I've been married to my husband for three years now, and he is not who he used to be. He tells me he loves me, but he dosen't show it.Most of the time I feel like I don't excist around him. I'm all about love, hugs and kisses, but he won't give me that attention.
Sometimes I get angry at him for treating me like I'm nobody, I even tried to explain to him how that makes me feel, but he won't change.
I get so upset at times, but he just doesn't get it. I love him and wouldn't want anybody else, but sometimes I wonder, is this what I'm going to have to deal with the rest of my life.
Also we have a one and a two year old, and to me it seems like they can tell if we are getting along or not, my one year old is never happy when I'm not, and they don't deserve that, I try to just be happy around them, but sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. If you're broken on the inside, how are you going to act like everything is fine on the outside.
Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice, on what I can do. Or maybe it's common for guys to be like that. Or maybe I'm doing something wrong, I'm willing to do what it takes to have a better relationship with my husband. My kids don't deserve grougy parents.

Honestly, I think you need to work on you, your happiness is NOT defined by your husband, but improved by your husband's affection. Do you do things that you enjoy? Why is it up to his affection to make you happy? If you are always grumpy because he isn't responding to the preconceived notion you have in your mind, does that show to him? Some men require a lot of direction when it comes to understanding how affection effects women, but if you are happy with yourself, it will show and his desire to be close with you just comes with that territory.

I have the same problem with mine sometimes I still love him but after 2 years of being married things changed and its like it was when we were dating. Maybe you need to talk to him about it. Tell him some days it would be nice if he made an effort to get your attention maybe do something nice for him like buy some lingerie and dress up for him one night sort of spice up your romance. Don't put it all on him. Make him remember what it was like before you guys had kids. SPICE IT UP!!

To be honest, I had the same problem, I have been married for 3 and a half years. When I was 9 months pregnant, I found my husband watching porn, I later learned that he was secretly addicted by installing a program on my computer. It hurts more then anything. I gained a lot of weight and became very depressed. We went for councling, nothing changed. It became worse from both ends, we both started swearing at each other and name calling. It just got worse and worse. I went to sleep almost every night feeling ugly and fat and crying and simply wondering why doesn't he love me. I became obsessed with wanting him only for myself, especially when I knew he was watching porn. I reached a point of insanity, I just wanted to know everything, who are you calling who are you texting, why where and I pushes him even further away. The only advantage that I may have over anyone else's is that my husband has a sense of being God fearing. So the last person I spoke with said that this is very common, and that the only way to solve it is to look him in the eye and tell him that you disapprove of whatever is bothering you in your relationship and leave the rest to him. Because at the end of the day, he will do what he wants, and be honest, always keep the lines of communication open. Give him space. Don't kiss him in the morning, let him get up and kiss you, and when he does, make it look normal, don't look so happy and interested, make it look like " ya so what, it was just a lousy kiss" don't keep begging him emotionally for his love, leave him be, and this will show you what he really wants, this will show you whether he wants you or not. And if god forbid, after this experiment you find out that he has lost complete interest in you, then you need to decide, do I want to live with this man who does not love me, even if you have kids, so what. It is better to fin out now then 10 or 12 years down the road. Decide.. and don't show emotions, don't show that you need and want and love him, reassure him that you love him. But do not stay on his every move, GIVE him space. Like I said, you will see his actions, either he won't care, which means he is a big fat , or he will care and start showing some love.

Had to spread the rep JustwantFair, but you were right on the money with your answer.

As someone who has been married to the same man for 33 years this July 17th, I can tell you that you will be miserable if you don't find your happiness in ways other than expecting your husband to provide it.

None of them are perfect. Some are very good at the emotional stuff, some are not. But, it's probably not a good idea to hinge your emotional needs on one person, whether he is your husband or not.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong Katlyn. If he says he loves you, and you otherwise have no other bones to pick, just take his word for it. As others have said, don't wait for him to give you what you need, spice it up!

I rely on my girlfriends to vent, talk, laugh, cry, and share emotions with. I rely on my husband when I need him, he would move mountains for me in a split second, but there are just some things that I know that I need, that he cannot give me.

Good luck.

There are a couple things at issue here:

One is giving. Someone can love you but not be willing to give (and if they can't give, most likely they're not good at receiving either) to you in the way that you would like. It's a choice whether you decide to live with that and accept and love that person for who he is, where he is, just as he is but let me say this to you: not all men are like that.

I was married to a man who's affection came in the form of "I'm providing for you. I fix the sink. I do this. I do that" and no matter how hard I tried to explain to him that that wasn't affection to me, he didn't get it. Now, we had many other bigger issues at stake and we divorced but the man I'm with now is so affectionate and amazing and he's everything I've ever wanted and, yes, he's not perfect and yes he has quirks I don't like but the affection, the one thing that means so much to me, is there so everything else is workable.

How important is the affection to your state of well being? Yes, a husband can't be your everything but you have needs too and those do not need to be overlooked because "he's not that kind of a guy.'

Point 2: We teach people how to treat us. If you're not happy and you don't tell him, he won't know. If you want more affection and you don't ask for it, how can he give it to you? Maybe you've talked to him endlessly about this and, if you have, guess what? He's giving you a no if he's not doing his best to compromise and collaborate. Some people make the mistake of thinking that marriage is forever, that it's a one shot deal and no matter how they behave or act, you're always going to be there. Again, we teach people how to treat us.

Some people almost have to lose the person they love to realize that this is not forever and that it does take work from both parts.

My bottom line here is this: A person can love you but it's not love that keeps you together. It's the fact that the BOTH of you wake up everyday, look at each other and say, "I choose you" and then do their best everyday to make the other person feel loved. Both people have to do it. You can't do it by yourself and, if he's not willing to, it says alot.

I waited 10 years to come to the place where I said, "He's not going to change" and not because he couldn't but because I finally realized that he didn't feel he had to... and why should he? He didn't change but I did and that's my point. The only person you can change is you.

It's time you loved yourself enough to do that... for you... And yes your kids, no matter how small, will notice if mom's unhappy and they will feed off that energy.

Be well...

Unhappily Married

I agree with Kmt spice up your relationship with your husband. I was in the same vote as you my husband wouldn't pay me any attention and our sexlife went downhill fast. I was ready to walk away and realised marriage is a 2 way street, I was waiting for him to show me some attention but I wasn't showing him any. So I decided to spice things up, I went out and brought some new lingerie and took some pics of me wearing the lingerie on my mobile and sent them with a sexy text of what I wanted him to do to me to his mobile while he was at work he found it exciting and I make sure I do that at least once a week. Our relationship is so much stronger now.