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    CAluckigal's Avatar
    CAluckigal Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 16, 2009, 04:31 PM
    Unmarried Mother Rights to move out of State
    I am a California Resident and have a 14 month old son who was born and is being raised with me in California. I currently live with my boyfriend who is also the father of my son. The relationship is not a good place for me and I have been very unhappy for over a year. I pay for half of our rent, half of our utilities, half our food, all my bills, and all of our son's financially needs from medical bills, food, diapers, wipes, clothes, toys, bottles/sippy cups, and part time childcare. My boyfriend/father of my son barely ever contributes time with our son, refuses to change diapers, refuses to wash anything form of dishes that our son uses, won't feed our son, does not contribute any money to anything for our son, etc.. I have no family where we currently and all my family lives out of state in Indiana.

    Do I have the right to move with my son back to Indiana to live with my mother?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #2

    Feb 16, 2009, 04:40 PM

    I'll assume the boyfriend is on the birth certificate. So there was no court hearing for custody, suppoort or visitation.. As long as that is the case, you can move with breaking any laws.

    If the father takes you to court for visitation, there is a possibility, but I believe a thin one, that you will be ordered back. On the other hand, I would file for support as soon as you get settled.
    CAluckigal's Avatar
    CAluckigal Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Feb 16, 2009, 06:35 PM

    Father is not on birth certificate but we do have formal documentation by a dna agency proving he is the father.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #4

    Feb 16, 2009, 06:42 PM

    Doesn't change my answer
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Feb 16, 2009, 07:17 PM

    Yes, at this point you can move, he can file in court if he wants to try and force you back, in many custody agreements there are clauses that wll not allow you to leve at that point
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #6

    Feb 17, 2009, 07:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
    I'll assume the boyfriend is on the birth certificate. So ther was no court hearing for custody, suppoort or visitation.. As long as that is the case, you can move with breaking any laws.

    If the father takes you to court for visitation, there is a possibility, but I believe a thin one, that you will be ordered back. On the other hand, I would file for support as soon as you get settled.
    I have to disagree on this one. For one thing you can't just go to Indiana and file. California would still hold jurisdiction until you reach a time limit for allowing it to proceed in Indiana. We may be talking 6 months. So if you should go you can be told by the courts that its OK to go but your going alone. If he applies for custody he may very well be granted some sort. You can either return or make some kind of deal where you provide transportation for visitations from Indiana to California up to 3 times in a given year. Be very careful with this.
    CAluckigal's Avatar
    CAluckigal Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Feb 17, 2009, 10:11 PM

    An additional question if I choose to move to Indiana can my boyfriend/father of my son who is not on the birth certificate (but there is formal dna testing done proving he is the father) file kidnapping charges against me?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #8

    Feb 18, 2009, 05:49 AM

    No, it is not kidnapping to take your own child with you, unless its in violation of a court order.
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #9

    Feb 18, 2009, 04:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by CAluckigal View Post
    I am a California Resident and have a 14 month old son who was born and is being raised with me in California. I currently live with my boyfriend who is also the father of my son. The relationship is not a good place for me and I have been very unhappy for over a year. I pay for half of our rent, half of our utilities, half our food, all my bills, and all of our son's financially needs from medical bills, food, diapers, wipes, clothes, toys, bottles/sippy cups, and part time childcare. My boyfriend/father of my son barely ever contributes time with our son, refuses to change diapers, refuses to wash anything form of dishes that our son uses, won't feed our son, does not contribute any money to anything for our son, etc.. I have no family where we currently and all my family lives out of state in Indiana.

    Do I have the right to move with my son back to Indiana to live with my mother?
    At the moment nothing prevents you from moving but be mindful not to try to hide your whereabouts from the boy's father (this could qualify as parental kidnapping if you do) and, of course, give him notice you are leaving--- don't make it an overnight secret disapearance because if you do you might wind up temporarily losing custody of your (and of course returning to California to litigate the issues because jurisdiction will remain here if your co-parent files an action for custody within 6 months of your departure).

    Also, your support case is going to have to be in California, unless your coparent has some contacts with Indiana (like the child was conceived there, you resided there once with him, that sort of thing).

    If the boy's father files a court case before you leave and has the court papers served on you, you will enjoined from leaving the state with the child for any reason (let alone relocating) without the court's permission (i.e. court order) or your coparent's written permission.
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #10

    Feb 18, 2009, 04:24 PM

    Also, being listed as father on a birth certificate where the mom is unmarried is technically not the test of paternity. No one is allowed to be listed on a birth certificate as father in cases where the mother is unmarried unless a voluntary declaration of paternity (pop-dec) had been previously signed by both parties (father and mother). So you can kind of get to establishing that a pop-dec was signed by knowing that a person was listed as dad on a birth certificate (in other words there shouldn't be anyone listed on the because if no pop-dec was signed) but it is a kind of indirect way of getting to the real question of who signed a pop-dec, if anyone. It is certainly possible that a pop-dec could be signed but the dad not wind up on a birth certificate, and that person would still be the legal father; so being on the because is not really the test.
    CAluckigal's Avatar
    CAluckigal Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Feb 18, 2009, 08:02 PM

    Once again I will restate the father is not on the birth certificate. I have formal documentation from a DNA agency stating that he is the father though.

