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    Jewel321's Avatar
    Jewel321 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 12, 2011, 03:12 AM
    I let my boyfriend talk me into having a threesome with my best friend! HELP!
    So it was February me and my girl friends planned a Vegas trip to go to the sevens rugby tournament and it was just suppose to be us girls but then my boyfriend ended begging to come and another one of our guy friends wanted to join.. We get to Vegas we had gotten two rooms one for my girl friends and our other guy friend (who's gay by the way) and one for me and my boyfriend seeing as how we're the only couple it only makes sense. 

    Anyway... my boyfriend was already acting sketchy from the get go! When we got there he kept saying some of my girl friends should come stay in our room with us cz he felt bad for us having more space and them all being in one room (wich they didn't mind AT ALL were in VEGAS not gana be in the room much) I kept explaining to him they don't care and since we're the only couple we should have our own space they thought so also! But he kept insisting saying it over and over I felt like he just wanted them in our room for other reasons like to secretly check them out or I don't know... And I felt like he just kept using the excuse about how he felt bad about them being all cramped together when CLEARLY no one cared! But I eventually ignored it told him it wasn't gana happen and the day went on...

    That night didn't turn out very well... we ended up arguing our first night in Vegas when we should have been partying up! Reason being... He was upset with my decision about not having some of my girlfriends stay in our room with us! Don't ask me why I have no idea why he would pick a fight with me over that stupid *** reason when we should be enjoying ourselves so that night didn't end up so pleasant! 

    NEXT NIGHT... I wanted to js forget all that had happened the night before and make it up to my friends because  me and my man were definitely being downers on the trip! So we had an amazing time started with drinks at the hotel went around to a couple casinos ended up at some club called koi which was the **** because they had a deal for the ladies 20 bucks gets you a wrist band which meant unlimited drinks ALL night long!  Me and the girls definitely put it to good use! And I kept thinking to myself about how I wanted my boyfriend to have a great time and see that I'm a fun girlfriend! At that point in time our relationship was a little rocky even before Vegas I felt like my boyfriend was taking me for granted and js getting bored of me so I wanted to spice it up and show him how fun I could be! He had always talked about a threesome most of our relationship and how he wanted to try it I always said HELL NO of course but tonight I just wanted to be spontaneous! I thought tonight was the night! I'm drunk... I'm in Vegas... why not? And what do you know we had offers left and right by the end of the night we were gana take 2 girls back to our hotel and he was like hell yeah! (of course what guy wouldn't) Lol but then last minute he backed out saying they looked dirty which threw me off he should be happy I'm even considering it! Buuuut... we ditched them anyway. Then out of the blue as we're about to leave he asked me " hey what about ____ !?" (sorry I'm not using any names) and I fell back a little wondering why he would suggest HER out of everyone! And we had just barely ditched two girls who might I add weren't bad looking! And here he is asking for my best friend more like sister almost to join us and me being drunk I still knew fully what was going on but in my head I just wanted to please this man and be down with it so I called her over to us and I asked her she immediately thought we were insane! But I had a little bit of a feeling she felt flattered! I begged her to do it and I told her I was asking her cz I trusted her and blah blah blah and my man was adding on saying yeah we wouldn't want it to be with a stranger we don't know! And in my head I was just going along thinking would they really do this? 

    I felt like I was testing them both mostly him of course so I just kept playing like I was down with it when really I was hurt and dying inside that he would even suggest her and that she didn't take much convincing! My drunk went away at that moment I just acted as if it didn't so it could hide what I really felt towards them mostly HIM! So we get back to the hotel we go into the room that my friends had and started drinking some more in my mind at that moment I'm telling myself, hey maybe he will forget about our little threesome deal back at the club... maybe it won't happen... but he proved me wrong I see him leave the room and a minute later I go to our room to check on him he's just Laying there.. I tell him to come back and party and he just seems bummed so I just keep saying how much fun I had at the club and how he should come back to the other room and join the rest of the party but he just keeps acting all unhappy and dissatisfied! 

    And then after a little while he notices I'm obviously not going  bring up the threesome deal with my best friend so he decides to point out how he thought we were gana have a threesome with ____ and what's going on with that? I told him she was in the other room Checking out some guy that came to there room to party and the words that come out of his mouth next just broke my heart! He says, "oh you just killed it for me" which means obviously he's unhappy because he wanted to f*** my friend and she was checking out another guy! It was so confusing to me and mind wrecking that something inside me snapped and I played it off like I felt the same way as he did just to see how far he was gana drag this whole fantasy out tntil he got what he wanted! 

