I loved someone for many years and I always knew he loved me, we connected as friends and we connected as far more than that. I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. He was very kind, passionate, generous, fun, a truly unique person, and this can be attested to not just by me but by probably at least a thousand others. For a time he was one of my favorite reasons for living.

Fairly recently, he was killed suddenly. The shock was almost too much for me to bear. I am still mourning this loss and I am suffering from it now more than I did when he died. Everything I see, hear, and perceive brings me back to him. I have tried everything to help me move on, even just a bit, including prayer, distractions of all kinds, and I refuse to resort to something that will be harmful to me. I go to his grave and I still talk to him as if he could hear me, and I tell him the things I should have told him long ago. I still can’t recover at all from this terrible loss. He meant almost everything to me, and what’s worse is that I knew how he felt about me but I never took the time to tell him how I felt about him or even give a good enough indication. Now it’s too late and I know that when he left this world, he never knew for sure that I loved him. I know it would have made him so happy.

I am sure this happens to many people so I am hoping that someone can make a suggestion as to how I should cope with this loss. It is almost like I don’t want to move past it but for the sake of my physical and mental health I know I need to. So many good and loving people have tried their best to help me, and I want them to know I appreciate their help, but this seems to be more than I can bear. I don’t think about anything else most of the time. Nothing has ever hurt me this deeply before, as I have endured many losses of all kinds but this is different because I was truly in love for the first time and no one should ever replace this love. I know that I will never stop loving him, because true love doesn’t die when a person dies, it lasts forever, but I should have a long life ahead of me and eventually I will have to take a different approach to the love I have for him, because I know he loved me and would not want me to suffer because of him. That’s just the way he was.

Has anyone gone through this kind of situation before? If you have, I feel your pain, and I am hoping that someone can help me, I am starting to feel desperate. Thanks so much.

One of the best quotes I read after the death of my daughter was

" true love does not need grief to support its truth'

For me this gave me enough thought to realise my grief was a process,and I just had to go through it,there was no short cuts,and no easy way out,and from this quote I knew I could live again and not have to contiue grieving to show myself, or the world how much I loved my child.

I kept a journal,and wrote to her in to,I jotted down memories and how I was feeling,sketches anything that would remind me of her,the things she liked and used to say,I got a scrapbook and put so much stuff in to.

What I learned from grief, is it is different for everyone,and everyone finds their own path through.

The best I can offer from my own experience is,you don't get over the loss,you learn to live with it,and it does get easier,or you just get used to it.

Talking helps,talking about and to the person helps.

Doing something in their honour,I promised myself I would go back to study,so I did,and in the beginning I studied like a mad women,every grade was for her,and in time I became proud of my achievements for me.

I hope some of this helps or at least give you food for thought.

To all the grieving people out there -

For many years I was a funeral director, and almost every day came into contact with people who were hurting as you are now. They could not visualise a day when the pain would lessen.

I always gave them as much time to talk as I could, and struck up friendships with many of them. Often they would pop in just to say hello on their way to the shops, and it was so great to see that, almost invariably, as the months went by they became stronger, happier and more accepting of their loss.

I know that, at the moment, you don't believe that your pain will ever lessen, but I absolutely assure you that it will. Don't ask too much of yourselves - cry when you want to, and don't be afraid of your strong emotions. Remember, too, that bereavement is a little like walking up a ladder; you go several rungs up, think to yourself "Hey, I'm nearly there!", then suddenly, for no apparent reason, you find yourself a couple of steps down again.

Don't beat yourselves up by thinking you should be getting over it. You never "get over it", but you do learn to live with it.

My thoughts are with you all.

Jane

Reading your story I can see myself in you. I lost the love of my life on the 16th of February 2010 after a very short illness. There was not a day that went by that we didn't have contact. With all his calls and text messages everyday he told me how much he love me.
Its been three weeks now since his passing and I do feel a bit better but there isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of him, I do talk to him because I still feel his prescence and love. I am still madly in love with him.
They told me that its not goodbye but see you soon and we will be rejoined in heaven in a blink of an eye. But right now a blink of an eye feels soooo long and I miss him dearly! I know he will wait for me in heaven cause he used to tell me that he loves me no matter what happens and that he will be there no matter what happens.
I am going through a terrible guilt trip at the moment because on his last call to me I was cold towards him because I was so busy at work, and he still told me OK we will talk later and that he loves me... and that was it, he passed away that night.. I can't get over that!

I truly feel your pain and I know exactly what you going through. They will always be part of our hearts until we are rejoined in heaven for eternity.
Keep faith!

I lost the love of my life...

I Truly hope this part is true.. cause it is truly unbearable losing the love of your life... No one can ever show me the love he showed me.

It's been a month now since he passed away and I still cry everyday and try to hear his voice running through my head..

Like he said... I will be his forever.. its not goodbye, its see you soon

This is a wonderful quote - my husband was insistent that I not grieve, that my withdrawal from the World would most definitely not prove my love for him, that the person who grieves the most does not win the "loved the most" award <smile>. Easier said than done but I keep those words close to me.

And as far as grieving goes, my life has gone on, I'm happy and content but there are days when I wake up and my grief is like a rock on my chest. You get up, start moving, get prospective again.

You go on; you never forget.

And life is not fair.

I lost the love of my life on May1,2010. It was a sudden heart attack that sent him to the hospital where they did everything for him , but after two days there was no more that could be done. The last thing we did together was lunch, then he had a h

Its really hard,. me I still feel numb , I receive the message that my loved one and soon to be husband has died due of cardiac arrest and I rcv the message just 1 hour before my birthday , such a good present to me , such a cruel life... its so hard... as if I don't know how to go on , what I should do... what will be the needs to do... acceptance is very hard at this moment... I just don't know why it should happen this way.. why good man dies and bad man lives... all why?? Pain and hurt is eating me... its really so hard... I don't know what I should do and how to cope up...

I remember the first hours and first days, weeks and months.

I so wish I had wise words for you, words that would make things easier or I could explain why good people die or something that would help you. All I can see is it gets easier or you'd go mad - but I realize that's little help.

You're not alone - I waited for him to come home for 6 months. Finally one night it hit me that this is not a dress rehearsal, that he's not coming back.

We all have our own time frames when it comes to grief.

You need to take care of you - maybe that involves screaming at the sky and beating your fists against a wall. Maybe it involves counselling or group or therapy. No way for me to know.

I didn't know how to go on, either. I just put one foot in front of the other and pretty soon days and weeks and months had passed while I was simply trying to survive, no more, no less.

Do you have friends or family to lean on? I found that the people who listened to me were the most helpful. I had to get it out, and they listened... and listened... and listened.

Its really so hard... I can't think clearly... I really missed him dearly... I don't have my family.. I'm not close with them.. he's the only person I am close to... I can't open up much to my friends because they see me as a strong woman... they don't know that I feel weak now... very weak... I Still can't accept the fact that he is gone.. I'm still hoping he's still alive... I'm still wishing that this is only a bad dream and I will wake up and find him here with me... I'm still in denial... I'm still hoping that he will message me... that he will tell me its all a big bad joke ! I don't know... I really don't know,.

I have been in your shoes. I'm not guessing how I would behave.

You have to stop hoping and wishing for the impossible. This has nothing to do with being strong or weak.

You have no choice but accept this - and you are the only person who knows what it takes for you to survive it.

I lost my sister on 7/25... then my Mom on 9/6... and today my 15 year old cat died to top it off. All I can say is I know what you are feeling. "Can't think clearly"... I started a new job a couple of weeks ago and did so poorly they let me go. The job wasn't even that hard. Wish I could help... know what you are going through. Take care...