I have 3 children..

31 year old son Neil... a DR.
30 year old son Chad.. I have no idea
21 year old daughter... vet tech..

I married my high school sweet heart... and he was abusive... It took me 25 years... and getting a job where I could support myself... to find out that I was "worth somethign" and did not deserve the abuse..

I filed for divorce... 1998..

Between 1998 and 2009... I have lost my kids...

They hate me...

I know that I lost my 2nd son over money... So Sad..

I lot my daughter... after her actions of being a spoiled brat... She accused me of Child Abuse... (WRONG) and took me to court... The Judge laughed at her... and I am free..

My 1st son... the Dr.

Well.. this is what happened...

Remember... things between us are tense..

I was invited to babysit my grand-daughter... for the 2nd time in her 28 months on this earth... that is right.. I am the B Grand-parent...

BUT... by accident... as we were playing.. at their home.. the ball we were throwing went into a basket on the counter...

When I retrived it... I saw a piece of paper with the Heading... "GOODWILL"

At first I thought... OH... are the kids in this much trouble that they are shopping Goodwill... I know that my son is in intership... but she has a good job... My 2nd thought was... well... That is where I bought my kids clothes.. and I was proud..

SO... I looked at the list... and it was very familiar...

It was the Christmas list I had for my son and his wife... and MY grand-daughter..

Everything I gave to them... They turned around and gave to the Goodwill... and wanted a tax write off... to BOOT!

I was HURT!

It took me a few months... but on March 3rd... I got up the nerve to call my son... I said What is the Deal?. Why do you give everything I give to your family to Goodwill?.

He played dumb... and I was embarrassed for calling...

BUT... he called me back in less than 1 minute...

THIS IS WHAT HE SAID TO ME:

I dare you... NO... I f.nk. Dare you call me at this hour (9:10PM)... my child was asleep, my wife... NO... my Pregnant wife was asleep...

AND you call me about something so petty...

Don't ever call this number again...

I never want to see you again..

AND your grand-daughter... you will never see her again..

AND your grand-daughter to be born... YOU will never lay eyes on her...

AND WHEN you DIE... none of your kids will be at your funeral... BECAUSE>>> WE>>> ALL>>> HATE YOU>>>


What did I do to deserve this?

Ok, so you will not like what I have to say, but you wrote in, so I will say it. I know that there are two sides to every story! The fact that all three kids have the same feelings towards you only makes me believe that you have a big role in all of this. It most likely is all of your fault! So you called late at night to make a big deal about them giving the stuff to Goodwill. You should have just let it go. I'm not saying you were or are a bad Mother, I'm saying to move on. If they want to speak to you then great if not then so be it. It's a sad loss! I do believe that those grandchildren have the right to see you as you do them!

It is quite obvious that you are hurting, and feeling the sting of being rejected by your children. I cannot imagine how that must feel, knowing they are adults and can make the choice to shut you out of their lives.

What I don't understand, is why. During the abusive years with their father, they suffered too, and although you divorced when they were young, they were old enough to suffer the consequences of a toxic marriage. Children do not get the nurturing and love they deserve when parents are at war with each other.

It is possible they carry a lot of the resentment of their childhoods. As adults, they can decide to live another way, raise their children differently, and choose not to repeat the history they lived through. Could this be part of the reason?

Are they in contact with their father, and do they have a relationship with him?

You say of your second son that, "I have no idea". How can that be. You don't know where he is, how he's doing, even if he is alive?

I don't know what you were accused of as far as your daughter goes, but child abuse allegations that actually end up in court are taken very seriously. I doubt that the judge laughed at your daughter. However that ended up, for whatever reason, is an understandable rift between the two of you.

Have you tried to write to your children, or encourage them to come home to even talk? Has there ever been a point where you could initiate counselling with one, or all of them?

I really doubt that with what little you have said here, that their perspectives on their relationships with you is accurate. It is not uncommon for maybe one to have 'bad blood' but all three?

I don't know how this can be mended, and I can't offer much without more information. It is sad that not only have you lost your children for some reason, but now your grandchildren as well. There is something in my opinion, that has happened that, as arnimal7 said, involves two sides.

And it must be significant to now involve another generation.

THANK YOU SO!. THE truth often hurts...

I have asked my family.. my friends... WHY... and they all blame my kids... BUT like you say... THREE... 1 maybe... but ALL THREE.. THE problem MUST be ME!!

I am not sure what I did... they all had food, clothes, their own rooms.. and bathrooms... I have a big house... cars... money... etc...

I did the PTA... the Boy Scouts... (my husband was too lazy).. I did screw up on the speed car... it got late... we built it... but the next day I had to work late and painted it HOT PINK... I thought.. well.. it is the NEW color... WRONG!!

OUTside of always giving my kids great Christmas's, really well planned out birthday parties... NOT to forget the time at the beach when I spend hours burying a treasure chest with an X marks the spot.. It was so fun watching the kids follow my MAP..

I always decorated my home for every occasion... and event... I even always insisted on making the Halloween costumes... MUCH better than store bought... "lazy way out"

I probably was TOO open about sex... coming from my sister getting pregnant at 16 and having a lot of years of misery...

I will admit this... I placed condums in my son's bathroom drawers when they became what I considered "active"... I placed several... and talked to them about it... and invited them to share with friends.. WAS THAT WRONG?

I did not encourage sex... we had a lot of talks about that... and they knew where I was coming from... I explained that anyone can have SEX... but it can really mean something if you wait until you LOVE someone... then... and ONLY then will it feel RIGHT!