    So I put a smile on my face told him I would go get her! Immediately his attitude shifted into a better one! Which inside pissed me the hell off! But I still went with it... so I go in the other room and remind my best friend of our agreement and she was saying she didn't want to do it because it was my man and she didn't want to ruin what we had and I just kept reassuring her it was fine and I just wanted to have fun so she agreed after min of talking her into it We get to my room and my boyfriends sitting there and things start happening.. me and him start maken out then I took off her clothes and mine and he took his off and me and him went at it for a little bit while she watched but then I stopped midway and told him to do her just to see if they would and they did and she looked as if she REALLY was enjoying her self and he was looking the same way! It was killing me but I kept pretending like I was into it then when it was too much for me to take because it seemed as if they had forgotten I was there and just to see his face and hers it was like they've been wanting each other so badly for a long time I couldn't do it anymore I pretended I was feeling like throwing up so they could stop and they both kind of just snapped back into reality realizing I was there and jumped off each other like they knew they had done something they were ashamed of I even remember how she was stroking his side so affectionately its like they were making love not f****ing! 

    After they saw me acting sick she starting putting her clothes on asked if I was OK then went back to the party my boyfriend tried telling her to stay but she said no be cause I think she got the hint I wasn't into it so she told him no and told me she was going back to the party. 

    After she left my boyfriend asked me if I was OK a couple times then he got  on top me and we just did it that whole night for hours I felt like I had to after him sleeping with her I felt like I needed to please him sexually because maybe she had made him feel better? After he fell asleep I still couldn't sleep I cried the whole night tossing and turning telling myself why! Why did I do that! Why did I have to please him! And most of all why her? The next morning he didn't even touch me at all I pretended I was asleep when he woke up just to see if he would even roll over and hug me or give me a kiss but no he just got up and headed staright for the shower when he got out I was up and I clearly acted like I regreted what had happened he didn't even care he kind of just ignored my depressed feelings and acted all cheerful like he was ready for the day! You would think me doing that for him would make him love me more well that's what I thought... but boy did I think wrong! I felt even MORE distant with him! I felt like he was thinking about my friend and what they had done together and how he enjoyed it so much instead of me and my feelings I was so depressed and he seemed to not care he just kept smiling saying, "ready for today babe lets have fun! " Ignoring the fact I was so sad! 

    I tried talking to him about it but he just kept giving me stupid answers I asked him did it feel different with her than it does with me and he said "a ***** is a ***** it all feels the same" I was crushed of course expecting a different answer! And he just kept talking about other things ignoring my feelings I felt like he was just in a rush to go into the other room and start drinking with the others and see her! So I let it go... the whole day it was eating me away so I went and talked to my friend and asked her how she felt About the whole thing and I told her I regretted it! She js seemed like she wanted to not talk about it like it never happened it was so odd seeing as how we're so close and we talk about everything and she could clearly see I was hurt! She didn't even try to comfort me and lied when I asked her if it felt good! Which I know dam well it did because I was watching the both of them and how they connected! And she was moaning like no other!  They both acted so weird that whole day! 

    When we left vegas and came back home no later than a week of us being home she was conveniently having problems with her family and asked if she could stay with me and even though me and my boyfriend were still going threw issues because of what happened I allowed her to because she had no where to go and she kept saying you're the only one I can turn to! She only stayed with me for a month and whenever my boyfriend knew she was there and I wasn't he wouldn't go there and he would always call me or pick me up after work from wherever I was before he went home I don't if that's because he realized he messed up or because he couldn't be alone with her in fear of doing stuff while I wasn't around? I have no clue! But then there would be times when we.d be with her and he would get all quiet and weird around her I have no idea what it was or what to call it... could he have secret feeling towards her but just doesn't want to come out with it in fear of losing me? The situation is so confusing! She eventually moved out with some guy she had been casually seeing for a few weeks into an apartment that me and my boyfriend helped them get situated in we even took them to run  errands occasionally because they had no car!

     a few months pasted and me and my friend  lost contact I think in a way I did it on purpose just being around her bugged me because she was with this new guy in there new apartment all happy as if the Vegas situation never happened and here I am with this guy in my life still that I love dearly not knowing what to do or where to turn about what happened and he denies even saying some of the things he said to me in Vegas like the whole " a ***** is a *****  it all feels the same" he denys saying any of it or even being into her at all! But I know what I saw that's what drives me nuts and I know what I felt when they were around each other afterwards! It was plain weird! And neither of them would admit to it or even talk about it with me! 

    Now almost a year later since the Vegas situation me and her are no longer friends and I'm still with him we've been threw tons since then and he still tntil this day admits he never said those things and he doesn't remember being so inconsiderate of my feelings after the threesome... I don't know what to do... I'm Now pregnant with his baby about a month now... and I just can't get over what happened I think about it all the time and now he swears he wishes it never happened and he wishes he could take it back but I feel like its all lies I feel like yeah maybe now he does but back then looked like he sure did want it me! 

