My ex boyfriend and I were together for 4-years. We never had a problem with love in our relationship, but we fought endlessly and it became pretty hard to deal with at times. We were on and off the last 2-years, and love was just not enough to keep us together. I am in my senior year of college, about 3 hours away from my home town and him. He still has not progressed in his life and is currently at the same job and position he was when we started dating. The last part of our relationship I broke it off and spent a week realizing how much I needed to grow up and get over the pettiness. I turned back to him eager to end the on and off cycle and he turned me away. At first he told me he needed some time, he told me it was a break and he was not sure how long it would be. He said he woke up one day and just could not go through it anymore. Now I should explain that he loved me. Beyond loved me. He always told me he would never leave my side, he would always love me no matter what, and I was the only one meant for him. He was kind of insecure about us and called me often day and night when we were not together. For 4 years he drowned me with love, and suddenly it ended, within one week. He didn't even want to date me. At first he wanted to be friends. It started to hurt and I did the classic, call, email, write letters, etc... pretty much harassed and begged him for 2 weeks straight. He told me he didn't want to date, that he needed time to find himself and one day he was going to make our dreams come true and marry me. I accepted that for a while, but being away from home in a new apartment in college I missed him more than anything and could not stop myself from calling and crying. Finally he had it. He became angry and started telling me everything was my fault. He said horrible things to me telling me all sorts of thing that I did in our relationship. Now I know I was not a perfect girlfriend, but he pushed it too far. I left him alone for a week and our birthdays were coming up. His birthday is the day before mine and the whole day I held back from calling. Oddly enough his ex girlfriend as the same birthday as me... and I noticed on Facebook... he wished her a happy birthday, and that really stung. Finally a little before midnight, just before my birthday, I called him and he said even more mean things to me and barely wished me a happy birthday.

That was it, I deleted his number, his Facebook, everything. He was really upset saying I was deleting him from my life. What was I supposed to do? The last thing I ever said to him was thank you for becoming an ******* and to enjoy his single life, because I would never want the person he became back. I have not seen him for a little over a month and we have not spoken for 2 weeks. I know it doesn't seem like a long amount of time that we have been apart, but we have spent the last 4 years with each other, practically living together, and always in contact. There was one time when we took a break that lasted for maybe a month, but I knew we would get back. Now that I know that I can't get him back I realized how much I took for granted and it sucks. That is one thing that was mainly my fault.

I miss him and I know I have so much ahead of me that eventually I will get over it, but it hurts that he doesn't even seem to miss me. He was my best friend, lover, and the person who supported me most in life. He promised to marry me by my senior year in college, and planning on a promise and having it broken is pretty crappy. Right now I just don't know what to do and what to think.

Sounds like you already know the answer.

Move on.

You can't force someone. He doesn't want to get back. He's sent that message lots.
Remember, you fought endlessly...

Forget the notion of winning him back. Not worth it. Isn't going to happen.

You were doing the right things by blocking him. Do that again & keep it up now.

Not everyone is meant to be. It's a huge world out there.

If you feel weak, vent here. We all been in that boat.

Just go & stay NC.

It sounds like a very intense relationship, over four years, with fighting being common, and at least one breakup.

It sounds like problems were not dealt with, and resolved. Bitterness, resentfulness, and burnout took over, and eventually, it destroyed the relationship.

But, it didn't happen overnight. For every unresolved fight, and miscommunication, a few bricks fell from the foundation. For every unanswered promise, and for every assumption each of you made about the other, a few more bricks fell. For the distance between you between your differences, more bricks fell. Eventually, the foundation of your relationship crumbled, and there was nothing left.

Not enough to rebuild, again. To keep applying mortar, and going on 'just' love, was not enough to sustain the relationship, and to keep it growing stronger. I suspect that toward the end, things probably felt like a chore to deal with, behaviour was predictable, and there just wasn't enough good, to outweigh the bad.

It has only been two weeks since you've talked to him, and only a month since the official breakup. From what I'm gathering about the insight you have already had during the past month, I think you realize that what you are dealing with more, is not so much the end of the relationship, but the living part, on your own, under your own steam. It is easy to lose yourself in such a strong relationship, and recouping and getting your footing isn't easy.

But, the relationship is over. Take all the good that there was, and I'm sure there was a lot, and let the other parts go, and they will fade in time. What you have learned, and are learning now, about relationships, will only make the next one, more successful.

If you need to argue constructively and channel anger in productive ways, search out information online, or maybe even counselling to help you identify your stumbling blocks, bad habits maybe, and learn what qualities you do have, and can offer. The more you accept the end of the relationship now, the more able you will be to recover from it, and move on, with what you have learned. The end part can be very enlightening and an opportunity to learn.

