So me and my boyfriend have been dating for just about a year. I love him dearly and he says he loves me too. When we first started dating I caught him flirting with a girl on myspace calling her a "cutie" and what not. A week or so later one of his insane ex girlfriends started telling me that he told her he had no idea why he was dating me and that he's using me for practice for when he gets back with her. Now this girl in particular is known for being a compulsive liar, But hearing those things still hurt me inside. She continued to try and break us up but never actually did. He fought with me before about keeping a girl that he knew around because he felt that she was important. This girl didn't know boundaries and would call and text my boyfriend more than I did trying to get him to come hang out with her. It seems to me that I catch him looking at other girls a lot. That makes me feel so insecure it hurts. He's a wrestler now and I don't mind it but I do mind that his coaches allow the girls' track and soccer teams to "practice" with the wrestlers in little slutty clothes! I feel really jealous and insecure about all this and it seems to be hurting our relationship terribly! My boyfriend buys me anything I want, he loves me a lot, claims to be true to me, and people tell me he's a good honest guy but everything that has happened caused me to lose trust for him. How do I fix this for the better of our relationship??

You don't fix it. What you do is stop being so needy. Your boyfriend is kind of self centered but he does sound patient. And you need to stop obsessing about him.Start raising your standards. Don't settle for someone who just "buys" you things.. . You are not ready to get serious , you need to find yourself first. Get some self respect. You need to stop being such a pushover, and a door mat. Another words, you have some growing to do.

I have done my fair share of screw ups in the relationship also. He is a very loving person and I don't care much for how he's able to break his bank. Am I really that needy? :(

I think anytime a girl {or a guy for that matter} is that insecure in a relationship, they come accros as needy. How can it be a good relationship if you can't trust him? And since you haven't any real proof of his unfaithfulness, that's even worse. If you really don't trust him, and had a reason not to, then the smart thing to do is to dump him. It shows you have high standards, and are not willing to settle. But if there is no basis to this, then give him the benefit of the doubt, and concentrate on enjoying your time together. But in my opinion, this just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. And maybe you need to slow it down a bit. Work on you self.. That's all I'm saying..

Does he still flirt with girls on MySpace?
Is the 'no boundaries' girl still around or has she moved on? Why did/does he think she is 'important'?

What has he actually done recently to cause you to mistrust him?

People look at and admire other people. Just because a person is in a relationship does not mean he/she can't look. Do you expect him to not watch movies or look at pictures?

Your concern over the track team and cheerleaders and what they wear speaks volumes for your mindset. It doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do. As long as other girls are around, you are going to be jealous and insecure.

Insecurity is something that transfers from one relationship to the next. It manifests in expecting someone to change everything he/she does to make you feel more comfortable with yourself. You could get out of this relationship, but it won't change the fears and insecurities you are already exhibiting. You will just end up making the next person jump through more hoops to satisfy your needs.

You need to accept that he is with you. Not them. Make sure that you have other interests in your life besides him that make you feel good about you. Build up your own self confidence and it will help you put everything else in its proper perspective.

What do you expect him to do to gain your trust?

Cat is right on target. Your personality is that of an insecure, jealous,possesive girl. And no matter who you are with, this will come out. So work on these problems and you won't worry so much about your boyfriend looking at other girls.

I love him a lot and I myself am a cheerleader, we dress to fit our job. Our team isn't allowed to act slutty or provocative like those girls. I do feel the need to protect what's mine, I feel threatened by them even though I know I shouldn't. The other girls finally moved on. I just want to stop fighting and start loving each other again. I don't tell him that they make me feel insecure he just knows. I tend to pull away from him when I feel hurt, is that normal?

I have known women who pull away, shut down, etc. when they feel hurt. That is how you cope, and there is nothing wrong with that. But your statement that you need to "protect what's mine" is part of the problem.. You don't own him, cannot control him, and your possessivness will just push him further away.

From what you have written, the insecurity came up at the very beginning. Have you had a peaceful period in the relationship where there wasn't any fighting?

Disagreements happen. Differences of opinion happen. They can be worked out and gotten over if the couple communicates. Frequent fights and heated arguments are another matter. They are a sign that there is a disconnect between the people unless they thrive on the drama.

Your coping method of pulling away doesn't tell him what's wrong. It leaves him to try to puzzle out why you are acting 'weird'. Most of the time he is going to guess wrong because he isn't a mind-reader. It is unfair to expect him to be one. He ends up giving you what you want to keep you happy, but gifts and bending over backward aren't doing it because it doesn't fix the problem. It only buries it.

You need to start being more open with him. Let him know that you are feeling insecure and that you are working on it. Come up with a way for him to let you know that he feels you shutting down without making you feel defensive and attacking him. Also, so you can talk about it instead of holding it in. Most insecurities come from our own imaginations filling in blanks. Like you see him looking at a girl. You think he is checking her out and comparing her to you. What he probably is thinking is that you would look good in that skirt or 'what was that move the coach wanted me to work on?' (not even noticing that there is a girl in the direction he is looking).

You're scared of losing him. Because of that you are sitting in the dark letting those fears grow and striking out at the person who cares about you. Turn on the light. Don't make him the center of your universe. Don't try to hold on to him like you would a pet or doll. Work and communicate with him like a friend and partner. Like I said earlier, have other things to occupy part of your time to help you build a solid personal foundation. If you feel good about yourself outside of the relationship, it will make you a stronger partner in the relationship.

Your advice is really helpful! :) We do communicate but when I'm hurting I don't want to say something rude because I'm hurt so I avoid talking to him 'till I calm down, he takes it as I'm pushing him away and gets hurt. We've been together long enough for me to see that I'm probably the only girl he likes to look at in that way. I guess it just took other people to give me their opinions for me to see that he is a good boyfriend and I shouldn't treat him that way, and I should trust him. Thank you!