Now, I'll give you the details that the title lacked. My wife of 10 months as of this date, and mother to our beautiful 1 month old baby girl has been invited to a bachelorette party in Las Vegas in about 10 months. I have a problem. I know that my wife is extremely beautiful... and young. She's only 23. I'm only 20. She's been told that she robbed the cradle. Anyway... back to the point... she will presumeably be asked to be one of the bride's maids, if not the maid of honor. At this bachelorette party they will be spending a few days in Vegas, drinking, partying, and going to at least one male strip club. I have already talked to her about the situation and told her that I don't approve. She asked WHY? Wow. That shocked me. I thought, no, I wanted, her to say "Trust me, I'm not going. I don't want to go to a male strip club." Or better yet, that she didn't want to jeopardize our family and relationship. But, rather, she actually wanted to go. Yet I know, as well as she does, that if I were to go to a strip club and have some girl get naked, dance for me and grind all over me, she would have a fit. Maybe even divorce me. So why is she okay with it? Why would she want me to feel how she doesn't want to feel? I told her that I couldn't even, ever, do that to her. Let alone do it for a weekend, hundreds of miles away from my family. Even if it was for my best friend, I'd decline. And I think he'd understand. This bachelorette isn't her BEST friend, she is a good one though, but she's afraid of what she might think of her. I'm actually really pissed off. I feel like my wife has less conviction and a lower moral standing than I once thought. She'd rather please one of her friends, and possibly herself, than me. I find that amazingly sad. She agreed not to go. But only because of how I feel. I got pretty fired up and demanded to know, regardless of how I felt, if she would still go and how she felt about it. She skirted the questions and... ultimately I feel let down. HELP ME PLEASE!! Any comments at all. I can't bear the thought of some guy with his rubber banded penis in a silk sock grinding up and down on my beautiful wife, or even the less bearable thought of her actually wanting that and thinking it's appropriate because it's a bachelorette party. Amazing :(

Will someone, even if you don't have an account, create one just to help me out? Please, Please, Please. I am desperate and confused and I don't know what to think. Help me out.

Welcome to my world... ;-p
I'm a woman and up to now I have never had a boyfriend who goes to strip clubs, guess I'm either lucky that way or they are extremley good at hiding it from me haha, seriously, she is married to you, you are the father of your child, that has to count for something, right?
Let me give you some insight, and I know my opinion will not be the same as everyone's here... I got a stripper for my 21st birthday, well I shall rephrase that to I was forced to get a stripper. I told them not too as I'm not into it personally, but what do you know, half way through the party this guy walks in dressed up as a cop ,he put fake handcuffs on me and told me I had "been naughty", I was mortified.
What I am trying to say is, it may not be the turn on for her you are fearing it to be, the guy at mine was rubbing baby oil into himself like there was no tomorrow which I thought was hilarious.
All in all I have no desire to go see another stripper, maybe other women are different, but I hated it.
Talk to her, tell her what is on your mind, but don't force her not to go, she needs to figure these things out by herself, she sleeps with you every night and raises your child, one night at a party isn't going to change her love for you.

She ain't going so what's the issue.? Relax and listen to yourself. Your getting all worked up over something that's not happening anywhere but in your head. You are insecure and immature. Get hold of yourself.

I have to say I think you are wrong for not wanting her to go. She is an adult and should be allowed to make decisions for herself without having a stroppy partner stop her. If you trust her, what does it matter where she is and what she is doing? Trust means letting her be her own person and knowing in your heart she will not betray you whatever is going on around her. She will end up resenting you if you stop her from doing what she wants to do because you don't like it or don't trust her, and that will be far more destructive than anything she might or might not get up to on a hen night! My partner goes out and about with his brothers and mates, I dare say they go to strip clubs, but I don't care because I trust him! I couldn't imagine telling him he can't go! Same as I couldn't imagine him telling me what I can and can't do! I would boot him out if he tried because I would be insulted by him not trusting me! If you trust her, don't let it become and issue. Its not about morals its about having fun, male strip clubs are generally far less sordid than female strip clubs! Just try to laugh it off and see comedy in life instead of getting worked up over a night out!

