So my boyfriend always seems to say things that he knows that will get to me, like really rude comments about what I do or how I look. He makes me very upset and sometimes he crosses the line and says things that SHOULDN'T be said at ALL and he makes me cry and then when I'm crying he either gets mad cause I'm crying or he makes fun or me and calls me a baby... I really don't understand I really love him but at times I feel like he doesn't love me because if he did he wouldn't do or say things to hurt me. It seems he only does this when he's stressed out or annoyed but its still not okay with me I'm getting pretty fed up with this. And also he ALWAYS lies to me. All the time. I don't think it's fair... plus if were around his friends and they are either rude to me or talking about our relationship as if there in it he won't defend me or at least tell them to leave me alone or ask them not to give there opinion because it's none of there business... ugh I feel like I'm not even important to him only his friends I don't get it... I do everything for him (we live together) I do his laundry, his food breakfast\lunch\dinner clean up his mess EVERYTHING you can think of... I feel like I'm the only one keeping us together. I know I'm not perfect and I **** up at times but I always try to say sorry and fix things, and thing with him he NEVER says sorry (expects me to forget about it) and NEVER tries to change. I guess at times I do get kind of stressed out with him but it's because I'm scared to loose him like I lost my family, and he doesn't understand that... but don't get me wrong he can also be such a nice and caring person! He really can... it just feels like if time is making him loose respect for me and making our love fade away... I do love him with all my heart and I know he's the one but I feel like he doesn't know what he wants... all my friends tell me he's not worth it and to leave him but I say "never give up on someone you once thought it was worth a try" what do you think?

I don't think its worth trying with him any more and he keeps doing it because you allow it and don't do anything about it. Talking is not enough it seems.

So this makes me feel very uncomfortable, not confident and like I'm not enough for him. He'll stare non stop like it's so noticeable and I know by the way he looks at them that is a sexual way... or am I wrong? Help!

Why is it a problem for you?

But it so hard I never been in love before and he is my first in everything... it doesn't seem that easy to just walk away. And I love him with all my heart I'd do the IMPOSSIBLE for him... but I'm scared he doesn't feel the same I think maybe sometimes is my love enough for both of us?


Because before me he had a girlfriend that was in better shape than me so makes me feel like I'm not good enough like when he's staring he's thinking to himself "i wish my girl was that pretty or i had her" you know I don't know it really just hurts my feelings and gets to me...

Your love is the only thing that keeps him there. He knows you will do anything for him so why leave?

If you were to stop doing things for him hed be gone in a flash. He doesn't love you because he doesn't respect you.

Leave him. Save yourself. Yes its hard to leave someone you love but its better than being put down all the time.

Time to think of yourself and what makes you happy. Being picked on and not respected? Or getting out of there and starting a fresh to one day finding a man who treats you better.

True but he's the only one I have now... I have no family... that's what makes it harder and if we do ever end up breaking up I don't want to be in another relationship because I feel like no matter how much effort I put in a relationship I always get played with or taken for granted

I understand, I was curious to see if you realized where those feelings were coming from.

You are not with him all the time. If he is one of those guys who stare at other women, he's going to stare at them when you aren't there too. At work, riding his bike, shopping for groceries, etc. Women are everywhere, and he's going to stare.

Try thinking of this a different way. When he is staring, take a look yourself, and see what he is staring at. You might see a woman with really great hair, or a body to kill for, or clothes that make everybody's head turn. It could be the way she walks, or the confidence she carries about herself.

She could, and probably is, not interested in your man, because she likely has one of her own anyway. She is not trying to purposely make you look bad, or feel bad. It really is that simple. She is a person that your boyfriend is staring at, and that lasts maybe .000001% of all the seconds in a day, and it utterly meaningless.

What he is seeing, is the same thing you are seeing. She caught his eye, because of any number of things, but what he actually sees, is her. Not you.

She's just a gal with whatever, that is attractive. It is not personal.

Replace the negative thoughts about yourself by thinking differently. This takes practice. When those pangs start to happen, replace them with, looking at the girl, and thinking, "you go girl, you look great". Or, "I LOVE her haircut", or replace the thoughts that hurt you, with humour. Look at her and think, "she farts just like the rest of us" or "without the makeup the Zoo would be calling", etc. Find a way to divert your thoughts away from yourself, and don't allow her, to affect you.

