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slagathor · Jun 24, 2012, 05:23 PM

I don't know how to break up with my girlfriend! We've been together for 3 years, and I'm currently out of town for a summer course, pretty far away from where we live. This place I'm staying at is incidentally in the same town as her mother lives in, and my girlfriend is coming over here in just a week to stay with her and visit me. There seems to be only 2 ways of doing this.

A: Break up over the phone before she gets here. This would be the easiest option, but I feel I owe her more after 3 years. I still care for this person, and breaking up over the phone feels disrespectful.

B: Wait until she gets here. Only problem being, that she is expecting me to pick her up at the airport together with her mother, and I obviously don't want her family to be there when I deliver the news.

What to do in a situation like this? Is it, all things considered, OK to end a 3 year relationship over the phone?

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 24, 2012, 05:43 PM

You can end a relationship however you want to. Your options are only limited by the morals you carry. In the end the choice is yours, and your choice will reflect your character.

talaniman · Jun 24, 2012, 10:02 PM

Do you live together? Do you have to go back home to her? I think a face to face, in private is the best way, and at home in your natural environment. Just wondering why you didn't do this before you left, that would have been the way to go.

Kind of funky on a vacation, or visit.

slagathor · Jun 25, 2012, 03:10 AM

Yeah, I know I should've ended it before I left, but I hadn't decided yet back then. We do live together, but I won't be back home for another month, I can't drag it out that long. My morals don't really allow for any of the options that I have now, but it seems that my awful timing leaves me very little choice than being a douche. As much as I care about her, I'm also selfishly concerned about how our mutual friends will feel about me ending it over the phone. Feels like I'm committing social suicide :(

Jake2008 · Jun 25, 2012, 04:18 AM

It is not okay to breakup, over the phone.

If you are man enough to have a three year relationship, you need to be man enough to step up, and tell her face to face, that the relationship is over.

Nothing will make it easier but avoiding face to face contact, but that doesn't make you much of a man in my opinion, if you do it that way.

After she is settled upon arriving, go and pick her up, and take her somewhere quiet, where you can simply tell her the relationship is over.

talaniman · Jun 25, 2012, 04:43 AM

So not only does she have to be heartbroken, she has to live with your stuff for a month? What happened, found another girl you want to pursue?

Your timing, and procrastination is sure lousy.

slagathor · Jun 25, 2012, 09:09 AM

I know I know, I've caused a really messed up situation. But it is what it is. She won't have to live with my stuff for a month because she will be at her mothers the entire month. I've thought about it some more, and while I still feel it's wrong to break up over the phone, I'm not sure it would be better of me to wait. Since the situation is what it is, I'd have to keep up appearances, lie to her mother and let her travel here with false expectations. Doesn't seem any less douchy than ending it over the phone. And no, I haven't found another girl, I just realized that I don't love her any more. It took being away for a while to come to terms with this fact. That's why I didn't break it off before I left.

talaniman · Jun 25, 2012, 10:37 AM

Just pull her aside and do the deed after she arrives.

mearbhall · Jun 25, 2012, 11:49 AM

Poor girl. The lesser of two evils is face to face after she arrives, somewhere private (PLEASE not in a public place). At least she'll have her Mother.

slagathor · Jun 26, 2012, 03:12 PM

What do you know. My girlfriend called and thinks we should have a serious talk after she arrives. We agreed upon not meeting up at the airport, so we're going to have the talk the next day instead. Now it almost seems like I'M the one getting dumped!

SilentSkills · Jun 26, 2012, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by slagathor

What do you know. My girlfriend called and thinks we should have a serious talk after she arrives. We agreed upon not meeting up at the airport, so we're going to have the talk the next day instead. Now it almost seems like I'M the one getting dumped!

If she dumps you then that's probably better for you on the long run, it takes more willpower and character to break up than to just hear the bad news. I know it sounds grim, but I hope the serious talk is about leaving you and nothing else that would get you two more involved...

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 27, 2012, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by slagathor

What do you know. My girlfriend called and thinks we should have a serious talk after she arrives. We agreed upon not meeting up at the airport, so we're going to have the talk the next day instead. Now it almost seems like I'M the one getting dumped!

I hate to say that's good news, but in your case it could be. There's nothing better than a mutual breakup, it has the best possible outcome for the both of you. You can both move on properly and not have any issues with future relationships.

I wish you both the best of luck.

slagathor · Jun 27, 2012, 03:40 PM

Thank you Cobra. We actually had another long phone call today, which ended with us breaking up, even though we said we we're going to wait and talk in person. I think, considering the circumstances, it was better that we did it on the phone. No sense in procrastinating when you've made up your mind.