My girlfriend of almost 2 years wants to have sex with one of her best girlfriends. They have kissed and flirted several times in the past. The friend has had several lesbian experiences, my girlfriend is curious. We have talked about have a threesome, but have never acted on it. I am afraid that having sex outside of our relationship will be damaging to our relationship.

She told you about it. She apparently wants your permission or consent.

I don't know that "lesbian" and "3 some" are one in the same. How did the "3 some" get into the lesbian conversation?

Yes, sex outside a relationship is always risky UNLESS you have an understanding you can both live with.

We have talked about having a threesome in the past but we have never acted on it. I am happy with just the two of us, but would be OK with a threesome. She has been up front and honest with me about wanting to hook up with her friend. It is definitely something that she wants to do. I don't want to hold her back, but I don't want this to come between us either. She thinks it will make our relationship stronger. That our bond is strong and having some occasional fun on the side is OK.

How old are both of you and how many relationships has she had in the past? This can be a major factor in what people perceive as a mature and healthy relationship

I think your girlfriend is coming up with some some very nice rationalizations. I wouldn't accept them though if I were you without asking her and yourself some very important questions.

1. What exactly is her definition of an open relationship? That is what she is asking for.

2. If it was a male she wanted to have sex with, would you accept it and not call it cheating? Gender has nothing to o with whether the person is cheating or not. Cheating is in the boundaries set by the couple.

3. Would she be okay with you having sex with someone (male or female, your choice) on the side? Not a threesome where she is involved.

4. If she likes the experience, does she intend to keep playing sex games with her friend? Since this is a good friend then she already has feelings for this person. It isn't a huge step from friend to girl/boyfriend. For that matter, what are her friend's feelings for her? Are you open to a poly-amorous relationship?

5. What do you want? What are your expectations for the relationship and future?

Oh, and bisexuality does not mean you have to have sex with both males and females. It does not give an excuse to cheat on the person you are supposed to be in a committed relationship with. What it does mean is that you can be attracted to and/or fall in love with both males and females. A bisexual person is as capable as a heterosexual or homosexual of being in a monogamous relationship when they find the person they truly love and want to build a future with.

We are both in our late 30s both divorced.

My answer here is don't allow her if not you will lose her. My Ex of 5yrs just broke up with me because she like a woman now. I gave the same opportunity to try because she was curious and when she did liked it and in an instance she wanted to break up with me. So learn from me tell her she is never going to be the same any more after. Goodluck

Anyone here who reads through your other threads will be as confused as I am - your relationship is/was complicated by AIDS/HIV: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/medica...ds-623543.html

I don't think straight people "experiment" and then decide they "like" women "now." Your relationship had to be troubled from the start and she had to have an inkling that she was either bisexual or lesbian.

The "allow" language also concerns me - you don't own anybody. You can talk about it, you can like or dislike the idea... but allow?

Read Henry Miller. She will leave you. Save up for a trip to Paris.