My boyfriend of 3 years likes to comment on how hot some girl is. He tells me how when Jessica Alba does her dance in sin city, it turns him on. He talks about an Indian classmate with blue eyes, but I say that she's wearing contacts, then he proceeds to say "...but she looks damn sexy." And it goes on... To be fair he doesn't do this frequently, but when he does get into it---it just goes on. I understand that all males fantasize about other women-they check out other girls-they watch porn. I'm 100% fine with that. Girls do that too. But what really gets to me is that he doesn't think I'm pretty. After talking about how hot girls are in a TV show are, I asked him if he thought I was pretty. He said no. He says that I'm just OK-looking, which in my eyes means ugly. I know he doesn't mean that I'm repulsive-ugly, just that I'm nothing special to him in the looks department. He has said that not once did he ever thought "oh, she looks pretty" about me.

He tells me that looks don't matter to him. If it doesn't, why is he so eager to comment on someone else's attractiveness. After we talked about this, he tells me that he loves me despite my looks.

I just can't be happy about it. No one wants to be told that they don't look pretty. I have told him that he has really nice eyes... and a nice nose. I encourage him to be more confident about his looks. I don't talk about how HOT other guys are because their attractiveness doesn't matter to me. Ugh. After I told him how I felt, he goes on to say "ok, ur pretty." but it was definitely in a sarcastic tone. The only thing he said that was nice about me was "i like the shape of your boobs" and "I like your rosy cheeks" and "I like when u flare ur nose." To me, that was like saying to a mentally retarded kid, "good job you can do addition!" I honestly can't feel better about this because we were already honest to each other about it. I need some outside opinions... please help. Shouldn't we be attracted to our spouse PHYSICALLY?

I want to add that I don't think I'm a really a shallow person. Everyone is to some degree. At first, I didn't think he was at all attractive, but he grew on me. I grew to love almost everything about him. I just don't know why he feels the same way about me?

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it just does, and I can't find a way to cope with this. I know it's petty, but it really is bringing me down.

Wow. This guy wants out, at least that's how I see it!

He doesn't respect you. When he keeps going on about girl he knows he's hurting you!

That hurts. Even reading that hurt.

I really think you should have a heart to heart with him and really talk about it.

I would also suggest some couples counselling! Believe it or not-- him saying those things to you could really be some underlying issue.

I hope the best for you.

No one should be treated this way, ever.

I remember seeing this couple, this lady was not pretty and she had some major pounds on her, but the guy, he treated her like a princess. He would tell her how beautiful she was and this was a couple that was together for 9 years. So if your boyfriend can't see that in you--- he doesn't deserve you... at least in my opinion.

Sarah

He says he loves you 'in spite of your looks'-that to me is a red flag as it must be hurtful to hear,and if he hurts you,should you stay with him?
A relationship is supposed to make us feel good ,not insecure.

Ha, actually I am of a healthy weight. He tells me that he really loves me. He thinks I'm smart, talented, and creative. But in a way, I do believe that he doesn't love me as much as he says he does. I know he wouldn't do anything (within reason) for me. Man, it just ing hurts that your own partner, think you're just physically boring.

Holy . This is reminding me of the past now... the first time he saw my breasts, the first thing he said was... "you have ugly nipples." He was weirded out that I had stretchmarks. When he saw my vagina, he said "vaginas are weirrdddddd." We are both young though, I'm almost 20. And he is still 19. Damn, he sounds like a child from what I wrote.

Sounds like he has a low mentality. Sounds like there could be some issues there.

Are you sure you want to be around that? Not saying that if he has truly mental problems but you need to think what is best for you.

You should know that your beautiful inside and outside without somebody else confirming that for you.

I know the old saying goes after hearing un truths for a long while sometimes you start to believe them as truths.

And you're still with him why? I'm not even the one dating him and I want to smack him for being so rude and hurtful. I'm sure my boyfriend does think other girls are pretty. Would he ever dare rub it in when talking to me? No way. The most he's ever said about other girls was that they were the "ok-looking" ones.

