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lshadylady · Jul 6, 2009, 02:48 PM

[i want something to be wrong with me. I like being damaged. I want to have a mental illness or for something bad to happen to me. Its exciting to me. I feel that I have problems now but I want more. I want to feel more pain and cry more. Not physical pain but emotional. I want to feel like the worst person on earth. I want self destruction. What's wrong with me?? I think I might just want attention but I always push people away.QUOTE=;][/QUOTE]

My daughter knows a girl who feels like you do. The reason she feels that way is because she does not feel anything. She really doesn't care. She try's to care and can't. She has very few feelings but wants to have feelings so she can be like the rest of the people. She is mentally ill and goes for therapy every day but it is not helping yet. Maybe it never will. Maybe that is just you. Your personality. You may not really care, you are just curious what it would be like to get emotional. Perhaps you should learn to accept yourself before you wish for something different. A lot of people say they wish they did not care so much.

Simone21295 · Jul 6, 2009, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by jennifer1010

I like what most have said here. But from first hand experience I can tell you a little story that might hopefully change your mind..

When I was about 15 my parents decided to move our family to a new town. Better schooling, better homes, better everything. I remember my parents would say that. I grew up in a very strict family. I couldn't go out with friends just for fun, I couldn't have a boyfriend, and couldn't do anything that a normal teenager could do. I started doing a ton of things that I said I would never do like cutting, drugs, drinking all because I thought I'd feel better if people felt sorry for me and I liked the depression feeling. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd at school. I used to sit there and actually wish that I had more problems than I actually did. I remember thinking how it would be cool if someone close to me passed away, so people would feel bad for me. God knows all the problems that I did have. Anyways this went on for about two years. I had a huge connection with my grandmother. She was the only person in my family to actually let me be a normal teen. When she noticed I was changing she told me things would get better and she had faith that I'd recover. I completely ignored what my grandmother had to say even when she tried to get me some profession help. One month after that very conversation she passed away. I learned that she died because of a cardiac arrest. I became devastated. This was not what I wanted. This was not what I planned. I to this day feel horrible about not trying to get help. I feel horrible that I wished for something horrible like that to happen to me. This wasn't the "depression" I wanted.
So, Be careful what you wish for.
And Please my dear, try and get some help.

I don't like to talk about my feelings with people in person. It makes me feel incomfortable. I don't talk to my mom about my problems and feelings. She's no help and she's always tired from working so much. Yes I do want attention but that's not why I'm posting this. Everything I said is completely true.

Simone21295 · Jul 6, 2009, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by lshadylady

[i want something to be wrong with me. i like being damaged. i want to have a mental illness or for something bad to happen to me. its exciting to me. i feel that i have problems now but i want more. i want to feel more pain and cry more. not physical pain but emotional. i want to feel like the worst person on earth. i want self destruction. whats wrong with me?!?!?! i think i might just want attention but i always push people away.QUOTE=;]

My daughter knows a girl who feels like you do. The reason she feels that way is because she does not feel anything. She really doesn't care. She try's to care and can't. She has very few feelings but wants to have feelings so she can be like the rest of the people. She is mentally ill and goes for therapy every day but it is not helping yet. Maybe it never will. Maybe that is just you. Your personality. You may not really care, you are just curious what it would be like to get emotional. Perhaps you should learn to accept yourself before you wish for something different. A lot of people say they wish they did not care so much.[/QUOTE]

But I think I am a very emotional person.

lshadylady · Jul 6, 2009, 11:23 PM

Originally Posted by Simone21295

My daughter knows a girl who feels like you do. The reason she feels that way is because she does not feel anything. She really doesn't care. She try's to care and can't. She has very few feelings but wants to have feelings so she can be like the rest of the people. She is mentally ill and goes for therapy every day but it is not helping yet. Maybe it never will. Maybe that is just you. Your personality. You may not really care, you are just curious what it would be like to get emotional. Perhaps you should learn to accept yourself before you wish for something different. A lot of people say they wish they did not care so much.

