Hi I am posting this question because I don't know what else to do. I have been in this relationship for over 13 months now and I am more confused by the day. We haven't had sex now in almost 9 months. Masturbation is getting boring and I won't stoop to cheating on him its not my style at all.
I will admit a lot of drama has gone down in the last 6 months or so but he has a way of twisting things around so that it is always my fault. He refers to sex as being the frosting on the cake and claims until our relationship is back on tract and he is able to trust me again with his feelings that he won't have sex with him. He continually asks me not to push him. If I try to kiss, hug, or show any kind of indication that I want to have sex with him he simply moves farther away from giving it to me. IS IT ME. I am an attractive woman who gets asked out my many people on a weekly basis. I don't want another man, I want this one. I love him very much. It seems like everyone that I talk to has the same answer dump his and move on he don't love you, or he is using you. Well using me for what? I don't understand.
He tells me he loves me or should I say he replys to my I love you more often than just offering a simple I love you on his own. He says he is simple in fact so simple that he is complicated. I have caught him in many, many lies in the past and I think he is now unable to trust that I trust him. Actually I'm not sure I do.
He hasn't slept here since March and this is now November. I am frustrated, annoyed, aggravated and feel semi insecure due to his actions. However I am an independent woman and able to stand on my own two feet at all times.
He lives with his parents at the age of 41 (why)? His mother seems to be the only person he will confide in with anything and to a point I can talk to her about things and she seems to keep our conversations in confidence.
He makes no effort to visit me other than maybe one day on the weekend but sometimes will go over two weeks without seeing me and seems to be unaffected by that even though he knows it drives me insaine. But he calls me at least 6 times a day without fail. I usually have to lead the conversations but I try to talk about everything and anything except my emotions and feelings because all it does is aggravate him more and push him farther.
He has asked me on several occasions not to push him, but its hard not to feel what I feel. He also says just because that's what I want him to do does not mean that he will and makes me very informed that he will move at his pace and not mine. He tells me if I want to walk then that's what I should do. But he knows I won't. OMG... what the hell do I friggin do HELP!! :mad:

WOW! Lots of red flags. Lives with parents?

No sex.

You know the answer... shut him off... new boy friend time. This is easy.

MMMM interesting. Not sure where to start actually.

Can I ask firstly why doesn't he trust you? What happened?

No boyfriend time... jesus there isn't hardly any now. I know why he lives with his parents but he has been given the opportunity to live here several times and won't take it. I am like nuts over this whole thing. It makes me not sleep at night.
I try to make myself as unavaliable to him as possible but he gets annoyed if he can't find me. Oh well I say. But still I am in love with this guy and my emotions make it hard. There are many many good times.. but why won't he hug me or even look me in the eye. If I ask he says STOP and here we go again with what he offers is never good enough and I always want more..

Why doesn't he trust you?

I think wildcat meant NEW boyfriend time

KRS... I never lied to him. He lies to me... his actions have caused my reactions I simply make him aware of my feelings and he don't like it. He says all I do is push... not true I want sex isn't that part of a relationship too... As to what happened, I talked to someone whom I didn't know hated him and she filled me in on a lot of his past and he got pissed that I did that. He says I should have told her to F**k off like he would have done and walked away and not listened to it. Then I got pissed and took all his crap out of my house and left it at his work for him to pick up... again he throws this in my face.. But I am so frustrated and at that point I had had enough...

"but why wont he hug me or even look me in the eye"

"He lies to me"

Please move on - it will be good for both of you.

Find a guy who is independent and you can have REAL intemacy with - this is not a relationship - it's not even a friendship.

I can sense your frustration.
Your boyfriend has serious issues girl. He need to pop a few chill pills, jesus! Besides he should forget it, while he isn't.

My advice would to tell him, you want a break. So it gives him time to sort his head out!

He says its hard to put behind him that I put his stuff to the curb sort of speaking. He seems to never be able to drop a subject. He won't even let me talk about having any kind of quality time... it only starts an argument about the same topic all the time. I have dumped out all my feelings at one point or another and he is receptive to them. He tells me he loves me but I am being selfish in being aggravated in not getting what I want. He says what about what he wants. He said our relationship is tight and strong enough and this will pass... but how much time to I waste? Do I wake up in a year and still be in the same bed... wow that's to long without sex... His idea of spending time on a weekend is playing cards with his parents.. I drive there and he never makes even a suggestion of coming back to my house for some quality time together... who the hell does that...

Can I ask you... ARE YOU HAPPY with him?

How long ago did this thing happen where u spoke to this person?

She can't be happy with him.

This guy does all that crap to manipulate and control. She must crave that - a lot of women do.

No sex in 9 months and she's still with him?

Im a women and I don't crave that at all :p

"spending time on a weekend is playing cards with his parents" he lives with them and then hangs out with them.

Move on. Come on - find a real man!!

I spoke with that person near the end of August at that point he was so furious with me he wouldn't even barly talk with me.. Because of all the issues caused me to dump his crap at his work.. and that happened at the beginning of October.. As for me being happy with this person... I love him very much, I would have no quams about spending the rest of my life with him if he would just come around and stop this nonsense.
I am a secure person and never had any issues with myself. I can't make him understand that any woman would have listened to the things that this woman had to say.. I told him he should have offered me things from his past that would have made me told this person hit the road you can't tell me anything he already hasn't.. His fault, his error not mine... but now I pay the price...
As for the fact of no sex before that from march to that point... couldnt tell you what the hell his issue was with that.. and when it did happen prior to that it only happened if I started it. He said he didn't have a chance to want it because I indicated it first... Now wouldn't you think a guy would want a woman who would never ever under any circumstances turn down his sex... and make it clear I wanted it from nobody but him.. To him I pushed the envelope with that to far... Excuse>? Or Reason? I'm so confused I don't have any idea anymore

I would tell him you want a break, you need space away from him, as this issue has got to far.
See what he says to that.

UMmmmmmmmmm No trust me I don't crave drama... I friggin hate it... Seriously you guys you have to understand I love this guy... Ok... prior situation I was married for 26 years to a man that was a saint... this is new to me and maybe I am useto being treated like a queen instead of an object...

I tried telling him to take space and time and let me know when he figures out his crap... He don't want that at all.. he said he loves me and all will be fine... but I guess I don't know if I have an answer on how long this will take and what if it don't

Well - you need it. Take a break from this guy and his small world.

Does he work even? Please tell me he has a job?

I absolutely don't see the attraction to this guy? Why would yo ugo through this another day - he isn't going to change.

Yes he works in fact he runs a large company... and that's part of the problem too... his job, he works over 60 hrs a week.. which cuts into a lot of our time.
Should I just be grateful for what he is giving now and stop being ungrateful for what isn't there like it should be?
He calls me from work sometimes at 11 at night and is still there... and NO he don't have a secretary

How old is he? Being overworked, overstressed, age and being tired can screw up a man's libido. Talk to him about making more time for the two of you alone then ask him to tell you what has been on his mind; but centering the problem around no sex makes it seem as if it is the most important thing in the relationship?

I would tell him to hit the door!! NO SEX!! That is insane... like the saying goes "there are more fish in the sea he's just the first one that bit the hook" let him go and find a real man!!