Hi to everyone!

Am just feeling so sad and I don't know how to deal with my feelings...
I don't know if am just jealous and insecure but I saw my husband enjoying himself
In a conversation with his female co-worker and close friend I think.
He didn't even felt my presence that am just meters away from them. He is
Very close to this female and when I asked him what's going on between them, he said they are just friends to the extend that he will used pay phones to call her and not his mobile phone. They have been together at work for the whole day then they still text each other and call even at home... but he deletes any text messages and phone calls and he is hiding everything from me because according to him I am jealous of everything he does and that's why he's hiding their conversation but he goes out with her during his day off.
Which according to him is nothing but a friendly date... he was never like this before.
I am confused whether to listen to my instincts or maybe I was just too jealous and insecure I making myself believe that something is going on between them. Because he even chose to stay late at work than to go home and spend the rest of the night with me. I don't know. It's hurting that I don't know yet how to share everything clearly.
I don't know already how to react about it in front of him and don't know if I'll just ignore or what...

This isn't where I usually post and I have no idea what anyone else will think but if the behavior makes you uneasy or upset and he knows but continues the behavior, I'd be very, very suspicious. What would I do with the suspicion? I'd tell him outright how I feel and ask him what's going on.

Just one other word - I personally would stay far, far away from the "other" woman.

I'm an investigator; I work matrimonial cases; very few women who hire me are wrong in their suspicions.

And friendly dating the "other" woman - maybe it's just me but I didn't want my husband dating anyone, friendly or not.

He deletes his text messages BECAUSE your so jealous? That makes absolutely no sense. I guess he thinks you're an idiot if you swallow backward reasoning like that.

And NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE who owns a cell phone uses a pay phone. Period. Whatever phone conversations are occurring on that pay phone are illicit. PERIOD.

He goes on "dates" with a woman on his day off? Seriously? Not a single moment of MARRIED man's day off is spent alone with another woman. Not ONE moment. Not a seriously married man.

And now "staying late" at work has started? This isn't rocket science.

It doesn't matter how you cut this, this man is having or preparing to have an affair with this woman. PERIOD. There is no other explanation, and truth be told he may not even be admitting it to himself yet. But there it is.

So what do you do? I take a realistic approach to this stuff. You can't talk people into being different unless it's costing them something or appearing to. I believe you will have to calmly point out that you know what is going on or what is about to go on and you won't stand for it, then start packing. Yelling, arguing, confronting or accusing would be pointless. Point out the debate is over. As long as he is actively courting another woman's attention, regardless of what he wants to call it, you're stepping out. You have too high self-esteem to have to live with this, so you won't.

See what he does. Not what he says. Unfortunately, this may be a foregone conclusion and you're simply beating him to the punch, not a "win" perhaps in your mind, but it is what it is.

The first thing he should have done, as a man and a husband, is take you seriously when you explained it to him that you did not like this relationship he is having with her (regardless of if it's sexual or not, it is making you uneasy). He didn't respect that. That's clue number one.

Clue number 2 is the use of the payphone. Anyone that is on a payphone when they have a cell phone is most likely doing so because what they have to say can't be traced or heard.

He is feeling guilty about what he's doing that is why he's turning it around on you by doing things like saying you are just being jealous. Woman's intuition is a strong thing. Chances are, your suspicions are right... as sad as it is to say.

Thank you for all your advices and opinions..
I appreciate it that you all understand my feelings...

One question also in my mind is the female friend knew that my husband is married already. Would it still be possible that she will fall for my husband? Because, why should she text and call my husband knowing that he is already home and that for sure am at home also...

I went to my husband's office one day and saw them both again so I don't know what to do if I have to interrupt their happy conversation of just go away of pretend I haven't seen them talking and laughing in between working hours.

I am not even sure if what I am doing is right or I should not have been going to my husband's office anymore. I don't know if it's also appropriate to tell my husbands about what I saw or just keep silent about it...

I don't want to destroy or ruin our marriage... Actually I want to keep it intact... What am I supposed to do?

He is still the same person, the same husband in bed. But how will I know if he's just trying to pretend or he is really not doing anything wrong that it was just my thoughts that's bothering me...

