If someone (a spouse, parent, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend) has hurt you very deeply, why is the advice most of the time to "walk away", "let it go", "have no contact with the person"?

It seems counterintuitive that someone that does something that hurts you should be able to "get away with it" if you don't tell them what they did and how that affected you. Granted, if the person is dead, sometimes writing a letter and not mailing it is a good idea, but what if the person is still alive and kicking? Why shouldn't they hear/read what the person who was hurt is feeling? Yeah, I know that it may not make a difference to the one that hurt you, but I think it's better to let it out.

Opinions??

My ex said things to hurt me and never opened my mouth because I didn't want to get in fighting match with her. I do regret now that I never told her how bad she hurt my feelings on some of the things that came out of her mug. And I know my ex would say the same thing. I guess that where comunication with your spouse come into play. So yes I would say something.

It's not with your spouse, I think it's with any human being who hurts another one. And here's my point... if you still can make contact with your ex, why not tell her, calmly, how they hurt you... could be a lesson for everyone involved...

Yes that is true but my feeling are still not mentally stable about her breaking up with me again.And I want to get myself healty before and if I decide to talk to her again. And I did tell her to leave me alone for ever so if she does contact me I will tell her. But I believe it will turn into a yelling match like always.

I think a lot of times people are embarrassed that they were hurt, so they keep their mouth shut. What may seem insignificant to the offender is hurtful to you.

Ex:
My friend since 2nd grad had a party for her 21st birthday. I went and was mostly ignored by her, because she had other friends around that was drinking and participating in other activities that I don't do. I didn't mind that, because I preferred not to be involved. Then she lended over to one of her new friends, hugged her, and said, "Your my best friend." I was so upset that I left, didn't say bye, and never mentioned it. I know I shouldn't have mentioned it at the party, especially with her current state of mind, but I guess I should have later. I didn't though, because I was embarrassed to aknowledge the fact that I thought we were best friends? I know it sounds childish to argue over who's best friends, but I was hurt by the statement.

Some people don't care that they hurt you! If you let them know, they may get a good laugh out of it?

I am not saying that all are that way and you should not tell people they hurt you. I am saying from my experiences, that SOME people really don't care! If they know you care, then they get more enjoyment out of trying to hurt you.

Just my opinion!

What if it's someone who one week told you you were a big part of their existence (in a friendly, platonic, girl/girl nothing weird way), and then the following week started treating you like a dirt rag by ignoring you. Same person that some days can be really nice, but others snaps at you, and that you get the feeling that they really don't want you near them but won't tell you why, yet talk to you anyway...
AND send you heartfelt notes (of what a dear friend you are) when you remember their birthday, even though they've been ignoring your existence.

Sure u must tell because sometimes what has hurt you has not been said with the intention to hurt you... just your perception may be... so talking things out once your anger has subsided, is the best way to deal with what others have said to you. To get it out of your system instantly, just write it down and when the raging waves have calmed down, let the other person know for sure... but just walking away with all that hurt... will always haunt you with what ifs and buts...

I guess not to hurt your feelings.

He is absolutely right! Not all people enjoy hurting others, but, most do, need and underdog to make themselve look grand until it happens to them then they care that someone used them as a spectacle

I think that sometimes when you looking for closure and they don't realise or are not on the same page - usually as they have moved on and got someone else and are happy - they can't understand your feelings and you spilling it all out only makes you feel more vulnerable and stupid. This happened to me twice and now I don't want to meet someone for fear of this happening again - I still keep all the hurt and it never goes away or if it does it is only for a short while - you can talk to many councillors and it still does not help as the actual person does not reaffirm your deep hurt. But is that not life - people don't really care and lie and cheat for their own ends without a care for another? It is bad but this is how it is.

I think there are times that you need to tell people that they hurt you, but that doesn’t mean that you should hang around afterward and dwell on it. Its dysfunctional to stay in chaos.

Every relationship question on this forum varies. A lot of our discussions deal with relationships that really don’t have a hope... where one person continues hurting the other or states specifically that they want out, so “no contact” is the only means of moving on and healing. You can't get over the pain when you hang on to unrealistic hopes and when you're begging and pleading for the other person to change their mind and come back to you. When a relationship hurts, it unhealthy and it needs to end. No contact works - a person can’t heal in the midst of continual heartbreak and drama.