I agree with talaniman, it doesn't sound like me that you are mature enough to have a trusting relationship. Hell you couldn't even trust yourself enough to go to a strip club and not perv over the women? If I ever went to a strip club it would be for the alcohol and to have a laugh with my mates. Sure there's eyecandy but it would mean nothing to me.

It is called trust, every relationship must have it or it will not work. I wife is younger than me( 13 Years) and I have no problem when she wants to go out with her friends. Trust is something you seems to be missing>

Hold on a minute. Now there may be an important piece of the story missing. Just a week ago my wife proved an inability to remain mature and responsible while intoxicated, so yes, I may in effect be a little uneasy because of this extreme instance which I will not disclose details about, but give me a break nonethe less. You cannot sit in front of your computers and tell me that strip clubs are immoral. Especially for a married and supposedly devoted woman. Now, it is up to her as to how she views the men there, but, at the same time I have feelings, that should count. The thought of having my wife view, touch, be touched by, other men, who lack any sense of morality or sense at all, mortifies me. I trust my wife very much. Slightly less in the light of recent happenings and things she has told me. But trust is a very big part of my ideals. Secondly, you cannot tell me that trust should supercede whether it is right or wrong to be in such a situation... while married... to one man. What's the difference between seeing a man naked, while drinking and partying in a club, without your husband, and doing the same thing at someone's house across town? Answers please. And women... you're just as bad as men. Trust her... I trust her enough to make a vow, as she did for me, I'm devoted. I only ask the same thing in return. I don't undress other women with my eyes. Is a strip club with women already undressed, naked, willing to give lapdances any better? F that, it's worse. I'm horrified by the responses thus far. Bring it on if you want to argue. Your words only prove the moral and ethical decay of our nation and most of humankind in general. I'm disgusted.

I think you need to chill. Unless your wife was the one who planned the bachelorette doings you are being overbearing and unreasonable.

I don't think that strip clubs, male or female, are immoral. Nor do I think those that enjoy them are necessarily immoral. You claim this proves the moral and ethical decay in this country to which I say BS. The fact is such clubs have been around for a long time (though the male counterparts are more recent but still been around for decades). I don't dispute that there has been a decay but I don't think strip clubs are a sign of it.

What I DO think is that you were too young to get married and are too insecure to sustain a relationship so I don't have a lot of hopes for your marriage. Your harping on how beautiful your wife is indicates to me that you are still surprised she chose you. But remember that she DID choose you.

The most important thing in a relationship is trust. Another thing to remember is you have to be careful about picking your fights. This was not a battle I would have fought. As soon as your wife indicated she planned on going I would have dropped it. This celebration is about the BRIDE, not your wife and not you.

P.S. Remember you asked for my opinion.

I have to come back and add more to this... on the flip side of the coin is it OK for married men (not getting at men just making a point here) to go to strip clubs behind their wife's back, at least your wife told you about it all.
Again on the flip side of the coin, my partner works for a big car firm where you would imagine a lot of men to work also, one of the guys turned 20 a couple of weeks ago, my partner came home the night before and told me that the rest of the guys had booked a stripper to COME TO WORK on the guys birthday... I told my man I didn't think that was supposed to happen at work in working hours and he agreed, he didn't want any part of it at all, he goes to work to work.
The day the stripper came where was he? On the phone to me, I could hear the men in the background (in another room) shouting and leering at this woman.I never once gave my man a problem about it, if he wanted to watch her he could have just said nothing, he didn't want any part of it,it was his decision to make.
Brings me to my next part, its his best friends stag party in a few weeks, the party is in Poland, and I'm pretty sure that there will be strippers there... I WANT him to go, he's in a relationship with me, not chained to my ankle where he has to ask my permission about everything and get my approval.
I WANT him to see his friends, have a good time, all I ask from him is that he shows me some respect,and he knows only too well that if he ever cheats on me there will be no second chances.again its his choice to make.
Take a moment to listen to yourself for one second, you are married, you have a child, you have more important things in life to think about than a party that your wife may not even end up going to.
And if she does go.. whats the worst that could happen? She has a few drinks with her friends to celebrate one of them getting married, she has a laugh, and she has a good time.so she gets to watch a guy take his clothes off for a few minutes... sorry but I have seen much worse in my local store on the covers of the top shelp magazines... im sure you watch movies right? Do you shield her from the television if a love scene comes on? Yeah sounds crazy doesn't it? There are naked men in movies, on the internet, you cannot stop her from living life.
If you force her like this you will push her away, its all down to trust, if you don't have that then what's the point in marrying someone in the first place?

