I do have a question, when I saw my daughter today she had a pretty bad bruise on her temple right next to her eye, and a partial black eye. She said that her mom hit her with her elbow, I know that the child ask for me all the time. And her mother is not well mentally.
Does anyone think that I should call social services? I do not live with her mother, we are going through a pretty bitter custody fight. We broke up almost three years ago and until recently my daughter lived with me 40% of the time. Now I am only allowed 8 hours a month, (seriously). The house she lives in is fairly dirty, the refrigerator is disgusting (smells like garbage). And a four year old has to share a bed with her mother. Should I call CPS. Or will I only be making the situation worse?

If you are in the middle of a custody battle, it wouldn't be the smartest move to call CPS. Take photographs of your daughter, note the date. Gather as much info as you can to back up all your claims that you listed here, and turn everything over to your attorney. If you don't have an attorney, get one. Ask family, friends, co-workers, neighbors,. for a recommendation on a good family lawyer.

Yeah that was the first thing I did (got lawyer), thank god I had the money 2200$ so far.
I think you are right, it is hard for a four year old to express things, when she says "mommy hit me with her elbow" she can't say whether it was an accident or on purpose. And besides that she is going to say what either of her parents tell her to say. So if her mother told her it was an accident, to her it was. I did take photos, but that is because I always have to check her when I pick her up, otherwise her mother could claim I did it.
Her mother is a horrible lier, who will say anything to get what she wants.

Also note that parent do accidentally hit kids with elbows.lol I got a black eye that way.--Savage

Ah. Savage, even I would elbow you in the eye. LOL. Just kidding.

Matt, I am glad you have a lawyer and that you are taking pictures. I am so sorry for what you are going through. If there is any way to get into her home to take pictures of the way she lives, try and do it. But, if you call CPS they may put your daughter in foster care until the custody arrangements are resolved. Not a good situation.

Yeah it is entirely possible that it was an accident. Even if I could go into her house, I would not, being alone with her is a open invitation to more false charges. And I am not so worried that I would want my daughter put in foster care. It is a very bad situation. But I am trying to stay positive, hope for the best and expect the worst.

Don't confront your ex, for two reasons: 1- There isn't enough evidence of abuse to make a provable case to cps, let alone the courts. 2- If your ex Is abusing your child and you confront her, guess who is going to suffer the backlash that night? Keep track, and if she EVER has a bruise and names who did it AND believes it was intentional, you are required to report it. Takes pictures of bruises, along with dates, and write down, or better yet, record your child explaining how she got them. Sometimes it is best to call the police, and let them contact CPS if they feel it is warranted. Even if they don't call, they will have a police incident report that you can get a copy of for any future court proceedings.

I would also like to mention that it may be good to take her to the doctor or ER so that it will be documented legally by professional health care providers.

It is more important to have this medically documented than it is having it documented by the police. The police work on actions and what is said, whereas the medical community has a great number of people who can "talk" to the child and are able to get to the truth.

Anytime there is a concern about the physical health of a child, the medical team should be involved.

J_9 makes a good point here. The ultimate goal is to protect your child, not to hurt your ex, so giving your daughter a safe place and an objective person to talk to would be very helpful.

Thanks all, just fill you in talked to my lawyer today, and she said that if I didn't report to CPS, it looks like I don't care. And to tell you the truth, I kept thinking about how much force it would take to do this. I mean my daughter had a black eye. So I had to at least do something, my lawyer said that since there, is no proof that I am a bad father (I am a very good father) that if anything I would be given custody. I expect my ex will lie her way out of it, but it is all I can do right now.

I really hope you are mistaken about how the injury happened, for your daughter's sake. That would be awful for any child. I am glad you got an attorney, and you should follow his/her advice. I hope for the best for you and your daughter.

Well it's not so much a matter of what I think, but a person can lose custody just for not acting. I too hope that there is nothing amiss. And I don't know if I really think that she did hit her. But I am doing everything I can to protect her, and since her mother will hardly alow her to see me, this is about all that I can do.

As for the black eye... you're right. It could have been an accident. By law, if you believe there may have been abuse you must report it. I would call CPS and tell them that you don't want to make trouble but you are concerned. Acknowledge that you feel it 'probably' was an accident, but because it may be something else you feel for the child's sake that you should report it. Tell them that your lawyer also advised you that you should as well.

Now, as for the dirty house and fridge... is there anyone else who can witness this who can report it? Quite frankly, and sadly at times, there is little chance that your daughter would be removed from the home and put into foster care. Usually they would have to see obvious signs of physical or sexual abuse. If they were to remove her, they would ask the mother if there was anyone in the family who could look after her while they complete their investigation.

I'm sorry that things have become this way for your daughter. Please document everything. I wouldn't be so hesitant to enter your ex's home in the future... just try to take a 'witness' along.

Best of luck...

Didi

And you are doing the right thing. Your daughter's safety is your number one priority, and that is a wonderful thing. You may hit some bumps in the road with her mother after this, but you have to do what is best for your daughter, and I agree that you must protect your rights as well.

You misunderstood what I meant in my second post... I didn't mean to imply that you wanted to use this to go after your ex, I meant that you didn't want it to appear that you were, so by taking her to a counselor or other professional you would be showing someone whose opinions will be valued by the courts that you ARE in it for the best interest of your child. I realize I didn't explain it well enough, but I was not trying to say that I thought you were doing this out of spite.

Thanks vlee, I don't mean to be snippy. You are awsome. You just have to understand I am not the type to attack someone in anyway. My sister says that I am going to lose in court if I don't get mean, but I have been trying to preserve some civility (after all I will have to deal with her for the next 13 years 7 months, 2 days and 3 hours). This is not the way I want things to be, all I want is a fair amount of time with my daughter, and/or what is best for her.This woman is trying to use my daughter as a weapon and the court system as a club. (be sure to check my other questions)

Hey, it's my own fault for not writing it up better. Sometimes my mind gets ahead of my typing ability and I shorten things too much. Just remember to be anything but mean in front of a judge, and never address your ex directly in a courtroom, even if she antagonizes you. Judges take all of those behaviors and responses into account. If you play by the rules and do as your attorney instructs, you'll do fine. You aren't going to walk away with anything less than you have now so don't be afraid of losing, and you might gain more time with your daughter, or more importantly, possibly be saving her from a secret hell.

Yeah, she offered me every other weekend, to drop my case but I just could not accept that. Thanks for the advice, you are correct I just plan on being honest. Hope for the best and expect. The worst. The thing about it is that he (the Judge) has ordered us to mediation (about custody), and she usually is not reasonable, so I don't know how that is going to go. Also her parents are also suing me for custody, so they are asking to come to the mediation. Is that weird, or what. I don't know if they will be allowed, but how could anyone consider that fair mediation.

I doubt they will be included in the mediation between you and your ex. I surely don't see why they should be. Uggh! It all sounds incredibly frustrating. Good thing you have your head on straight!

No thank God for WElibutrin. It is awful, the really awful thing is I don't see any end to this. She will probably. Keep doing this over and over. And I don't have the financial resources her parents do.