When I first met my boyfriend he was always so happy and full of life. Always down for a good time, and loved having me around and involved. I had recently split up with the father of my kids (I have 3 little girls 7,5 1/2, and 4 which he knew about from the start and didn't mind) who I had been with for 8 years, and was having a rough time adjusting to being a single mom (with work, and life in general). The girls' dad cut ties for the most part leaving me to take on all responsibilities alone and I got overwhelmed. My boyfriend was always there for me though, but the stress became too much and I let some really important things get messed up (like my job) and my normally on-top-of-it, responsible personality changed to one that was helpless and irresponsible.

One of the main reasons my boyfriend was attracted to me was because of how together and responsible I was. He said that's what he's been looking for... an independent woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it. My boyfriend is 39 and has always been self-employed, I am 23 and had a good job making 25.00/hour working in the telecommunicaitons industry under major pressure day-to-day. Once all the personal stress arose in my life, the career stress was too much and I quit (leaving me unemployed and needy). I thought, "Well, he's got his own business why couldnt I help him?", but he didn't see it that way. His image of me changed drastically, and I could sense that he started looking at me like an inconvenience rather than steel like he had before.

I have a job now, through a friend of his, which he still doesn't look at it the same as my other job. He has told me that he likes the person I was when we met, and not the person I am now... He never initiates sex, and even acts like it's a chore when we do do it (which is only if I start blowing him in his sleep or something pathetic like that). He took on finishing remodeling my house so that I wasn't living in a dump anymore, and since I wasn't working, put all the money involved out hisself (which he throws in my face all the time). I fully intend on paying him back and have started to, but that doesn't seem to be making a difference. He would have never went out to socialize anywhere without me before, and always wanted me to be included, now he is leaving me alone most of the time and a few times has not come home at all.

I know that fighting isn't the answer and avoid confrontation as much as possible, but if I don't say anything he seems to think it's OK. I love him and I trust him, but the change in his attitude and his image of me and lack of respect makes me think that he will soon stray. I've addressed this with him and he says he loves me and doesn't want anyone else but me, but his actions say different... What can I do to regain his respect and make him desire me like he did before? I am attractive and sexy, I have a nice body and take care of myself... so physically there is no where to improve... but because of all this myself confidence and self esteem is shot. Now having a job it is improving, but this is a huge road block in recovering completely. HELP ME!! What can I do??

Pressure - you put pressure on him - no one wants that. It's supposed to be FUN!!

You chnaged the dynamics of the relationship - you guys are supposed to have FUN and not put pressure on each other... askin gfor employment changed things.

The lack of sex bothers me - I am 40 and I can't get enough. Something isn't right there - truthfully - a mans sex drive can REALLy be a barometer of is health - has been to the doctor??

Wha tyou do is STOP being sooooo needy- give him a break - spend time with your kids - work out - do other things. Making hom WANT AND MISS you.

Like the song says, "you can go your own way". I think you should seriously look at getting all of your life together, minus boyfriend. Once you are successful and solidly on your feet, I would not be surprised of he comes around. But leave that door closed. I am sure it was, and still is, a stressful time for you. Don't crowd your life with any more than you can physically and emotionally handle. Are you seeing a doctor for your stress? We often forget to take care of yourselves, thinking that once a crisis has passed, that all will be well. Stress has many side effects - depression is one of them. Please make sure you are healthy and best of all to you.

Sounds like you have pushed him away??

Do you have totalk to all day long - 5 times a day??

You've answered your own question. The person he fell for is not the person you are now. You've changed. You've admitted you've changed. He liked the person he initially knew and isn't interested in the person you've become.

I can't blame him for not hiring you. I wouldn't want to be around the same person all the time either even if things were going great. I need some me time.

I almost get the impression you had not fully come to terms with the split of you husband either. Perhaps this was a rebound relationship and it's coming to the table now.

You should take some time away from him for yourself. You both have changed and need to reevaluate things. You don't sound happy and in love but miserable and lost . Concentrate on you and your kids, and the things that make you happy. Stop depending on him for anything.

Tal -you're a Bears fan?

(sorry to gey off subject)

Grew up in NW Indiana on the tip of Lake Michigan, spent a lot of time at the old White Sox Park and Soldier Field the museums and Aquarium. I know Chicago and the Bears like the back of my hand, your reference to Michael Jordan is not lost on me at all. The South Shore is the way to go from my house to the LOOP. I retired to Texas because as you know the winters can be brutal up there. I also like the Colts and Cowboys but the Bears ,we grew up together.

Well what u should tell him if he loves u then he should have no promble being a nem dad or being a part of the family and if he dose not love u then let that joker go o.k everything is going to be all right


Love,
diasia

Tell him the way you feel about his actions. Remind him about his former promises and do not forget to tell him frankly that he was the cause of the break up between you and your husband

Ahhh yea time to move on girlfriend. If he is not interested in you and apparently gets bores easily then you need to find someone that is compatible with you always and will make you feel safe secure and lvoed no matter what. NEXT!