Last night, my boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to touching me in intimate places. It had been a while since we had time to fool around, so things started to heat up more. About ten minutes in, I noticed some faint flashes of light. At first I thought they were coming from outside of my window, and so I ignored it. It clicked in my head that he might be taking pictures a few moments later, because he seemed distracted. Turns out, he was. He had his phone under the covers and was snapping pics of me "full frontal." I feel appalled, disgusted, and betrayed that he thought this was a good idea, and that he did it without my knowing and consent. He swears he was going to tell me later, but I don't quite believe that. Then when I demanded he delete the pictures, he at first refused. Then when he agreed to delete them, he refused to show me that he was deleting them. I'm afraid he might have been trying to save them somewhere else which is why he didn't want to show me, making me lose even more trust for him. Am I wrong for reacting this way? He says he thought it would "spice things up for us," but we have been dating for over a year. I thought he would know me better than that. Even still, I think he still should have confronted me first if that's something he wanted to try. Need feedback, please!

Well it seems to me that he was either asked for them or he had full intentions on showing them to his buddies... maybe selling them ? But if you ask me he was definitely being devious...

If I may add... he may be using them to to help pleasure himself... instead of playboy... he may love you so much he just wanted to look at you? I doubt that but... I don't know him

I kind of doubt he was doing it for other people. He already has more tasteful nude pics of me. This is such a trashy thing to do in my opinion though, not sexy.

Definitely trashy.. I can't see myself doing that anyway... I would definitely ask and explain why fully knowing the consequences if you were to get caught by not asking permission...

This isn't the first time he's done things behind my back. First six months of our relationship was great. He treated me better than any other boyfriend I've had. Took things as slow as I wanted, always gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed one, went out of his way all the time for me. Sent me song lyrics, always wanted to see me, always getting me little surprises. Everything was seriously perfect. Then I found out this whole time he was still talking to his ex whenever I wasn't around. Even found a video of him ****ing her doggy style that he had from when they dated saved in his email. And had emailed that video to her about six months into our relationship. He claimed he tried to be friends with her and when they got into an argument sent that video with a message that said "skank" or something. I never saw a message like that but that's what he says. She had also said all these other things I had no clue about, that she had his miscarriage right before me and him dated when they had apparently been broken up for at least six months prior to us dating. Long story short, I've heard rumors that she's a crazy liar, and from other girls that HE is a crazy liar. But no proof from either side to back anything up. So that is our first problem and it took us and is still taking us a lot to get over that. I left him for about two months because he was on a deployment when I found all of that stuff, and I was somehow convinced to give this a second chance. The point after all of this is that, we were already trying to work on trusting each other again, or at least me trusting him. And he knew I thought he was disgusting for taking a video of him having sex, so I don't know why he would ever think I'd be okay with him taking pictures of us/me. Makes me wonder if his ex even knew he was taking a video of her..
Regardless, I keep trying to give him chances to prove himself, and what seemed so perfect before seems now just like a pervert in disguise. Just another stupid horny boy.

Sorry about your bad luck with him... but from a male perspective,he is hiding something whether it's a fetish or whether he is just trying to get amo to use against his girlfriends when he breaks up... sounds like he's a player

Maybe he was before I met him, but we both are hundreds of miles away from where we're originally from. He's also a submariner, which means he doesn't work with any females, and outside of work he doesn't know any, anyway. Not to mention, I am the main account holder for our cell phone plan, and know his passwords to his Facebook, email, and anything else he uses. If he is hiding some other relationship at this point, or sending my pics out, he's going to get caught easily, so hopefully he's not that stupid. We have been dating for a year, his past relationship was for a year and a half, and the one before that was about 5 years. So like I said, I don't know about him being a player. I'm thinking more along the lines of slightly twisted and demented though. Fetish could definitely be a possibility.

And to answer the question earlier about our ages, yes early twenties. He is about to turn 21, and I'm turning 22 shortly after.

He should not have done that without asking so really there should have been no photos to delete. After that, if he did it, he should have not even had a second thought to delete them if asked by you.

You should have thrown his phone to the ground and stomped on it till it was 100 pieces.

He can easily text them to his friends, he can send it to his computer and post them on web pages. It is totally out of line.

If you don't mind the risk of all the world seeing it, even your family seeing it, great, it can do it all day with your permission.

But without asking, he had no right.

Ok upon hearing the ages and him still on contact with his X then it's time for you to move on.
Why be with him when he is still talking to is x and stringing you along he is not into the relationship 100

Plus at your ages.. It's really hard to find a serious relationship.

My advice leave him.

Just a point here. This doesn't justify what he did, but you mentioned you had already allowed him to take nudes of you. That action may have made him feel you wouldn't mind.

He did the same thing to you as he did to the ex, and for whatever reason he did it, it has caused a second incidence of broken trust (In a year?? ). Pay attention, and protect yourself, and make sure all those pictures are destroyed, and then you dump him.

Or take full responsibility for the NEXT incidence. Poor guy has bad judgement, and even worse behavior. Guess who suffers for it?

He HAD contact with his ex. Since that incident occurred 6 months ago, he hasn't. And if he had, I'm very confident she would have contacted me, especially if it was on a unnecessary level, considering she felt just as betrayed as I had (she was trying to get him back at the time) and also that she has been in a new relationship for a few months now. Believe me, she is very pissed at him because of their fall out, and I think if she had a way to ruin our relationship to spite him, I think she'd take that opportunity. Therefore, I'm almost 100% sure he did stop contact with her.
And no, I never allowed HIM to take pictures of me. I had taken them of my own free will, and only because he had been on a deployment for several months, and it was one of our only ways to keep some kind of intimacy between us. But that was part of his reasoning for doing it. He said something along the lines of that he sees naked all the time, and he already has pictures of me, so he kind of didn't see the big deal. I made the point that it is still MY body, though. We could be married for 20 years, still doesn't mean he can rape me if I don't want to have sex, just because I'm his wife. Also, still doesn't mean he can take indecent photos of me without my consent. I'm not his property, still MY body, and he needs MY permission when it comes to that.
He didn't necessarily do the same thing to me as the ex. I think she may have been aware and consented to taking a video, but like I said, because he didn't get my consent for pictures, she may not had known at the time that he was doing that.
We've had our issues, and yes a lot of it was ****ed up, but other than that, he has always treated me very well, and puts up with my bull**** like no one I've ever seen before. I'm actually surprised he hasn't left ME by now. Though I was never unfaithful, I admit I'm probably not someone most men can tolerate as a girlfriend. I'll admit, I'm high maintenance. It's what makes it difficult when things like this happen, because they're few and far between. Other than that, things are mostly great. I just don't see why whenever he DOES **** up, it's always something I don't even know how I can forgive it.
I understand guys "think with their ****" sometimes, but seriously? Common sense still doesn't come first?

You assume he has common sense? Maybe he does, but obviously his is not as mature as yours. I can offer to you though that great couples are defined how they deal with the obstacles and disasters that the reality of life throws at them.

If you two cannot solve your issues, and see a way forward through honest communications then what's the point? How many screw ups does he get?