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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #61

    Feb 28, 2012, 12:29 AM
    Closure is in acceptance of the situation. Its going to hurt if its not the situation you want, and you will love it if it is. Such is the way of life.

    So good luck.
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #62

    Feb 28, 2012, 03:28 AM
    I've accepted that it's over.. like you advised me to do. So I either way it goes I'm not fussed anymore.
    As I know deep down that I shouldn't be wasting my love and time on someone who doesn't feel the same about me as I do about them...
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #63

    Mar 3, 2012, 11:34 AM
    I saw him and I didn't let him control the situation... like you advised and things went interestingly. I said I was over the relationship and it threw him off.. he was surprised. He said he is still attracted to me and is now asking to spend time with me and wasn't vocal on how he felt about the relationship... in fact he was very quiet! I don't really know what to do with that! Good or bad idea?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #64

    Mar 3, 2012, 12:24 PM
    You have said what you mean, ("I said i was over the relationship"), Now mean what you say. You do that by ending the conversation, and stopping any more confusion. Disappear an do your thing.

    Lets be clear, because he wants to spend time when he wants to but wants no commitment. Surely you can see that a serious relationship has been demoted to casual status. That's friends, OR friends with benefits. You disappear to allow the healing to START properly now, so you can make decisions based on facts, and not just confused feelings.

    That means NO CONTACT!! NONE!! No more BSing, or piddling around with false hope, closure, and justification to NOT build a life without this fellow. No more half stepping!!!!
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #65

    Mar 3, 2012, 07:34 PM
    Ok well I guess I have pretty much messed it up! We slept together 2 times tonight it was the most amazing sex we've had but... now I feel sooo... ashamed and easy as I am not the type to ever sleep around or with someone I'm not committed to and worst of all... my feelings for him have resurfaced and all that... healing... has been undone! And I stupidly want him back again! (havent told him this) I swear there is something wrong with me, I can't be strong and never see him again!
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #66

    Mar 6, 2012, 04:01 PM
    I think I have to tell him straight that what happened can never happen again! As it complicates things... I don't think we can be friends right now... too soon.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #67

    Mar 6, 2012, 05:32 PM
    Some of us learns things the easy way. Some the hard way. I suppose if you learn that's what counts. Have you??
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #68

    Mar 6, 2012, 05:37 PM
    I hope you know you need to get off the Roller Coaster unless you are willing to have a friends with benefits relationship with him
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #69

    Mar 6, 2012, 05:48 PM
    I've definitely learnt! The emotional turmoil associated, isn't worth putting myself through! Plus I value myself too much to allow myself to ever be treated like... "just a body".
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
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    #70

    Mar 6, 2012, 05:58 PM
    Let it go, no point in trying to build something that both of you are not wanting.
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #71

    Mar 10, 2012, 05:29 AM
    Today has been tough day. It's a month today since we split and It is truly sunking in now and... it hurts all over again.
    This break up is a rollercoaster of emotions... that never seems to stop! I just want to forget about him! But life's never that easy now, is it... there's always shades of grey.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #72

    Mar 10, 2012, 12:43 PM
    Starting the healing process over from scratch is truly hard. That's not a grey area.
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #73

    Mar 17, 2012, 10:30 AM
    He contacted me today, we got into an argument. He just started verbally attacking me, telling me about my personality flaws and he said he wants the person he is with "to be perfect because that is the type of person I am". He says physically I'm perfect! Which is an insult! I'm not just a body!

    He thinks I still want him back... which I don't! I feel like I never knew him especially after the things he said! Like how he managed to date me... "over all the other guys who thought they were better than him and wanted to date me" it just makes me feel like I was some ****ing trophy to rub in others face! It's sick! Like the last 4 yrs were all lies! I feel like a fool! L absolutely hate him now. This hurts more than the initial break up.

    I told him I never want to speak to him again!

    But he emailed me apologising saying he didn't want to loose me as he cares about me a lot and wants me in his life!
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #74

    Mar 17, 2012, 11:32 AM
    Why are you still communicating with this guy?
    Ihatefootball's Avatar
    Ihatefootball Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #75

    Mar 17, 2012, 11:40 AM
    Just break up with him
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
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    #76

    Mar 17, 2012, 12:18 PM
    I deleted his number so there was no caller ID so when he called I didn't know it was him.

    I want him out of my life... he is cruel and selfish for the things he said and did. He just keeps coming back in my life, one way or another, and I don't know why!
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #77

    Mar 17, 2012, 02:01 PM
    Mia... you won't live up to his unrealistic expectations of you. You don't hear from him, and when you do, he says unkind things, and you end up in an argument. He doesn't know what he wants, but you are safe and familiar, so he keeps coming back... only to cause you more pain.

    Time to tell him that HE is not what you want in a relationship and that you want no further contact with him. Then stick to it. Do not answer calls if you don't know the number. If you happen to by accident, simply tell him "I've moved on, I wish you well, good-bye" and hang up. Don't get into a conversation with him.

    In time it will get easier and you will meet someone who treats you how you want to be treated.
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #78

    Mar 17, 2012, 10:31 PM
    Yes his expectations are unrealistic! I have always believed that Love and relationships are about taking the good with the bad. I accepted his tiny flaws because they didn't matter in comparison to all the things I used to like about him. Because no one is 100 % "perfect" people have flaws, that's life.

    But what is bothering me is the things he says are flaws like, he thinks that I am too forgiving! Which last time I checked! Being able to forgive others isn't a bad thing!

    Do you think that I should send him a message telling him that he isn't what I want in a relationship, letting him know that he isn't 100% perfect either, no one is! And how I'll find someone else who'll treat me better and that I want no further contact?

    I don't want to be nasty to him because I know I will feel guilty afterwards but I feel like maybe, I need to stick up for myself...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #79

    Mar 17, 2012, 11:22 PM
    Stick up for yourself with more words?? Words he doesn't listen to, or believe? Are you crazy or something? That keeps this BS going!

    You need actions, you have said what you mean, now do the action, and mean what you say. You want him out of your life, then mean it, and do it ignore, hang up, move on. Your guilt is misdirected. I bet hanging up on him with nothing said will relieve the guilt of not standing up for yourself.

    You are just mad because you can't get the last word, and have him acknowledge it. Actions will speak louder.
    miabosworth's Avatar
    miabosworth Posts: 38, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #80

    Mar 22, 2012, 05:18 PM
    Yes I agree, I think the only thing that'll get through to him is actions. As far as I'm concerned... I have no connection to him anymore. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. As time passes I realise how bad he really was for me, I feel more happy without him, but at the same time, sometimes I feel lonely. But you realise that you can fix that feeling of loneliness by finding someone new to love.

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