Hi. I'm 51 years old and I believe my mother has been lying to me about who my real father is all of my life. I believe she had an affair and I am the result of it. I look nothing like my siblings. I have Irish characteristics like my mother, but also Native American characteristics (like no one in my family). When my grandmother first saw me when I was a baby, she told everyone that I must be the oil man's daughter (big native american man) who used to deliver oil to our house, because I looked like a "little Indian baby" (like no one in my family). You see, all of my life, my mother always asked every delivery man (mail, oil, etc.) and school bus driver in for 'coffee'. Anyway, she is 84 now. I have asked her in every way possible, both subtle and bluntly, about this. She just changes the subject and/or looks away. Any advice on how to get this out of her before she passes away?

If she won't tell you, try a DNA test. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know the truth, just be careful of who you may hurt in the process.

I don't see why people have this whole thing about who their real parents are... Unless your father was abusive in any way and you need some security, I say take whatever she gives you and don't ask for more. Delving into this matter may be hurting your mother. Are you really going to pursue this to her grave?

My sister isn't my "full sister." I discovered that when I was 16 or so. Doesn't change anything at all. She told me and my brother one day that our mother revealed that she had an affair to her and that it was impossible for her to be that of my father's. I felt a bit bad for my father but it didn't matter enough to start a ruckus, my mom loved him, I didn't suspect that my mom was being unfaithful at the time and my father loved my sister too. I told her I didn't care, not a bit, and that I wasn't going to tell our father. She would always be my darling older sister.

I don't see any need for the truth on this matter unless it would change anything for the better. Are you going to go on an expedition to find your true father or something? If not, then let it be. There is no need to stir up something that is decades old.