Hi
I have a boyfriend and he is mess treating me
He doesn't call me or ask me out on a date or just out and he is just not that much into me anymore
I donno if he is cheating on me because he is really busy at his life at the moment
He travels to china and other country with his family for fun and for doing business deals
Anyway
Before he went to china "which btw he had been their for 1 month" we talked about our relation and I got really mad at him because no matter what I do he just ignores me or start complaining about his life so I told him that that's it but "i didnt mean it's over" I meant that I don't accept men to treat me like this and I started to cry "out of anger" and I said stuff like "what happened to the guy who used to kiss me and hug me and make me soo comfortable.. is he dead or what!" so I hang up the phone after I said that and at this point he knew that I am soooo angry and hurt so he "agreed"!! To talk to me adult way! And we did ! For 3 hours we had a real conversation about our relation and I was ready to give up but then we decided that it will work out and he said that he has been a jerk for not being a man for me but just some guy that I am committed to him!! Anyway
But then one week later he had to go to china "we live in Jordan"
So from that point until now we only chat.. at the beginning he used to call me but then he didn't
And I am sooooooo angry at him because even so we only chat it's not right because it shows that he is online but he doesn't want to chat with me anymore like for example he doesn't send a missed call or a text message to my mobile for me to come online and so we can chat and sometimes days go by and he is so not into me after we finally chat.. I donno I feel that the promise he made before he went to china is so not true and I feel like wanting to kick his!! Lol sorry I know it's bad to think this way but what can I do
He betrayed me
He said that we are going to be lovers and all romantic and stuff and then he do the oppesite and I told him once if you want to leave me you should just say it.. then he called me!
I donno what to do
I donno if I should show him I am very angry at him or not
I donno if I should break up with him "it's so hard for me .. we had been together for 4 years!"
And every time I tell him I want out of this relation we both know we can't do it.. and it's like we are lovers for ever but only in words!
I haven't seen him in 4 months only one time!
And I know he is not a player or cheating on me because I know his life system and we keep talking on the phone a lot "and he keeps complaining about his life and family .. so i hate that too.. but i say it's ok.. that what guys do when they get comfortable to a girl!"
Anyway would some one help me
I really want to study all my moves before I do anything stupid or crazy
I don't want to show him that I am so crazy about him
And I don't want to lie to him or me at the same time.. that I don't need a relationship in my life with a truly lover!
So how to act?
What to do?

Communication is one of the number one things in a relationship and this is something neither of you are doing.

Have you talked to him about exactly how you feel?
Have you told him that him being online and not chatting to you hurts you?

Yes he may be busy, and when he is online he may be conducting business and may be unable to talk but this is something YOU need to ask HIM.

Edit --- you say 'every time you go to break up with him" You have obviously been unhappy in this situation for a while...
Maybe it is time to find someone a little closer to home.

Neither of you knows how to manage a long distance relationship, which is hard for most. Even when you are together, you seem to have issues as to how you relate to each other.

When do people figure out that love doesn't keep a relationship healthy and happy? Hard work does, through honest communications, and there is the problem. No honest communication.

Talk and listen to each other, and share your true feelings, and figure out what your going to do about it.

Hi thanks for the replaies
We talked before he went to china we had a serious conversation and it was all of it hounest
And we knew we had issues and we said we will work them out
He promised to stop being a jerk and bring the love back into our relation
Because even when we are not so much in love and he is in jordan we talk a lot on the phone dialy
But not lovers talk
It's just talk about our days and events.
He seems no to know what he wants
And when I tell him I need a man and romance and.. he says he is sorry he doesn't give me all of that
And when I tell him I want out of this relation he says he doesn't want us to break up
And that "we both know we love each other" but it's not working out for us
Not that it's our fault
It's the rules of our country (arab countries have issues about girls being in love and guys being in love that are not married) and it's his job
And every thing else
I am sick of him making so much execuses and when I make ea decision "that he should make it since he is the man in this relation" that I want out of it.. he says that it's not right decision and I know it's not right
Because we do love each other
But when he is not around me
Like now! He is in china
I donno what happened to him
It's like he start evaluating every thing
And I am the one who should be evaluating the relation not him!
I am the one who is neglected bcoz of his work and our life style
I donno
I don't want to show him I am angry
I always don't like to deal with people that I am not certain about my behviours toward them
So what can I do
What should I do
Talk doesn't help
Should I leave it to time
Should I start seeing other guys when I know all I want is him
Should he see other girls just bcoz I don't want to be neglected and this way thinking about him cheating me even if he is not doing it will help how I feel?

It is not really a relationship. Time to move on.

He doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't seem interested in you, he is living a totally separate life from yours due to the distance.
He gives you no hope for the future,
Yep time to move on.

