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RMBAILEY · Aug 22, 2009, 10:23 PM

I have been married for a year but with the same guy for 8 years. We have a 7 and 1 year old, both boys. My husband has not been home for the past four days. Just yesterday first contacted me via text accusing me of cheating on him. I recently lost my job but collect unemployment. I got terminated for braking a policy I was unaware of.
He was informed by someone he will not mention that I got fired becase I stopped the affair with my manager and everyone at work is talking about it. It really upsets me because I do not cheat I am a very faithful person and I believe I treat my husband very well. I called several people asking them about rumors at the work place each one stated nothing is never said negative about me. I would just like my husband home and to get on with our life. I hope to God he is not cheating on me but I have no idea. How do I convince him I have not cheated?

N0help4u · Aug 22, 2009, 11:00 PM

Him accusing you means one of two things.
Either your work IS telling him the stories and he chooses to believe them over hearing you out. Which shows where his loyalty to your marriage lies

OR

He is guilty of cheating and he is accusing you as an excuse to leave you instead of confusing and leaving.

Either way he is not doing right by you.

Do you know where he is staying? What he is up to? I don't think I would be trusting him all that much right now.

azdesertchick · Aug 22, 2009, 11:00 PM

I hate to say it but you can't convince him. Being together as long as you have your word should be good enough. Is there any reason at all you can think of that would have triggered him not trusting your word? It seems so odd that someone would spread such a vicious rumor. All I can say is the next time you talk to him let him know again that there is no truth to this and maybe suggest he call and talk directly to your manager although it seems to me he should trust you and I'd suggest that you guys seek counseling and let him know you're worried about him. Ask him to come home so you guys can talk things out. Good luck!

Gemini54 · Aug 23, 2009, 01:56 AM

Something else is going on here. Husbands don't just not come home for 4 days and then accuse their wives of cheating.

If you treat your husband so well, why would he behave like this? What was going on previous to this, and what was the policy you broke that got you fired, than you were unaware of?

Regardless of what the reasons are for his behavior, I doubt that life will go back to what it was - it sounds as if your marriage is in serious trouble, and as if communication has broken down completely between you both.

Text him and ask him to come home, it's time to be completely honest with each other.

Jake2008 · Aug 23, 2009, 03:16 AM

This sounds fishy to me.

No offense, but you must have done something seriously wrong to have been fired over a workplace policy. Privacy would suggest that your boss didn't tell anyone the reasons for you being fired, so is it possible people just surmised that you had been cheating with him?

Someone contacted your husband with specific information. Why would they do that, and pass on an unfounded rumour that would surely cause a huge rift in your marriage. And enough of a shock to your husband that he hasn't been home for four days.

It almost sounds like a confirmation to him that something was going on at work, and things weren't right. When you were finally fired, his worst fears were realized? Right or wrong, whatever he was told is somehow tied into you being fired.

Surely there must have been conversation between the two of you prior to all of this happening. Was he accusing you of having an affair? Were you both arguing about it? Is he an extremely jealous man? Was he looking for an excuse to leave because things weren't going well at home anyway, and this was a good reason?

Have either of you been unfaithful during the marriage?

More information would be helpful in figuring this out.

RMBAILEY · Aug 23, 2009, 05:50 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

This sounds fishy to me.

No offense, but you must have done something seriously wrong to have been fired over a workplace policy. Privacy would suggest that your boss didn't tell anyone the reasons for you being fired, so is it possible people just surmised that you had been cheating with him?

Someone contacted your husband with specific information. Why would they do that, and pass on an unfounded rumour that would surely cause a huge rift in your marriage. And enough of a shock to your husband that he hasn't been home for four days.

It almost sounds like a confirmation to him that something was going on at work, and things weren't right. When you were finally fired, his worst fears were realized? Right or wrong, whatever he was told is somehow tied into you being fired.

Surely there must have been conversation between the two of you prior to all of this happening. Was he accusing you of having an affair? Were you both arguing about it? Is he an extremely jealous man? Was he looking for an excuse to leave because things weren't going well at home anyway, and this was a good reason?

Have either of you been unfaithful during the marriage?

More information would be helpful in figuring this out.