I also was very hard on my kids about prejudice... I am white... (well... I look at my skin... and I don't see White... some type of yellow... with a numerous amount of brown spots lately... I think this is age... probably goes with these stupid gray hairs I have...

My husband was no help with my kids... the first time I left my first son alone with him for 4 hours to take my Real Estate test... I came home to find my son in the bathtub... NO water... Thank GOd... but he had a dirty diaper... MY husband did not do Diapers... and My son had removed his diaper.. and at 14 months... was having a blast playing in his S IT! BUT I made it clear to my kids that skin is not what makes a person... it is THE PERSON... I wish we could all just be Purple... that is my favorite color@!

The only abuse, I know of, with my daughter occurred vai my husband's mother wich happened the first time I left my daughter with her for a weekend... (Actually this was the first time I ever left any of my kids overnight... with anyone... I was a bit protective... and a stay... at... home... MOM...

Neil 9, Chad 8, her 14 months old...

When I got to my mother-in=laws home... my daughter was in tears... She was 14 months... in the new Potty Pull Ups... she had a about of diaraha>>> you know... anyway... my mother=in=law... had just had new carpet put in.. And my daughter did not make it to the toilet... and soiled her carpet...

When I got there... Lara in tears.. I found out that my Mother-in=law had taken her finger and dipped it into Lara's poop... placed it on her nose... and placed her in a chair... she was made to sit there... HELLO... my daughter is not a DOG!

I was so pissed!

OH... and before you judge me too much... I am not complaining... I love your honest feedback... you are saying just what I think...

AND you are right..

BUT... in my defense for costing my kids their DAD... HE beat me many times... 3 times I ended up in the hospital... I have had several veneral diseases due to his need for whores... He justified it by telling me that he needed a 10 and I was just about a 7 or 8.

I have had women call my home truly scared.. wondering why he is following them... and approching them... How did they get my home number... they went to great extents... they were that scared of him... and tracked his license number..

I will admit... I only tracked down 2 of them... and if I am a 7 or 8... these gals were a 4 or 5... I wonder why!


I agree with you... unlike anyone that Really knows me... you and I agree... 3 out of 3... IT MUST BE ME!!

I have watched all the family video tapes... I have reviewed it all in my mind... trying to find out what I did wrong... I can't find it...

I an not JUNE CLEAVER.. but... I was pretty darn close...

In the later years of my first marriage... I did WORK too much... I had to take on a 2nd job to make ends meet... I had a typing job.. on the computer... TO which my husband hated... evidently I type too loud... and bothered him when trying to watch Johnny Carson... I got cused out a lot for this... I have since learned to type almost silently...

PS... I gave natural childbirth to all my kids... I breast-fed all my kids... I did science project... extra projects... Book reports... and every night... as I cooked dinner... my kids sat at the dining table doing homework... and I drilled them on their tests... I guess that is why I have one son that is a DR... and one daughter that is a Vet Tech... and I also have a Chad... I don't know what he is professionally... BUT.. I do know what he is as a person... HE was always loved by many... he had more friends than anyone... HE was loved by many... PLUS me... HE might not have been given the gift of intelligence that my other kids got... BUT.. he excelled in personality...

On a desserted island... who would I want with me... Not a Dr.. Not a VET... My son CHAD... he could figure out anything... and if he could not figure it out... He could make me LAUGH!!

I miss him so much...

I miss all my kids...

You are right... IT is my fault... and this makes me sad..

I have attempted suicide so many times... and ended it with the words of my family... IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT..

BUT YOU ARE RIGHT..

IT IS MY FAULT..

AND I DESERVE TO DIE

You must have done something for all three of your children to feel the same way. Maybe your mistake was that you were just too busy dealing with your abusive husband, and if you didn't do anything about it in all those years, that shows you had a lot of internal problems yourself. If it took you 25 years to find out you are worth something, that shows you need to find a way to be more objective with what goes on around you.

You did what you could, and you did the best you could but that seems to be it was not enough for your children and if they have resentments about it, its something you have to accept as true. To not acknowledge this will only make there resentment grow more.

You should understad that not dealing with the abusive dad, brought a lot of pain and damage to them and that's why they resent you and that's why you feel they hate you.

You should try to work on your person with the help of qualified persons. If you can't understand why your children feel the way they do, it means you are not open to understanding. Im sure its very difficult to you to cope with the feeling that your children hate you, but try to see they have some reason behind it all. If they are not able to express this to you in a positive way, its must be because they haven't learned how to do this, because they never saw this at home, and because they built it up throughout the years on not being able to count on you.

What was wrong was wrong and you can't do anything about the past. You can only try to understand and continue working on yourself and trying to be open minded when it comes to your children's attitude towards you. They have a life going for them, and they are trying to do their best to be happy.

They might not respond well, but even so, tell them you are sorry you didn't do better when they most needed it.

The daughter or son who accused you of child molestation is concerning. Something must have happened there. If you are not guilty someone else is, and if not it is a sign that it's a reflection of some damage received in their life.

If you tell us more about what state or city you live in, you can get answers on where and how to get help to continue on with your life get referrals for help for situations like yours. Do you go to a support group, are you getting any personal help in anyway? Have you left your abusive husband? The more information you provide the more help you can get.

Even though you have made mistakes in your life and even though you might not have bee the mother your children needed you to be, you deserve to look for a way to improve your life and be happy, and it seems you do want that. You can still find help and learn how to deal with the issues you have with your children and how to find a way mend all the wrong done.

THANK YOU SO!. THE truth often hurts...