But I think I am a very emotional person.[/QUOTE]

Then you are not like the person I speak of, and thank goodness. That would be so difficult to overcome. Enjoy your emotions and when a catastrophe happens, remember to be strong and deal with it and you will know why people do not want those things to happen. Good luck and God Bless You. Maybe someone else knows what you should do about it if anything,

mudweiser · Jul 6, 2009, 11:58 PM

Why not go online and look at world news? Read about women being trafficked for sex. Read about the war in Iraq. Watch the movie Zeitgeist and learn something. Why not read about your country and what is happening around the globe. Read about how many children are abducted per year and how many are raped, murdered or molested.

Go to Peta and watch videos of animals being slaughtered for food or skinned for fur.

These things will educate you bring up feelings AND maybe just maybe instead of wanting problems instead you'll use your nogging to learn about things.

Get smart not emotionally drained.

NOTE: Words in blue means you can click them, they'll bring you to a site.

Sarah

taoplr · Jul 7, 2009, 12:01 AM

Originally Posted by Simone21295

i did think about those questions you asked over and over again. i dont know the answer to some but ill tell u what im thinking.
1. im not sure, but i want to find out. i dont know if its possible to have enough, but if it was then i would explore it.
2. i would enjoy it and then ill use it to figure out the answers to other things.
3. ive tried enjoying life, but id rather not. id rather pick out all the bad things and hate life. i want to hate things, its more interesting. theres a reason behind hating something but theres not always a reason behind liking something, like a favorite color for example. if i didnt get what it i would keep trying.
4. what comes up is a lot of why questions. also i compare how being happy makes me feel compared to how being depressed makes me feel. i also find excuses for the things and people that make me cry and those are the thoughts i try to ignore. finding excuses wood make feel better but i dont want that.

So you're a problem solver, an inner explorer, currently specializing in the negative perspective. Then you should know that the "why" questions are not that useful in your exploration. "What do I get from hating?" is more productive for discovering what you seek than "Why do it prefer to hate?" The why questions each produce a "Because" and then some justification. The what questions give you information about how you work inside.

I challenge your idea that there is a reason behind hating and not behind liking. If you really want to figure things out, and not just convince yourself of a hard-negative-edge position that refuses to dare loving, I suggest that you spend more time asking what you get from each piece of your puzzle. What do you get from hate? Love? Depression? What does the part of you that energizes your choice to go deep into the worst possibilities do for you?

I don't know if you will take the time to learn how to look into yourself in an exploratory and genuinely curious way. But if you get quiet enough, and keep asking questions that reveal the payoffs you get from taking the path you have described, you will be pleasantly surprised by the new choices you find.

Then, you can decide if you will ignore feeling good , or let yourself enjoy it this time.

Tao

Clough · Jul 7, 2009, 12:10 AM

Hi again, Simone21295!

What positive thing would be gained if you were to get your wish, please?

Please just write the first thing that comes to your mind...

Thanks!

Simone21295 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:40 AM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi again, Simone21295!

What positive thing would be gained if you were to get your wish, please?

Please just write the first thing that comes to your mind...

Thanks!

The 1st thing that comes to my mind is nothing. Nothing positive can come from it because I don't want it to be positive. Pain isn't considered to be a positive thing because it makes you feel bad, but I want to feel bad.

lshadylady · Jul 7, 2009, 07:28 AM

The 1st thing that comes to my mind is nothing. Nothing positive can come from it because I don't want it to be positive. Pain isn't considered to be a positive thing because it makes you feel bad, but I want to feel bad

I guess you could say that for you, Pain is positive. Even though you are an emotional person, the need to feel pain says to me that you do not feel pain or you would not wish to feel pain.

shazamataz · Jul 7, 2009, 07:50 AM

I love Muddys comment.

