I am 24 years old and my (ex)girlfriend is about to turn 22 we have been together 4 months. I know it seems short but we both felt something true and real that we have never felt before. We both agree that our relationship has been amazing the whole time, constantly getting better and better. We held back from having sex so that we could really get to know each other as people. We are very compatible in all ways. We have both honestly declared each other as best friends. We are both very intelligent, open minded, mature people. We find things in each other that we don't find in people in general. There were no sings of it ending any time soon. To this day we are both overwhelmed by how amazing the other is and we both agree that we are amazing together.

Overnight she decided she couldn't be in a relationship anymore. She told me that nothing has changed about how she feels about me. She still loves and adores me. She told me that everything was perfect but in the back of her mind she was afraid that it wouldn't work out. Not for any reason, she was just afraid. Then she says she can't deal with the stress of a relationship right now, even though our ralationship was very unstressfull. We both fully respected eachother's needs for space and personal freedom. We never argued and never got irritated about frivolous things. When ever we are together we are full of life and excitement sometimes laughing out loud about how amazing it is. There is no doubt in my mind that she truly loves me and understands all of this to be true.

She told me that it doesn't make sense why she is feeling this way and she agrees that we are perfect for each other.
She says she just needs to figure herself out.

Now that we have broken up (2 days ago) she seems very content with her decision. I fully respect her own personal needs. Im just confused. I don't know if its truly over or if this is just a phaze and time will bring us back together. I feel that it all comes down to her fear of it not working out so she nipped it in the bud to avoid bigger pain later. I feel that she is throwing away a perfect relationship that she can't accept.

We are still best friends and still see each other but its different
If there is a chance of us getting back together, what should I do? I love her

I think that you should give her what she asked for: space.

If she seems content with her decision, you have to respect that and move on. She's the one that broke up with you. If she wants to get back together, she'll let you know.

Good luck,
J

In the end you want to end up with someone who wants YOU, right?

So, let her go. If she comes back... awesome, give it a whirl THEN. If not, and most likely she won't return, well, you haven't really lost anything since she is technically not there anymore anyway, right? All "let her go" really means is "admit to yourself what is already true."

Having been through this myself, unfortunately more than once, usually asking for space is really just the first step in breaking up.

From her side... she could be telling the truth... that she cares for you but is conflicted because she doesn't want to be tied down.

Personally, I've loved two women I couldn't be with. Bad timing, I guess. It happens. A lot.

So... you need to not be in her face. You need to pull back. If your absence is more than she can bear, OK. A step perhaps in the right direction.

But DO NOT be her girlfriend... meaning don't be available to her all the time. She asked for space.. give it. She needs to feel your absence to understand if she really needs you close.

If you talk to her all the time, comfort her, reassure her, you are just helping her through the breakup.

So... hard as it is, id suggest stepping back hard, even more than she's asked. Doesn't mean be mean to her. Doesn't mean treat her poorly. But let her understand you demand more from a woman you care for.

If she returns, it'll hopefully be because she's realized what she almost lost... though even then, you have to be careful she's not just wanting security of the known.

If she doesn't chase you down, she was gone anyway.

Don't be her butler. Don't be her girlfriend. Step back hard and see how she responds.

I can see you do love her and are very compassionate and caring about her feelings and supportive of her decission. My advice on this situation is "Absence and Indifference." Don't be indifferent to her completely but you do need to give yourself and her some space and accept that she is absent. Then reassess your situation.
You can't save your relationship by trying to get closer and closer to someone who wants to run away. The only way to save it is to remove yourself from it for now.

It does sound hopeful and you can communicate to each other so that is a positive thing as long as you try not to control or manage the relationship and just show that you care.

Go and experience a new hobby. This will help keep your mind focused on you and something you love to do. Keep your thoughts positive and give love the space to grow. She may just not be ready yet.

She can't truly miss you & all you have to offer without you giving her something to miss.

The fact she broke up, means she didn't think things were as perfect as you did. You still have a best friend, but you really need to back away, as she will never miss, or appreciate you, as long as your always available.

