skin and haven't any reason to be jealous... especially of a 12 year old. It's as many have stated... it's just not right that the girl behave this way with HER FATHER. I get plenty of attention from my husband, be it positive or negative... I actually have to find things to do so I can have some ME time... I'm not seeking additional attention from my husband, just to have light shed on this wacky situation. She may be twelve, but as many at home here have stated, she is NOT your normal 12 year old, she's been taught some adult behavior patterns that obviously need fixing, with the eye make-up spraying perfume on, fluffing her hair and wearing slinky clothes to jump in bed with Dad; This is NOT what the NORMAL 12 year old does... but thanks for your insight anyhow.
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    rankrank55 Posts: 1,259, Reputation: 177
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    #38

    Jun 20, 2007, 03:17 PM
    You are right... the more I've read on this post the more I can see.
    rachelC's Avatar
    rachelC Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #39

    Jun 20, 2007, 07:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by goingoofy2
    my 12 year old step-daughter won't sleep in her own room. I don't sleep in the same room as my husband due to his snoring. She's 5'8, a B cup bra, wears tight boy shorts and a v neck tight string tank to bed spraying body spray all over before going to sleep. My four year old son sleeps in the room sometimes as well however not every time. I've asked my husband to please have a talk with her as this is not normal and is actually unhealthy. He tells me I'm over reacting that she's still a little girl and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it is. She wraps her arms around him and lays her head on his chest, she spoons him when laying down with her leg over him, she sits next to him with a skirt on and her legs draped over his and recently began calling him "daddy" instead of dad ...now the latest, she gives him for fathers day a 9x12 framed photo of her in a string bikini on the beach wearing a padded bikini top, people say it's because he has one of me on his desk in a bikini, uh where's the school or sport pictures?

    ...I'm just sick at the whole thing and my husbands lackadaisical approach. I am near divorce with all this, since it's just so creepy. He tells me not to blame her for what her mother has taught her to be (I don't, but he's not helping) her mom is the town tramp and dresses very [trashy] too, but c'mon this is his daughter already. He tells her to go in her room, but when she doesn't, he doesn't pursue it. People have made comments as to her behavior and more so this is why I've brought it to his attention since he is in the public eye often, somebody is going to say the wrong thing one day and he's not going to like it. Am I being ridiculous? Please help.
    Lady, do you not know what's going on? Have you ever heard of the oedipus theory? The greek man or whatever. He said that the oedipus theory is when the son tries to kill the dad because he is jealous of the relationship that he has with his mother. It goes for daughters as well. The daughter is jealous of the "mom". In this case you are the step mom, your the woman who is replacing HER MOM! She feels like she needs to compete with you for his love and attention, and the only way she knows how is to be provocative and sexy towards her own father- the way you and her own mom is/ used to be. Do you get it? U need to show this girl some love and remind her there is no competition for the fathers love. Its not only her fault, it is yours too.
    goingoofy2's Avatar
    goingoofy2 Posts: 49, Reputation: 13
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    #40

    Jun 20, 2007, 08:47 PM
    She is shown a good amount of love at this house... she just requires more. I give her compliments every time I see her, I try to joke with her, her father bakes cookies or watches movies with her, but she often complains she's bored or she demands they go bike riding or sit outside on the deck. Then he becomes enraged and screams at her. She'll pretend she's completely interested in what he has to say all while interrupting him to say, "Okay, lets go to McDonald's or the mall... she's involved in every activity, she's just different from the average 12 year old, she screams at my 4 year old every time she's here, it's just an all around bad situation... My biggest problem was her primping before going to bed... in my husbands room. I'm realizing more and more she's obviously jealous of me, my 4 year old, my 16 year old and our close relationship... I'm suggesting to the father that she get some counseling since it's becoming more evident that she's wanting all the spotlight on her. (positive or negative)

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