OK so me and my husband have been married for a few months.. we were together since 2005 and in 2007 we broke up. In 2009 we talked for the first time in more than a year and he said he regrets leaving me and so on.. he was my first love and I forgave him. One day a girl calls me private saying he has a daughter and to go online and find out so I asked him and he didn't admit it. I went online and I saw the child and she looks just like him.I was so so angry especially because we were together when he had got her pregnant in 2007. Now that we are married she is calling that the baby wants to see him and that they need him.I know this is wrong but that baby just brings so many bad memories of the past. Now I'm pregnant and we are expecting in October and it just doesn't feel right. Me and him were suppose to have a kid first not them. How should I feel? What should I do? I don't trust her with him if he has to go visit her because I know the babymother still feels something for him. I love kids and I'm sweet but I just can't take this pain. Idk what to do.. Help!

You either learn to deal with it or walk away. But also you will have to deal with it anyway at some point. Is he paying child support yet for the child? Does he have any court set visitation? If you leave you will be facing the same things. You might seek couciling if your having too tough of a time. Right now with being pregnant your hormones are making your body and mind go to different places then normal so be careful with decisions at this point.

You don't trust her? She didn't make that baby by herself and he lied about the baby when you confronted him.

He is that child's father whether you like it or not and he needs to be in it's life. You need to decide if you can deal with it or not. It's your choice.

You are one of millions of married women who have to cope with a child from a prior relationship, on your husband's part.

This isn't optional if you choose to stay married. He comes with some baggage that you found out about the wrong way, and naturally you are resentful, I would be too.

But we are talking about a child here, who did not ask to be brought into this world, and that child has to be considered now as a part of your life, and a part of your marriage if this is going to work.

I would be concerned that he has denied even having a baby- to me that says a lot about his character that he can just ignore the fact that he has a child, and has managed, until now, to ignore him.

This changes everything, and I sympathize with you having to take on this added responsibility.

Once his child support and obligations have been set in court for his ex girlfriends' baby, you will at least have some idea of what you are facing financially and otherwise.

It is a difficult situation for you, and that is an understatement I'm sure. If you do leave your husband, that would sadly leave two children in the lurch.

Might be time to consider counselling with your husband, to get through and past the emotional issues associated with his deceipt, and what has resulted from that- the baby. See if with a counsellor, some clarity and understanding of what is ahead, and what is likely to come, will help you make up your mind as to what to do.

Thanks guys

Has there been a DNA test to establish paternity? Pictures do not prove paternity no matter how much the mother may want them to.

Take care of yourself and try not to allow this to stress you out too much. Keep communication lines open with your husband. Counseling should help with both of those. I think there are some unresolved issues from the past that were buried instead of worked through. Try not to allow them and the changes you are going through (hormonal and physical) to cause you to act/react without thinking things through.

Remember that he married you and you are carrying his child. It may not be his first child, but every child is special. Talk with him about your concerns not just about her and the child but about your pregnancy, your relationship, etc. Try not to let discussions go into arguments or fights.

It will take a lot of hard work, but, if you work together, you can strengthen the foundation of your marriage and build a strong relationship to bring your child into.

Cat1864... there has not been a DNA test. We had a long talk and I was pretty surprised at how he reacted. It really proved how much he cares about me and our baby. Yea I might not be the first one he had a child with but this sure is the most special thing going on. Thank you. A lot lolz

I am glad you are working things out. :)

He needs to press her for a DNA test. She wouldn't be the first woman to be 'mistaken' about who fathered her child. It will also take out any uncertainties that are hanging over your heads right now.

Good luck. :)

I'm going through the same thing, my husband and I have been married 20 months and at 8 months after the wedding he started having a affair, I found out about this affair in June 2010 a day before my birthday and 2 days before his grandads funeral. I knew she was pregnant but he promised me over and over he never slept with her, in August 2010 I found out I was pregnant. Things were going OK until the end of October when his "mistress" contacted me telling me it's my husbands child.I'm devastated. Her baby Is due I a few days, I still have four months. She is having a little boy and she is using the only name I wanted for my boy! Can anybody give me advice?

I have a similar situation but it was in 2006 and we were married in 2007. He didn't have an affair. You know what do not sweat it. It is about the child but just make it clear to him and if she is a real woman she will sit down with you just you two by yourselves and have a discussion. Also, have a discussion with him on what is expected out of all of it. Don't be resentful. He will love you all the same and hey you all live together. I totally feel you when you say you skeptical about him going over go with him that is what I do cause you can't trust these females you all will be okay but counseling is good for you all so it will not be in the back of your mind. Don't stress!

I am going through the same thing almost I love my husband but he has kids with someone else we have been trying to have a child for two years and haven't yet. I am 21 and he is 26 I feel I am stressed out because of him being on child support and still having to take care of the kids when they come to our house as far as clothes and pick them up and drop them off. He gets them every other weekend and they are never dressed properly and their hair is never combed. I also hate for their mother to have to call him and stuff. I know those are his kids and he has to be there in their life but maybe I should get a divorce because I don't feel I can enjoy him to the fullest because he has kids. I also feel it henders us having things in the long run.

I am right there with you both :( My husband and I were married for 7 years with 3 wonderful children and we separated for around 6- 9 months, we thought we were both working through it and it the separation made us stronger; I knew he had seen many girls but it didn't bother me cause I knew he loved me more than life and that no of them meant anything. We got back together and were extremely happy and were pregnant with number four then almost two months later the last girl he had seen tells she is pregnant and carrying twins that she had taken fertility drugs trying to convince me my husband knew and was trying with her! SHE IS MARRIED to top it all (getting divorced) and the drugs were from her husbands fertility problems! She tries over and over again to break apart our marriage in many manipulative ways but it didn't work. She tells everyone all she wants is child support no involvement and seems to think she'd get a pretty big payout. This girl is nuts but being that you can't trust a girl that sleeps around we got a lawyer and ordered paternity test. If it comes back and they are my husbands I want to go for full custody and get them away from a crazy woman... but my husband is so embarrassed and ashamed that he wants nothing to do with them if they are. He is confused because the girl was seeing other men and told each one of them she couldn't get pregnant, I have heard her tells this to men ( even though she told me different they tried lol) CRAZY) but the thing is I completley understand, and don't sweat it until the paternity comes back... find out what your husband thinks about the child. If you both disagree then try to work it out if you can't work it out try to keep it civil and leave that way the child you guys shar together doesn't get hurt in the crossfire! And as FOR THE NAME SCREW HER! HE is married to you I would make it publicly known you are naming your child that and do it anyway ! She is going to look like the dumbass not you.