I'm 54, gorgeous & toned blonde. He's 58 Aries - arrogant male. I knew him 30-years ago at University as friends. I called him for book I'm writing. He came straight up from out of town. I was celibate (separated) 15-years. He had just separated, although last 8 yrs of marriage-nothing.

He came on strong, hot, heavy, in love, wanted to marry me. Promised me the world. Has habit of walking out & saying he's "done" after fight. I call crying, begging. This happened 5 -7 times.

Last time was it. He was very kind breaking up with me. Said I was the love of his life, but he can't take my drama. He's in middle of divorce. Has 2 kids still every week (12 & 15). I'm not an idiot, it was true love. We were soul-mates. I wrote him letter based on all this advise.

Response: "That was the best possible note you could possibly have wrote me." What does that mean? I still love him like crazy, but could never take another break up. If or when he comes back (I'm sure one day) - should I take him back after so many break-ups?

Quite frankly, after all of that, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Honestly. You ar wasting yourself with this one man and at 54 your options are limited. Find someone who is worth your dedication and time.

Tick

Are you divorced? How long has this relationship been going on?

Were the fights about the same things over and over again?

During any of the break-up/make-ups did you both sit down and try to work through the issues? Was it a cycle of he breaks up with you, you cry and beg, he comes back and everything continues on as it was?

His marriage, according to him, may have been all but over eight years ago but he is just now dealing with the formal ending of it and its affect on his children. He needs to take time to get his life in order before he tries to get into a new relationship.

Soul-mates or not, it sounds like this relationship took off way too fast. To be honest, I am wondering if shared memories of days gone by weren't more of a factor than 'love'.

As for whether you should 'take him back again', not unless both of you start working on the issues before you get back together and take things more slowly.

In my entire life I have never been so deeply in love or had my heart crushed so badly and repeatedly. I am not divorced. I have been separated 15-years. You are correct. Although marriage was over 8 years ago, he is just now going through the divorce, lawyers, sold matrimonial home, finding wife new home - it's all uncontested, but still.. .
I never had affair with him before in my life. We were just friends in University.
He is not a screamer. He quits quickly. If I disagree with him on something for my book (MY BOOK!), but he knows more (in fairness he is an encyclopedia on history), but I am a writer and look beyond. Anyhow, if I just raise my voice in frustration, because he brow-beats me with his 'correct' opinion, he just up and leaves.
He promised me the world - as I explained in first feed. He's complicated. I know he loves me. Although he makes a great living - over 75K, his mother substantially reduced his allowance & he's almost bankrupt from carrying two homes - then I am needy. Another HUGE problem is that I am (was) born-again Christian and only got physically involved with him because I thought we were getting married the following week. He proposed in front of the entire town - literally! He proposed everyday. I'm not stupid. I know when a man is telling the truth when he says he loves me. You can't fake that. So what? I don't get it. Unfortunately, I cannot sever him completely. I have his desktop for my book and it's giving me problems. This isn't a stupid little novel - it's a Pulitzer and the only hope for an income. I have to have my book and his help. He has me over a barrel.
***What did he mean when he wrote "that was the best possible note you could have wrote me."***
I wrote an email based on "getting your man back course." It was first email he answered and within 1/2 an hour. I lied all over email saying I'm wonderful, happy, perfect and stroked his ego. HELP PLEASE

I resent that you think my options are limited because I am 54. I look 32. Even if I looked my age, there are plenty of men out there looking for a sexy, smart woman. I just happen to be in love with a narcissistic, arrogant, extremely intelligent, loving, selfish, insightful - HE'S COMPLICATED. I guess I am the only person in the world in this situation. I want to scream. I can't sleep, eat or write. I was not looking for anyone and cannot. I am sheltered in a town writing a book. He was one person I called after 30-years for help and look where it got me. I'm certainly not going to go through all that all over again with another man. No way. I'm praying hard that he somehow will feel what I have been. I'm sounding bitter. I'm sorry. I wish I never met him.

He jumped in too quick and still carries a lot of the baggage from the marriage he's about to ,finally,end.

Leave him to sort out his life and get on with your own.

How long have you been involved with him?

First, are you married? Separated is used to denote someone who is married but not living with their spouse usually in prelude to a divorce. If you are married how could you expect to marry this man 'next week'?

Second, what were you using for a computer before borrowing his? Why not go back to what you were using before he came back into your life?

Third, people mistake lust and/or friendship for love everyday. You are not the first and you won't be the last person who got in over her head emotionally. Unfortunately it is a very common problem.

Fourth, you lied to him in an email and he accepted the lies as truth. He is probably glad you are 'wonderful' and 'happy'. It would ease his conscience.

Fifth, it is your book. He may be knowledgeable about the subject, but I highly doubt he is the only one you can use as a source of information. You appear to want him to be the only one. You appear to want to use your book as a way to hold on to him. If you believe in your work, you will succeed whether he is there or not.

Sixth, how could he marry you when he has his plate full? How much was he leading you on to get what he wanted? What do you really know about his marriage and what he says was eight years of nothing? Men have lied before or stretched the truth to appease a woman.

Seventh, I am not saying you were anything other than friends all those years ago. What I am saying is that it is easy to get caught up in memories of old times when you meet up with an old friend.

He offered you 'the world'. He proposed in public. He made grand gestures and you ate them up instead of questioning. He swept you off your feet and you allowed it. It is time for you to stand back up on your own and let him go.

I think you need to be honest with yourself about how much you needed love and affection before he showed up. I think you may have convinced yourself you were doing okay, but I don't think you were. It seems to have caused you to fall head over heels and accept any line he fed you. Take care of yourself. Get involved in life outside your book. Take this as a sign you need to find other interests to balance your writing.

He keeps leaving and coming back because you allow him to come back.

If you let him he will. The choice is yours and only yours.

Insanity-Doing the same thing over, and over again, and expecting different results

should I take him back after so many break-ups?

NO, Hell NO! Neither of you has the sense to get a divorce, so you will never be able to get married, let alone get along, or work together.

You remind me of myself except I'm 22... and deres no marriage