I have asked my family.. my friends... WHY... and they all blame my kids... BUT like you say... THREE... 1 maybe... but ALL THREE.. THE problem MUST be ME!!

I am not sure what I did... they all had food, clothes, their own rooms.. and bathrooms... I have a big house... cars... money... etc...

I did the PTA... the Boy Scouts... (my husband was too lazy).. I did screw up on the speed car... it got late... we built it... but the next day I had to work late and painted it HOT PINK... I thought.. well.. it is the NEW color... WRONG!!

OUTside of always giving my kids great Christmas's, really well planned out birthday parties... NOT to forget the time at the beach when I spend hours burying a treasure chest with an X marks the spot.. It was so fun watching the kids follow my MAP..

I always decorated my home for every occasion... and event... I even always insisted on making the Halloween costumes... MUCH better than store bought... "lazy way out"

I probably was TOO open about sex... coming from my sister getting pregnant at 16 and having a lot of years of misery...

I will admit this... I placed condums in my son's bathroom drawers when they became what I considered "active"... I placed several... and talked to them about it... and invited them to share with friends.. WAS THAT WRONG?

I did not encourage sex... we had a lot of talks about that... and they knew where I was coming from... I explained that anyone can have SEX... but it can really mean something if you wait until you LOVE someone... then... and ONLY then will it feel RIGHT!

I also was very hard on my kids about prejudice... I am white... (well... I look at my skin... and I don't see White... some type of yellow... with a numerous amount of brown spots lately... I think this is age... probably goes with these stupid gray hairs I have...

My husband was no help with my kids... the first time I left my first son alone with him for 4 hours to take my Real Estate test... I came home to find my son in the bathtub... NO water... Thank GOd... but he had a dirty diaper... MY husband did not do Diapers... and My son had removed his diaper.. and at 14 months... was having a blast playing in his S IT! BUT I made it clear to my kids that skin is not what makes a person... it is THE PERSON... I wish we could all just be Purple... that is my favorite color@!

The only abuse, I know of, with my daughter occurred vai my husband's mother wich happened the first time I left my daughter with her for a weekend... (Actually this was the first time I ever left any of my kids overnight... with anyone... I was a bit protective... and a stay... at... home... MOM...

Neil 9, Chad 8, her 14 months old...

When I got to my mother-in=laws home... my daughter was in tears... She was 14 months... in the new Potty Pull Ups... she had a about of diaraha>>> you know... anyway... my mother=in=law... had just had new carpet put in.. And my daughter did not make it to the toilet... and soiled her carpet...

When I got there... Lara in tears.. I found out that my Mother-in=law had taken her finger and dipped it into Lara's poop... placed it on her nose... and placed her in a chair... she was made to sit there... HELLO... my daughter is not a DOG!

I was so pissed!

OH... and before you judge me too much... I am not complaining... I love your honest feedback... you are saying just what I think...

AND you are right..

BUT... in my defense for costing my kids their DAD... HE beat me many times... 3 times I ended up in the hospital... I have had several veneral diseases due to his need for whores... He justified it by telling me that he needed a 10 and I was just about a 7 or 8.

I have had women call my home truly scared.. wondering why he is following them... and approching them... How did they get my home number... they went to great extents... they were that scared of him... and tracked his license number..

I will admit... I only tracked down 2 of them... and if I am a 7 or 8... these gals were a 4 or 5... I wonder why!


I agree with you... unlike anyone that Really knows me... you and I agree... 3 out of 3... IT MUST BE ME!!

I have watched all the family video tapes... I have reviewed it all in my mind... trying to find out what I did wrong... I can't find it...

I an not JUNE CLEAVER.. but... I was pretty darn close...

In the later years of my first marriage... I did WORK too much... I had to take on a 2nd job to make ends meet... I had a typing job.. on the computer... TO which my husband hated... evidently I type too loud... and bothered him when trying to watch Johnny Carson... I got cused out a lot for this... I have since learned to type almost silently...

PS... I gave natural childbirth to all my kids... I breast-fed all my kids... I did science project... extra projects... Book reports... and every night... as I cooked dinner... my kids sat at the dining table doing homework... and I drilled them on their tests... I guess that is why I have one son that is a DR... and one daughter that is a Vet Tech... and I also have a Chad... I don't know what he is professionally... BUT.. I do know what he is as a person... HE was always loved by many... he had more friends than anyone... HE was loved by many... PLUS me... HE might not have been given the gift of intelligence that my other kids got... BUT.. he excelled in personality...

On a desserted island... who would I want with me... Not a Dr.. Not a VET... My son CHAD... he could figure out anything... and if he could not figure it out... He could make me LAUGH!!

I miss him so much...

I miss all my kids...

You are right... IT is my fault... and this makes me sad..

I have attempted suicide so many times... and ended it with the words of my family... IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT..

BUT YOU ARE RIGHT..

IT IS MY FAULT..

AND I DESERVE TO DIE

I am going to answer your questions as best as I can remember... I am new at this site.. and not quite sure how it works... BUT.. I truly appreciate the Honesty I am getting... I am hearing what I need to hear.. NOT what I want to hear... BUT WHAT I need to hear...

