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    cantunderstand's Avatar
    cantunderstand Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 2, 2009, 03:44 PM
    A selfish man or commitment phobic?
    Ive been dating someone for over 2 months. We practically live together. He won't refer to me as his girlfriend, even though his kids do.When I asked him about this he and asked him if I was nothing to him he said that wasn't true. But he won't label me or our relationship. We did agree not to date anyone else, so I'm hoping there is no one else. He's always with me, so I don't believe that's the case. Should I worry too much about labeling our relationship or is this a sign of him being commitment phobic? Second, last night while discussing Valentines day he said he doesn't believe in obligatory holidays and doesn't participate in them. He doesn't buy the person he's with Valentines day gifts, birthday, Christmas. etc. He said he doesn't believe he should have to and even though its not popular he stands by his feelings. Im not sure if he is selfish, self centered or just independent. I love his kids and mine love him. Im not sure if I'm wasting my time in this relationship. I told him I like romance all the girly stuff and he just says OK. What is your opinion?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Feb 2, 2009, 03:48 PM

    He has committed not to date anyone else, so he is committing??

    Sounds more cheap, so you can either accept this, or tell him he can start getting you gifts or to hit the road.
    starfirefly's Avatar
    starfirefly Posts: 397, Reputation: 33
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    #3

    Feb 2, 2009, 03:48 PM

    He doesn't sound like you have the same ideas at all you like to celebrate the holidays and he doesn't, if its really important to you than tell him if he doesn't seem to want to try than he's selfish and he's not willing to change small thing for you, in a relationship you both have to be willing to change a few things for each other so if he's not willing to do his part to make you happy I think its time to move on
    linnealand's Avatar
    linnealand Posts: 1,088, Reputation: 216
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    #4

    Feb 2, 2009, 07:07 PM

    Selfish? Commitment phobic? Frankly, dear, if you're having to decide which one of these labels would best fit your man's behaviors, I don't think it matter what you're calling it. They're bad signs. I'm also getting that "he's just not that into you" vibe. It doesn't sound like you've caught a winner this time around. Send this fish back to sea.
    bbss's Avatar
    bbss Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 14, 2011, 12:57 AM
    Some guys aren't into holidays they are in the little day things they do or say that matter. Take my man for a example we are getting maried soon and he has been hurt several times in the past so he found me and it has taken him time and more time to open up about everything. Same with me being hurt but we keep a honest loving open relationship going with most things in common but something's not in common. So ask yourself do you enjoy for the other person to the point you care for his interest and not only your own and when you to are togther is it the simple things as listening to the bird chrip the warm air on your face togther taking a walk giving thanks for the blessings in life and most of all for each other!! This world would be a terrible place if all you thought of is what I can get instead of what I can give!! There through those good and bad times it will draw you closer togther. I love you travis michelle forever and a day. Plus GOD has to really be at a center of relationship to make it grow and last.Amen
    bbss's Avatar
    bbss Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jul 14, 2011, 01:59 AM
    I can't help to think about when I first talked to my man I knew he was the one!! When I saw him WOW.
    My man and I both have took each other for granted before but we made our mistakes and go on. We learn grow and love more and stronger than before. He is so loving and giving I couldn't ask for any other guy in the whole wide world!! Just simply smiling laughing caring loving and sentive and more. And we both classfiy our relationship. We have been through way too much more than most couples have in a life time!! We will continue to go through things to toghter he's my best friend and more than a lover like the time mcgraw song!! Our wedding song will be the love of my life!! Realtionships take time and mutual respect love loyalness sweetness for another. Here is a example of love: my man and I were on vacation and I was having my heart issue he cuts threw some steep hills rocks and stuff full speed to go get my medicne knowing he's injuried he makes back to where I meet him because I start to think about his safety.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #7

    Jul 14, 2011, 06:35 AM

    This thread is more than two years old.

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