We have been together 25 years, married nearly 19 years and have 2 children.
My husband got a new job about 12 months ago and has just gotten a work cell phone a month ago. Up until now I have had access to all text's,call etc on our account and I knew what's was what but now that I haven't got the access I am paranoid that something is going on behind my back.

It first started a month ago when he was away on business and when he got home I had to get his work mates phone number out of his cell phone and I saw a text from a divorced woman who is associated with his work. It wasn't a work related text. So I looked into this more and discovered that he had been texting or calling and a few pxts about 80-100 times to her business cell and private cell in the past 2 months (on his personal phone before he got the work cell phone) then I found he had called her at her home (in the same city he was in) while he was away on business and when I checked the receipts from his trip he had also taken her out to dinner and purchased a quantity of alcohol from a store which they consumed I presume in his hotel room.

I confronted him about all this and he admitted he should have told me but there is nothing going on at all - he is not interested in her that way and he has done nothing wrong. He assures me that he is not about to throw away what we have - 2 kids and a wonderful home and life etc.

A few weeks went by and he emailed me a little saying about me being his sole mate etc but 30 minutes later he is calling her cell phone - just after midnight(he works nights sometimes)- I also confronted him about this and he denied it at first until I pressed the matter that I knew exactly what time he had made the call and then he said he was mucking around with his new work phone and had accidentially called her number and hung up immediately - it only rang for a second.
He has once again told me he is doing nothing wrong and its just harmful banter all the texting - He has said he will not text her any more if I makes me feel better.

I have told him I do trust him but I don't trust 'Other Women' - they see a good guy and try and get their claws into them and break up marriages.

I am making myself sick with worry and can't stop think about or disecting the situation which has all sorts of sorid things going through my mind.

The more you nag and pick at him the further you will be pushing him away from you. If he chooses to leave you for her - no matter what you say or do he will do this. You need to remember you've trusted him all these years now and you're starting to go off the deep end now. If you can't trust him now I'm sure he's going to pick this up from you and run with it - in the opposite direction. Men stay with a woman they love and honor. Try to keep your wits about you and stop snooping and accusing him. She may just be a passing fancy (let's hope so). The more you act like your old loving self to him the more he will want to be around you versus her. The company phone just gave him a little more freedom from you and he took it and ran with it.

It sounds like you have reason not to trust him. Is he really so helpless that another woman can come along and "sink her claws" into him and take him away without him being able to do anything about it?

Perhaps he feels good that another woman is interested in him, so he allows the "harmless banter" to go on, but he also knows you won't like it so he keeps it away from you.

Perhaps your gut feeling is right, and he did spend the night drinker with her in his hotel room, and there is something to these phone calls and texts.

Do you know him as well as you think you do?

You say that the communications with the other woman began while he was using his personal phone that you have access to and apparently have been checking. If there was nothing there to raise an alarm, is it the work phone that worries you or the business trip to the city she resides in that is the catalyst for your doubts?

It seems to me that unconsciously you may not have trusted him for a very long time and this is bringing your worries and concerns out into the open.

Would getting guidance from a marriage counselor help you work out the issues? Would you feel better sitting down with a neutral party and getting everything out in the air and hopefully learning some coping skills?

I have approached a counselling service and just waiting for an appointment - I am also wondering if these moments I am having are hormone related - the problems seem to be building to boiling point at the same time each month - just before my monthly cycle starts - and I end up very tearful - or is it just coincidence this is happening due to the stress.

I am glad you are trying counseling.

Hormones could be adding to the issues. When was the last time you had a check up? You might want to contact your doctor and ask him/her about perimenopause (your body getting ready for menopause.) I know from experience that the hormonal fluctuations are nearly as bad as being pregnant. Exercise, diet and getting sleep can help with some of it, but you should talk to your doctor to make certain there isn't anything else going on and for other recommendations.

Good luck and remember that we are still here ready to give advice and to listen.