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norma1 · Sep 8, 2010, 01:50 PM

He is spending a lot of time at his mothers lately. Not normal something he does. He is adding cell phones to his contract but I am not on it. He is giving his 16 year old a nice ford truck because she is sick. Doesn't talk to me unless he has to. Ask him to hold me and he puts his hand on my back

Just Looking · Sep 8, 2010, 02:07 PM

How long have you been dating? Is his daughter seriously ill, and did his behavior change at that time?

norma1 · Sep 8, 2010, 04:16 PM

We have been together 10 months now. Yes his daughter is seriously ill. And yes his behavior did change at that time. But he talks to everyone else but me. And I don't get upset until I find out that everyone else knows about my so called life before I do. But I can not talk to him because he doesn't want to hear what I have to say so I have to get really mad and show my tail for him to hear me... I know I am not right but I want him to at least hear what I have to say instead of everyone else. He listens to them but can't hear me something wrong there.

Cat1864 · Sep 8, 2010, 04:36 PM

When did the daughter become 'seriously ill'? Who does the daughter live with?

How well did you communicate before?

How supportive and understanding have you been about his daughter's illness?

When major illnesses occur people have a tendency to re-examine how they have been living their lives especially when the ill person is a child.

If you can't handle the changes and he isn't working with you or accepting your support, then you might need to decide if this relationship is one you need to be in.

norma1 · Sep 9, 2010, 04:09 AM

See that is the problem I just found out so it had to be last week sometime. The daughter lives with the mother. We communicated really well before all this wasn't nothing we couldn't talk about and wouldn't talk about. I have been real supportive and understanding about the daughter seeing I just found out .the night before last. I tried to be there for him. Now the kicker to all of this is yesterday he was gone all day and he spent the day with his daughters and he came home and told me that the mother had made all of this up because she wanted my boyfriend back and the only way she know she would get him back was to use the daughters. And yes maybe it is time to move along why stay and fight if he is not going to communicate with me about anything when it cames to his kids or anything else the trust has now been broken on my part. Lots of questions going on in my head now that he came home and told me all of this.

J_9 · Sep 9, 2010, 04:24 AM

The mother made all of this up? So the daughter is NOT sick?

Time to distance yourself from this drama if that's the case.

kaka67 · Sep 9, 2010, 04:44 AM

Too much drama for any sane person.

The mother and the daughter played this sick game with your boyfriend. They did it together.

What you need to know is whether you were put on the backburner because he was concerned about his daughter or was he getting close to the mother as well.

Backburner for his daughter is understandable. But if it was for the mother id be very concerned.

talaniman · Sep 9, 2010, 07:20 AM

Don't blame this on the baby mama for her drama, because no matter what's going on the bottom line is he kept you out of the loop for nothing. Whether it was a thing about her or his daughters, you still should have been the first to know what the heck was going on.

The fact that you were NOT, is a big red flag, that you better pay attention too. Now you can go off if you want to, and add to the stress and drama, or you can simply state that his method of dealing with this confusion hurt you, and not being forthright, and honest, will not be tolerated in the future. The way you handle yourself is what will decide how you move forward resolving your issues.

answerme_tender · Sep 9, 2010, 07:41 AM

I agree with talaniman some very sound advice.

norma1 · Sep 9, 2010, 03:25 PM

Well the good news is I did not go off, but however he did and that was the end for me my boyfriend is no longer here to I told him to pack his stuff and go do what he wanted to do with who ever. I am not the type of person that will put up with this kind of person in my life I have children of my own and they are watching me with very wide eyes to the way I handle things and one of my children is 13 yrs old so it wasn't just for me it was for them too. So I will cry and get over all of this in time but I do thank each and everyone of you for your input enough was enough for me. But what do I do if he comes back and says things are going to change. I have no I mean no trust for him at all.

talaniman · Sep 15, 2010, 10:25 AM

I can understand wanting to be getting back with someone you have feelings for, I really can. If its someone you care for, but don't trust, that I can't see, unless they had proven beyond a doubt, a shadow of a doubt, that I could trust them, and they were not feeding me BS just to get back. For all the time, and hassles that would involve, you could heal, and done a lot better starting fresh, than going back for more of the same.

Once trust is lost, its very hard to regain, and you would be always be looking hard at their actions for the first hint of trouble.

Sometimes its best to admit he blew it big time, and move beyond him, and his drama.