Realize that the only person you have control over is yourself. Start thinking in a way that accentuates the positive (humour, diversion of negative thoughts), and replace them. Don't draw a line between your boyfriends view, which is from him to her, and then allow that to bounce back to you in a negative way.

Remind yourself why you love the man you are with. His loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, honesty, sense of humour, self assurance, positive outlook- whatever traits you truly hold dear.

If he happens to enjoy staring at women, but is all or more of the above, put the fear you have in an appropriate place on the ladder of importance. Somewhere near the bottom, and not worth fretting over.

So you should stay with this user and abuser, instead of taking a chance with a better human being? That makes a lot of sense so if your so happy then stay and take his crap, instead of at least taking a chance at something better. Hey nothing will change unless you change it, and since you can't change him, then change yourself.

Be great if you could stand on your own two feet without help.

Hey thanks MAKES A LOT OF SENSE! But I just sometimes feel like when he looks at me is not the same way he looks at another girl you know like if I'm just plain and she has him "excited" (if you know what I mean... this sometimes effects our (sex-time) like I don't feel confident and I feel like it's a turn off for him but I can't help it when all day he was staring at prettier girls than me... :(

Hmmmmm :(

While your with him. You only have him.

If you leave him you will meet new people and will have more people to turn to. More people to help you out.

Yeah thank you for the advice, I just really wish this wasn't as hard as it is...

It will take time to know, and accept, that when he is with you, he isn't staring or thinking of anybody else. He has likely forgotten them, and couldn't tell you if they had blonde hair or 36" inseams. If he's only staring, and not adding them to his contacts in any way, then, it is what it is. He's simply enjoying the view.

Obviously he enjoys the view with you too. ;), but, in a far more substantial way. It is that deeper, more meaningful, highly almost spiritual connection, that keeps couples together. It goes beyond the physical, beyond the fauls that we all (think) we have, or do have.

Think of a relationship as a foundation. You build and build, work hard, help each other with the mortar, lifting all the heavy boards of sheetrock together, holding the ladder while one climbs, all that work- together. Then you put on the first floor, now that you have a solid foundation. In go the windows, the floors, the plumbing. Months go by, you get the painting done, and when you're satisfied with that level, you decide to build another floor. And so it goes. It is never ending, there is always more to build together.

So what if he looks out that second story window and drools a little bit at a gorgeous woman walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the street. What are you going to do. Take out the second floor entirely, knock out the windows?

You have, only what you have. The more you build that foundation, the stronger it will be. You will eventually realize she could walk down the street naked, with a sign giving her phone number and email address, but you know that no matter what she does, or how long he stares at her, neither of you is about to give up that building over something so superficial.

You realize that all you have, makes you stronger than you would have been, on your own. He wouldn't go to all the trouble to build a good relationship with you, if he thought as poorly of you, as you do of yourself.

If he is willing to trust you by holding the nail you're about to hammer, you have to trust that he is with you- for you- not by any other standards than those he has set for himself. And obviously, you measure up.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. It's far too easy to find fault, and in so doing, you might be missing the most important things, that are right in front of you.

My Boyfriend looks at other girls. He doesn't do it when he is with me. Except when I point girls out and say she's pretty, could that dress get any shorter or I think I just saw something I didn't want to see!

He tells me he looks at other girls when I'm not around and I tell him I look at other guys when he isn't around.

Its looking not touching. If he looks at them with you and it makes you feel uneasy. Tell him. Talk to him about it.

Don't overlook the abuse for fear of the unknown.

Get out of this.

Sometimes we have to say enough is enough.

This isn't fun is it?

Remove the problem, Him.

On I do try but I don't know if I'm telling him the wrong way cause he gets mad because he thinks I'm trying to control him but I'm not I just tell him it makes me feel uncomfortable...

Looking at your other post. He doesn't respect you. Of course he will look at other girls. He knows you will still do everything for him.

Like I said in the other post. Time to leave him.

Hmmmmm :( thanks. I just feel the need to have others give me there opinion because I want to make the right choice... it's just hard because he my first in everything...

He says my presences annoys him what does that mean? Is it over forever? We been together for 1year