1) Contact with my 2nd son.. . CHAD... here is what happened... I was alone... divorced with 3 kids... 1 in college... I was stupid... I thought that when you filed for divorce that somehow the "Divorce gods".. took over the money... WRONG... it is the first to the BANK... which was my X=husband... HE cleaned me out... and since he was the name holder on all my credit cards... they were all canceled... it took me a while to get a foothold... I had a son in college... and bills... My son needed money for books... I just got wiped out... and my x husband explained to me that he did not have to pay anything for Neil... as he was over 18... I struggled for a while... and ended up having to empty a saving account that I had set up... with my money... for Chad.. my 2nd son... when he found out... I explained to him... HEY... go to your father... he owes this to you.. I had to use it to stay afloat.. while he was laughing... HE did not care about his kids... HE want to HURT ME!

The last night I remember my 2nd son CHAD... being in my home... well.. I had a really stressful job... we were doing a move... let me back up... I worked for the largest Law Firm in Texas... and we were moving 6 downtown floors... appx. 2000 computers... and phones... text lines... printers lnes... etc... we did one floor a week... and as we started at 5PM on Friday... we worked 24-7 until Monday morning... sometimes in the same clothes..

On our last move... we thought we had it down pat... we planned a party... I knew it would not happen... but I went along with it... we were supposed to finish out early... and go to my boss's home for a pool party... RIGHT... I packed my swim suite... JUST in case..

I ended up coming home at 5AM in literally holding my eyelids open on the road to make it home...

The next morning... my Xhusband made a production of showing my kids my brief case... and saying... YEAH... your mother was at work... That is why there is a Swim Suite in her brief case... How do I get out of this one... You would think that the triple paycheck would prove it...

The next move... I could not make it home... my company gave us hotel rooms to stay in for the night... everyone else took advantage of this every time... like a perk... BUT no... NOT me... I was the one that always went home..

BUT... this last move... killed me... I stayed overnight in a room with 4 other WOMEN...

WHen I got home... my husband was gone... my son Chad was gone... and my Doll Collection was gone...

All of my underwear, bras... (I must admit.. it was a passion of mine... I had matching sets of everything... bought cheap on my business trips to Boston... Faylens Basement.)
All had been cut to shreds... all my jewelry... not a lot... had been pounded into mounds and placed on my pillow... all my glass figures... busted up and in the sink of my kitchen...

All because I worked TOO LATE... I was making $35.00 an hour with overtime... and thought I was doing great for my family...

Confidence... who did I end up here... I was a Real Estate Salesman... I worked for my in=laws... and my Mother=in=law... not only wanted me to be the best sales person... which involved MANY hours... seven days a week... she also drilled me on WHAT are you feeding your kids for dinner...

AND I cooked every night... Meat... 2 veggies... and always Rolls.. my kids loved rolls and butter... I did not always have time to eat the meal with them... BUT the dishes were always there later for ME to clean up..

Did I mention that my x husband did not Babysit.. he also did not do dishes... or take out the trash... or housework... or yardwork... I DID IT ALL!

As far as my assault charges...

Here goes...

I divorced... and my daughter was happy...

Let me tell you what was the straw that broke the camels back... IS THAT RIGHT..

My daughter was 7... I came home late... and picked up Fried Chicken...

My X wanted to watch football... so he stayed at the Breakfast table... Lara and I watched Little Mermaid.. for the thousand's time... BUT I love it...

Anyway... she ate her first piece of Chicken... and then she started on her 2nd... and OF course... she ate the skin... CRIPY... part first.. and was full..

I told her "go put the rest back in the bucket".. She said... "NO...daddy will get mad"... I said if he gets mad.. tell him it is mine...

She put it back... and he hollered at her.. just like he hollered at me... and he called her a... just like he always called me... and his mother...

I was so scared that my kids first words would me ing... instead of mommie... because that is what I was called..

ANYWAY... it hit me... I am allowing her to ALLOW this... I am teaching her that this is OK treatment.. NO... NO... NO... I have a great job.. I can pay my bills...

I have people at work that think I hung the moon...

I AM SOMETHING>>> I AM SOMEONE>>> AND MY DAUGHTER does not deserve this!

I filed the next day..

Sorry I am of subject..

Child abuse..

Lara loved my first husband at first.. THEN he moved in... and saw how I was spoiling her.. he took it slow.. . but he insisted that she clean her room and help with the dishes...

SHE refused...

She had been sleeping with me for 2 years (my single life) just me and her... IT was great...

BUT now she had to go to her own bed...

She got a boyfriend...

They had a lot of fights... ONE night I was up untiil 1AM due to this... and the next day... it was over for her and she wanted to go to a hockey game with him... I said NO...

Take a break... call a girlfriend... go to the mall... you and Brad need to take a breathe...

He came anyway... she waited until I was in the tub... and tried to leave..

My new husband came in the bathroom and said... "I thought you told her she could not go with Brad"

I said... RIGHT...

I went to the door... I stopped her...

I went back to the bathroom and saw her going around the side of the house...

I went out front and stopped her... she attacked me... my husband had to physically hold her... as she was cussing and hitting at me...

AND.. I DID SLAP her... I did not plan it.. but when you see your daughter striking you in the face... calling you names... it just happens..

She went in the house and called the police... Child Abuse.. They figured it out... and left.

2nd time... Long story.. same thing... she called the police on me

3rd time... new cops... she called the police on me when I tried to call her home... long story short... I was the one with the bloody nose and black eye... her NOTHING.. BECAUSE I did not touch her..

BUT I WENT TO JAIL... I LIVE IN DUNCANVILLE TEXAS... AND I WISH I HAD HAD the money to sue the out of them>>

JUDGE LAUGHED AT HER...

HERE is why...