I was fired for breaking a policy on doing a withdrawl and then a loan from one register to another everything was documented and put in the system and I had a floor manager verify and the safe balanced out the next day. The policy states you can only take loans out of the safe. I did not no that. I was fired in June and this just happened the manager just got fired 6 weeks ago for stealing money. Supposedly there is a girl he was sleeping with, her name was Beth.
The night he didn't come home everything was fine up to the time I went top bed(He works till 3am) texting and one phone call of missing and loving each other. Things have been going pretty good at home I do everything and he goes to work. It does not bother me as long as he is happy.
I have never been unfaithful and I don't believe that he has, everythings been okay up to this point. We all have arrguments every now and then but nothing to cry about.

Jake2008 · Aug 23, 2009, 07:40 AM

Thank you for that, it puts a bit more light on this.

So there was an affair in the office, but it wasn't you! Your husband has been given some bad information.

It sounds like your husband is using that as an excuse for his own behaviour, even though it is untrue that you were unfaithful.

I just don't understand what motivates him to run with false information, and not even talk to you about it. Especially when everything was fine at home; he won't even give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish I had some sense of what's going on with him, but I'm just as baffled as you are.

I hope you will post again when he does call you. If you can find out where he is, maybe confront him about what's going on.

From what you've said, I do hope some answers are coming soon.

RMBAILEY · Sep 3, 2009, 12:56 AM

So here it goes he comes home about 7 days of being gone. Their was a lot of emotions from the both of us. He trusts me that I did not have an affair. He takes some time off work so we can figure things out. He had a doctor appointment Wednesday. He goes fishing Friday morning. On Monday he goes to the doctor so he can be realsed to work. He went to work and again did not come home. Tuesday when he came home he told me how sorry he was and he messed up and crashed at a friends house(to drunk to drive). So today I got upset with him consistently talking on his phone and somewhat hidding it. It then all came out how he was at a girls house all those times he did not come home. He says nothing ever happened and I believe him but he won't stop talking or hanging out with her. I am sorry but I should come first and the fishing trip she was there. I am upset but I really don't think I am wrong. I do not like the fact he lies so much.

Gemini54 · Sep 3, 2009, 01:15 AM

Originally Posted by RMBAILEY

So here it goes he comes home about 7 days of being gone. Their was a lot of emotions from the both of us. He trusts me that I did not have an affair. He takes some time off work so we can figure things out. He had a doctor appointment Wednesday. He goes fishing Friday morning. On Monday he goes to the doctor so he can be realsed to work. He went to work and again did not come home. Tuesday when he came home he told me how sorry he was and he messed up and crashed at a friends house(to drunk to drive). So today I got upset with him consistently talking on his phone and somewhat hidding it. It then all came out how he was at a girls house all those times he did not come home. He says nothing ever happened and I belive him but he won't stop talking or hanging out with her. I am sorry but I should come first and the fishing trip she was there. I am upset but I really don't think I am wrong. I do not like the fact he lies so much.

Yes, you should come first. He has lied and deceived you. There are no excuses for this. He has to make a choice - to repair his marriage and put you first, or to leave.

Interesting that he accused you of having an affair when it was him being dishonest. This is called 'projection'. Don't believe him that nothing happened with the girl - he's lied about everything else hasn't he?

You are not wrong to be upset! Put your foot down and make a stand!

I wish · Sep 3, 2009, 06:38 AM

Seems pretty clear that he cheated, whether emotionally or physically. He also lied to you.

The trust has clearly been broken. You don't have to give him the benefit of the doubt anymore. He's the one who had issues and instead of trying to sort them out with you, he just confided in another woman without even giving the marriage a chance to work itself out.

This is a huge problem and if you don't sit down to try to work it out. Things might never be the same. Furthermore, since he's the one who broke the trust, he's the one who's going to have to do most of the damage control and repairing. If you're not satisfied with his progress and effort, then don't continue to suffer.

I know you love him and you don't want to be away from him, but you have two children and their interests has to come first. If you don't have a healthy relationship with your husband, then your children aren't in a healthy environment.

talaniman · Sep 3, 2009, 03:52 PM

So after blaming you for what he is indeed doing, he refuses to do the right things now to repair things? Unbelievable.

When he leaves, change the locks, and don't even try talking to him, until this chick is total history.