Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 years. We are both only 23 and the only partners each other have had.

In the beginning of our relationship, he would want to have sex at least once a day, sometimes more. He was really really really into having sex.

Now, for about almost 2 years (we moved in together 1.5 yrs ago) its almost as though he has no interest at all in me. We never ever ever ever kiss. NEVER. I honestly cannot remember when the last time we kissed was.

Also, he never wants to have sex with me. We have sex about once or twice a month. When I ask him about this he says that he is tired. But that is sooo out of character from how he used to be in the beginning of our relationship.

What makes the situation even worse is that when we do have sex, he cannot either get or maintain his erection. Last night he actually went soft inside of me :eek: :( . He is healthy, non-smoker/drinker/drug-taker. The doctor said there is nothing wrong with him. However, he can get an erection if he masturbates. I wouldn't consider myself unattractive and think I am easily more attractive than he is, but that doesn't mean he is attracted to me--which is what I think is going on--i think he no longer turned on by me or.

We really don't talk much anymore either, all he does is come home from work and stare at the internet for hours and then go to sleep.

He also never gets jealous EVER!

I can't even bring up the topic to him or he gets angry and says that I need to let things flow... but I think waiting two years is patient enough. Sometimes I just want to cheat on him and hurt him & make him feel as low as I do, but I don't think he would even care.

Sometimes when we get into arguments he hints or says things to imply that he is getting sick of me. This is actually making me very deppressed--he is the only boyfriend I have ever had, and he is also my best friend... I think I know that the answer is that he is no longer interested, but I just am not ready to face the truth!

I hope someone who has been in this position before can tell me whether this is a sign of the end of our time together as a romantic couple or whether its just a two year dip in the relationship.

You say that your boyfriend has changed over the past two years - his personality seems to have taken a wrong turn. Has he been checked for depression? Some of the signs are there - lack of interest, always tired, zoning out, wanting to sleep rather than doing something else, etc. Is you boyfriend going through some extra stress

But couples do go through things like this - married or not - you need to get some help for yourself so that you can learn how to be healthy and maintain that emotional health. You mentioned wanting to cheat on him just to hurt him, you know that would hurt you too. How good would that make you feel, honestly? That is not the answer. I think you deep down know that too.

You can suggest going to a relationship counselor together, but be prepared for him not wanting to go. If he chooses not to go, you go for yourself. You cannot change hm but you can do some constructive things for yourself that could help you in the relationship. Also be prepared for the possibility of taking a break from each other - not to say it will happen, but it could happen. Does not mean the end of the world. It can be a healthy thing for both of you.

Your situation really sucks. I know how you feel. I went through a simliar phase with an ex girlfriend of mine a few years ago. The first piece of advice that I can give you is to think about yourself. Think about what you want and need as a person. Can this relationship still grow, or is it growing stagnant? Can you grow as a person if it continues going the way it is?

If he never wants to kiss you or even have sex with you then something is wrong. Maybe it's not you. Maybe he is really gay? It's not far fetched and does happen to people. With him being online a lot, do you know who he talks to, or what he does online? That could give you an idea of what's going on.

Well... my boyfriend is 25 and I am only 20. My sex drive is so much higher then his, we have been together almost four years, and I was feeling some of the things you are, is he not interested is he cheating, this all happened after we moved in together. When you see someone every night the chase is no longer there. Its not fun anymore. We go weeks with out having sex and neither one of us kiss.. the only thing I'm worried about for you is the fact he is not keeping an erection. Have you tried setting up a romantic night or left the house and left him a dirty little note to see how he reacts? You either are drifting apart and that happens when you get into a relationship young or you have no spice.. and sometimes there is no need to talk, if you guys love each other be comfortable with the silence, and the only reason you are not now is because you have all these confused thoughts running through your head, and I bet if he does say something to you, you are overly sensitive or take it the wrong way. That is all with being insecure, if he doesn't want to have sex act like you don't care, buy a toy and show him he is NOT needed... he will wisen up.. if he doesn't care.. please move on...