I am so confused... but I don't like to break my marriage...

THANKS!

Hi!

I don't know but my husband never dances and he really don't know how to dance.
W e do lot of naughty things together but he never dances with me because he doesn't like.

But what's bothering me is when he asked me that he will be going home late because he will go to disco with his friends (co-workers actually). And I know that this female cose friend of his will be there to...

Is it reasonable that this sudden change of his liking to dance a sign that something wrong is going on that could endanger our relationship? Our MARRIAGE life?

Or am I just so reasonable maybe he's just making and exploring new things for himself.

We've been married for more than 3yrs now and have no kids yet...

THANKS in advance!

There is a possibility he is dancing with his co-worker in order to learn how to dance and therefor start sancing with you, he might bde ashamed of not nowing how to dance with his wife and would rather not be able to dance with a friend


I hope the best turns out

Good luc
Zach

Thanks for the advice... but you think so? Are you sure that could be the reason?
"coz we never feel ashame of anything from each other and that dancing alone is not so shameful that he needs to ask his friend to teach him coz i myself can teach him...
Could you encourage me more to believe this "could be" the reason?
Thanks!

I'm a very straight forward person. First, unless you have gone to his office in the past I wouldn't go there now.

Second, I'd tell him how you feel (exactly as you have done here) and ask him what's going on. You'll either get an answer or you won't. You obviously can't make him do what he doesn't want to do so if he does not want to end the other relationship, whatever it is, threats are not going to do anything. Maybe he's torn. Who knows - but that's not your problem, it's his.

Third, I'd talk to a professional - counselor, Attorney, clergyman - and determine what you want and need to have a happy, more content life.

I've posted before that I do matrimonial investigations (which I personally feel are rather pointless... but... ). You would be AMAZED at the number of women who have their suspicions and are convinced or browbeaten by their husbands into believing that THEY are the insecure, hyper sensitive, suspicious, "crazy" ones. And then he leaves when the time is right for HIM.

Just tell him no, tell him that you do not want him to be going out with someone else, if he wants to go to a dance place, to take you.

A married man has not business going out with another women, period.

Read my first post above again. Then answer this...

I'd like you to admit what you mean by "I don't want to ruin my marriage" and "I want to save my marriage." Admit this to yourself.

Do you mean, "I'm not going to make any waves, he can have an affair if he wants" ?

I agree with the idea that "he can have an affair if he wants" because that's true. I've said that already. You may not be able to do anything to stop that. But not make any waves about it? That's concerning. I hope that's not what you mean.

My suggestion at the end of my first post is still my view of how you do save your marriage, if it's salvageable. You can't do it alone, so if he's uninspired to participate... you'll need to consider what that means. I don't see how any of this makes it your fault. You're not ruining anything.

A agree with Fr_chuck only if this continues to happen and more often and don't be so asertive if you do end up saying that, say it nicely and ask him to take you and say something sweet

If your husband is going out with another girl regularly, it means he is dating her. He has no right to date other girls when he has married you. You.ve got to sit down with him and have a talk. Tell him you feel ignored when you three meet up. Like you are alone. If he is intelligent, he will understand what you are telling him.

The stuff you have written in your first paragraph happened to me too. We went out with another couple and a girl. She kept grabbing my husband's attention, talking and laughing a lot. She went with him to get beer, both came back laughing, talked and laughed some more, went to talk to the manager and he went with her. It was like THEY were the couple and not us. The manager even thought they were :( I felt so left out and sorry for myself. Worst day of my life!

So after we got home, I told him how I felt alone today, as if I had been there single and not with him. Typical response: You are imagining it, bhlah blah. But, he also gently explained that I came first. That we could spend more time out alone in the future. And he also kept his word. Demand respect gently but avoid one mistake I did- I felt too vulnerable and cried.

Don't cry but tell him you want to see more of him. But also put in efforts to trump that girl. Dress sexy, do new stuff in the bedroom, pamper him, don't point out his mistakes. Imagine he's your boyfriend and do everything you would do to keep him yours.