Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    lpearson244's Avatar
    lpearson244 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 4, 2006, 10:56 AM
    Kick out my 18 yr old stepdaughter
    How do I legal have my 18 year old stepdaughter removed from my house..
    All she does is eat ,sleep and party... shes on juvy probation, mother won't help tries to protect her no matter what she does... a spoiled brat who can't hold a job nor has she finished school... my love for her mom may not be strong enough to keep them both.
    I have parkinsons and this stress is more than I can handle... love mom hate daughter...
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #2

    Nov 4, 2006, 11:36 AM
    Ok as long as mom says the girl can stay, not much you can do.

    You have to tell mom that she has to go or else and be ready to live up to it. ( if she is violating her probation, report her to the probation officer)
    andrewcocke's Avatar
    andrewcocke Posts: 439, Reputation: 22
    Full Member
     
    #3

    Nov 5, 2006, 08:08 AM
    I will also add, that if I were in your shoes and my wife just REFUSED to accept the problem that has happened, I would personally be trying to find an apartment for myself.

    Most spouces are supportive however when it comes time to give an unruly "adult child" a little hard love.

    Im waiting for the day when our 7 year old says "when Im 18, you can't tell me what to do!". My wife and I both look at each other and grin...

    She's right, I can't tell her what to do, not as long as she's in the my house.

    You needs to set house rules. If she is out of school, she needs to get a job and pay rent. You need to give her a warm welcome into the adult world.
    She needs to learn that life isn't about parties and sleeping, and god knows what else.
    You wife needs to back you. If not then you might want to consider leaving, after all, its easier to leave than to remove two people from your home.

    As the child is 18, you two have no children, shouldn't be any fuss legally. Speak with a layer if you have any concerns.
    JoeinOrlando's Avatar
    JoeinOrlando Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Dec 9, 2006, 07:08 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lpearson244
    How do I legal have my 18 year old stepdaughter removed from my house..
    all she does is eat ,sleep and party....shes on juvy probation,,mother wont help tries to protect her no matter what she does...a spoiled brat who can't hold a job nor has she finished school...my love for her mom may not be strong enough to keep them both.
    i have parkinsons and this stress is more than i can handle.....love mom hate daughter...
    I understand what you are going through. I have a 18 year old step daughter and all she do is tell me to F-off and does nothing but eat, sleep, and watch Tv and internet(myspace). I don't know what to do either but if things don't get better I'm going to split cause I know the wife will pick her over me.

    Joe in Orlando
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
     
    #5

    Dec 9, 2006, 07:13 AM
    Actually, this is what almost broke up my husband and I. I put his bratty kids down as the reason I wasn't coming home when they visited. Then I stayed with a girlfriend and he saw the light. His ex wife was empowering them to act up while here as a means of breaking up their relationship with their father. It was all really sad and so very damaging to those kids too. If the biological parent doesn't deal with their offspring, then you must deal with the biological parent, your partner, and not the child to be effective.
    LauraJane's Avatar
    LauraJane Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Oct 16, 2007, 06:33 PM
    Wow, I'm glad to see other people have the same problems. MY daughter is all the above and then some. Can't hold down a job, drinks smokes pot, eats, sleeps and doesn't pick up a thing. Then there's the violence and breaking stuff around the house. She is supposed to be on medication but won't because her doctor wouldn't prescribe her vallum. She is such a head case. She (we've) been in counseling for about 5 years. She has been on probation for about 2 years but got off when she turned 18. She started on probation for poisoning my food. I am the one in my family who wants her out. Everyone is afraid of her. She also has 3,000.00 in fines. My husband (her stepfather of 10 years) and Grandfather (only 5 blocks away) have this idea that we can save her. I can't see that happening. It's been 4 years of constant struggle. There are no hospitals for me to send her and I don't have the money to try much else. All the police do is give her tickets. And everyone else just says... kick her out. First off, I would need the support of my husband and my father (her grandfather) to do that. Plus, I do honestly believe she wouldn't make it. Heck, she doesn't want to change. She also constantly lies. Plus, I also have a 15 year old wonderful boy who is completely the opposite. Great head on his shoulders. He is the one who comforts me. I try not to lean on him though. It's hard when he finds me crying. I feel like I'm screwed until she ends up in jail or dead. My heart is breaking.
    Chris in Alaska's Avatar
    Chris in Alaska Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Dec 24, 2007, 09:05 AM
    Yes, it seems that misery loves company! I have an 18 yr old stepson who is doing the same thing. I too battle with my spouse over what to do with him. From an early age, he was a troubled child. We tried everything from medication, psychiatrists, psychologists, individual and family counseling. As parents we have tried every method known to cope and deal with his extreme behavior, all with varying degrees of success, but none that proved truly worthwhile. All of our efforts have been unfruitful and it seems like all we do anymore is put band aids on an increasingly infected wound.

