I'm 23 and I live with my boyfriend who is 23 also. We have been together 4 about 7 months now, and pretty much lived together from the very first night we hung out. The first couple of months we were together he couldn't keep his hands off me. He still had he's own place for the first several months we were together but stayed every night with me. The sex was GREAT!

He is a recover addict, and attends AA often. Alcohol was never his problem, it was drugs. We do not have a supportive NA group in our town, so that's why he choose AA instead. About 2 months ago he started drink again after almost a year of being sober, and when he is drunk or drinking we have some of the best sex together. But since he has started drinking again that's the ONLY time we have sex. He is just not interested if he hasn't been drinking. I have found as well that he has been watching more and more porn, when I'm asleep or at work. He still cuddle's me every night, and kisses me every day but if I bring up sex when he's not drunk all I hear is "im tired, i'm not in the mood, I'm sore, not tonight baby". Just no interest... no matter WHAT I do. But always has interest in porn! This hurts me, I don't understand why he would rather watch porn and get himself off than just let me get him off? I would even watch it with him if he wanted... Before any one asks it's just regular porn, not anything weird or freaky, not gay porn or lesbian, just regular 'ol porn.

There are a couple of things that might need to be said also... I have had more partners than him, and when he first found that out became uncomfortable with it immediately. Is this the problem? Why would this just now be causing a problem? I'm a very sexually person and would have him any time any place but the feeling is not being returned. What's the deal?? :mad: Why would he choose porn over me?

Some guys hate when their partners have had more partners or relationships than they did. They take it as a hit to their ego. I say tell him to get over it. Considering it started once he found out you had more partners than him he's jealous of you because of it. That's his problem.

Oh... he may also think of himself as useless to you because you have experience and he doesn't. Talk to him about it and see what's really going on though

I have talked to him about it... He never gives me a straight answer. But then again it come up now and a again that I've been with more people than him.

He's jealous of you. Tell him even though he hasn't been with as many people as you, you don't care and that you love him. I've been with 7 people so far and I was my boyfriends first. He felt like your boyfriend and I told him that even though he didn't have as many partners as I have I don't care because I love him for him

Well, this is a relationship in its first stage and you are both young to have these problems. I remember dating (a long time ago) and I was on cloud nine for quite some time. Sure the butterflies where gone but the dates, walks, touching and kissing where great. Unfortunately you guys made the premature decision to live together and this is not an uncommon thing once people become room mates; you work, eat, sleep and there is no room for mystery (you learn about the other partner very quick-usually this makes it or breaks it). I would have never agreed to live with a guy unless at least a year or two have gone by. Once finances and all that step into a relationship it changes it to add responsibility.

Alcohol is now his problem not just his past of drug abuse. It makes sense that you have awesome sex when he is drunk... my husband and I have great sex when we get loaded too... but its far from innocent :). I never consider it making love and I never consider it serious when we are drunk that's the problem. Its not passionate but rather raw animal sexual instinct/drive. I don't think porn is the problem either... I think its his mental health, he is obviously going through a lot that he does not discuss with you. He may be using porn to relieve stress and insecurity but evidently if he shows you other affection then he does care a great deal about you... if you bring up sex he shuts down... common effect of depression (provides visual stimulation since guys are visual creatures and an escape). The number of partners may sit in the back of his mind but if he loved you he would see past all of that after a while as long as sex is safe and your loyal then what is there to worry about? If he holds that against you then there are insecurity and trust issues.

I know what your going through. Just remember your not competing against porn... porn has nothing to do with you or in comparison to you. It also doesn't sound like porn is the core issue. AA isn't working for him maybe try another counselor... he should be having an initial meeting with the counselor he feels most comfortable this is about getting better and how can you confide in someone you don't like or don't trust? It sounds like he will need your support and understanding so handle your words with care and affection. Sit down and talk to him and what your concerns are about him and about your relationship... he sounds like he would hear you out. I am sorry he neglects you... it is the most awful and depressing weight to carry. I know it breaks self esteem down... try talking to him that's the first step. Since you have a lot to give him in this conversation along with "sexual frustration" maybe self stimulate, eat well and work it off at the gym. Try feeling better about yourself (this has nothing to do with you) and spoil yourself because you deserve it. If he is not making an effort then talk to him again... get a counselor... you can decide not be available for him... or better yet your 23 move on.

Your boy friend has an addictive personality. First it was drugs, now porn and alcohol. Personally I think you need to leave him and really soon. He has some really serious issues and unless he get the help he needs with his addictions you are doomed. Get out now!

I don't see an issue with addiction of any type here.

What I see is two people that pretty much jumped into everything with both feet way too quickly before they ever got to develop the relationship side of things, it was held together purely by sex and now that the excitement of "new person" has worn off they are being left with not a whole lot.

Does he have a job? If not, he may be using you for support at the present time, to support his addictive habits instead of facing real life and having a program(for success AA).

Time to move on and get some therapy sessions to find out why you settled for this flawed guy. You deserve to have happiness in life, how to go about finding it.

It is apparent that the suggestions here so far do not address the true problem. The man is an addict. Not just to porn but to drugs, alcohol, porn and whatever else he uses to cope with everyday situations.
The original poster told us that he has been going to AA (a good substitute for NA) and has stopped using drugs but has now turned to alcohol. And the fact that he cannot have sexual relations unless he has been drinking is enough proof that he is an addict. He needs more AA and maybe even rehab do deal with these issues or his life and the people around him will suffer.