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twinsplusone · Mar 22, 2007, 05:43 PM

I am new to living on a cul-de-sac and have so far enjoyed it. We have 5 houses on our U shaped cul-de-sac. Three families have children with similar, younger ages. The other two families have older children. One w/a 10 year old and one family with a 9 & 6 year old. The 3 families w/the younger children, we sit outside and watch our children as they play, reprimand where its needed and are observant for car's pulling in the cul-de-sac. The other two families w/the older children, just send their kids out to play. They don't even come out to see if we would mind watching their kids. The three of us (the mom's) are really fed up with this and want to hear any advise on how we could go about changing this without having bad feelings with the other two families, given that we have to live w/each other for a while!

Thanks, Twinplusone

Fr_Chuck · Mar 22, 2007, 06:00 PM

If they are "older" kids, then the kids are to go out and play and don't or should not be needed adult supervision playing in their neighborhood.

It is common in our area for 6 and 9 year olds to be in the yard playing by thierself with their parents in the house.

I don't believe it is correct to expect parents with children older enough to be out by their self, to have to be out there,

And actually no it is not your business how they do their children, and no it is not your place to try to change something that is most likely not wrong to start with, and second really none of your business.

twinsplusone · Mar 22, 2007, 07:02 PM

Thanks for your thoughts. I guess where the three of us Mom's are getting upset is that we have to ask those children time and again not to do certain things (ride on the small toys, take things from our children, etc.). I feel that we are being taken advantage of as the babysitters for these other parents. That's wonderful that in your area it is common place to let a 6 year old out unsupervised, but where I live in Phoenix, most parents still keep a close eye on a 6 year old, especially when traffic is involved. We (3 mom's) have to tell these older children time and time again to move or stop their bike due to a car coming in or leaving. I don't think that really is my responsibility, I am trying to watch my own children and keep them safe, I shouldn't have to watch 3 additional children. I won't just let a child get hurt because their parent is shirking their own responsibility. Thanks.

RubyPitbull · Mar 24, 2007, 03:24 PM

[I]"I won't just let a child get hurt because their parent is shirking their own responsibility."[/I]

Sorry for coming in a little late on this one, but unfortunately, this is what it will come down to.

It is sad that people don't parent their children correctly and don't teach them right from wrong. You live on a cul-de-sac and those parents just assume it is safe. I grew up on one and we were always playing outside unsupervised. And, this was in the metro NY area!

There really isn't anything constructive you can do or say to the parents outright without creating tension.

You might want to suggest to the other moms that they come out and join you three. Bring out some cold drinks and snacks and make sure there is a place for them to sit. Then, while you are talking and watching the kids, they might observe the danger surrounding their children or their children misbehaving, and the "light bulb" may go off. But, don't be disappointed if they don't correct their children or realize they need to monitor activity. If they are allowing their kids free range, they are a bit blinded to start with.

Just keep being the nice and good hearted lady you are and keep these children safe and correct them when it is needed. At least you have two other neighbors you can commiserate with.

gypsy456 · Mar 26, 2007, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by twinsplusone

I am new to living on a cul-de-sac and have so far enjoyed it. We have 5 houses on our U shaped cul-de-sac. Three familes have children with simular, younger ages. The other two families have older children. One w/a 10 year old and one family with a 9 & 6 year old. The 3 families w/the younger children, we sit outside and watch our children as they play, reprimand where its needed and are observant for car's pulling in the cul-de-sac. The other two families w/the older children, just send their kids out to play. They don't even come out to see if we would mind watching their kids. The three of us (the mom's) are really fed up with this and want to hear any advise on how we could go about changing this without having bad feelings with the other two families, given that we have to live w/each other for a while!!

Thanks, Twinplusone

Why make such a big deal out of this ?

If these parents think it's OK to let their children play outside then it's their responsibility... did they ask you to look after their children ?
Those children are older and they live in a cul-de-sac... so obviously it's those parents decision to let the children play by themselves because they are older...

What are you fed up with??
By what you describe you and the other mums take it as "your responbility'... and it's not...

Live and let live... first of all you can't change people and secondly... it seems that it's their decision to let their older children play outside by themselves.

Don't make a big deal out of it... just enjoy the place where you live :)

Morganite · Mar 26, 2007, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by twinsplusone

I am new to living on a cul-de-sac and have so far enjoyed it. We have 5 houses on our U shaped cul-de-sac. Three familes have children with simular, younger ages. The other two families have older children. One w/a 10 year old and one family with a 9 & 6 year old. The 3 families w/the younger children, we sit outside and watch our children as they play, reprimand where its needed and are observant for car's pulling in the cul-de-sac. The other two families w/the older children, just send their kids out to play. They don't even come out to see if we would mind watching their kids. The three of us (the mom's) are really fed up with this and want to hear any advise on how we could go about changing this without having bad feelings with the other two families, given that we have to live w/each other for a while!!

Thanks, Twinplusone

Just relax and enjoy the neighbourhood, including the neighbour's kids. It ios a neighbourhood, niot a fancy club with a distinct set of rules. Ease the contol. Enjoy. Breathe deeply. R-E-L-A-X

Ready for life at the sharp end?

lacuran8626 · Apr 14, 2007, 04:03 PM

Be relaxed but don't be afraid to say, "Hey, Tim - you are too old for that toy and it's going to break. Get off of it please." As for the other parents being outside - well, my kid is older and is allowed to play outside while I'm inside. Your kids will get there some day, too. Don't focus on who's outside and who's not - your appropriate realm is to make sure your kids have a positive atmosphere for playing, and if that requires you to correct other people's unsupervised kids who happen to want to be around them, so be it. Just be kind and clear.

Lillian42 · Apr 15, 2007, 08:03 PM

I wouldn't make a big deal out of this for the simple fact they are old enough not to have supervision. But if they kids are getting in trouble or doing bad things in front of you and your children I would talk to their parents and let them know it bothers you that they do it in front of you and you feel like you are supervising them.