Hey everyone. I've been looking around online and came across this site and I need advice so I figured it was worth asking.

I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months now and we've been getting along pretty good. Before that I had been coming out of a bad breakup so I had my guard up and really have not let it down. I do love her, I haven't made her my life but she is a big part of it. I've always been there when she needed me but lately she's been feeling down and one night we were talking about her problems and I was going out and told her I would come back which I did, but much later than I said I would. She was upset, which is understandable, I screwed up and I'm sorry for it.

She had always been telling me how she felt about me and it took me a while to catch up because I was afraid of getting hurt again I guess. Recently though she's told me that while she thinks of me as her boyfriend it doesn't seem like I act like she's my girlfriend, but just like another one of my friends. She also said that I joke around a lot and that I'm not serious when I need to be. She seemed like she wanted to end it and I asked her but she said no. I said " Look I want to continue this relationship but if it's not what you want then it be better to end it now and not drag it out". She said no she wanted to continue to go out and I told her things would be different. I asked if that whole "treating me like a friend" thing was just an easy way of letting me down and she said no.

I know that I can't just tell her but that I have to prove it by showing it to her. She's very important to me and I want to make it up to her. Any suggestions?

Well in my opinion you really do care about her but you should really do something straight from your heart. It would really add up. If you guys have something that you do with each other or some kind of inside say just be creative. Take her out to were you guys had your first date and do something extra special with her afterwards, just spend the whole just with her and no interruption from anyone.

I think the best suggestion I could offer is to perhaps let your guard down a little, but not all the way. Having a guard up and going slow is great! It really is and has a lot more chance of leading to a long and loving relationship then rushing in and letting all your emotions out in the first month or so.

Also being a friend is good to a point. Friendship in my opinion is the basis of any good relationship. But you have to be careful not to treat her too much like a buddy, but like a friend that you care deeply for. There is a difference. You don't want to be like one of her girlfriends and she doesn't want to be like one of your mates. It is a fine line but one that you will find and be comfortable with.

Can I ask how long since you had this bad break up? Rushing into another relationship after a break up is a bad idea in my opinion. You need time to grieve and reflect. Being with someone else straight away in a full blown relationship doesn't allow this and you will miss out on some important stages in your growth that at one stage or another you will have to go through.

So I can't offer you suggestions about some great act of love that will make her gush, but I can suggest that if you are ready and you truly feel you love her then let that guard down. Come up with a way that you know will make her feel special. You know her better than anyone else so I'm sure you can some up with something.

But, if you can't let that guard down and put some more trust in her then it is probably an indication that you shouldn't be in a relationship at all and then you have some serious decisions and thinking to do. Because going too much further will only end in more pain for both of you!

Good luck and keep us posted!

My problem is vise versa. I've been going out with my girlfriend for 9 months, and she is the one that had a break up before me. I almost feel like I am a rebound. But I love her so much and she is also my first love. I want to keep her forever. I always tell her sweet things and I treat her like a little princess. But I guess she feels the way you feel and she just doesn't let her guard down that much. Or she does but she is always thinking that she might get hurt. Well, I also think I might get hurt since she probably sees the relationship in a different way because I'm not her first love and her first love was her last relationship. Its kindda unfair. She also started going out with me a month after she broke up with him, which sucks a lot but I didn't know this until later. I'm thinking she feels the way you feel. To be honest you got to change that. I see your girlfriend feels the way I feel. So I think you should show her you do love her a lot. Tell her a few sweet things, make her feel like she's is your only one, and that you don't want anyone else. Never ever talk about your ex, and if you can just make your ex disappear out of your life. Treat your girlfriend like your only love. And show it to her. You can always keep in mind that you can get hurt. But just don't show that you're always thinking about that. In the end, you can still get hurt right? And she does too? So why waste all these time worrying about it? When you can at least forget about but still have some guard up. If you can trust her and she really loves you, then she won't hurt you. Just do that. SHOW HER YOU LOVE HER AND THAT SHE IS YOUR ONLY ONE.

Dude,
I think your girlfriend is just testing you. She may want to know your true feelings if you haven't opened up to her before. I don't know how old you are or she. But that's how I took your question. Women are much more complex than men can really figure out sometimes. Most men, its simple. You either do or you don't. You either tell them, or you don't. A woman would rather get around the subject of "do you care about me?" Just to see what your reaction would be to a certain question. At least most women I know anyway. She may feel insure about your behavior lately and doesn't know how to tell you. Without putting herself on the lamb. It obvious that you need to show her that you care about her. Maybe with flowers. That always helps. Or taking her out on the town. That one pretty much tells a woman that you care about her. A ride through Central park in horsebuggy. Is romantic. You may not be in NYC, but I am sure if you think about it. Something will pop into your head that she will know that you care without even saying the words. Actions speak louder than words. So show her. But if your ever in NYC around Christmastime. It is magical. Fun, exciting, as well as romantic. And New Years is such a blast!

Sometimes it doesn't take much, just a little effort, to let the person know you care.

I disagree somewhat with the "show her shes the only one" talk. You can go overboard, and people get themselves in bad relationships when they go overboard here. You do need to let your guard down a bit, but don't go nuts in the other direction.

As for the little things, like I said, it doesn't take much. Go out of your way one day in the next couple weeks and do something for her... drop by her work and take a flower... surprise her with a night out that you planned without telling her... you're not altering your lifes plans... but making an occasional effort.

The fact you have your guard up means you are either not ready for a relationship now or you are ready but need to work out the trust issues that are being projected onto her somewhat.

The more you can be honest the better it will be for you.

Really.

You don't need to go overboard. You don't need to be her best girlfriend. If you think she's being unreasonable, fine. Your job isn't to make her happy, even though others may tell you this.

Your job is to make yourself happy. If doing a couple of special things for her now and then gets her to see you are making an effort, and that effort is something you are willing to do, then fine.

So don't complicate it too much. Little things can make big differences. The fact that she's with you means she likes you... she doesn't want you to reinvent yourself. Just kick a few things up a notch now and then. She should be doing work to make you happy and interested too. If she's not willing to chase you a bit, it gets boring.

Sometimes Dude, you have to shake her all night long! A walk in the park, holding hands. Lunch by the lake. Buying her sexy underpants, even. It will show you that you care about her. By the way, most Pretty girls don't like the chase. Most of us know our power. And if its too difficult to achieve what we desire in a relationship, it is very easily replaced. Because all we have to do is say the word, "Next".

You should be having a good time, and going to fun places as you get to know each other. This is about dating not drama.

Thanks everyone for your input. Me and my current girlfriend started seeing each other about 3 months after my last break up and started seriously dating about 4 months after that. I'm 22 and she's 20.


I agree that I have to let my guard down some but the problem is I've had it up for so long I'm not exactly sure how t let it down. And like I would love to do more romantic things with her but for some reason I can't really think of any, its like there's a block in my head and I never had this problem with my ex. Does anyone have any suggestions? Also, how would I know if I'm opening up too much? Also another problem is that I don't really have any money (college student) but in a month I'm starting an awesome job and then I'll be able to take her wherever she wants. She's been very understanding because she's in school too and has pretty much been broke recently too but still I feel bad that we have not really been able to go out to places.