If you don't like the way things are going, leave.

I know it's easy to say "just leave him or time ot move on" but since yesterday I am all cried out! I am not saying that I would cry too much for this guy but I really loved him. Onlye before 4 or 3 days we had our last chat and he used the webcam and I couldn't get my eyes of him it's like he looks like an angel in my eyes! I donno why life have to be so hard. Or why some people are just no lucky with the things in their lives.. or it's too much hard to reach what you want and it needs time and patient and faith! I donno. I guess I have to go through what you guys said.. move on. Even if it's the hardest things I will ever do.. but this decision maybe should be done taken long time ago.. but I am so broken and un happy.. how can I still love every thing about him and yet I hate every thing about our relation.. is that fair!

By the way thanks for the replaies anyway..

Oh well, either you take the advice or leave it.. Its your call and your life.

I am unsubscribing to this thread.

Its never easy to break old attachments, and begin making new ones.

There are a lot of intense feelings to deal with, and it does take time, and best to have No Contact with the ex, until you can move on.

Hi
Iam 21 years old
Well I am going through some tough change
My love life turned out to be a joke “for him”
I cry almost every morning and night and in between
I donno it’s not like I am not a tough person because I am.. I am so much older than the girls and guys in my age.. every one keeps telling me that.. and I know it but the problem here is that I need some one
Some one like me.. my character.. like some one who knows me.. I am tough most of the times I like to think more to feel when any thing happened and I love to be enjoying myself and if it would takes me to do that to make every one around me smile I will do that! “i think iam stupid because of that because of many bad reactions from others and mean people”.. I think a lot about what will happened the minute any thing said about the subject so I find myself smart at that area.. anyway my problem is that I donno if I am going through a break up or not but my boyfriend is acting all jerk and this is not the first time.. maybe the 1000 time.. so he is traveling now so he think he will fix every thing when he will come back.. although at that time he enjoy being online chating with others and having a good time all the time! And not even having to send to me sms or missed call or any thing to tell me to meet him online! So he doesn’t miss me and obviously he is taking every thing as a joke! I want to get out of the relation but let’s just say I donno how to do that! So I am just letting the time heal every thing. But my main problem is what to do? I look at photos of my past three years and I only liked 5! The others I could see in my eyes how much it’s all about him and the photos is for him “it’s like i am all his! You can see it in my eyes”! So the 5 I liked they are really good but the problem is I am not smiling! How can I smile in life? How can I actually get to a point where I can smile.. be normal and just smile! Iam too confused and sad! I feel I am wasting my life and time is going by and I don’t even know what do I want or what to do! Sure I am studying at university now I am my education is going fine but I am talking about me! Not what other things that complete me! And yes my love life turned out to be a joke for him! Although I know he loved me but what can any one do when life goes by and different paths comes along and lovers have to separate! And what hurts the most is that it’s OK for him! It’s always about his best in life but who am I to talk about that!
Anyway
Please if any adults “i mean really adults who has it all figure and happy and satisfied in life” knows how to help me please don’t hesitate
Thanks anyway for reading my post

Time will not heal anything if you don't break up with him. He sounds like the type that will just make excuses and tell you whatever you want to hear.
Like you said what hurts the most is that you see it is okay for him. So realize that the hurts you have breaking up with him are normal and they are not 'have to have him pangs'.
They are more pains of knowing that something that seemed good was a waste of time.
You tell him before he gets back with you that you have had time to realize you are better off alone. If you get back when you see him it will only be harder to break up.

Hon, the best advice I can give you is take time to relax and take some time for yourself.

Take a nice hot bath by candle light, go to a movie by yourself, take yourself out to dinner.

Simply put, RELAX.


Then dress yourself up, and take some friends out. Even if you just go to the mall and walk around. Or go to a coffee shop and talk all day long. Take some time to be 21 years old. You don't HAVE to be older than all your friends. Let your hair down and go to a club.

You have SO much time left in your life. Worry about all the love and relationships later, when you find the right person, and it definitely does not seem to be this guy.


Im sorry you are going through this hon. It will get better with time. *hugs*

One of the most important questions you can ask yourself when you are confused with a relationship is, who's needs are being met.

It does not sound like yours are. It sounds like he is quite happy to keep things as they are.

Have you ever heard of the 'honeymoon phase'? When insecurity comes up, and you begin to question the relationship, and what it means, the good and the not so good, and realize that you are probably better off moving on, then he comes home, and you wonder what all the fuss was about. After all that personal upheaval, the sparks fly because everything is okay again, for now.

But, eventually the pattern gets to be very predicatable, and at the end of the day, your needs are still not being met.