    I'm so lost what do you guys think? And I know I'm  stupid and the one to blame for throwing it all together but did she have to say yes?and did he have to push it that hard? Its like he wanted her so bad... That's what made me want to test the waters and in a way see if they would both be so easily convinced that I'm fine with it! And what about the weird awkward moments I would feel with the two of them afterwards? Even though it's almost been a year later  I think about it all the time and he never wants to talk about it! It just turns into an argument... And he pretends he has no memory of it anymore! What would you guys do in this situation? 
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Dec 12, 2011, 03:19 AM
    Dump the boyfriend, and find one that has more respect for you.

    You knew better, he had it planned the entire time. Who knows she may be part of the plan.
    Jewel321's Avatar
    Jewel321 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 12, 2011, 03:24 AM
    Hey by the way do you know how to delete a question I
    Accidentally asked it twice!
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #4

    Dec 12, 2011, 03:27 AM
    Your duplicate has been deleted.

    Now, seriously, dump the idiot. You deserve someone who respects you.
    Jewel321's Avatar
    Jewel321 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 12, 2011, 08:29 AM
    Thanks J_9! But now were having a kid together looks like we're gana be tied together forever and he's changed a lot since this incident but I think the reason why I obviously can't move on is cause he keeps lying about things he said to me then and acting as if he can't remember what went down and he gets mad every time I try and talk about it with him so.. I'm just so annoyed and angry at this point! :( I don't think he.ll ever just own up to things so we can oth move on... by the way I'm actually trying to delete tis question I kind of went crazy last night and typed up that HUGE novel of a story! Wich I now want removed but I found out it can't be :( sucks!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Dec 12, 2011, 04:05 PM
    Harshness Warning

    There is a reason they say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

    You screwed up when you brought it home with you. Worse, your whole attitude and judgments since have been colored by that experience.

    Let it go! Like you should have done before. Let it go completely, and stop letting it make you crazy. Stop letting it make you feel guilty, inadequate, insecure, over, and over, again.

    Finally please, just let it go, its not worth it. Yes I read the entire thing, and what seemed like a great idea when drunk, and away from home, WASN'T!!

    Should have just kept saying NO WAY!! Then he would have to get over it. So let go, so YOU can. After all that writing, you should have vented a lot of stuff out.
    ANGIE4124's Avatar
    ANGIE4124 Posts: 67, Reputation: 23
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    #7

    Dec 12, 2011, 04:10 PM
    A painful image/experience is burnt into your memory and its hard for you to erase until you can establish closure and or an acceptance of the events for what they really were - a HUGE MISTAKE of judgement on our behalf!

    Near a year later - Those images are still painful reminders of our past blunders, they can overwhelm and consume us with remorse, anger and insecurity at times when we would soon rather forget or deny it as the case maybe to ever happening. Some people fade off into the distance by leaving the friendship by moving on with their life - that would have happened regardless of Vegas.

    By now you would have gathered that no one can change the past, yet we sure can improve the future, learn to forgive ourselves and others by changing the way we look at things and do things next time. Just think - by the sound of it, perhaps it was not every ones finest minutes in their life to brag/talk about OK. And you do not have to revisit Vegas or see your other friend again, nor entertain this idea again. However, I do believe you have to accomplish closure and really focus on this new start in both your lives with a baby on the way.

    (P.S. I like a really good novel)
    LuckyChucky13's Avatar
    LuckyChucky13 Posts: 41, Reputation: 13
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    #8

    Dec 12, 2011, 04:36 PM
    Jewel, don't regret that you wrote the 'novel'. You haven't been yourself in nearly a year and something is eating you up inside. You obviously were looking for help when you typed up the story, and your best friend not being in your life anymore, who were you going to turn to?

    The five most important things to make a relationship work are the following:

    1)Respect (this includes being patient and accepting your significant other, with their virtues and their faults)
    2)Trust (You want someone who you can rely on and be there for you and with you when you're at your worst, not just your best)
    3)Honesty (this is self explanatory and way underestimated... even white lies should be wiped-out).
    4)Communication (by far the most important thing two people should expect in any relationship)
    5)You (the you that you forgot about in all of this dilemma)

    When we 'click' with other people and find ourselves happy being around others, it's because we see a lot of ourselves in them... and when we want to do everything in our power to see them happy, it's because we're subconsciously trying to make ourselves happy. Have you been in a situation or seen others in a situation where they're down to their last $20 and wondering if they should spend it on a meal at a restaurant or go watch a movie, but then the boyfriend (or girlfriend) calls and says they're in the mood for ice cream so you go out and spend every last penny on a HUGE Haggen Daaz bucket of ice cream? Just to see them happy?