    If I give him advance notice doesn't that mean that he can go get the paper work for custody and get it filed before I leave. The reason why I need to move is custody I need help raising my son and I need to be in a better financially situation. (Amongst many additional relationship issues) I have all the recepts from recepts, diapers, formula, wipes, jared baby food, snack, wipes, etc... that I have purchased for my son (100%). I can't afford to move out and live on my own in CA because by the time I pay for half of rent, half utilities, half of the food, private health insurance for my son and I, car payment, auto insurance, recepts, and everything my son needs I break even every single month and have no savings due to paying off 100% of medical bills when my son was born.

    If I have to give advance notice to his father even though he doesn't raise his son he would be an absolute and file custody charges immediately.

    He would know exactly where I was, I would be planning to move back home to Indiana where all my family resides. I have absolutely not family in CA. If he gets partial custody of our son I have no problem with that, but I can't afford to live in CA and I can't stay in the situation I am in. If I have to give advance notice it would start an awful argument and he would file custody papers.

    Is this just a lose lose situation and I should just give up hope and stay in CA?
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #12

    Feb 18, 2009, 10:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by CAluckigal View Post
    Once again I will restate the father is not on the birth certificate. I have formal documentation from a DNA agency stating that he is the father though.

    If I give him advance notice doesn't that mean that he can go get the paper work for custody and get it filed before I leave. The reason why I need to move is custody I need help raising my son and I need to be in a better financially situation. (Amongst many additional relationship issues) I have all the recepts from recepts, diapers, formula, wipes, jared baby food, snack, wipes, etc...that I have purchased for my son (100%). I can't afford to move out and live on my own in CA because by the time I pay for half of rent, half utilities, half of the food, private health insurance for my son and I, car payment, auto insurance, recepts, and everything my son needs I break even every single month and have no savings due to paying off 100% of medical bills when my son was born.

    If I have to give advance notice to his father even though he doesn't raise his son he would be an absolute and file custody charges immediately.

    He would know exactly where I was, I would be planning to move back home to Indiana where all my family resides. I have absolutely not family in CA. If he gets partial custody of our son I have no problem with that, but I can't afford to live in CA and I can't stay in the situation I am in. If I have to give advance notice it would start an awful argument and he would file custody papers.

    Is this just a lose lose situation and I should just give up hope and stay in CA?
    But the problem is if you leave with your son (the child who is both yours and HIS let us not forget) it will look like child abduction, won't it? You take off without telling him where you are going. Sounds like parental abduction to me. By the way, how would you feel if he did this to you? What would you do if you came home one day and found him and your son gone, with no explanation?

    If you leave without telling him and he does it right he WILL get custody of your son, at least temporarily. Plain and simple. Your abduction of your son and leaving the state without notice is reason enough. I know what I am talking about because I've handled these kinds of cases for people before in California and this is exactly what has happened. If you disappeared with your son--even to go back home to Indiana-- and he came to me and was a client of mine, I do what I needed to do and I'd have your son back in California in about a week, in the dad's custody and you'd have either no visitation or only supervised visitation (that you'd have to pay for by the way with a professional supervisory agency) until the two of you went to mediation and the court made some other arrangements. But in all liklihood the boy would wind up with his dad in California in the long term and you could stay in Indiana if you wanted to. At least you wouldn't have all the child care expenses to worry about (diapers and so on).

    Sorry to sound harsh but if the dad opposes your move and you take off without telling him and he wants custody himself he is going to get it. There are few things in life that are certainties but this is one of them that is.

    By the way, the fact that he is not on the birth certificate means nothing. He can still get custody while the case is pending and establish his paternity later (you already said he's the biological dad so that's not a serious issue).
    CAluckigal's Avatar
    CAluckigal Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Feb 19, 2009, 09:20 PM

    Cadillac59 thank you. No it makes perfect sense and this is what I figured but at the same time on some level it seems unjust as well.

    He knows I want to leave and he has the address/where abouts I would be at and he hasd visited my parents in the past so it wouldn't be an "unknown" location and be a magical disappearance of any means.

    So my best bet is filing for costudy rights in California and request to relocate as well?
    Even if the "father" has to pay child support based on his income I would not be able to live very well in CA and I have absolutely no help with my son here. I have been a resident of Indiana most my life and all my family lives there.

    Isn't it hard to be granted a request of relocation in less it is for a job though?
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #14

    Feb 19, 2009, 10:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by CAluckigal View Post
    Cadillac59 thank you. No it makes perfect sense and this is what I figured but at the same time on some level it seems unjust as well.

    He knows I want to leave and he has the address/where abouts I would be at and he hasd visited my parents in the past so it wouldn't be an "unknown" location and be a magical disappearance of any means.

    So my best bet is filing for costudy rights in California and request to relocate as well?
    Even if the "father" has to pay child support based on his income I would not be able to live very well in CA and I have absolutely no help with my son here. I have been a resident of Indiana most my life and all my family lives there.

    Isn't it hard to be granted a request of relocation in less it is for a job though?
    Yes, your best bet is to simply file an action in California and request a move-away. That's the way you are suppose to do it. I've represented moms in your situation before (which is not uncommon, by the way)-- in one case the mom got to move away to Florida after a partial custody evaluation; in the other the mom just decided to stay for now. You want to do this the right way because if you do it the wrong way by simply taking off you are putting yourself at a very high risk of losing custody.

    I wouldn't say it is hard to be granted a move away request if you don't have a job where you are going but having one does help.

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