She has what she wants, and of course she is content, but she is also single, and free to date whomever she pleases, while you are left as a friend.

For your own sake, you have to cut contact as much as possible, so you have a chance to heal and accept there is no romantic relationship, and balance your life with other people, and activities, and be open, and ready for your own dating and relating with the opposite sex.

Sorry guy, but you will resent her, and be very angry, when she does find a guy she is interested in for a date. Trust me, as I know from personal experience, that's what is going to happen, so make some adjustments in your busy schedule that doesn't include her.

You may not understand how this can happened, but it does. Sorry for your loss.

For whatever reason, she wants to move on and is trying to spare your feelings. How kind of her... NOT!

Tal was right, you will get angry when she finds a new guy to date. Cut the contact with her and start to heal.

Perhaps she felt that if the relationship went any further and it didn't work out, then she would also loose her best friend, which she doesn't want to do.

You have only been together 4 months, which is a very short time,I think you just need time as individuals... see what progresses from there.

In the mean time enjoy each others company with out the pressures of expectation

Wait and see what the future brings.

[I apologize for the long answer, but I have thorough thoughts on the matter!]

Here is the question you must seriously ask her face-to-face because only she can give the answer: "When you say you don't want a relationship now, do you mean with anybody or specifically with me?" Tell her you want the truth more than her kindness. If she is honest, she will probably give one of three responses along these lines: (1) "I do not want a relationship with anybody right now, including you, because I need to 'get myself together' and 'focus on me'." (2) "I love you, but I love you as a friend and want you to stay my friend." (3) "I really don't know what I want right now."

Of course the third response resembles the first. If she doesn't know what she wants, she really does need 'time and space' to get herself together. There is no need for you to cut ties with her--continue to be her friend; but do not expect a relationship in the near future and do not put your life on hold. If she loves you, she will not want you to suffer while she works things out. Don't wait for her by being idle. Live your life. Focus on activities and your job and reach out to new people. It's hard for you to imagine right now, but you might even meet someone else that you like and realize relationships do not have to be so complicated.

One thing she may need to work out is overcoming fear of commitment. She may want to be in a relationship with you, but she is still unable to take that step because her past experience with a relationship (or the experience of someone close to her) was very troublesome. She never fully dealt with the pain. She simply ignored it, and now that she's on the verge of a new relationship, old issues have surfaced. She realizes now that she can't move forward with you until she personally deals with this psychological issue. This explanation accounts for the two reasons she gave for not being ready to commit: (1) fear of the relationship not working out/fear of heartbreak, and (2) inability to manage the stress of a relationship--which implies that she thinks her relationships are stressful. Thus, knowing she must deal with her own problem, she says she is not ready.

Lastly there is the infamous "just friends" response. She says she treasures your friendship and wants you to be just friends. She may add confusion by adding "right now" or "just now" to the line, as in: "Let's just be friends for now." Don't let that fly! You must find out if she is trying to soften the truth so as to not hurt your feelings, or if she means a relationship in the future is really a possibility. Of course you want to hear the latter response, but even then there's a chance she's so kind and loves you so much (as a friend) that she can't bring herself to tell you. That's why you help ease her into revealing the truth rather than press her. If you press her she may stonewall. Say, "One quality of yours I love is your kindness. True to your character, be so kind as to tell me the truth. I can handle the truth. I really can. What I cannot handle is seeing the one I love deface herself, her character, her values, and her integrity by cruelly and coldly leading me on. Are you leading me on, or is there possibility between us for a relationship in the future? Don't hurt yourself and me by not saying. Just say." Whatever she says at that point is probably the truth--or at least the most you will ever get of it.

With that, you will know where your relationship stands not only at present, but also in the future. It is true that life changes, so what she says now could potentially change. There is always a chance, but don't get your hopes up--especially if she says "never"! Just move on and find happiness with someone else. Good luck to you.

Be sure to watch the dates on the threads you answer, this one is two years old.