My daughter's best friend is getting married, and her prospective mother-in-law gave a Tea to introduce the bride to some of her friends. She did receive some shower gifts at the tea, and thanked each giver in person. Now her mother-in-law to be is wanting to know when she is going to write 'Thank You' notes for the gifts. I always thought that it was not necessary to write 'Thank You' notes for shower gifts if you were able thank the giver in person. She did write notes to the other ladies who helped host the Tea, and plans to write 'Thank You' notes for all her wedding presents; but not for the shower gifts. What is proper in this case?

Thanks

I think it is great that she said thank you to everyone in person. On the other hand, it is definitely more thoughtful to send a note. These days everyone does everything the quick way. It is very important that she remembers everything and everyone that was able to come. Remember, it takes precious time and money to give gifts and get yourself to a party. Return the thoughtfulness with a thank you card for sure. Just my opinion. Hope she has a wonderful wedding!

Horsemom, whenever there is a "party" and a person receives gifts, aside from thanking those givers at the party, there needs to be follow up thank you cards. It is the proper thing to do.

Just something for you, your daughter, and her best friend to think about: Even if it weren't the proper thing to do, you may want to tell your daughter's friend that this party was thrown by her Mother-in-Law To Be. Proud MIL was showing off her new family member to her friends! That girl should be a very smart cookie by sending thank you notes. What a great way to ingratiate yourself with your future MIL by showing that kind of respect! By not sending the notes, she is setting herself up for problems down the road. Sometimes we have to do things that we may not normally do, we have to give it that little extra, in order to create the kind of relationships we want to have down the road.;)

Did a quick Google, and the consensus seems to be that you write a thank you note to the hostess, and to the people who gave shower presents. Birthday presents, on the other hand, don't require thank you notes if you thank the giver in person at the party, which is probably where the confusion comes from. (Why thank you's for shower presents and not birthday presents? No idea.)

Yes, writing a thank you note to the people who gave gifts and hosted the showers is the proper and polite thing to do.

It shows that extra time and thought was given in appreciation to the people who gave their generosity.

Always a written thank you note, even if she thanked each one in person.

If you can afford it of course,

Is there a level of informality where a thank you note is inappropriate? For example, I have had several dinners for friends, sometimes pot luck, sometimes not. I would feel odd if they sent me thank you notes afterwards. Or for those "hey, why don't you come over Friday and we'll have some drinks and chill out by the pool" get-togethers. Are those covered by simple recipricocity (I invite you this time, you invite me next time), or should I be writing thank you notes for them?

Hello froggy dear. In those instances that you state, thank you notes are not required. They should be covered by reciprocity. Those are informal get togethers.

But, it is always nice to send a thank you note to someone who invites you to dinner and you don't know them. Or even a good friend who visits in your home for a few days. A thank you note is always appreciated and is the polite thing to do.

In my opinion it's just very thoughtful...

Of course one will thank in person if possible, but the fact that somebody sits down, picks up a pen and writes a 'thank you' not... that must be incredibly nice !

Etiquette or not... sometimes I think it's great to just go with what you feel :)

My Mom would DIE if thank you cards weren't sent. It is etiquette to send the thank you notes. And FYI - you have 30 days from the wedding to send out notes for those gifts.
Trust me, if the mother in law thinks cards should be sent - so do her friends. And believe me there will be talk if they don't get one!

After I got married, my mom would call me on a weekly basis and ask how the cards were coming along. After a while - when I was done - she would call and say - so and so didn't get a thank you card - did you send one? And I would have to check.

We also send thank you cards for birthday gifts - for my daughter - so she can learn it is the thoughtful thing to do. I mean, in any situation, if someone took time out there day to one - shop and two - come to your shower Plus spend their money - the very least you can do is send a HANDWRITTEN note.

I agree with all of the above, it takes time to shop, and a thank you note is a small gesture to make and is most appreciated by the gifter. I know I appreciate it and have two cards on my bookcase now for a couple of gifts I recently gave...

Weddings and baby showers and wedding showers are among the few times when people really pay attention to these things. It's a small thing to write a thank you note, and she certainly should.

An in-person thank you is fine for less formal situations but an engagement tea is not an informal situation in social terms.