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JP2468 · Jan 22, 2014, 02:01 AM

I made the horrible mistake of lying to my boyfriend. When we first got together, I had told him it had been a long time since the last time I had sex with someone.

Unfortunately, that's not true.

I ended up sleeping with someone a month or so before I met my current boyfriend. The person I slept with is an ex. (I want to reiterate that I did this BEFORE I met my current boyfriend.)

The fact that I did that isn't what bothers him. It's the lying to keep it from him that kills him. I feel like an awful person, but I just wasn't sure as to how he would feel about me if he knew I slept with someone I wasn't in a relationship with. All my life I have lived by the philosophy of only sleeping with someone you are in a monogamous relationship with, and one drunken night, I made the mistake of breaking that belief.

I feel awful for lying and will do anything to make this right. Any thoughts on my situation? What should I do to help get us back on track?

joypulv · Jan 22, 2014, 03:49 AM

If it wasn't in the context of 'here's my STD test results and I want yours,' then he needs to get off his petty high horse. You are forgiven for telling a lie like that. It was none of his business at all.

JP2468 · Jan 22, 2014, 04:17 AM

Haha... no STD worries... so that's good!

Well, I can see what you're saying, but I lied when asked when the last time I slept with someone was. I shouldn't have lied. I know that much. But, is this a forgivable offense? No matter the subject matter, I still lied to him and finally came clean about it today.

joypulv · Jan 22, 2014, 05:03 AM

Yes, you are forgiven; that's what I meant by IF it wasn't in the context of finding out about STDs - which it wasn't. You are forgiven because it was never his right to ask the question. You can apologize for answering, I suppose, but not for lying.

People lie all the time. Most are polite lies and many are 'none of your business' lies, which is also a way of being polite.

I would tell him, 'I just don't feel too bad about telling a 'none of your business' lie to be nice. I suppose I should have said that.'

NO ONE has rights over the past of another person. There's too much of this 'confessional period' when two people get together these days.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 22, 2014, 07:57 AM

First he should not have asked, that is not proper, and you have no need to tell. Not even sure how it started.

If he is new boyfriend, that is not a question you ask.

So you lied, I would guess many people lie about this.

I see no reason he ever had to know any different

smearcase · Jan 22, 2014, 01:47 PM

"Haha... no STD worries... so that's good!" and
"and one drunken night"

Just wondering how you are so certain of that.
Did you both wear those full body condoms like Leslie Nielsen in Naked Gun?
I admit, I'm an old fogey but in the good old days symptoms came pretty fast.
Not necessarily so today.
I know that isn't the subject of the original question but with the diseases that are out there today, why is everyone so sure that a potential intimate partner shouldn't be honest about how active they have been?
Yes, I think he has a right to know and a right to ask if he/she chooses too.
And you have the right to walk away if you are offended.

JP2468 · Jan 22, 2014, 03:09 PM

I was tested immediately after the "drunken incident" and then 3 weeks after. We used protection, but I got checked just to be sure. I met him the week after my 2nd test.

I know I was wrong for the lying, but it was something that I was ashamed of and didn't want to be a part of our life together. In hindsight, maybe I just should have said "That's none of your business" when asked when the last time I slept with someone was. But, I didn't.

The reason I needed to come clean is because he went through my phone and saw the text messages between my ex and I that we exchanged after we slept together. Texts that said I would be getting tested, we shouldn't have done what we did, and so on. All of this, again, happened before I met my current boyfriend.

The reason I lied and said I hadn't been with anyone since my last relationship before him is because I didn't want him to think of me any differently because of a mistake. We had just gotten together and I wasn't sure how he would react.

talaniman · Jan 22, 2014, 03:51 PM

If he can't understand and deal with it, then good riddance. That's why you really lied because you were protecting yourself from fear of losing this fellow, and you didn't think he could understand or deal with the truth.

How long have you been with this new guy? Had sex yet? If you have then his question is a reasonable one. If you have apologized then you have done your part. The rest is up to him.

I'd rather have a partner that deals with the truth, than one that has to be lied to for them to stick around.