I'm in a really confusing situation, when I met my now husband we were only 17 and one of his friends was attracted to me but I declined him, he's J. I pursued my now husband N because I have moved a lot and realised that if you date the most lovable person in a group you are accepted faster, I know that's wrong but it was how I used to thnk. Anyway I did love N and after less than a year he proposed in front of around 100 peole from our church, I think I said yes too quckly out of pressure and we got married too fast, just before the wedding I wanted to leave him becausof aweird fetish he has that repulsed me that he refused to give up. I felt bad about thenwedding cost so married him when I wasn't sure. We've been married two years and have a 5 month old daughter, we argue all the time and he says he's happy but I'm not. Although he has now agreed to give up his fetish after having it since he was 12 I am now so repulsed by him that I feel gross when he even touches me let alone kisses me or wants sex. I hate sex with him and feel so disgusting for having participTed in his fetish for years it's horrible. I now have a huge crush on his friend J who used to like me, but I would never cheat on him no matter how incredibly tempting it is. There is so much confusion I want to do the right thing by my daughter but is it better that she grow up thnking it's OK to not be in love with your husband or that it's OK to get divorced because I wouldn't want this for her at all! My husband is immature and although he's a good dad he's not really ready for family life and is about 12 mentally, he only seems to want sex from me and I often feel such strong hated for hm! I don't know what to do I'm so confused about life I just want to be happy but I don't wantt o be with him! Please help!

You need counseling and therapy. For yourself and for you both. You need to try to get past this. You have a child with him so no matter what he's going to be involved for the rest of your life. So why not fight now and see if you can salvage this. If it doesn't work then divorce. In the mean time do what you can to work through it.

Thank you, I will try to fight for us I love him but I'm not in love with him, he just read this thread he found it on my phone I think it's hurt him badly and I hate that! I do need counselling thanks I needed to hear that.

Good Luck with it. Also since he found it he should now realize that there is a problem. And if he has the same commitment he will join you in the fight to save it. The first and most important step is realizing you have a problem and reaching out. What you asked here is NOT a bad thing. It's a good thing and shows your committed. And you want what's best. He should be proud not angry after he absorbs it.

You can't yourself love somebody.
If you stay in the marriage it will take a lot of work. I don't know what the fetish is, but if makes you cringe... he shouldn't do it.

Good Luck and good luck to that precious baby...

jmjoseph agrees : Balancer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this answer.


I don't think it was given on purpose. Its just something that happens with the new skin. Many are clicking it by mistake.

Button_nose, please read the site rules concerning giving the "disagrees". That's for factually incorrect information only.

I have to ask, does this fetish of his make you compromise your own principles? I mean, do you consider it a sin of sorts?

No one here knows what you are going through, and it sure is hard to suggest you leaving the father of your child. But, if you are miserable all the time, and you can't see any other way out, then it's probably best to raise your child in a happy, healthy environment. At any cost. At this age, she won't remember the bad times.

God bless you at this difficult time in your life.

You need to both go to counselling, for your marriage and also for the fetish your husband has.

If after doing so it is still not what you want then consider leaving your husband..

Many things add up to trouble in the relationship, and no progress to address the issues that should be on the table.

Just what is the fettish? Is it harmful or painful?

It is so easy to fall into the blame trap. By that I mean, when things go wrong in a marriage, and there are unresolved serious issues, many do like you have done, wonder about the man that got away. You have a lot of 'reason's' to justify being unhappy, including another man possibly in the shadows.

That isn't fighting fair. Don't go back in time to justify how you feel. Tackle these issues, one at a time, and learn how to heal and mend, instead of ripping things apart at the seams.

You have a child, despite all that you find disgusting about your husband, and all the reaons you have stated that justify you wanting to end it. This alone should have you on speed dial with a marriage counsellor.

Marriage is hard work. The hardesst relationoship to keep healthy, and the one that requires all of your energy. It is about compromise, and addressing needs and wants, and knowing that bailing should be the last option on the agenda.

Please put the other man out of your head, and realize you are contributing to the failure of your marriage by entertaining that life would be so much better with him. It is not reality. He too probably throws his socks on the floor, farts, burps, says inappropriate things, does inappropriate things, and in general, is a man who most likely won't be who you think he is.

Not to generalize all men, but let's just say I've picked up a lot of socks over the years.

Please try to establish some positive communicataion with your husband, and in a non-confrontational way, tell him that you need to be in counselling with him. At least give him a chance to try, and the both of you a shot at mending what is wrong.

I have a feeling that, unless I know what the fettish is, and why it is a problem, that there is nothing you have said so far that seems extraordinary enough to call it quits- yet.

How good is your word? Do you stand by your promises and pledges? Can you be considered a trustworthy person?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions then you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

You gave your pledge to "N", now honor it.