If you want to feel bad and feel pain go volunteer at an animal shelter, help them put down all the innocent animals, that will make you feel really bad.

Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or charity, see all the people coming in without a penny to their name and just the clothes on their back.

It might put things into perspective for you.

artlady · Jul 7, 2009, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Simone21295

Its hard to explain. Those feelings interest me. I want to figure them out. Find out why. I enjoy those feelings. I want to know if pain really is all in your head and if so why and how and why do I want it. What's the best thing that could happen? I wood get what I wanted. I wood be happy if I felt like the worst person and to cry more. Its complicated and hard to explain.

You need to get psychiatric help.
You have an unhealthy obsession with mental illness and only a trained professional can get to the reasons behind your obsession.
Through talk therapy,you will hopefully come to the realization that life is too short to want to spend any of it in an unhappy place.
I hope you seek the help you need.

Simone21295 · Jul 7, 2009, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by lshadylady

But I think I am a very emotional person.

Then you are not like the person I speak of, and thank goodness. That would be so difficult to overcome. Enjoy your emotions and when a catastrophe happens, remember to be strong and deal with it and you will know why people do not want those things to happen. Good luck and God Bless You. Maybe someone else knows what you should do about it if anything,[/QUOTE]

But I can just as easily detach myself from everything and sometimes not care about anything including myself and sometimes I think I care too much and take things to seriously, but isn't that just being a moody teen?

Simone21295 · Jul 7, 2009, 08:42 AM

Originally Posted by artlady

You need to get psychiatric help.
You have an unhealthy obsession with mental illness and only a trained professional can get to the reasons behind your obsession.
Through talk therapy,you will hopefully come to the realization that life is too short to want to spend any of it in an unhappy place.
I hope you seek the help you need.

I don't think I want to, but if I did she doesn't have the time or money to take me there. As for a school counselor I'm on summer vaction.

artlady · Jul 7, 2009, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Simone21295

i dont think i want to, but if i did she doesnt have the time or money to take me there. as for a school counselor im on summer vaction.

Many communities have free mental health clinics and or sliding scale treatment(you pay according to income).
If you belong to a church,you can also get pastoral counseling.Free.

Here is a link for mental health for youth in your area.
They should be able to direct you to the proper channel.Please seek help honey,if you tackle this issue now,you can have a happy fulfilling life.You deserve it!

Home - The Federation of Families of South Carolina

Simone21295 · Jul 7, 2009, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by artlady

Many communities have free mental health clinics and or sliding scale treatment(you pay according to income).
If you belong to a church,you can also get pastoral counseling.Free.

Here is a link for mental health for youth in your area.
They should be able to direct you to the proper channel.Please seek help honey,if you tackle this issue now,you can have a happy fulfilling life.You deserve it!

Home - The Federation of Families of South Carolina

no... I don't want to solve my issues with therapy. I want to understand my issues with therapy.

artlady · Jul 7, 2009, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by Simone21295

no... i dont want to solve my issues with therapy. i want to understand my issues with therapy.

Understanding is half the battle.Best of luck and please check out the link.

lshadylady · Jul 7, 2009, 09:49 AM

Yes, that would be the perfect job in that situation. Comfort a puppy while it has to die.And that is not a joke! Someone has to do it and they both would benefit.

You need to follow Artladies advice and sooner the better.

shazamataz · Jul 7, 2009, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by artlady

Understanding is half the battle.Best of luck and please check out the link.

Told you it would be lost :)

Alty · Jul 7, 2009, 12:19 PM

I've read this thread from front to back and I have to say, this just sounds like a bored teen that wants a bit of attention.

Every suggestion has been turned down. Why?

If this is a mental problem then there's really nothing any of us can do, the OP needs professional help and soon.

There are a few things that spring to mind, and all of them are for attention. We're feeding her that attention, and therefore feeding the disease.

Just my opinion.

artlady · Jul 7, 2009, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

Told you it would be lost :)

It would appear so ;)