Hi this is my first time to ask a question on this would really appreciate any help!I have been with my girlfriend for just over 2 and a half years,I am her first person to ever sleep with her and there's a six year age gap between us,which has never been a problem,right up until we broke up she was always telling me how much she loved me and even hinted that I was the only guy she ever wanted to be with,as soon as she started college she said she needed time alone she said its got nothing to do with meeting other people she doesn't want to have to worry about having to ring somebody else all the time,naturally I was completely heartbroken as this came out of nuthin and I can't believe she's based what she's felt for two weeks overrule what she's felt for 2 and a half years! I feel so angry and cheated as the amount of sacrifices I made while she was trying to get into college and as soon as she gets in I get dumped,thou she says its not like that,and she's probably making the biggest mistake of her life.So I have decided to go traveling for a year and since then we have met up a few times and everything has been perfect she's told me how much she loves me,she's been al over me when we go out,she wants us to keep in contact when I go away,but that would make it so hard for me to get over here if I was in contact with her regularly,I'm inclined to say to her youv made your bed now you have to lie in it,I know its cold but that's how I feel!I genuinly believe that we should be together and I just know it will only hit her when I go and she will be heartbroken, we wer so happy together even her friend always said to her how good we were to gether,sorry for going on but would appreciate any advice,should I cut off contact and hope she comes back or stay in touch(which I sometimes think is maybe making the transition a bit easy for her!)

Hmmm hard 1 I think... woman like attention and if your not there they get it elsewere people are all the same with the same basic needs and wants I think you should go separate ways find someone at college that you can enjoy what time you have on this oblique planet

Hi Soccerfan,

This is a tough one. At first, I would say... follow your heart... do what it tells you. I tend to be a believer in doing what your heart says first, as to do something unnatural, may cause you more upset and down the road regret.

If you do follow your heart, and you are not getting the feelings, attention and respect reciprocated, it may be time to have a chat with her and tell her exactly how you feel.

She did make her bed a bit and I am sure it does sting, but I would say give it a little more time, as long as it does not cause you any hurt, and inside you feel her actions are genuine.

I wish you the best.

Err on the side of your own health and needs. You are at different places in life, so let her live, and get on with getting over her. Tell her why and move on.

Yes leave her alone - generally people go to college they need to be free.

Unfortunately for you she needs and FEELS the need to date other guys and see what else is out there.

She may come back and she may not.

Call her in six months to say hi. I highly advise that.

Right now - figure also wha tpushed her away. Did you become too needy (sounds like it) - too available to her?

Hi all this is a follow up to my previous question,I haven't had any contact with my ex the last couple of weeks but the other day I had to text her(I wasn't looking to talk to her I genuinely had to ask her about something she had belong to me and I needed it badly)she asked me had I thought any more about going away and when I explained to her that I had already booked everything and had visa for the year etc she was shocked,she obviously didn't think I was serious when I said I was going away!She insisted that we meet up before I go away when I said I don't think this is a good idea she was quite upset and couldn't understand why but eventually said its my decision and she would ring me soon.We have already met up a couple of times and it always ended up with us been al over each other and sleeping together,which only confuses both of us.The thing is that thruout this mess I have done nuthin that I regret and I would hate to go away and end up regretting this as I think regrets are poison! If I do meet up it won't have ne bearing on me going away but I would be lying if I said I don't think we will get back together when I get back,even thou I'm not going to contact her when I'm away,we broke up because she said she wanted to be on her own for a while (originally we tried a abreak but BOTH of us kept contacting each other)whoch I understand as we have been together since she was young!Eitheir way I'm going to head of and have the time of my life but would appreciate any advice regards should I meet up with her?

I haven't had any contact with my ex the last couple of weeks but the other day I had to text her(I wasn't looking to talk to her I genuinely had to ask her about something she had belong to me and I needed it badly)she asked me had I thought any more about going away and when I explained to her that I had already booked everything and had visa for the year etc she was shocked,she obviously didn't think I was serious when I said I was going away!She insisted that we meet up before I go away when I said I don't think this is a good idea she was quite upset and couldn't understand why but eventually said its my decision and she would ring me soon.Its just that I think if I do meet up with her il be back to square one again.We have already met up a couple of times and it always ended up with us been al over each other and sleeping together,which only confuses both of us.The thing is that thruout this mess I have done nuthin that I regret and I would hate to go away and end up regretting this as I think regrets are poison! If I do meet up it won't have ne bearing on me going away but I would be lying if I said I don't think we will get back together when I get back,even thou I'm not going to contact her when I'm away,we broke up because she said she wanted to be on her own for a while (originally we tried a abreak but both of us kept contacting each other)whoch I understand as we have been together since she was young!I know I shouldn't but I still think we should be together and think she will realize this once I'm gone.Eitheir way I'm going to head of and have a great time but would appreciate any advice regards should I meet up with her?Any advice greatly appreciated

Why meet? What is to gain other than more confusion.

Look... I tend to say when you break, its broken, and most of the time space doesn't fix it.

But there are some here who have gotten back together with exs and made it work the next time around.

She obviously misses you. But her making you see her is just a safety net. You hook up, relive the past, then its over and neither of you have moved any further on.

So... id say leave her be. She knows your plans. You obviously are a person who wants to move forward one way or the other. Let each of you feel what its like to be apart. Afterward, maybe you'll both be ready to move forward... whether its together or not.

If you just can't take it and curiosity gets the better of you and you do decide to meet you need to draw the line. No physical intimacy. She's using it to control you... to keep you available when she's unwilling to commit. Be strong enough to keep that distance.

Where exactly are you going?

Im currently in scotland but am off to new zealand for about a year! Was tempted to meet up with her as we haven't had any rows wer stll on good terms but maybe have been making it way to easy for her so will giv it a miss! Thanks for your reply was v.helpful!

I don't think meeting would have helped at all.

Maybe in a year meet.

Soccerfan,

You are heading off for a great adventure. Look forward and not back. You are doing so well, and you now what... you already knew the answer didn't you :). You just need to quiet that little voice inside you, that can't help but be slightly tempted to take two steps back, anyone in your shoes would feel the same. But you really don't want to go back 2 steps do you? :) Didn't think so.

You have made so much progress, and should feel awesome about yourself and your upcoming travel.

Be safe, be happy and enjoy!