    I have been in the military for 16 yrs and my wife has worked in child development for the past 16 yrs. Although we have had our differences in dealing with and raising our children, we have always been able to compromise or finally come to an agreement. Now that our son is 18, we tend to disagree more and more. The problem is that our son has learned the art of deception and manipulation. He has admitted to me that he does not care about what I feel or want and that no matter what he does, his mother will always have his back. He thinks that I am afraid to discipline him or leave my wife if the situation is warranted. I am not afraid to make these decisions, but the real problem is that my wife and I love each other and have no other reason for divorce other than the fact that she cannot let go. I agree with her that our son clearly has mental issues, but as I stated before, none of the treatment methods proved effective. My wife and I are discussing another course of counseling, but I am not sure he will be willing to attend. Although my wife and I have agreed to continue to seek help and services for him, I feel that it is past time for him to show some personal responsibility for his actions and respect to the hands that feed him. His daily routine consists of sleeping odd hours, internet and video games. He rarely does his chores and when he does, they are not to our household standard. He also scoffs at the rules of the house and when he is corrected, he shows more contempt towards me because I do not tolerate his laziness, rudeness, and/or disrespectful attitude. He says that I am constantly trying to pick a fight when I ask or tell him what he needs to do. He also says that I have no right to tell him to do anything since he is 18 and an adult. Me and his mother both agree that he is wrong with this last statement, but his mother is blinded by her love for him and does not see his manipulation or disrespect. She tries to find a positive in all his actions, even the most devious ones and does not hold him accountable. She also allows him to sell his responsibility instead of him just saying that he is at fault and owning up to it. It makes me so angry that when I try to defend her or discipline him for bad behavior, she ends up getting angry with me for getting angry! I am definitely stuck between a rock and hard place!

    We also have another son who will be 13 soon. He has begun to emulate some of the same behavior patterns as his older brother. He is a great kid, but recently he has begun to fail school and has begun to show signs of strange and unexplained illnesses. He has missed more school this year due to illness than ever before. We have had physicians check him out, but so far, all tests have come up negative. I am deeply concerned that all the fighting and arguments have affected him physiologically and begun the cycle of behavior problems in him as well. I want to get him freed from his current environment, but I fear that divorce will only lend to his problems. The only healthy option that I can see is that his brother needs to move on. My wife wants me to hold on for 5 months until summer (we live in Alaska), but I don’t think I can even make it another month. I think that we have been waiting around for him to get it together for too long as it is!
    Darltk's Avatar
    Darltk Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Jun 21, 2009, 09:23 AM

    Maybe I need to count my blessings after reading someof the issues. My stepdaughter has never wanted me around. She is now 23. I married her mom 6 years ago when the stepdaughter was 15. She has hardly ever wanted to speak to me, never has had any chores. Acts like I'm the enemy. I believe since her dad was never part of her life this may be a cause. She did graduate from college and can't find a job. She either eats, sleeps or hangs out with her friends, especially at night. This has been the case since she was 16. The positives are that she does interview and she does not talk back but that is probably because I do not tell her what to do and we don't talk much anyway. I don't start anything or say too much in order to keep the peace. I learned years ago who's side would be taken and almost left a few times. She did also invite me to her graduation so that's a start. However, I work full time and teach on the side. I also do house work and yard work. I believe this is a generational thing because the wife was an only child and her mother did not make her do anything and it shows. When things are not clean it bothers me but does not seem to bother anyone else in the house. I mop, clean rooms, bathrooms, yard work,etc. Wife does things occasionally. She does have a job where she works from home but she is not much of a house wife. Did not know this until after marriage. I was told by the Mother-In-Law that I was the adult and should take the high road when I complained about the stepdaughter. I knew then how it was. So I guess it is bothersome because there are no rules which I had when I was growing up.