HERE was her story... my mother held me down with her hands... using her fingernails to try cut into my veins... and at the SAME time... using her hands to bang my head against the tile floor... WELL... number 1... this happened in my neighbors home... WHO saw everything... and was the only witness I needed... BUT... number 2... why was the Judge laughing... let's see... simple math... I have 2 hands RIGHT..! I am using two of them to hold her arms... and concentrating on her veins with my great fingernails... and I am also using my "Excuse ME... what other 2 arms/hands... to bang her head on the floor"//

AND mind you.. my daughter if beautiful... blonde... blue eyed... and crying through the whole story...

SORRY JUDGE DID NOT BUY IT...

HE did look at me... and saw that I only had 2 arms... my neighbor took the stand and told her story... about how my Daughter BEAT me...

This whole thing cost me $5,000

AM I A GOOD MOM OR WHAT@

Sometimes you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

With what you had to do to survive, and come out the other end independent and strong, your children are still making their way with one foot in the past.

That is not unusual for children involved and living with an abusive father, especially when he helped spur their alliance to him, by blaming you for everything. To destroy your personal things, and accuse you of not being honest about your whereabouts is a tactic that unfortunately undermines not only the truth, but the person herself-you.

While he covered up his life, and his non-contribution to their upbringing, and encouraged them to think you were the cause of all that was wrong in the house, really gave them a green light to treat you with disrespect, hate, and uncalled for actions toward you.

He did a number on them. Abusers are very adept at manipulating the truth, particularly with children, and if I recall, your kids were barely 20 when you got a divorce, and much of the damage had already been done before they left.

A friend of mine is going through this now. She provides all that you said you have done, and every other weekend her two girls go to their father's. They ask him for things like school supplies, or money for a school trip, and he says that's what he pays their mother for. The truth is, he is in arrears of over 4200.00 and her phone was just cut off. But, because it was their FATHER saying that their mother should be spending HIS money better, they blame her. She is always in the position to explain that he hasn't paid. All they know is they aren't getting what they want or need, and it MUST be her fault.

Maybe because you were working so hard, you lost yourself somewhere in trying to keep the marriage together, keep the job to pay the bills, and balance three children all at the same time.

Children also learn early how to carry on controlling people to get what they want, even if it is revenge for not being allowed out with their boyfriend. Mine did the same with me, reported me, I did the CPS thing (CAS here in Canada), and it was all unfounded, BUT, this was just another tool to use to get her own way. (the boyfriend incidentally was a heroin user).

As to June Cleaver, I think her husband was a cross-dresser.

It may be time to take care of yourself now, and learn to live with the past is still working itself out in each of your children's lives. It may take years for them to come around, and realize that they too need to work out how their lives were affected during their growing years, in an abusive household.

If all that you said you've done included a happy marriage, you would not be in this position right now. Could you have seen what could have been happening? Probably not. Could you have prevented or changed your husband's behaviour? Probably not. The past was lived, and there were unforseen consequences on the horizon.

This is what you are living now. Even after surviving what you did, and providing all that you could, until they are ready to accept the past as the past, and come to terms with the truth of their lives, they won't be ready to reconcile.

I really hope you get counselling. It would be very helpful for you to learn to let go of some of the guilt that is eating you up, and learn how to accept what you cannot change in your children.

Like anybody else, if you can honestly say that you've done the best you can by your children, at the time they were growing up, then you have to learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that we ALL make, and learn to live your life without living in this emotional hell.

So... I just keep going through this HELL... wishing for Death... Is there anything worse than your own KIDS hating you!>1@@

NO... NO... NO...

As a child... you play with dolls... you grow up wanting to be a parent... you read everything you can get your hands on.. and yet... that day... THAT day that they hand you this beautiful bundle... you are so scared... so unaware... so unprepared...

AND you try so hard... to do everything right... The first one... you are at the Dr's office weekly... the second, you are a bit more relaxed.. the third... you learn to trust your own instincts...

No one wants to be a bad mother... we all TRY... I did... I did the best I could do... and NOW I get this... WHY... WHY... WHY..

I go to bed every night hoping that I will not wake up... AND... every morning.. here comes the sun... and I say.. Damn...

Another day of pain... Another day of wondering What did I do to deserve this!

I really don't want to be here anymore...

BUT... I have tried many times... and failed... Please tell me... how do I do it... Fast... Easy.. I don't care about pain... HELL... I can handle PAIN.. I do it every second of every minuite of ever hour of ever day...

THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY

Rosy, you have to get a grip here and think about this.

No matter how you have raised your children, or how anybody has raised their children, there are no guarantees that they aren't going to grow up to be the opposite of what you thought they would be.

I think we're pretty clear on how your children are, at least to you, and what are some of the things that have resulted in what you are dealing with today. You should also have a pretty good idea that if things are to be mended, it will have to at least be party under their initiative and with some cooperation.

You have options here. You can keep spinning out of control emotionally, or you can face facts, as hard as they are, and help yourself. There are ways to stop the pain, and at least control the pain through understanding, and a change in thinking.

The lives of all concerned you have chosen to put on your shoulders, and it doesn't have to be that way. You don't know what they think, you don't know what they will do, you don't have any idea what the future holds.

Why do you want to live your life with this misery, which is what you are doing.

I'm not saying this to undermine your true, legitimate feelings, nor to minimize what position you are in now after your last post. If you were my best friend, sitting right next to me crying in your coffee, I'd be saying the same thing.

You need to get help. You need to see a professional counsellor to help you take back some independence, control, and direction in your own life. It is the only life you have at the moment that you can control.

