We have been together for 2 yrs and things were fantastic, but I have recently discovered that she has been flirting with my brother via email. She has told me that she loves me but is not attracted to me anymore. But she doesn't know why. I love her dearly and have given her space but she is still cold to me, but maintains she does love me. She was abused as a child by her father and previous ex boyfriends, and I have shown her nothing but love affection and support when she needs it but she doesn't think counseling will help. The last thing I want to do is push her away by telling her I love her all the time and pushing for an answer. But what else can I do? I love her so much but its been months of nothing no hugs kisses. I am afraid of losing her can anyone please help

Oh dear this isn't a nice situation and I feel for you both. What your girlfriend has been through is awful and I do believe counsilling will help as someone who is going through it now. I think without it your relationship won't last as you can only give so much without getting back and she needs to deal with her own private issues before making a relationship work. However the issue with your brother is out of order and BOTH of them need to know that and if she's been doing this behind your bak will you be able to trust her in the future?

Flirting with your brother? - huge red flag, in fact its worse than a red flag - it's the worst flag ever.

It seems she is distancing herself from you, and I'm sorry to say this because you aren't going to want to hear it, but she is doing this because she is readying herself for the end of the relationship - in fact for her it may already be over and she just doesn't know how to tell you in fear of hurting you more - which is one thing I will never understand because not knowing is even worse (we all know that feeling).

Truth is she doesn't feel the same and you cannot change that. Maybe the spark in the relationship is gone but the fact that there has been nothing for months lends to the conclusion that its more than just issues with the relationship seeing as you have constantly been there for her and shown love. I know this is the best thing, you haven't done anything wrong but that being said, girls in a long term relationship often get bored and feel that they are being smothered which then in turn makes them resent you slightly as they feel its you that is restricting them from living their life - the typical "the grass is greener on the other side"quote is what she may be thinking, maybe not in regard to another specific guy but just in general. She obviously does have feelings of love for you as she hasn't booted you out of her life completely but I just feel that you will be dealt the "i need space and time" line, although I get the feeling that you have already gotten it in some way or another. No kisses and affection is a big big red flag too.

I'm sorry if I have been blunt and harsh.

We have had a good chat and she says she was sorry that she was flirting with my bro it was via email as he lives in france, she said the reason was because I am to controlling, and he made her laugh but it went a bit to far and she put a stop to it she does love me and I realise that I need to change, I am prepared to do this and we understand that even though she was in the wrong I wasn't there for her as much as I could have been. But she is prepared to work on things she does love me and does want to sort it out but but we don't know if it will work is it to late

I think if you love each other enough then you should try but please please seek councilling. For your girlfriends past issues and to work on your trust issues. Otherwise it won't work xx

Umm, am I missing something? You are basically letting her off the hook for flirting with your brother? First thing I would do was talk to your girlfriend and express why this is wrong and set up some ground rules, second, punch your brother in the freaking teeth! That's the lowest betrayel someone could do. I've heard of friends doing it, but your own brother

I'm with Rome.. nothing excuses flirting with your brother and you should tell your brother a few hometruths about loyalty and how to be a brother!

As for the girl, get rid of her. You can do better than her, there are plenty more better fish in the sea!

I KNOW!! Your brother?

Just the alone warrants you to slam the door behind you as you run... far far away, you really can do better.

P.S. There is no excuse for flirting with your partner's brother, ever

Sorry guy but you have lost her a long time ago. Time to get some hugs from someplace else.

It's not your problem, it's her's... she's f***ed. You're brother flirts with her? Through e-mail? That's secretive and weird.

The problem is that you're too normal, she needs something or someone left-of-center so she can get her kicks.

I agree slapshot is right, its not your fault its hers, all you can do is back right off and have no contact at all with her, but you have to make that choice yourself and mean it, its like taking control of yourself again which at the moment you are not, the fact you asked the question proved that, and I have to agree with the others and say get rid,if its happen once then its defo happen before but you never found out and it will happen again, you can do better, them words won't mean anything until you do take control of yourself again, and I don't know if I'm allowed to say this but I'll say it, if I was in your shoes I'd give my brother a good crack on the nose and put him on his backside, its called honour, that's another thing you need to get back.

While I can't blame your girlfriend for losing attraction for you (sometimes feelings just change), I CAN definitely blame her for not trying to work on the relationship and for flirting with your brother. That is just so wrong on so many levels.

Everyone here is right that you've lost your girl, time to cut your losses and move on I'm afraid. Besides, nobody needs this kind of drama in their lives.

Move on!! She is disrespecting you by contacting your brother via email and your more concern that she isn't attracted to you. I would've gave her her walking papers a long, long time ago.

The old "controlling" accusation. I heard that too. At the time you think to yourself, "well maybe I am". BS. That's a clever way of saying let me do whatever I want whenever and I'll continue to kind of date you until I find someone else. Did your brother tell you she was flirting with him, or did she? I'm hoping your brother told you and followed it up with "dump the #($(#!". She is manipulating you. Someone with class would simply break up with you and would not flirt with friends or family members. She has no excuse. I used to make excuses for my crazy ex too... I mean girls like this are crazy. Think about it this way... If your sister was dating a guy who hit her and she said "but you don't understand, his dad used to hit him and he doesn't know any better" what would you do? Everyone here is right, this is her, not you. Walk away now and in hindsight you will see no matter how much you loved her that she was a bad apple.

It sounds as if you are taking a lot of the responsibility for the trouble your relationship is in.
In my experience ,it is rarely one sided.

It may be too late for the relationship you once had but it may not be too late to begin a healthier and more communicative relationship.

I am including a link I think you will find helpful,as a start to building trust and effective communication.

I hope you find it useful.

Relationship Help: Building Great Relationships Using Emotional Intelligence

Do you really want keep a girlfriend that is not attracted to you and won't hug or kiss you? I think you should find out why your brother is flirting with your girlfriend.

I have said this many times, and I will continue to say it: If a girl isn't attracted to me, or doesn't want me, then... BYE! Life is to short to worry about the thoughts and actions of ONE female. I am a good guy and I refuse to sit around and wallow in that stuff.

Move on, make yourself happy, and let her actions and thoughts be damned.

I've been in a very similar situation in a previous relationship. People of abuse have serious problems committing and staying interested over the long haul. If these issues aren't worked out, the relationship will die and it looks to me like it already has. I've been where you're at. I wish I would've gotten out sooner.

I concur. If she does not want to work this out via counseling or any other method, then it is obvious she is ready to move on. Do the same.

It sucks, it Hurts, it Burns but time heals all wounds. Or a new love.
PS. I don't believe in rebound relationships. Just relationships.