Een with my boyfriend for 11months now and about 5 months ago our problems started. He would occasionally reject me when I wanted to have sex saying he was tired or that it was late. We have had many arguments about this and nearly came to breaking point. I feel bad for arguing with him about sex however I feel really fustrated because we love each other. Recently, after a big argument we had, he said we should stop having sex even though we hardly ever do anyway. We don't have any other problems in our relationship and I feel terrible and unwanted. What shall I do?

Has he told you why he wants to stop having sex? If not that's the question I would be asking him. Not while trying to persuade him to have sex, but in a nice calm discussion, away from the bedroom. Tell him you want to understand why he has decided this not put pressure on him to change his mind.

Once you have some information from him you will have a better idea what to do. Maybe he wants to stop having sex temporarily for some specific reason. Maybe he just reacted in anger because of the argument.

I think understanding what is going on is more important than actually trying to get some sexual activity going at the moment.

Thank you for your advice. I have asked him previosly and he said it was because he felt pressured into it by me. This was never a problem before. I think I should not mention anything sexual with him till he is ready to have sex with me again. What do you think?

Tricky, because on the one hand nobody wants to feel pressured into sex, so backing off could be exactly what is needed.
On the other hand, he could feel pressured because you have a higher sex drive than him, or for some other reason that it would be helpful for you to understand.

I would say sure, give him some time to get his own mojo back. Concentrate on doing other things you enjoy. Work on the fact that you feel terrible and unwanted for a while by doing positive things to make yourself feel better.

But don't feel that you have to wait for ever, walking on egg-shells either. If it gets to the point where you feel you need to discuss it further then do so, but from a point of view of trying to understand one another not putting pressure on to perform.

I think you're right. I need to calm down about this and we need to find a mid point with my boyfriend. Thank you for your advice once again.

QLP has given you some excellent advice.

I do want to add a few things for you to consider and discuss with your boyfriend.

Sometimes, a problem will start with one issue but continue due to others. These are a few of the factors to think about and see if the pressure he is feeling now is covering up other symptoms.

Is he having any health problems or is he on any medications? Several different diseases can cause physical problems which get over looked. Likewise, some medicines can have side effects or interactions with other medicines/foods/drinks/etc. which cause issues that limit the libido. Alcohol and other drugs can also cause libido problems especially if the person is taking them as a form of self-medicating.

Exercise, proper nutrition, getting a good nights sleep, in general taking care of one's self all help to reduce stress and exhaustion. Better health can help increase a person's libido.

Do each of you spend time with friends or doing things without the other person? 'Me' time can be great for keeping a couple from depending solely on each other for support, entertainment, and social interaction. It helps keep the relationship from stagnating or getting into a rut.

Look at how much importance you put on intercourse as opposed to other forms of affection and intimacy. It is fairly normal to get caught up in the sexual aspects of being a couple. However, it isn't the only way to bond with your partner. Having fun playing games, laughing a jokes, watching clouds, etc. can take the pressure off to have sex, but still bring you together on other levels. It can even lead to letting go of stress and relaxing enough to allow desire to build up at a slower pace. It can increase the quality of the sex you have even if the quantity isn't the same.

Well I wondered the same thing and when I confronted my boyfriend about it he said it was because he doesn't want to sin anymore but I get mad cause were living together and not married with a kid on the way so what's the point. What should I do?

Susy4309. You're problem is unique to you. Please post it as a new thread so that you're problem can get the full attention of our experts without sidelining this thread, should the original poster ever come back.