Brief Therapy is something I would recommend for you. It is immediate, hands-on, concrete, no nonsense planning, to help you find and maintain solid footing, while at the same time, planning steps to cope and deal with what you are going through now.

The path you have taken has brought you here. Now there is a fork in the road. You must make a decision that nobody else can make for you. Take the path to regaining a healthy happy life, or take the path that keeps you in a place where you don't want to wake up in the morning.

I'm not coddling you here, I'm dead serious. Whatever else is going on in your life that I cannot pinpoint, is keeping you where you are.

Please make a commitment to book an appointment with a counsellor. They are paid to listen without judging, and come up with a workable plan.

I hope that you do something to help yourself, and that sooner, rather than later, you will stop in with some good news of what you have done to make your life better.

I hope you find the following information helpful. Read through it carefully and then choose what you feel would be best for you.

There is help out there for you, you don't need to feel miserable for ever, there is a solution if you try getting help. I wish you the best.
DALLAS
Suicide & Crisis Center
2808 Swiss Avenue, Dallas, TX 75204
(214) 828-1000; Lorraine Gurun (214) 824-7020,
Toll Free 1-866-672-5100
Meeting Place: Various locations in the Metroplex
area
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time: Structured eight
week groups, with new groups starting nearly every
month. Sessions are closed after the second week.
Follow-up groups are available once a month.
Facilitated by: Peer and Professional
Charge: No
Newsletter: Yes
Counties Served: Dallas, Tarrant, Collin, Ellis

NATIONAL HOPELINE NETWORK: 1-800-SUICIDE (785-2433)
Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a
day and 7 days a week.

Contemplating Suicide? 1-800-273-TALK

Dallas
Serving Dallas County
Crisis Hotline
Dallas MetroCare Services
24 hours/7 days
1-214-330-7722

*Dallas
Serving the Dallas Community
Contact Counseling and Crisis Line
PO Box 800742
Office phone: 1-972-233-0866
Crisis Line
24 hours/ 7days
Crisis Line
1-972-233-2233

ValueOptions® NorthSTAR Provider Network
ABC Behavioral Health
4600 Samuell Blvd.
(Timberlawn Campus)
Dallas, TX 75228
(214) 275-8500
Adult/Enrollment Site


HOW MUCH WILL I PAY FOR
NorthSTAR SERVICES?
Medicaid-Eligible Individuals receive approved
covered services at no cost. If you are not
Medicaid-eligible, you may pay a fee based
on your income and ability to pay. If you have
questions about what you might have to pay, ask
your provider or call ValueOptions® at 1-888-
800-6799 or TDD 1-888-800-6792.
ValueOptions® cannot pay for services that are
not covered by the NorthSTAR program. If you
receive services that are not pre-approved by
ValueOptions®, you may have to pay for them,
except for emergency behavioral healthcare.
HOW DO I GET MENTAL HEALTH
OR SUBSTANCE ABUSE
SERVICES?
You can get these services by:
• Calling the toll free ACCESS LINE at 1-888-
800-6799 or TDD 1-888-800-6792,
• Calling or visiting any ValueOptions network
provider,or
• Asking your primary care physician.
You are the most important part of the NorthSTAR
program. We want to provide you the information
you need. We have two departments to serve
you-a Customer Service Department and a
Clinical Department. They can help you get the
best possible care.
The resto f the options are also from NorthStar Provider, make sure you
Read above on how to get low cost or free service
For more info visit this site http://www.ntbha.org/docs/ProviderDirectory_Feb2009.pdf
And
http://webds.dshs.state.tx.us/mhserv...ultsCounty.asp

Mental Health Authority in Dallas County
Name of Center: Dallas Area NorthSTAR Authority
Crisis Phone: 866-260-8000
Main Phone: 214-366-9407
Website: North Texas Behavioral Health Authority | ...think populations...see individuals

Counseling Institute of Texas
705 W. Avenue B, Ste: 200
Garland, TX 75040
(972) 494-0160
Adult Adol Child

Dallas Metrocare Services
(Independence House Drop-In Center)
3330 S. Lancaster Road
Dallas, TX 75216
(214) 941-6054
Adult
Spanish, Chinese,

Dallas Metrocare Services-
Eastside Family Center
4701 Samuell Blvd.
Dallas, TX 75228
(214) 381-7070
Adol Child (over 5 yrs.)
Spanish, Chinese, Sign Language
Enrollment Site


DALLAS
The Family Place BIPP
Dallas County
David Almager
7424 Greenville Ave. Suite 202 (75231)
214/692-8295 (Office)
214/692-8298 (Fax)

Dallas county police Non Emergency services
Family Guidance Center 747-8331

Mental Health Info/Referrals 871-2420

Social Services

Health & Human Serv City 670-4225

Adult Health Services... 214-670-0522

I don't know what counselors are like in YOUR world.. but in MY world... I have tried them... I has spent Thousands of dollars on them... and all they do is sit and listen to you.. and then say... TIME is up... PAY... GOODBYE...

I have never had anyone tell me what to do... what is wrong... or do anything but give me drugs..

I have been on every anti-depressent drug out there... NOTHING helps... and these counselors... WELL... I COULD DO THIS... SIT.. LISTEN... GET PAID... FOR NOTHING...

Maybe I have gone to the wrong counselors.. but I have gone from Family Counseling... to Professional Counseling... to a TRUE Physo. Dr... HE gave more drugs than anyone.

NOTHING HELPED>>>

I know that you mean well with your e-mails... BUT here is the TRUTH..

I lost my kids... I don't know why... IT HURTS...