    Why do we do that? Why do we spend our time worrying about making others happy when the first person we should be worrying about is ourselves?

    In Vegas, your boyfriend kept pushing to have that threesome with your (ex)bestfriend because he wanted to make himself happy, not in the least caring what you thought or felt. You told him a few times prior that you didn't want to do it, so why did he keep pushing? He kept talking about it and pushing for it until it happened, and since then, for the last year, every time you bring it up, he just wants the topic to be dropped. Does that sound fair to you? And the comment about a 'p***y being a p***y'... I can say a lot about what kind of guy would say such a thing, but I digress.

    Look, because we don't know your boyfriend, it's not fair for anyone to judge him, no matter how bad his actions seemed at that moment. Until people have walked in his shoes, no one has any right to judge the guy. But the way he treats you is your right and you have to have a say in it. If you want to get over this confusion and pain you're going through, you need to sit him down one day when you're both free for a few hours and ask him to communicate with you. A baby is on the way and it's a big responsibility for the both of you. He may have gotten what he's always fantasised about out of his system and realised it wasn't as 'exciting and fulfilling' as he had originally imagined, but you won't know that until he opens up and tells you what he's thinking.

    People can tell you to 'dump him' or 'ditch him', but we all know it's not an easy thing to do, especially where emotions are involved. That decision remains yours and yours alone. Having said that, please stop thinking about anyone else's happiness and hurt-feelings and think about yours and only yours. If something doesn't feel right, say it. If something is on your mind and it's torturing you, ask him to help you deal with it. If you can't get that from the person you're going to share your life with, who are you going to get it from? Sure, we have friends and family and co-workers, etc etc.. But this guy will be living under the same roof with you and needs to communicate with you and comfort you at times when you need it most.

    I am not a believer in 'everything happens for a reason'. We all make our reasons. Your driving-yourself-crazy over this situation brought you here. Hopefully you're take the best of it all and learn to apply it in building a better future for your baby, your guy and, not in the least, yourself.

    I wish you everything that brings a smile to your face.

    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #9

    Dec 13, 2011, 07:36 AM
    You lost more than 'just' good judgment in Vegas.

    You lost your best friend, and whatever happened in Vegas, didn't stay in Vegas- you are still, a year later, unable to either accept what happened and put it in the past, or, likely more to the point, it was just one more thing that happened, in an already troubled relationship.

    If the relationship was shaky before Vegas, my opinion is, this just added more confusion and fractured whatever trust that existed, before you went on the trip. He had long had an agenda of a threesome, and you finally caved. Seems you are the one with the consequences.

    And now you're bringing a baby into the world.

    That has to be a pirority. Above you and your lingering thoughts and concerns about what happened in Vegas, which is really your boyfriends inability to talk this through with you, and resolve the issue, and, all the other problems that already existed. Adding a baby on top of an already troubled relationship, is going to add too, not take away, the relationship problems.

    Maybe writing out your 'novel' was a good idea, to get it all out, and get opinions on it. But what is missing, is all the before Vegas, and all the after Vegas, problems, that remain unresolved. Vegas was just another chapter.

    So, I wish you well on your journey into motherhood, and I hope that the two of you can become parents, and partners, in raising a healthy child. Compared to Vegas, having a baby, and planning for the future, is far more important that living in the past with regrets.
    Jewel321's Avatar
    Jewel321 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Dec 13, 2011, 10:01 AM
    Yeah you guys are right... maybe it wasn't bad that I wrote a huge novel after all it made me feel so much better! For the longest time I really had no one to turn to about any of it! In fear that I would just be judged and also because I did confide in another close friend about it and she ended up throwing it in my face later so I couldn't really tell anyone after that I felt so alone! And now after reading all your replys I feel like I can move on! I just needed to hear some of those things! And I'm really going to take this as a learning experience. Definitely learned my lesson! And thank you everyone all your replys helped SO MUCH!
    rocketstewart's Avatar
    rocketstewart Posts: 1, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Feb 12, 2012, 12:12 PM
    Hey Jewel, I stumbled upon this while trying to get information on my current situation. My boyfriend has also expressed his interest in a 3 some. He even promises that he won't do anything with the girl but he just wants to see me do stuff with her. In your case, however, I believe that what happened in the past is no longer important. Your boyfriend clearly loves you and has acknowledged that you both made a huge mistake. By you constantly bringing it up you are forcing him to relive that mistake. It's time to let it go and forget it if you can. Focus on your new relationship with him as a family.

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