There are good and bad parts of a relationship, but it is the overall quality that you have to consider. Is this what you want. It may very well be that you love him, but what he has to offer is just not enough to sustain a mutually beneficial relationship.

Hi
Well have you ever been really heartbroken that the only fact you could understand is “OMG I am so not gonna be fixed.. not now.. not yet.. maybe never!!” I am horrible at getting over some body “not just any one.. I mean really some body!” I still miss the guy I used to be in love with when I was 15! And what ever happened to him makes me even sadder!. well he died! But anyway I am 21 years old now and I am over it. Not over him. But accepting the fact that ad things could happened. Iam a happy person usually and very enthusiastic and nice to be around. But some times If feels like no one on earth can solve the real problems I have. Anyway I got in love when I was 18 and I am still with the guy but we know it’s over.. but still we can't say good bye.. we can't survive just by “thinking” that we can live with out each other! So I am giving my relation with him a last shot. A shot full of hope that it should work out! We got deeeeply in love when we both were young and to me he is my first lover “as in mature way and I love him and he loves me too” and to him I am the same. So I am saying maybe it will work. But the real problem here is not if it will work! It is how I feel! If I will continue feeling this way. It will never work! Nothing will work. Not my love life.. my usual day stuff! Because when some one feels horrible. Simply every thing will be horrible! Iam sad most of my time! Getting sick of it. I try to read good books about being happy and controlling my thoughts and feelings and.. but I don’t need this crap! I need to know will I ever be happy? Can I?
Iam not even good with friends! I mean as I said I have lots of friends to hang out with and they all love me and I love them too. But in a “let’s hang out way” not some friend to get me and my soul!
Iam really depressed! I know! But taking pills or drinking or do drugs or what ever people do won’t solve any thing! It numbs me! That’s why I don’t do that!
Does any one know what to do?
Have an answer?

Hi,

Keep your mind safe. Have a hope in your mind that you will have a love in the near future. But be careful, and remember your past sufferings.

Threads merged


Hi
My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years and from the last week until now he is avoiding me.. he calls me and sees that I am not doing any thing entersting! I had exams before two weeks so I had been resting from every thing! Doing what I want! But even I don't know what I want anymore! So he calls me says hi and how are you and all then something come up and he says he'll call me back but he doesn't I can feel it like he is running away from me!
Sure I had been sad lately and I told him that! The last two months of our relation has been a disaster... no problems.. but I had been feeling so lonely like he is not their any more! He travels a lot! China.. germany.. swiss.. vienna.. so when do all that (business trips) and don't have for me to hang out with me... to take me some where nice.. even to just be my lover in physical way! And now that he is not busy and came back from all those countries.. he expect me to be the same! I am not the same! I want every thing back too! But how can I do it with my heart broken! I cry like some one really hurt! And I am surprised by myself! I didn't expect to be this hurt for too long! I mean he always travelS.. the last two years of our relation is all about him traveling and enjoying his time! While I am sitting at home waiting for something to happened to my life! I don't meet other guys because I don't want to cheat on him! I love him soooooo much that no one can know how much! But he has been avoiding me ever since he calls me and see nothing interesting about me or the way every thing goes in my life! I mean can any one tell me what to do! How to act.. how to be just as I want! Because I want our relation to be normal! But it's not happening with me being like this!
Please if any one know how to solve my problem even just a thought tell it to me.. thank u

If things aren't the way you want them to be, then you talk it out with your boyfriend. Commmunication is key. If your boyfriend really cared about you, he will make the effort to make you feel better.

If he won't listen to you, nor put any effort to try to make things better, then what's the point of continue the pain and suffering?

I felt the same about breaking up is the "easy way out." Now I see things differently. In some cases, breaking up is the "best way out" of a horrible situation. Don't hold on to something that isn't going to work out. Move on to bigger and better things instead of toturing yourself.

That is your problem, your sitting around waiting for him to make you happy, instead of doing things that make you happy. Thats your responsibility not his, recognize what your doing to YOURSELF.
Why does it have to be other guys to have fun with?? Are you just horny for a man or what?? How about some good clean fun without the sex thrown in, like bowling or a hobby or a card party with friends. Your wasting a lot of options and opportunities to have a good time for yourself waiting for something to happen. Get off your a$$, and make something happen.
I don't blame him, your boring and not happy with yourself, and thats not attractive to any man who wants more than just sex from you.
Start by building a life that you enjoy for yourself, and don't be lazy, or afraid about it. That alone will make you feel better about yourself, your life, and that makes you a lot more attractive to those who want to share your happiness with you. Now thats how you start to have fun!
I have given you some suggestions, its up to you to do the work. Waiting for something to happen is a waste, you actually have to do something about it, besides moping for a guy to do it for you.