Sounds like you need to end this relationship hun.

Really this guy is poopy. Not even poopy, but he's a really bad boyfriend.

Gawd 3 years of that would drive me nuts. You NEED to be in a HEALTHY relationship.

ICK. Get rid of the turd.

Good luck!

Sarah

Well Love mean to love everything of the partner,its we who make things beautiful. The thing I feel beautiful may be you ll not feel the same way but when you say you love someone that mean you accept them with what that person has and love everything. You find beauty in your partner automatically so he say that he loves you and also say that you are not pretty both different ways lady, I am afraid he can be anything disappear person. So just told him about this and let him know may be he understand your problem because sometime boys just try to tell truth to her partner now matter how hurt so my personal advice is talk to him about this also

Thank you guys so much! I need to go to bed now but tomorrow I will have a clearer head. I will consider what you guys have said! :)

God, thinking about this is really making me feel depressed. Just the other week I was visiting him in college. He went over to his friend's room, where there was 2 guys and another female, and I followed. We were sitting watching Dukes of Hazard (the original series) and there was a scene with a girl in a bikini waving to get a car to stop for her. He yells "Hey I would do the same!" and turns around to look at me. He had the nerve to say to my face "no offense" and then proceeded to watch TV. I felt so embarrassed knowing that everyone else heard it. He acts so flirty and nice to everyone else and in close doors he berates me for not being outgoing enough with other people. I know this was a long time ago, but while we were still in HS, a girl at our table was showing off her boobs (can you get more insecure?). You know what he did? He jumped from his chair towards the table and everyone looked at him. I felt completely mortified knowing what everyone saw. I was sitting right next to him and he just took his attention away from me because some other girl was more... appealing to him. Even when we were at his college's play, he saw his female friend... to say "hello" he blew a kiss to her and then waved. I was sitting right next to him and I wanted to die. Who does this RIGHT in front of their girlfriend. I felt so disrespected and offended and I know if I were someone else and saw what HE DID, I'd judge him. I told him that I don't feel respected and he blows me off saying that he's just joking and it meant nothing.

Yesterday night when we were talking about how I felt, he said that he thought I "wasn't like other girls"--"how can you be so shallow"... I just saw a huge double standard...

I was always shy about showing my body to him because I have never done it before to another guy (he was my first boyfriend). Instead of reassuring me about my appearance and telling me that that he'll love whatever I look like... he makes fun of my nipples, calling them "ugly"... and gets weirded out because they were brown. I am Asian and he is Caucasian. Two weeks ago when he saw my vagina (not for the first time), he tells me that "vaginas are weird" and looks away. He was shocked at seeing stretchmarks on my hips.

He had the nerve to ask me to take pictures of my boobs when he insulted me initially.

Who the treats their girlfriend like this. Granted, when were starting to go out, I used to casually make fun of his mole. He told me how he didn't like it and I apologized and promised him I wouldn't make fun of it again. I have said nothing but good things about his appearance. He was happy that I understood how he felt and things went well. He can't seem to understand why I'm feeling this way... he didn't say that he was sorry.


I'm starting to doubt why I am even with him. Sure he told me that looks don't matter cause he loves me and loves being around me... but... words are cheap. :| I really want to see him just to punch his face. He's so goddamn immature and his mother even says that about him.

I don't really know what to do anymore. Besides this, he's great. He'll listen to me and cheer me up when I'm down (I'm not a depressed person). He's always eager to see me and loves to say that he loves me. We still continue to have sex when we can. He does say that he fantasizes about me, but that's because he's thinking of me pleasing him :/.

Oops, I made a mistake in my anecdote. I meant to say that while we were watching Dukes of Hazard, a guy stops for the girl because she was in a bikini. He said he would stop too.

He sounds better off as a friend than a boyfriend.

Now that I know that this is your first boyfriend AND he's treating you like this , I can assure you that this relationship will not survive.

No more making excuses for him.

Your wasting your time. Dump the dude.