You know what I just typed my second response to your initial question.I wish I hadn't bothered really, I didn't see your reply before I posted.
You come here and ask for advice, people are doing their best to help you,you then attack us for doing so??
One thing to say on this thread, and it will be my last post in this one as I just noticed where you said this... "I'm horrified by the responses thus far"... im sorry what do you want to hear?
Shall I give it a shot? tell you what you want to hear? then maybe at the end you can come back and call me immoral..
Look nobody is getting at you, we are in effect trying to help you, but if all you are going to do is come back and attack people because they said something you do not want to hear then I'm sure people here will get a little pissed about the fact that they are giving you this advice for free,giving their time to help other people.
Its up to you,I think its pretty obvious here that you are not going to take any advice from anyone.other than if someone comes on and tells you you are right.the truth hurts,you are a father,grow up and learn to deal with little petty things that should never have been a problem in the first place.

I think your problem is that you think your wife will get drunk, and act a fool and embarrass you. That's why you keep telling us how beautiful she is, cause the truth is she is a party girl, and you are to young and jealous and haven't learned to accept her as a person with her own mind, who doesn't need your permission to do anything. One day she will tire of your control and immaturity and tell you to stuff it, and go party without you. You are making a mountain out of... nothing.

[I don't think what you're saying is that you don't trust her to behave herself as much as you think that strippers are immoral and you're upset that she doesn't feel the same way.

I once had a friend invite me to see male strippers. To me it was about the laughs of it all. It was funny and it was an incredible amount of fun. We had an older lady in our group who had children older than me and was recently divorced. We paid for a lap dance for her, she was so embarrassed and we laugh about it now many years later. It was just funny.

She isn't the one who made the plans! How disappointing will it be for her to not get to share in an experience that will give her and her friends laughs for years to come? They will all go and she'll be sitting at home thinking about missing out on a good time with her friends (not missing out on male strippers, missing out on fun with her friends) and it's all your doing for making this into something that is far less important in the grand scheme of things. It's not the men, it's not about men taking their clothes off! It's about having fun and bonding with her girlfriends. While she's sitting home, thinking about missing out on fun with her friends and having a chance to do that bonding before her friend gets married she'll certainly remember that YOU were the one that kept her from being there.

When I went, my hubby went to the bank and got me bundles of $1 bills and told me to have a good time. He didn't say "ogle those guys" or "touch naked men" or anything to do with the strippers. He knew that I was going to be with my girlfriends.

It is time for you to start growing up and understanding that you are not her parent, you are her partner. But, as a partner you're not giving her much credit.

Wow! Seems like your being attacked here Jamal. Lol. I think its sweet that your conerned over your wife being at a strip club. Normally you here women complaining about this. I don't think that it is your wife you don't trust, I think it's the situation and the atmosphere aroundher that might worry you. I know how you feel and its OK to feel this way. BUT, if this bothers you so much that your going to be up all night wondering what she is doing, then, yes thisis a problem and needs to be addressed. If something bothers you, you should have the right to stand up for yourself and speak up. Tell her your concerns and maybe she will understand.
Good luck with everything.

It is a matter of trust. You obviously don't trust her otherwise you would let her go. I let my husband go to a strip club occasionally. But I trust that he will come home to me. And guess what... he does.

I can't imagine not letting my love one take part in a fun day dedicated to her friendship with another woman. Who cares where they are going. Let them go have fun... trust in your love for her, and her love for you.

I honestly don't see what the big deal is with her going to the strip club. I'm married, and I've been to a strip club once since then. You know what I did when I went? Talked with my friends, drank, didn't look at the strippers, and eventually started talking to one when she came by the table. Never got a dance, didn't want one. And yes I told my wife. Because part of marriage is having trust and faith in the other person, faith that they won't waver or falter in their love for you under any circumstances. If my wife told me that she was going to a bacherlorette party, I'd tell her to have a good time. I know her, I trust her, and I know who she is making love to; me when she gets home.

You're making a bigger deal out of things then you should. You knew who she was before you married her, and you can't expect someone to change just because you want them to. You sound pretty insecure about the whole thing, which is sad in a way.

