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zharovolia · Jan 28, 2009, 08:31 PM

Hello,

My husband and I have been living in separate rooms for 3 months. We don't talk and don't do anything together. He said he will file for divorce if I don't, but he hasn't filed yet.. and I don't know what's going on.. talking to him is useless.. Should just ignore him? Any advise on this?

hollylovesbrandon · Jan 28, 2009, 08:37 PM

If he doesn't want to talk to you what else can you do? Try counseling that's about it. And he needs to realize that what needs fixing is a mutual problem... not something you yourself can fix. If he doesn't want to help tell him you are filing for divorce. See if that sets a fire under him.

zharovolia · Jan 28, 2009, 08:43 PM

Counseling didn't work.. I can't threaten him with divorce that I will file because he knows I love him and will not file. And that's true

450donn · Jan 29, 2009, 07:47 AM

Then why did you come here and ask a question. You can live like you are and be miserable or file for divorce. Those are your options since you stated he won't go to counseling Don't threaten him. Tell him to pack his bags and move out or get help!

GirlWSlingshot · Jan 29, 2009, 11:28 AM

Are you getting counseling on your own? You can't fix your marriage by yourself. But if you work on yourself, you might get some clarity about what went wrong, whether it's worth you staying, and how to be OK whether things work out or not.

zharovolia · Jan 29, 2009, 02:55 PM

Thank you for answers. Yes, I am getting counceling on my own and he is getting counseling on his own.. but like marriage is dead.. I am so sick and tired to spend Friday nights and Saturdays and all days either by myself or with my friends.. He doesn't want to do anything with me and we live like roommates

Budhabelly · Jan 29, 2009, 09:49 PM

From what you tell us... This marriage has been over for a long time, and both for you are too scared to move on. If you are not making any effort, and neither is your husband, you both are missing out on bigger and better things.
Good luck.

zharovolia · Jan 29, 2009, 10:07 PM

But I really love my husband even he doesn't want to be with me.. I am a hopeless romantic.. I still hope things will get better

frangipanis · Jan 30, 2009, 03:01 AM

It's heartbreaking when you reach that point and the hardest thing to hear is that the marriage is over. You've both probably done your best even if it doesn't seem that way to you at the moment.

Are there any children?

angeliken · Jan 30, 2009, 03:25 AM

It is truly fulfilling when you love and be loved as well. For a relationship to continue and blossom, there should be a mutual understanding and love for both partners. If one of these are gone, any relationship is bound to be broken. Let him free. If he comes back, then you'll know he's yours for a lifetime...

zharovolia · Jan 30, 2009, 09:18 AM

We don't have any children... That was a good advise to let him free... He said today he will file soon when I questioned him what his plan is.. but I have a feeling he still loves me even though he is distant

talaniman · Jan 31, 2009, 11:31 AM

Maybe what you really need is to separate from each other, and stop this roommate stuff.

Then at least you can see if you miss each other enough to talk about it. 3 months is a long time to see one another, and not be a couple who works together thru honest communications to resolve things. Deal with the reality.

zharovolia · Jan 31, 2009, 02:23 PM

He says he doesn't want to separate, but wants divorce.. and not doing anything about it.. What do I do.. leave?

proteas · Feb 1, 2009, 11:54 PM

Hey Holly! A bit similar to the problem I have. My wife moved out of our bedroom 2 months ago (and into the guest room), on my birthday, bitter and hateful of me. The only reason she didn't move out of the house was because of the kids. We only talked on a need basis... phone calls were replaced by text messages. Need less to say I had a miserable time and decided to win her back working through the anger first -- doing small things for her I previously may not have done or not with any passion like getting her morning cup of coffee or packing an apple in her lunch box. I got rebuked many times, was told that she was capable of doing things for herself (the first week the coffee just sat on the bedside table till I pitched it in the sink after she had left for the day) but I just went on like a "puppy dog" (word chosen with some though). It took about 4 weeks for the anger to dissipate and then I built on that... today, while we "still have a while to go before she moves back in" we talk about the problems that set us apart.

Take-away for you: you need to get over the "anger" first. Maybe he has a good side and you can reach it by doing the little things... everyday. Best of luck!

Daryldunmore · Feb 2, 2009, 03:46 PM

Sorry, but, might be time to move on. It is hard to do so, but time heals.

frangipanis · Feb 2, 2009, 04:00 PM

If he is the one insisting on a divorce, can you ask him to leave? I know it isn't what you want, but if he is pushing your marriage in that direction, why should you be inconvenienced?

cozyk · Feb 2, 2009, 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by zharovolia

Thank you for answers. yes, I am getting counceling on my own and he is getting counseling on his own..but like marriage is dead..I am so sick and tired to spend Friday nights and Saturdays and all days either by myself or with my friends.. He doesn't want to do anything with me and we live like roommates

Take the hint and take back the power. I know your heart is hurting and I am so sorry for that. Believe me though, you will come back from this and for the better if you handle it with the knowledge that you don't have to wait around hoping to get crumbs from him. You deserve and will have so much more if you take the wheel. You go girl!;)

zharovolia · Feb 2, 2009, 10:27 PM

He can't get out place is on his namr and i am thr onr that needs packing

frangipanis · Feb 3, 2009, 03:41 AM

You sound really scared.

How long have you been married and what do you think caused your marriage to run into trouble?

talaniman · Feb 3, 2009, 06:52 AM

Leave!!!