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Stace85 · Dec 20, 2012, 09:36 AM

I have been full time mom to our 3 kids. I moved out with them and started dating someone else and now we want to move in with each other. The kids love him and he helps take care of them since I'm not getting money from he dad. My ex filed for full custody because he says he can provide a more stable home for them. I did cheat I. The past and he is bringing everything back up.

JudyKayTee · Dec 20, 2012, 09:51 AM

Where?

In general your adultery does not make you a bad mother in the eyes of the Court. However, if your "cheating" affected them, then it does become an issue. Why, if you are divorcing, isn't the father paying child support?

Wallking out on one man and in with another in a short period could be seen as bad mothering. Would it cause you to lose custody? Depends on what else is involved.

I would request that a guardian ad litem be appointed on behalf of the children, a person who will evaluate all of the involved parties and make a recommendation to the Court.

ScottGem · Dec 20, 2012, 10:57 AM

Can you lose custody? Its certainly possible, but it takes a lot for a court to take children from their mother. Plus, if he has an attorney, you better get one or your chances will be much less.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 20, 2012, 03:47 PM

If he has a better attorney, anything can happen. Courts care less about who you slept with, could be a different man every day as long as it is not effecting the kids.

If he has an attorney and you don't, he has a good chance of winning just by using legal tricks.

fredg · Dec 20, 2012, 06:11 PM

The fact that the Dad is not paying anything to you for the children's support is really a very big plus in your favor. You DO need a lawyer, unfortunately. I went through something similar in 1970 with my girlfriend (after I was divorced after 7 yrs). Her ex-husband went to court to get custody of her small girl, 6 yrs old. My girlfriend had a lawyer, and she won the case to keep her daughter.
Please get a lawyer. This is going to be tough, but please just hang in there. Most courts will not take children from their mother unless there are really bad circumstances. Just cheating on a husband is not a good reason, normally. I do wish you the very best.
PS. Her ex-husband had cheated on her while they were married! And she could prove it. It was never brought up in court, and she won anyway.

fredg · Dec 20, 2012, 06:14 PM

I would not recommend a guardian. This will make it even worse on the children. A lawyer can handle this without putting the children through even more bad situations.

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Where?

In general your adultery does not make you a bad mother in the eyes of the Court. However, if your "cheating" affected them, then it does become an issue. Why, if you are divorcing, isn't the father paying child support?

Wallking out on one man and in with another in a short period of time could be seen as bad mothering. Would it cause you to lose custody? Depends on what else is involved.

I would request that a guardian ad litem be appointed on behalf of the children, a person who will evaluate all of the involved parties and make a recommendation to the Court.

ScottGem · Dec 21, 2012, 04:01 AM

Originally Posted by fredg

I would not reccommend a guardian. This will make it even worse on the children. A lawyer can handle this without putting the children through even more bad situations.

Please explain why you think having a GAL would make it worse on the children or put them in a bad situation?

In my experience, appointing a GAL to represent the children's interests is SOP in some courts and generally a good idea.

J_9 · Dec 21, 2012, 04:20 AM

I would not recommend a guardian. This will make it even worse on the children. A lawyer can handle this without putting the children through even more bad situations.

Fred, do you know what a guardian ad litem is? Judy didn't mean a guardian in the sense that the children will live with someone else. A GAL is appointed by the court to represent the interests of infants, the unborn, or incompetent persons in legal actions.

GV70 · Dec 21, 2012, 06:33 AM

Fred, do you know what a guardian ad litem is?

No, he does not.

In all cases in which custody or parenting time/visitation is an issue, a guardian ad litem may be appointed by court order to represent the best interests of the child or children if the circumstances warrant such an appointment. The services rendered by a guardian ad litem shall be to the court on behalf of the child. A guardian ad litem may be appointed by the court on its own motion or on application of either or both of the parents. The guardian ad litem shall file a written report with the court setting forth findings and recommendations and the basis thereof, and shall be available to testify and shall be subject to cross-examination thereon.

.http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/rules/r5-8b.htm

AK lawyer · Dec 21, 2012, 10:32 AM

In some places, courts appoint an attoney ad litem who performs essentially the same functions.

fredg · Dec 21, 2012, 07:04 PM

In your experience? Are you a lawyer? I think not.
I highly suggest seeing a lawyer to decide if you all are correct, or if you really need a GAL. If a lawyer thinks it is a good idea, then by all means, go for it. {personal attack removed}. I still think a lawyer's suggestions is the best advice to follow. That is all I meant, before "it hit the fan" with you. I am so sorry some of you think a lawyer's advice is worthless.

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Please explain why you think having a GAL would make it worse on the children or put them in a bad situation?

In my experience, appointing a GAL to represent the children's interests is SOP in some courts and generally a good idea.

Alty · Dec 21, 2012, 07:25 PM

In your experience? Are you a lawyer? I think not.

Fred, are you a lawyer? If so, I didn't see it in your bio.

Let's make it simple. If the OP had a lawyer, she wouldn't be here asking this question. I don't think anyone is suggesting that the OP not seek the council of a lawyer. In fact, knowing these people like I do, I know that every one of them would recommend that the OP get a lawyer.

That doesn't change the fact that their advice is not only dead on accurate, but that you questioning them, when you have no legal expertise (which they do) is ludicrous.

JudyKayTee · Dec 22, 2012, 08:28 AM

Fred, I'll turn it around and ask you. How much time have you spent in a Courtroom? Which law school did you attend? All I keep reading is that you are 70 years old, a widower for 6 years. Maybe that qualifies you on a relationship or bereavement board. It doesn't qualify you here.

Maybe I'm not understanding what you are advising. Why do you think a Guardian Ad Litem would upset children? Why do you think the Courts routinely assign GALs?

Where are you reading that anyone said to ignore the advice of an Attorney?

(Your experience in such matters in 1970 does not translate to how the Courts/laws work in 2012.)

ScottGem · Dec 22, 2012, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by fredg

In your experience? are you a lawyer? I think not.
I highly suggest seeing a lawyer to decide if you all are correct, or if you really need a GAL. If a lawyer thinks it is a good idea, then by all means, go for it. {personal attack removed}. I still think a lawyer's suggestions is the best advice to follow. That is all I meant, before "it hit the fan" with you. I am so sorry some of you think a lawyer's advice is worthless.

Fred, when did I ever say I was a lawyer? But then you aren't either. As I recall you worked as a telemarketer. But one does not have to be a member of the bar to have experience in the law.

Your response here ignored the very real and valid question. You stated; "I would not reccommend a guardian. This will make it even worse on the children." I simply asked you to explain why you felt that way. I then noted that appointing a guardian ad liteum was SOP. A fact that was confirmed by other members.

Instead of trying to justify your statement you go on the attack. Typical of you but this will not be tolerated.

And no one suggested NOT getting an attorney. In fact I suggested that the OP do so. If you want to discuss and defend your recommendation, then feel free to do so. But we're not going to get away from helping the OP so you can attack people just trying to make sure that accurate advice is given out.

GV70 · Dec 23, 2012, 02:42 AM

Originally Posted by fredg

I would not reccommend a guardian. This will make it even worse on the children. How do you know fredg does not know what GAL means??", "source": "You are assuming something that may or may not be true. You are assuming it to be false

Would you like to explain me what exactly did you mean? What is true and what is false?

A GAL may be an attorney, psychologist, educator, social worker, and GAL may be appointed by application, or by the court on its own motion . That is true for all states and DC.