Just let it go.

I believe married couples should not put themselves in tempting situations or in situations that make the other one uncomfortable. Trust or not, jealousy is part of human nature. My husband would not be okay with me going to a male strip club. And nor would I with him going to a female one (without me). Only you and your wife can set the boundaries in your marriage and depsite what others have said about this being a lack or trust and immaturity, I have to disagree. If the shoe was on the other foot and it was me in the situation, I would be just as upset as you are.

I had the opportunity to be a SuicideGirl and make some extra money but my husband had a strong objection to it and out of respect for him I didn't do it.

Marriage is about respect. If your wife agreed not to go because she saw how upset you were over it then at least she has enough respect to honor you with.

I will agree that partners should communicate, and set boudaries for their relationships. Everyone is different.

Oh it's been so long since I've been able to say….Your going to get Chuffed, it's nothing personal but somebody has to tell you.
So you are already worried about a one night event in 10 months. What are you going to do when your wife is has breast cancer or your daughter gets starts dating the guy that just got released from prison. I'm not saying those things will happen but I'm positive, absolutely positive your going to have much bigger problems in your life then this. This is such a waste of time and energy to be upset about.
Yeah that's certainly a problem. I'm so glad that homeless will sleep on the concrete tonight, kids will starve to death, more American's will be killed in Iraq, the press will then blame America for all the world's problems, all the while you deal with having a young beautiful wife. Life certainly isn't fair.
She robbed the cradle of…….3 years? She's been lied to.
You say that like it shocked you.
Wait! It really shocked you? I'm shocked that you would be shocked.
She was asked to spend a weekend in Vegas, attend a bachelorette party, and have fun with her friends and you said she couldn't do it because she might see a stripper. And your shocked that she would be upset.
Your marriage is over already, and you don't even know it.
If you honestly think that she is jeopardizing your family by spending a couple hours at a strip club you're completely clueless about leading a family and completely clueless about strip clubs and completely clueless about bachelorette parties.
Have you actually confirmed that with her? I can't believe for one second that is true given she's going to do the very same thing. In fact maybe the two you should go to strip club together. I think you'll be surprised at two things.
1. It's not even close to what you think it is.
2. Your wife is going to like it.
Or then again, maybe you already know number 2 and that's what your really afraid of. [/QUOTE]
You don't know your wife at all do you? She is not going to divorce you for going to a strip club.
I think you should ask him before you speak for him. You seem to do a lot of assuming and not a lot of fact checking.
Yeah, I'm not one for normally caring about what others think but your wife is right here. I'd feel stupid if I were her telling my friends that I can't hang out with them because my husband has his head up his and has this problem that I'm beautiful so I can't leave the house.
It's clear as day that you haven't a clue who you married that's the one thing I agree with on.
I find it amazingly sad that you feel like she should be your emotional slave, especially over one stupid event that won't mean a damn thing in the long run. But instead of just letting it be and trusting her, even though she's beautiful (which is a problem) she now gets to think for the next 10 months about how much she hates you for this and the trust is slowly going to go away. Smart plan you've set into motion………. While if that plan was to lead to other arguments and divorce.
Ah emotional slavery lead by Jomal, Senior officer in the fun police. And since your wife is young and beautiful (that's a problem) and being treated like sh*t by a jealous egomaniac at what point do you think YOUR actions will drive her to leave you?
There it is again, you mentioned your wife was beautiful. How exactly did you get this far with her would be my question? Since women read emotions much better then men, what do you think your young and beautiful (remember that's a problem) wife is really thinking watching the guy she married act like a 20 year old kid. She might not say it but she's pretty bitter that you just took her fun weekend away from her because of her prior commitment to be your emotional slave and do what ever you say. And with 10 months to go until the event she's going to make those 10 months for you a living hell. And rarely would I agree with a female doing that to a guy, but you deserve everything you get.

I want to know if you at all have any idea of what Male Strip Clubs all about? I am sure you don't... I've been to many, I am beautiful, attractive, married... SO? But Confident of myself... hey give me a break... we just neet to chill out with friends... may be your wife needs a break too... buddy relax.. I think you need to go to one of the night clubs too... Bet you'll have a nice time! and let us know...