I have been dating this girl for over 3 years. She has 3 kids, the oldest is from her first boyfriend, the 2 youngest are from her ex husband of 12 years. Everything was good in the beginning we got along great and if we fought we would resolve it. I was friends with her ex husband before I got with her I didn't find out until a few wweks into our relationship that he was her ex. When he found out we were dating he got pissed and would talk about me to her and we almost fought once. From the beginning she said she would just talk to him about the kids but down the line she wanted to be "friends" with him. I could not understand why she wanted this when he burned her car, cheated on her numerous times, she found him in their bed with another girl when she was 9 months pregnant with their youngest child. I questioned her and all she would say was that she wanted to get along which I understood but it got tot the point that he would call her like at 2:30in the morning asking if she could pick him up down the street cause he got in a fight at a party (he is 30 and a gangmember). I got really mad at her for going to pick him up we were in bed asleep and she just got up and went to pick him up. Two weeks after this he called her again and shows up at the house, apperently he was at a party and him and his homies got shot at, they shot his foot. He was limping around the garage bleeding everywhere. Even though we didn't like each other I still tried to help him to stop the bleeding. He stayed for a 15 minutes and then left. I asked her why she kept doing this for this and she said she would help anyone friends or family. I asked her if she wasn't afraid that the people that shot him would follow him to house and then shoot up the house with the kids being there (their room faces the street). She said she hadn't thought of that.

One week later he shows up to her house out of nowhere right after a basketball game we were watching. He showed up with his sister to pick up a car my girl had been storing for one of his friends in the garage (I was mad about that too cause I used to park in the garage). I think that was the last straw for me, I had been drinking and that really made me mad. Wheb my girl came I asked why he just showed up were about to go in the pool she said her phone was off and he tried calling. She got mad that I was questioning her so she told me to leave because it was her house (she just bought a house but we lived together at the previous house for almost 2 years) she would always tell me to leave if we got in argument once she moved into her house and I felt like I was walking on "eggshells" when I was at her house. Anyway... when she told me to leave I just jumped the wall and when I landed I acciedently broke some pipe and water leaked out all night. She called me the next day to tell me and I felt really bad now she won't even speak to me anymore.

I feel like cause although we would fight and argue about dumb stuff I miss not being with her. I got along great with her kids and they would tell me they loved me all I would do the same. I would spend a lot of time with her and her kids even after I moved. I moved out thr e house we were at cause we broke last year but still hung out and did things as a couple even though we had "broken" up.

I spoke with her today cause I had not called her in a few days. She says she doesn't want anything to do with me and she wants to see what's out there. I felt like cause I still have feelings for her. She said she put up with my for too long but the only real problems we had were cause of her ex. She brought up that I promised to take her and the kids somewhere a couple months ago and never did it but it was only because I just started my own business and its not going that good and didn't have the extra money to take them but she didn't want to hear it.

I do not know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule- Stay away from any one that has an ex involved in their lives.


Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

I think your answers are all in the above post. Read them memorise them and live by them and you won't go far wrong. Ignore them at your peril. Nuff said...

Have to spread the rep, but excellent post and sound advice talaniman

I have to ask why you would even want to put yourself into that situation again? It sounds like when you guys were still hanging out it was more of a friends with benefits type of situation? Hardly ever a good situation to be in. Move on. If she told you she didn't want anything to do with you I can't imagine why you'd want to try to patch things up.

If someone said to me that they no longer wanted anything to do with me and that they wanted to see what else was out there and that they had put up with me for to long... why would I want to be with that person? I think I would rather hear... I want you in my life, there is no one out there for me but you and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Hmmmmm

Wow, and throughout it all her only concern was you not talking her and her kids on a trip. Of course any user will get upset behind this.

Be happy you are out of this situation because things could have been worse. I am glad you didn't get injury or lose your life behind her gangbanging ex. How stupid is she for putting herself or kids in harm ways because of him. Some people never learn and have to learn the hard way.

I feel what your going though but as the outsider looking in your way better off without her and deserve better.