One of the past members said... "YOU must have done something"... I have re-read my life in my mind over and over... I have even played the old VHS tapes of our history... I don't see it... I was the "PTA MOM"... I decorated my house for every occasion... I made a big deal of every Birthday... Potty Triumph... First Step... First Word... all in their Baby Books...

My kids were my LIFE... like any mother... I woke up wondering what MY KIDS needed...

AGAIN.. THEY were my LIFE... and NOW THEY HATE ME!! WHY?

Funny... one e-mail previously hit home... My daughter was 8 when she began visitations with her DAD... she came home one Sunday and said... "I don't want to go to Dad's anymore"... I said... "WHY"... SHE said... MEme (her grandmother- her fathers mother) says bad things about you.. "I said WHAT?"... SHE said... "She says that you took everything away from daddy... his home and everything..."

Believe me... My husband had the MONEY... and I did not... He took me for everything... I held on to my home for my kids.. I dared him take my kids things from me...

Their bedrooms and things were left un-touched.. AT A COST... I was left sleeping on the floor... WELL what can I say... HE had the MONEY... I had NOTHING!

I guess this is what really hurt me...

My first born... NEIL... NOW... DR. Neil Evans... He was in college during the divorice... and as he called needed money... I had NONE... MY husband had cancelled all my credit cards... and emptied my bank accounts... and was not willing to help me with a college age child... NOT UNDER CHILD SUPPORT LAWS..

SO... I... AGAIN... worked 2 jobs to pay for his college and books...

He finally graduated... I was so excited..

He called me about the arrangements... he said... there is a great bed and breakfast in town... I said.. GREAT!. I will book it...

Later I found out that I had to book a separate bed and breakfast from HIS... HIS WIFE TO BE... HIS WIFE TO BE's MOTHER and FATHER.. and HIS FATHER... and HIS GRANDMOTHER...

They all stayed cozy in a bed and breakfast.. while I and my new husband were alone in another bed and breakfast...

I PAID FOR IT ALL... AND HE HAS HIS FATHER AND HIS GRANDMOTHER THAT PAID NOTHING>>> THAT RIPPED ME OFF FOR EVERYTHJING I HAD>>> STAY WITH HIM>?:

Let me back up and tell you something... SECRET!

I was not the perfect Mother.. or Wife..

I had a job that took me away from my family for 48 hours at a time... Once... just to prove it... I took my daughter to work with me... she pooped out at 12:00 and I had to have my husband pick her up...

I will always say.. The Thompson and Knight Referb.. cost me my life... my husband.. and my kids..

BUT WHY.. I was just working... My husband always said... "just come home"... to which I said... NO... If I leave.. that means more work for everyone else... I will pull my weight... and it was hard... I would go to work on Friday at 8AM... shut down computers at 6PM... begin refurb... to CAT 5... and Digital Phones via ANALOG... A LOT OF WORK... we would stop work at 4AM to take a break... and back to work at 8AM Saturday.. work until 3Am Sunday... and back to work at AM Sunday... and work until it was done... we had attorney's that charge $350.00 per hour... we can not spare a second...

I PULLED MY WEIGHT... AND I PAID>>>

Now that I look back at my life... with my first Husband... I was ALWAYS pulling the WEIGHT..

You talk about counseling... the first time we went... ME and my OLD husband... SHE SAID... TO HIM... WHAT DO YOU DO?

He said.. I WORK... 8 hours a day...

She said to me... WHAT DO YOU DO?

I said... I work 8 hours plus a day... and I get up and get the kids dressed.. make lunches... after a night of doing homework... drilling for tests... baths... laundry... cleaning... trash... mowing the lawn... dishes... preparing all meals... NO HELP FROM ANYONE...

There were nights that I barely had time to put dinner on the table... and return to work... not even enough time to eat... BUT... when I got home... There were the dishes.. and all the clean-up left for ME...

I know you think I am an idiot..

I guess I am...

BUT here I am...

AND if you have ever know a person that does not want to see the next sunrise... IT WOULD BE ME...

Don't give me crap about counseling... they are glorified money grubbers... HELL.. I should put up my own sign... listen to you... bla.. bla... bla... and get hundreds of dollars for NOTHING!!

You all have been great... and I really think you care... BUT... but the brakes on the counselors... THEY ARE a great RIPoff... and I have no Insurance..

Great America..

NO INSURANCE... SCREW YOU!

I would really appreciate you all to except the facts as they are... I have no hope... It is hard to lose a child to DEATH... BUT to lose 3 kids... ALIVE... and you have no contact because THEY HATE YOU... If you really want to help me...

HOW DO I DIE... THAT IS WHAT I WANT..

I have tried pills...

The cops came...

I have tried hanging... my new husband caught me...

I tried guns... my new husband has removed them all..

I have heard about this new thing... the cartarildge?? Arterly..

I hear that one puncture will do it... What do you THINK?

I doubt that you stuck with counselling long enough for it to do you any good. You probably heard what you either didn't want to work on, or disagreed with, and dialed out. I can only imagine the counsellors you have gone through that tried to help you, but you likely didn't accept any course of action, including during the hospital stays.

It is hard work to face problems, and to learn how to deal with yourself, and what fault you may have had in creating them. That you think that all help offered to you has been a scam by money grubbing professionals. We may be the first step in recommending counselling, and when it seems to be the only answer, you flat out refuse.

Attempted suicides in your past and thinking about that as a solution now, have you not learned anything? There has to be a reason why you are stuck on not helping yourself get out of this horrible emotional place you are in. That is a choice, not a solution.