    Sometimes flustered in MI.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
    Internet Research Expert
     
    #9

    Jun 21, 2009, 01:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by lpearson244 View Post
    How do I legal have my 18 year old stepdaughter removed from my house..
    all she does is eat ,sleep and party....shes on juvy probation,,mother wont help tries to protect her no matter what she does...a spoiled brat who can't hold a job nor has she finished school...my love for her mom may not be strong enough to keep them both.
    i have parkinsons and this stress is more than i can handle.....love mom hate daughter...
    What state is this in ? The reason for asking is because in some states child support would continue until 21 years of age. So in that sense you would have to carry the obligation to 21. You really need to seek help with all this and see if you can become functional again or if your going to have to seek a lawyer for your future needs.
    ctmallam's Avatar
    ctmallam Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #10

    Aug 9, 2009, 09:40 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Chris in Alaska View Post
    Yes, it seems that misery loves company! I have an 18 yr old stepson who is doing the exact same thing. I too battle with my spouse over what to do with him. From an early age, he was a troubled child. We tried everything from medication, psychiatrists, psychologists, individual and family counseling. As parents we have tried every method known to cope and deal with his extreme behavior, all with varying degrees of success, but none that proved truly worthwhile. All of our efforts have been unfruitful and it seems like all we do anymore is put band aids on an increasingly infected wound.

    I have been in the military for 16 yrs...
    Are you still on here. I'm in the same boat as you! Although my step-son is only 15. I'll still be in the military when he turns 18. I've raised this boy since he was 2, but I fear that he might still be living with us after he graduates.
    Jillian11905's Avatar
    Jillian11905 Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #11

    Aug 26, 2009, 11:44 AM

    My boyfriend is having similar problems with his son and he just turned 14. It's kind of hard to tell a parent what to do because we all have a different approach when it comes to parenting. If it was my dad, he would make it to where he would want to get out of there as soon as possible. Tough love is what it takes. If he/she is living under your roof, they must live by your rules. If the mom is hindering that she needs rules too. You all have to live together and with your condition you can do without the stress. But what my dad does to his brother is be brutally honest with him and stay on him about what he isn't doing and that was enough to make him want to get out and do something so he wouldn't be stuck there. To me it sounds like your step daughter is extremely spoiled with little to no rules. Not on your part but the mothers. I think you should have a talk with Mom and let her know how you feel and why.
    spotdy's Avatar
    spotdy Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #12

    Jul 26, 2010, 07:59 PM

    Agreed she needed to find a better place to live and leave you guys alone, just wait till she get off probation then tell to get marry and get out or if she don't want to then tell her to go live with some of her B-G friends for 3 month then you'll see a good result (fact) she mite learn how to make money by her self or find a permitnet job, when she's living with some one else no one is welling to support her that makes it better for her to learn how to feed her self with her own hand meaning aldut hood, I'm hmong and in our culture we boy have more rights than girls the fact is that a girl can go and come but the boys get to stays with the family wich mean the girl can get out whenever she want cause she going to be the our special guest some day plus she can go and have sex with anyone and get pregnant with some dude and come home with a unexpect reslut that's Y we careless about girls like someone like your sis man wish you were Hmong so you can make her stay home, work to pay for rent and you can be the boss at home well not only her who's paying for rent you know what I mean that's Y our mom and dad are so strict with our sister cause they are spoiled once they trun teens so the moral of this suject is girls who live with supporting family are more likely to spoil there self Y well I have and EX-girl friends that did the same thing to her family and cheat behinde my back and got pregnant with some dude and got marry with the wrong dude that abuse her lol that's what you get for cheating behinde my back Ahole lol well I also have a same problem happenning at our house intsead it's my 30 year old brother who refues to work to pay rent and still living under mom and dad's roof lol how funny ? I know he spoil himself no one did it just himself spoil himself lol Ooo and wrost than that he try to kill our family 3 times Y so many times cause he still think we're supporting him and Y didn't we call the cops cause he'll cut the telephone wire before he do anything, I know before he do anything like that I'll tell the family to hide behide me for protection I'm no hero but he got to go through me frist I'm sorry but that's the risk I'm willing to take for my family ? Man he try to stab me once before that but I was fighting back with one small stick, so I got lucky that time. Dam how I want that B*%#$* out of my house plus he smoke a lot of meth(crack), abusive, and always asking for money and if we don't give it to him then he mite kill us again. Spoil basterd an he an't got no where to go too no green card no citizenship nothing at all so how can he live in US? If only I know ASPA phone number so they can take him back to thailand than all this would just be a dream thanks for listening
    GV70's Avatar
    GV70 Posts: 2,918, Reputation: 283
    Family Law Expert
     
    #13

    Jul 27, 2010, 01:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lpearson244 View Post
    ...my love for her mom may not be strong enough to keep them both.
    :):):):)
    hagbard15's Avatar
    hagbard15 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #14

    May 12, 2011, 05:58 AM
    Doesn't sound like any one has an answer to the original post - what can I legally do to remove my stepdaughter from the house? I am in the sam predicament. My stepdaughter is now telling me she can bring her drug addict friends in my house because she lives here. I want her gone but would rather not go to jail or get fined for doing it. Any legal help would be appreciated. She's a dangerous little ***** and I want her gone.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search



View more questions Search