AMEN Chuckle!! You tell him Liz... lol

I don't know why I still want to be with her so much. I don't if its because I am so used to being with her or what. That's why I need some advice. I think a large part is because my business is not doing good I find comfort in coming to her and having her tell me its going to be OK.

I feel like s#it, I have been feeling like this for over a week.

We can all tell you to move on but that is easier said than done. You can lose your own self worth when you are down and it is more than likely your business is not doing so great. What is your business? What do you do?

I ask myself the same thing. Yeah, it has been like friends with benefits but whenever we went out she introduced me as her boyfriend and vice versa. A part of me wishes I could just forget about her but the other part wants to patch things up. I have never been so confused in my life. I can't talk to anyone else about my situation because I think they don't want to hear about it anymoe cause its been going on for so long.

Thanks for all the feedback, it is greatly appreciated.

Its not easy when your comfort zone, and things you are use to have changed, and you have to make adjustments for yourself. See it as a chance to do better and focus on what you will do with your business.

Life just throws these things at us, and we should see it as an opportunity to do better for ourselves as we live through the experience.

You can't expect your feelings for her to disappear overnight. The fact that you still think about her means that you really do care about her.

However, at this point, feelings alone aren't enough. She's made it clear that she wants to go separate ways, so respect her wishes. I can sympathize as I've been through similar emotions. It's difficult to let go of someone that we care about, but if she doesn't feel the same way about you anymore, then you're just beating a dead horse.

Be patient with yourself. You can't expect to heal from a break up so quickly, especially if the feelings ran deep. Give yourself some time and in time, you will be back on your feet.

Went over to her house last night and spent the night. We talked a little bit about our situation, she re-iterated that she wants "to see whats out there". I told her that it hurt me when she said that, she said that is just the way she feels.

I told her that even though I have said mean things in the past when we argued I have done nothing as bad as cheating on her or hitting her. When I said this she said that I basically did cheat on her because one time we were at the store she saw me looking at another girl even though I didn't talk to the other girl, I just looked at her when she walked by. I know it was wrong on my part but do you guys think that's as bad as cheating?

Thanks for everyone's advice.

You are flogging a dead horse. Give us all a break. I am just going to say it like it is. She is going to see what's out there. So she will see and feel and touch and be touched. Now she is damaged goods and who knows who she has been with and what diseases she will pick up. Let it go man!! Yuk She is on a trip... she is no longer yours. I again reiterate... YUK

You are right! She said that maybe down the line we could give it another try but there is no way I would be willing to want to be with her again knowing she had been out there being with other guys, I would never would be able to forget about it.

What I did like about her is that she is not the type to go out there and just hook up/have sex with anyone. She is careful who she messes with. I know this because she didn't give it up too easily to me and she asked me to get tested before we had sex.

I know its repetitive but be patient with me please.

Thanks for everyone's input.

No, you didn't cheat because you look at another female and you know that. If this was a form of cheating then I cheated in my husband numerous of times and so has my husband. She is just trying to make she feel bad and you really need to stay away from this girl.

I understand that break uos are tough and when the wound are fresh you may seem feel like you won't survive it. However, through every dark tunnel there is a light at the end so you need to take it day by day but you need to have no more contact with this woman. Otherwise, you will never be able to move on.

Time to leave her alone, and do your own thing, because for sure that's what she is going to do.

You sound like a dear. All I am trying to get you to do is to let go. I have a relationship that goes like this... and it goes both ways... if anyone touches me HE walks away, never looking back. DONE. If anyone touches him, I walk away.. and I will never look back. Once that bond is broken... it never was.

I don't know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like. Other girls I have dated in the past have not affected me like this. Its probably because this is the longest relationship I have been in and she is the only person I have lived with other than my parents and shared everything with. I could talk to her about anything from the most embarrassing things to the things that hurt me the most.

Its funny how when you are in a situation like mine you can't or don't want to see things clearly. I remember when my friends would come to me for advice they couldn't see that they were in a situation that was not good with their girl/wife. I would ask myself "why can't they see that they are not in a healthy relationship?".
Now I am in the same boat. Lol

Run as fast as you can and as far as you can. She's trouble with a capitol T... Her friendship with a "criminal" would have been the red flag for me. You can do better.