Hello, Im her boyfriend and I wanted to give my side of the story because I think it's unfair that no one can see my side of the story. Let me summarize our relationship in the last year as short as I can. First, my girlfriend and I just moved to another city where she got accepted to a college down here. She asked if I could move in with her and I did because I didn't want to have a long distance relationship and figured it would be fun and healthier. I'm attending school down here and so is she. I also have a job and don't get much, just about $7 an hour and I barely work any hours because of my school schedule. She doesn't have a job but she does go to school. Her parents pay for her school and her(our) condo but they barely give her any money for living expenses. So basically, I'm pretty much the breadwinner and it's barely make enough to support both my girlfriend and I. Anyway, I'm going to touch base on every thing she said. First, I do have interest in her, although I have to admit, there are moments that I go through a week without any interest in sex partly because I'm stressed about something in partcular. Lately though, I've been stressed because she threatens that she'll cheat on me, and break up with me for all the things that have been going on. Sometimes she tells me to get out of the house and kicks me out. I have no where to go because I don't know anyone down here in this city. The other week we got into fight a day before my final exams at school. She told me that I had to take my stuff and get out of the house. I basically left and had to get a motel room down the road and studied in the room. It's stuff like that that stresses me out. I live in this constant fear that she's going to bring up all these things, fight with me and then kick me out of the house.

As far as the kissing goes, we do kiss and peck each other on the lips. Sometimes I come home from work and Kiss her and tell her I love her but she kind of just brushes me off. She BARELY kisses me out of nowhere though which I do a lot of. Sometimes I'll just see her next to me and reach at her to kiss her on her eyebrow or check. In essence, I feel like a french kiss is like a mile away because I can barely get her to kiss me or actually adore my kisses instead of brushing them off.

Secondly, about not having sex with her. We actually have sex about maybe 15 times in a month. I know, it's not a lot but I blame it at my stress. I told my girlfriend so many times to just let things flow back onto track. Nearly every night, she brings it up everything and asks me "why I not attracted to her?", "why we don't have sex?", "We shouldn't together, all we are is friends?" and all kinds of other things. And all I sit there and do is tell "Please, lets just work through it. Let things flow." but the next day she brings it up again. I'm in this level right now, that I'm playing duck and cover because I get home and fear that she's going to bring it up and argue with me. Trust me, my girlfriend is very very attractive. Sometimes I'm just sooooo stressed out that I just don't even have the energy to get up.

Third, about maintaining an erection. It's partly true but then again it has frequented the past times in which we've had sex. In reality, it's only happened about 9 times in the past year. I really enjoy sex with my girlfriend, I really do but sometimes she like fights and yells at me for all these things that I do that in the end I'm just so stressed and tired that sex is the last thing on my mind. I've told her that before too. I did speak to a doctor about it and he said that sometimes erection problems are related to stress.

About not talking. We do talk, actually we hang out and talk a lot. We don't really do much like go out and stuff because I don't make enough money to go out except for on the weekends. I work about 3 hours a day and I spend most of the day with her (Which is why I question why she would even think I'm cheating). I rarely ever hang out with friends, do anything bymyself. Lately though, since all this has been going on Im just overwhelmed with a ton of stress. I have a fear about kicking out, I have a fear about making it till the week with my paycheck, and all sorts of other things. Sometimes I feel like my girlfriend want's all her undivided attention. Although I DO WISH I could give her ALL of my attention, there are times that I have to work late, or go to school and study or do things related to school or work that require me not being with her and can't be with her. I just feel like sometimes she's not understanding about other priorities I might have. Trust me, I wish I could put her first in everything but work and school sometimes conflict a lot and I feel like she doesn't cut me some slack and understand. On the internet though, all I do, is get on car websites and forums and that's it.

I don't consider myself a really jealous guy but there are times that I get mad at her for certain things and she down plays the situation and asks me why I'm getting mad. I trust my girlfriend, sometimes the worse case scenarios I don't even question. I have like sooo much trust in her. But I do get jealous sometimes but I don't tell her anymore now because it's happened before that I confront her about a particular situation and she tells me why I would ever think something like that and tells me I'm overreacting. Bottomline: I do get jealous but I don't show it.