Give yourself the gift of patience, and time. Maybe consider keeping a diary going of your thoughts and feelings when you feel overwhelmed. You will amaze yourself with re-reading those thoughts even a week from now, because you will be that much further down the road to healing.

Best of luck to you.

Great advice. Very true.

You probably won't believe this, but as soon as you fall in love with someone else {and you will}, you will wonder what you ever saw in this guy..

Yes, vent here! It works for me at least.

For me a relationship always starts as like never ending sweetness, I love you more and more I miss you always can't wait to be with you again.. and as the years pass by for some its still a little bit the same but there a lot of things that adds up which you can say its working with the ups and downs. Like knowing each other much more and knows when to back off and give the other person they're own time by themselves cool down.. and for some no mattere what they do its like fight after after fight and start to be a cold one...

You already know what to do,your not lost as you say you are. It just that you too blind from all the emotions that you have as of now...
Move on but don't struggle, take it slowly and willingly... you've had enough of him he says hurtfull thing on you already which is not acceptable and that's it, you do have all the advantages to forget and away from all the things that will remind you of everything about your relationship with him so take advantage of it. Explore different things meet people and make friends concentrate on your studies.. have a make over and concentrate on making yourself much more even better.

Take back the glow that he takes away from you... and when you got it back all you can say is look at this blessed woman she is gorgeos and she deserves all the best things life can offer...

Thank you. I guess I am not so lost. I am just not ready to accept that what is done is done. Especially since after we broke up he told me from the bottom of his heart that he wanted to marry me someday. Maybe it is true, but it is not something I should wait around for. It is really tough to be on your own after so long of having a crutch to fall back on. It makes me nervous to think that I will have to spend certain days, like Christmas, or Valentines alone. After 4-years of not even worrying about it.

The worst are the dreams I have about it. I'll dream it never happened, or that we get back together and wake up and realize I was only dreaming. I always check for his car in the parking lot, hoping that he'll just 'show-up' someday... which I know is probably the most pathetic thing. Ughhhh

Jayme---Most of us have or are on that same pathetic road. Its hard to have go through being alone. That gut wrenching turmoil. Its like having a death. So give yourself time to mourn. Let your friends comfort you and help get you out. Let your know what your going through, most parents have been exactly were you are at one time in their lives!
It will get better, but only time can coat that hurt. Its time to try new things in your life, hobbies,sport, etc.
Remember most us know what your feeling, so your not alone there.

Read the stickies and know what your going through is something we all face during a break up, right down to the dreams and false hope, and denial its over. It takes time to deal with is all and it seems the more intense, or long the relationship, the harder it is to accept just because those old feelings, and activities are like ghosts that haunt us. It temporary and time will let you accept it and move beyond the affects of it.

It will be pathetic and yes, after 4 years of having someone and now all has gone it will take quite some time. Just try to hang on and move on to something new. Friends can help filling the emptiness as much as possible.

Deep down inside, tell yourself is OVER because is not worth it that you loved him for what he is but he isn't and yes, that is sad and that's the way it is.

Dude, it takes time.
Give yourself that.

Use this as an incredible learning experience.
One, if you choose to do some personal digging, will result in you being better, more aware, and happier.

Its different for everyone. But we all hold the same common bond. Got our heart broken.

Its sucks, but, for only as long as we let it.

When I said "dude", that was slang. Sorry.
Applies to all genders. Smile.

I feel like so many things are left unresolved. A mutual friend of ours told me how he visited my ex and he seemed very happy. He is going out a lot more and having a good time with other people. It really hurts because when we were together I tried to get him to go out more often and he never wanted to. I feel like he doesn't miss me at all. Almost like I am something tossed out on the street.

I can accept that I need to move on, but I still have so many 'why's'. He told me a couple of weeks AFTER our break-up how he just needed time to find his path in life and then he would be back to marry me, and never leave my side whether I want him to or not. He just wanted me to live my life now. Why would he say that? Yet keep saying Good bye to me now and to 'have a good life'. It seems because I am 3hrs away at college he is trying to simply erase me from existence.

Not everyone can deal with a long distance relationship, its very difficult. All break ups suck, and leave us with unresolved issues, that haunt us. That's what healing is all about, dealing with confusion, misery, and pain. That takes time.

Still sucks though. Doesn't change the reality of your pain either. In time it will get better. Just keep doing your thing, as he is doing, and avoid the updates of what he is doing. That's a good way to keep a fresh wound open. That's what you are painfully learning.