I am Married to a man who treats me like crap. We have been together since I was 16 . I liked him though because he was the only person who wasn't afraid to talk to me in high school. When I had moved to Wisconsin when I was 17 he started to hate me. I would try to call him but he would just hang up on me. Then I moved back and we started dating again but he had started to smoke pot and said he started because I had left him, but back then I really had no choice on whether I moved or not. My mom wanted to move. Any ways we ended up having a baby and 2 months later he was caught with pot and sent to jail for 4 months while I was left alone to take care of our baby. I would visit him every visiting time and he soon told me he wanted to marry me , which excited me. Then my mother had passed away while he was in jail and I felt so alone and he wasn't home with me because he was in jail. When he finally got out he proposed to me and we got married a month afterwards. That's when the real trouble started. He became very contolling and told me I was crazy and would call me names like worthless and he would beat me and laugh when I would cry. I finally decided to get a job to try and get away at least for a little while. That's when I met gary. He is 24 years older than I am and when we first met I was afraid to talk to him. He was training me to do the job but as I got to know him I learned we had a lot in common. After about a year our co workers had set us up to go hang out because we were both lonely my husband was gone a lot with some girl he says is his friend even though I've seen them kiss. Any ways gary and I had been set up to hang out and we went to play bingo together. That was the most fun I've ever had. He made me laugh and I felt so comfortable with him. We began to talk a lot more after that and anytime I needed help he was there for me. He would see the bruises on my face and arms at work and would always tell me I should leave my husband and that its not right for me to be treated this way. And I finally thought I had the courage. But then I didn't. I got scared. My husband threatened me that he would kill me or himself. So I stayed. Me and my husband ended up having another baby and I was living in my own little hell. Except when I would go to work. Gary would bring me food when I was pregnant and he would take pictures of my belly just like the baby was his own.. I would sometimes go and hang out with him like go out to eat or window shopping and gary and I would talk. He is like my best friend but I'm falling for him. I have just gotten out of the hospital from the abuse of my husband and I'm trying to get help. But I just don't want to leave my husband for fear of people looking down upon me as a bad person, because I know once you say your vows that's it. Right? I just don't want to live like this anymore. I can see me living a very happy life with gary. He doesn't do drugs, he has ambition, he loves my kids like they were his, he won't hit me. And I can talk to him about anything. Things that my husband and I cannot do.. I mean I do love my husband as in I care about him and what happens to him I just am not in love with him. I have found love and I know what it truly feels like and I do not want to lose it and be unhappy for the rest of my life. I also do not want my kids to grow up and think its OK to be hit and abused by there husbands. I want my kids to be happy. SO my question is Should I leave my husband to be with this man or should I keep trying to make things work with my husband? Thank you all.. NO me and gary have not had any sexuall experiences. I don't feel like that's really important because just talking to him is enough all though I am very attracted to him.. I mean yes we have fought especially while I was pregnant. But we would just talk it out and then laugh about it after wards.. but thank you all

Sorry but this is simply to long to read and digest.

I think any woman who moves from man to man without standing on her own two feet is making a mistake.

If your husband is abusive, leave him. Get a Protective Order and have him thrown out of the house. Do whatever it takes to be safe and keep your kids safe.

I just don't think it's a smart idea to move from man to man. It appears you lived with your husband's abuse for a period but didn't consider leaving until you met the "other man."

Has "Gary" ASKED you to "be" with him? You say you are falling for him. I don't see that he feels a romantic attachment to you.

Well I own my own car. Bought my own home. Everything I own is mine.. And yes Gary has Asked me to be with him and says that he loves me. He wants me to be happy though and he doesn't want to mess things up with my family. He said I need to decide on my own what is best.. I have wanted to leave my husband for a long while. But when I moved back down here I had nothing.. so I stayed with him.. when I finally got my job I was able to build things from the ground up.. with no support from my husband.. now I'm just really confused as to whether it would be best to leave my husband.. I fear for his life and mine.. And every time I try to talk about divorce he freaks out big time...

Your husband is manipulating you through guilt. If you are being abused, unhappy, and not in love, it is time to end it. But I agree with JudyKayTee about not stepping into another relationship right away. Give yourself and your children time to heal, and get your lives better sorted on your own first for awhile.

Gary will likely still be around, and when you are in a better place emotionally you can see about stepping up the relationship at that time if you are both interested.

If you are afraid to discuss divorce with him because of what he might do, then you need to get a Protective Order before he hurts you or the children. Maybe talk of divorce would set him off; maybe something else WILL set him off.

If you are self-supporting, everything is in your name, your husband has nothing (and I don't know why everything is in your name, of course) then consult with an Attorney after you get the Restraining Order and divorce him.

If Gary wasn't manipulating you he would stay away from you until you decided what to do and how to do it. You are being manipulated by BOTH men.

Sweetheart. Nobody should put themselves through that. Your kids shouldn't grow up with a role model that abuses women either. Coming from a man that loves his girlfriend and his mother, I can't believe men like that still exist. I can't tell you the safest way to get out, but bring some stability to your kids life. Show your kids how a real man treats a woman. Do yourself a favor and be happy with someone that appreciates you. I wish I could come give you a hug, you seem like wonderful person that has been manipulated from an early age.

I agree with the other posts here. They have given you some sound advice.

You need to get rid of the excuse for a man you are married to.

The controlling and the abuse will more than likely get worse

It would be good to have a friend like Gary to be supportive while you go through this.

But it would not be wise to jump from one relationship into another.
You need time to discover who you are without being attached to anyone.

If Gary really cares about you he will understand this and be just a friend
And not attempt to go any further until you are ready.

So my best advice to you is Get out of the mess you're in.
But don't rush into another for at least a year after you are divorced
And have some time to be you

Sorry, you have no right being with anyone except your husband as long as you are married to him. Now, if you are in an abusive relationship, GET OUT! Get yourself and the kids into a safe environment and spend the next two years learning about you. You don't need to jump from the frying pan into the fire.