My 14 year old son (which is a twin) wants to live with his father. A little history... I have 3 boys. (17, 14, 14) Have been divorced from their father for about 12 years. I remarried (now 7 years) and moved from our home town 1 1/2 hours away when I got married again when the boys were 10, 7 and 7. We don't have any family in our new hometown, but feel very comfortable here and visit our family ever chance we get. We attend church 1 or 2 times a week. About 5 years ago, my oldest son (then 12) wanted to go back and live with his dad. He wasn't adjusting very well - so I let him. His father had remarried also. He lived with a stepmom and two step siblings close to his age. The stepmom was a recovering drug user. My son (a first grandson) had a very close bond with his grandfather. I hated to let him go, but thought it would be a temporary thing. We didn't legalize anything until recently. But, that is another story. I am a stay at home, my husband (step father) works and I just this year started homeschooling the twins. It was a good family decision. My exhusband got a divorce, and started dating. He met someone and got her pregnant on the first date. Almost 9 months later, they had a baby. He moved her in with him and my oldest son and soon after decided he had made a huge mistake. It is a very off and on again relationship. He still is in love with his 2nd exwife. Which he still visits and stays with from time to time. Finally, he married his new baby's mother (the live in girlfriend) the day before he took me back to court over my 17 year old. Now, a little more history... when the twins were born, they were a handfull. I took care of twin A and my husband then took care of twin B for the most part, when he was home. Not by choice it just worked out that way. Because of this gap in male bonding with twin A, twin A has always been partial to girls and women. Finally, after counseling and many years gone by... his father wants him to come live with him. A seed that was planted by the young girlfriend (now wife) last summer. The step mom has tried to come between me and my children on more than one occasion. Twin A, the one that hates my husband and doesn't bond well with men, wants to take this chance to get to build that relationship. Twin B, who has bonded well with his father and step father, doesn't want to leave me. I really want what is best for my children, all of them. But, letting my oldest son live with his dad had been a big mistake. He has lived in an unstable environment for 5 years now. He has become a very disrespectful teen and doesn't like me very much. I stand for principle and truth. His father gives them lots of freedom and very little supervision. He recently let the new stepmom take my oldest son out for his birthday and bought him and 2 friends beer. They got drunk. His excuse was, "I wanted him to do it and get sick, so he won't ever do it again." We both have 2 drastic ways of parenting. Please help. My kids mean the world to me.

Your ex husband and his new wife sounds like they're trying to be a friend rather than a parent. It is against the law to give or buy a minor alcohol and the excuse they gave in reference to providing your son with alcohol proves their parenting skills, the lack of judgement.

If he gives them freedom instead of rules, then I think your other son is better off with you. If he has problems with your current husband then maybe a third party can help. Try family counseling and do things as a family by having family night, play some games or go out together. Has your husband try doing things with just them two?

He has asked my son to do things but it never panned out. My husband (the step father) has resentment against Twin A because of some rebellion and disrespect he is shown from my son, which is very understandable. My husband tries from time to time to get close to him but it ends up in failed attempts. My husband isn't innocent in all of this either. My son's draw to girls makes my husband very uncomfortable and has made awful comments toward my son. I have demanded this stop. Not to mention, the kids at school have been calling him "gay" for a couple years now. He hangs around girls and just a couple of neighborhood boys. (one of which has moved off) Now that we are homeschooling he has very little interaction with his friends (the girls from school). We are members of a group of homeschoolers but he stays withdrawn. He always finds a reason to not like the boys in his group. We have tried the family counseling. It seemed to make the problem even bigger. I try so hard to keep peace in my home and it keeps me stressed. My son would love it if I would get a divorce, move back to our hometown and let him be around his father and me. My son does not feel acceptance or comfortable in my home. My husband is a hard worker and believes sitting down is for night time. He constantly nags at my children if they are not working. So, they can not relax. I too feel like that from time to time. I've tried talking to him about it and it doesn't change anything.

Then your husband needs to understand how to be a understand step parent and how to deal with kids. Words can go a long way and the words is say to people, especial kids, stick in their heads. He needs to attend parenting classes but he might not go.

He has been very open to counseling in the past. We have done marriage counseling before a lot and some family counseling. But, it changed very little. He is 47 and I am 36. Big age difference. So, when I tell him anything it isn't received well. He is a great husband, but lacks so much when it comes to problems with step kids. His parents both were dead by the time he was 14. He didn't have good role models either. But, I'm not sure how to resolve this. I feel torn in the middle of a very bad situation.

Do your husband have any kids?

Also, I forgot to ask, you stating he nags your son, exactly how does he nags him? Also, what does he say to your son that you feel out of line.

Yes, 24 year old son in the Navy that came live with him at the age of 15 and 20 year old daughter that lived with her mother always and visited very rarely.

Can someone help me I have the same problem! My 14 year old son wants to live with his father and step-mom. I have custody of him. Last 3 years my son has been living with me because he was living with his father due to my work schedule but three years ago he decided to leave left his wife, left his phones behind and no one knew his wear abouts for a week. When I got my son he was getting D's and F's. He now is getting straight A's. I now work from home and my husband who also has custody of his two children have lived with me. I also have a 5 year old and a 16 year old. All the kids get along but my x knows how to brainwash and he has put the guilt trip on my son. Just last week my son wrote me a letter saying how sorry he was to me and that he wanted to stay with us cause it feels like home. My son has been visiting his father this week when I got the call telling me not asking that my son was going to live with his father. My X has parties every weekend and my son has been caught drinking now 3 times. They said they will take me back to court and I would lose cause all my son has to do is tell the mediator were he wants to live. He has been rebelling the last couple of months making my home miserable. I'm so lost I don't know if I should let him go and fight to the end? Can someone please help I have been crying for days.

I've been a separated for more than three years with no formal separation agreement. We're going through the final divorce draft now. My 18 year old daughter now lives with me full time and my 14 year old son now wants to live with me full time also. Their mother only lives 5KM away. My son is with his mother for two weeks and with me for two weeks. Can he move in with me full time?