Sarah

You know, there are guys out there that know how to talk to a woman with respect. These guys also know how to love their girlfriends just the way they are.

They also know how to use their brain.

I suggest trying to find one of THOSE guys to spend your time with.

Trade that monkey in for a man.

I wish you the best of luck.

Here's how I see it.

I have a feeling that this guy really isn't as attractive as you think he is. The only reason you're with him is because you think that nobody else but him would be into you. I think he knows this as well, so he takes advantage of it.

People will treat you in the way that you allow yourself to be treated. You need to dump this guy as quickly as possible.

I know the type: Douchebag with alpha male aspirations. The thing is that he probably comes off as a caricature of that Stifler guy from the American Pie movies. I know I've kind of dated myself with that reference but, oh well. The behaviour you've described comes off as cheezy and try-hard-ish on his part. You need to understand that you're associating yourself with this choad and looking like a sucker because of it. In all honesty, if I were in the same room as him, being a guy, I would probably strangle him because he sounds like an annoying geek.

Again, dump this moron.

He has serious self confident issues and he's using you as his punching bag

Some of the stuff you mention isn't out of the ordinary the comment during a movie,blowing someone a kiss it's the personal one-on-one things that is just desturbing to say the least.

You should have covered yourself (because he doesn't deserve to see your body) and slapped the shi* out of him and NEVER speak to him again that would have been the end of it for sooo many women.

TOSS HIM TO THE CURB - YOU DESERVE BETTER! In my estimation he is an abusive man. Vebally abusive men want to control women and so they say awful things to them to make them doubt themselves. Life's tough enough with someone that is good to you and who treats you well, but to have someone put you down is just awful. A real man that loves you will support you and will see you as beautiful regardless of any other women in skimpy outfits on TV. Throw him out with the garbage while there's time to regain your confidence!!

Not only is he a horrible boyfriend he is a totally clueless man who has no inkling about how to honor and respect the opposite sex.
I see him being a very lonely guy unless he grows up and gets a clue.
I think you should be the first girl to set him straight on the ins and outs of what makes a good partner and when you are done,move on and find a man who honors you.

That really hurts. But let your boyfriend think immature, because maybe that's how he can show and tell you that his brain is so tiny that he cannot see how beautiful you are. Or better yet talk to him and tell him that you don't like the way he makes fun of you because you felt like being insulted. About your stretch marks, we can do something about it. Instead of trying expensive, painful, invasive procedures which may or may not work, with just a little diligent self-maintenance and patience your marks will fade dramatically.

The regimen we look at entails repairing your multi-layered skin from the inside with water, good nutrition and exercise; and from the outside with exfoliation, massage and oils (olive oil, you can check here for benefits: olive oil beauty secrets).

All the natural, chemical free ingredients are conveniently found in your kitchen or local health store, generating the same results as expensive creams, but saving you a ton of money.

Drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day naturally hydrates your tissues, keeps your skin soft and elastic and helps keep collagen production at normal levels. Think of it as an internal moisturizer.

Oh, thanks for the tip! In actuality, I think I have very little stretch marks and they aren't even that noticeable unless you look closely. They only cover a bit on my hip bone. He had the nerve to freak out over something so little. Sad. For about 6 months I tried coconut oil, but it didn't do anything. I found out online that isn't anything you can do once the stretch marks have turned white.

After I dumped his stupid , he begged me to forgive him. That's when he started to say that he thinks I'm pretty now. Hahaha... After a long time talk, I decided to take him back, but the next time he even mentions one thing that's disrespectful in private or in public, I'm going to punch his stupid face and leave him for good.

Since this was the first time the conversation went this serious, I am willing to give him just one more chance. Then that's it.

Good luck to you with this guy and I hope he does treat you better... its not cool to be made to feel ugly or not pretty enough, and its even worse when its your partner that makes you feel worse about yourself.

I don't know if punching him in the face is the best way to go (I mean I'd do it, but I'm a guy), but yeah, if he doesn't make you feel good about yourself and continues to degrade you and compliment other girls, then he has to go...