Why are you in the same place, and why have you allowed yourself to think that others are responsible for you being there, and it is their fault that you can't grow up.

You have proven your kids have been disrespectful and miserable toward you. So have the men in your life. With all that being true, that justifies what exactly? Your continued repetition of all the problems you have, still come back you you being a victim, and you aren't doing anything about it.

You sound like an intelligent woman to me, and if you were to really care about letting go of things you cannot change, and accept help to live your own life without the demons of the past haunting you every waking moment, you would not be wasting what precious time you do have on this earth.

This isn't about them. It is about you. You need help, and there is no way around that.

The only other choice is to continue torturing yourself, and being miserable.

Why on earth would you consider being miserable as a way of life.

It sounds like your kids have bad feelings from the past - perhaps feel you didn't protect them, or perhaps you've not treated them well because of your own pain. I can't tell from your post. But you sound very angry, and it's hard to get to love when you start at anger. I suggest you might want to get help with what you've been through, and get some professional guidance on how to reach out to your kids one at a time and try to mend fences with some help. Not saying you are wrong at all - just acknowledging a lot of hurt is there, and you might need some help in managing it is all. Best wishes to you - life is short, put the small stuff aside, and try a new approach if you can.

Rosy, I recently came across your post and would love to correspond with you via PM. We are in almost exactly the same situation so I feel for you so much and understand your pain.

I have looked to see if I could PM you but didn't seem to be able to (unless I haven't worked it out yet!).

I would be happy to receive a PM from you though if you know how it works.

I T I S N O T Y O You are F A U L T!!

Well, actually, the only fault is that you allowed your husband to abuse you and suffered in the relationship all that time.
Your children were spoiled by your love. You were probably weak, and allowed them to walk all over you, because you loved them so much. I think it's called co-dependency, which is also why you tolerated their selfish father. They do have their father in them. They will blame and mistreat you, because you will love them no matter what. Will he? I am guessing he is very good at manipulating them. And so is his family, too. They raised him to be that way!
What can you do to change them? Nothing. AND IT IS NOT WORTH DYING OVER!!
I have been through this. I am now as happy as is possible, given the circumstances. I know I tried to be the best mom I could be.
SO -
1) Delete all those ridiculous emails from people who don't know what they are talking about.
2) Face the truth - the only thing you did wrong was spoil them with your love.
3) Keep loving them just because, and find out who you are, and be happy. Life CAN be good.
ONCE YOU ARE HEALTHY, IF THEY ARE NOT TOTALLY ONE-SIDED IN THEIR GENE MAKEUP, THEY MAY COME BACK. THEY MAY NOT. BUT YOU CAN BE HAPPY EITHER WAY. YOUR LIFE AND HAPPINESS DOES NOT DEPEND ON THEM, ON HIM, OR ON ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF.
This is the first time I've written on here, and I don't know if it's allowed to post an email address, but I would love to talk to you some more. I found this site by googling "why do my children hate me?" - and I learned the answer by reading all the stupid things people wrote you and knowing THEY ARE NOT TRUE!
HANG IN THERE!

I wish you would call the suicide hotline number that somebody took the time to post for you. Killing yourself as a "screw you" to your kids is really not a good answer. I suspect that you haven't seen counseling through long enough for it to be beneficial. If I were you, I'd respectfully ask my kids if they would join me in a few sessions of family counseling. Some things might actually get accomplished with a counselor facilitating. If you call around, there are some counselors who will charge according to what you make- they'll accept a smaller payment for their services.

Ren6 -
Why do you advise to go for counseling with someone who will take less for their services BECAUSE THEY ARE LESS QUALIFIED?
Those are the people who do sliding fee scales - people who are still in their "internships". There are so many BAD counselors out there - yes, a few good ones, but very difficult to find. And in my opinion, the damage the unqualified ones do makes it too risky - not to mention having to pay them to do it, and waste time that could actually be spent recovering.
Have you personally been through successful counseling? Did it really help you?
I have spent thousands and gone through at least 10, including all the psychiatrists, psychologists, licensed mental health counselors, and "sliding scale" folks who practiced on me and my struggling daughter. Oh - and don't forget the untrained self-appointed clergy of evangelical churches who believe they have all the answers.
If therapy is the best option - then go to the best therapist, who is highly trained, highly experienced IN YOUR PARTICULAR ISSUES, and highly recommended.

Per Jake 2008

"Like anybody else, if you can honestly say that you've done the best you can by your children, at the time they were growing up, then you have to learn to forgive yourself for the the mistakes that we ALL make, and learn to live your life without living in this emotional hell."

Hey... I was the cupcake mother... the PTA mother... the holiday mother... Every and every holiday... my house was up to past par... I lived every minute of my life for my kids... They were my life...

To post what has happened since I last posted... I just say my 22 year old daughter... Lara Evans's My space photo... and guess what... SHE IS married... I don't even know MY DAUGHTERS name.

Wonder how that makes me feel...

WONDER!

I just have to add this..

I would... I SAY>>> WOULD>>> be proud of my SON as a Dr. BUT seeing how he treats his own mother..

Just adds fuel to his last words to me about his job...

WHere is the MONEY!>>

HELLO... Do people not become Dr's because they want to help people...

Appears that my SON is in it for the MONEY@!

AGAIN...

SAD mother..

BUT... hey... he does not have to waste any money on my funeral.. HE will not be there...

What a great kid...

What goes around comes around...

I can only pray that My son is never treated like I was...

NO ONE deserves THIS TYPE of PAIN...

God be with him and his family!