About not being able to bring up these topics. Read my first paragraph. I just feel like she doesn't let things work out. Instead she feels like she has to bring it up every night to discuss. The majority of times that we do talk it feels like she's just complainig about me regardless of what I tell her. She tells me how she wants to cheat on me. She tells me how I live here for free at her house. She tells me how Im not attracted to her. She tells me how we should break up. In my opinion, sometimes it sounds like she doesn't want to be with me because she talks about wanting to break up with me. And when she asks me all these questions back to back I don't even know where to begin answering them.

So that's basically it. IM NOT GAY and I WOULD be down with a therapist to help us. IM NOT CHEATING. AND I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND ENJOY BEING WITH HER.I've invested sooo much in this relationship and I don't want it to be for nothing. I just feel like the cause of it is this overwhelming stress about my job,school and my girlfriend bring it up every night without let at least 2 weeks go by. I also feel like my girlfriend isn't understandble about certain situations in which I have to put other priorties first. I sure wish I could do 2 things at once and do my homework and study and pay attention to her as well but it's hard. Sometimes I want to work extra hours to make some extra money for us but my girlfriend ends up convincing me not to go to work early. I just want us to work through this. I wish she could work with me as a team instead of telling me that I don't care about her because I put working extra hours at work.
Please understand that I love my girlfriend and I want things to work out. I'm just sooo stressed out all the time and live in fear that my girlfriend is going to get mad at me for something. I know this is not very detailed but I figured itd be better than writing a whole novel. Thanks!

Hello to you both. I think its so great to get two sides of the story for a change, and I hope I can be of some help. Seven years is a long time, especially considering your age. You have essentially grown up together. Your just now finding out that a relationship requires a lot of work, and good communication skills, that you both must get better at. Getting mad and kicking someone out is unacceptable. If the anger is that bad, then leave and cool off, and be ready to talk about it. You both have enough pressure on you, with school and working to go nuts sometimes, but a little self control will go a long way and talking is essential. Money has ruined many, MANY, otherwise good relationships, lack of cash is no joke, and I will admire that you are willing to work. The trick is to work together. Do you guys take breaks from the routine, and just enjoy the freedom of being with each other? Do you take breaks from each other, and give each other room to breathe? You must be patient, as it may seem like your problems are unique, they aren't. We as couples all go through that 7 year itch thing, where the little thing sets us off, and we loose patients with our partners, especially when there are a lot of outside influences we have to deal with. Circle the wagons though it is you against the world, so stop the blaming and forget the "I" and "ME" stuff and talk as mature people and listen. Look, nobody is right all the time, so pay attention to each others needs, and recognise each others faults, and try to help each other. You've come so far, and you have even farther to go, and life is hard, but work together, and be good to each other. Now as an expert here the first order of business is to apologize for being an uncaring azz to each other as you both share the blame and responsibility for rocking the boat. Excuses are for losers, so none of that and leave but out of your conversations. Any sentence with but in it is out. Set your boundries so each has room to grow and be yourselves. This is a necessity. And learn some respect for each others strengths as well as weaknesses, I mean whose perfect? So as this is getting long, I'll leave room for you to comeback, and honesty is the policy so no fear of expressing yourself and be nice 'cause I'm sensitive.

I think that it sounds like you have a good boyfriend, who has his sh@! Together, I think you have too much time on your hands wondering why he doesn't want you, and for him to be always be around. I don't have friends so I do understand, but sometimes guys need their own time, give him a break...

Yes great to hear both sides of the story!!

Ive been in you shoes. Had a girlfriend for 7 years at a young age. Please just make sure the both of you communicate and talk issues through like adults. Im sure the results will be much more satisfying and a lot less painful then those if one party just leaves.

That pain isn't a pain I would wish on anyone.

Good luck!