Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    12402's Avatar
    12402 Posts: 25, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 5, 2008, 07:21 PM
    Break up after 5 years
    We've been dating for over 5 years. We have always been a couple who fights and argues a lot about stupid things, but we love each other and work things out eventually. We've talked about getting married for a long time but decided not to do it until we were both had more stable lives as we're both still in school finishing graduate school. We wanted a nice wedding and all that and couldn't afford it. We did move in together because we decided we didn't need to be married to see ourselves as married. We've talked about our future plans after school ends. Up until a few weeks ago, we had been talking about getting married, buying a house, etc. Once we moved in together the fights became more about living together than anything else. We had a fight recently and he said he needed to think about things. He said he still loved me but he needed to think. A week later, he told me it was over. He said it so calmly. He said he needed to move out. I told him that maybe living together wasn't a good idea and maybe we could work it out if we stopped living together. He said it was over and that's it, and that he didn't love me anymore. That he's been feeling like he doesn't want to be with me forever for over a year now. Except, just a few weeks before the break up, he was talking marriage and a future. He was planning our next trip for the following year. A few days before the break up he said he still loved me. He told me it was easy to break up with me and he was very calm during the whole thing. He doesn't seem upset at all. What's going on here?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #2

    Aug 5, 2008, 09:10 PM
    He got tired of fighting, and argueing over stupid things, and obviously moving in together, didn't solve any problems either.
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
    Business Expert
     
    #3

    Aug 5, 2008, 09:42 PM
    The whole purpose of dating, engagements, and even living together is to find if you are a pliable couple. Obviously, in my opinion, that wasn't the case.

    Being "with" someone takes a lot of adjustments and in most cases... work. The whole process is to see if you synchronize, function together and are a loving couple. This period will find out if both are accommodating, can adapt, and are suitable for each other.

    When couples take up residency they have to continue to "fine tune" their relationship and adapt more closely to each other. This... I am afraid takes love from both...

    Stringer
    notbigthing's Avatar
    notbigthing Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Aug 5, 2008, 11:11 PM
    Your case is something similar to mine, that guy I want to give my life to, told me he want to go back to his ex calmly, you should see the shock express on my face at that time, I reread emails from him, he said so faithfully he want me in his life.
    If any one can explain this big male mystery.
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
    Business Expert
     
    #5

    Aug 5, 2008, 11:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by notbigthing
    ur case is something similar to mine, that guy i want to give my life to, told me he want to go back to his ex calmly, u should see the shock express on my face at that time, i reread emails from him, he said so faithfully he want me in his life.
    if any one can explain this big male mystery.
    It isn't a "Male Mystery" my dear, it is a "People Mystery.":) :rolleyes:

    Stringer
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Aug 6, 2008, 05:20 AM
    Agree with above posters, he got tired of the agruments, realized you guys weren't supposed to be together and ended it. Time for no contact and start the healing process
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #7

    Aug 6, 2008, 05:54 AM
    Your in shock at the news! It will look different when you get through the process of acceptance, and healing.
    12402's Avatar
    12402 Posts: 25, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Aug 6, 2008, 06:59 AM
    Thanks for all the answers, but I'm still wondering if there is any hope for us at all? I still want to be with him and can picture a better life with him if we could work at it some more, but he just said he doesn't want to try anymore. He didn't say he couldn't see me in his life, just that he didn't want our relationship to be like this... I see that as a sign that we still love each other and want to be together, just need a lot of work, especially after 5 years together.
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
    Business Expert
     
    #9

    Aug 6, 2008, 07:54 AM
    Too many times people use games for various reasons; they enjoy playing someone, don't want to hurt someone, many reasons. From the information you have supplied it appears that he is telling you straight up how he feels and what he wants.

    I wouldn't want to destroy any hope you may have but it wouldn't be good for you or him to lead yourself down a primrose lane either. I feel he is simply telling you the truth, plain and simple. I know, it hurts now... but this may be for the best. If he was a lessor person and was playing you, would you want that? No, I don't think so.

    NC... and keep your pride dear...

    Stringer
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #10

    Aug 6, 2008, 08:00 AM
    Work on yourself and leave him alone. It may take some time before the emotional dust settles, and you must let that happen.
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
    Business Expert
     
    #11

    Aug 6, 2008, 08:10 AM
    Exactly Tal... keep your pride.

    Stringer
    Jadajmilan's Avatar
    Jadajmilan Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #12

    Jul 26, 2013, 03:46 PM
    This just happened to me a week ago:( it's the hardest things I've ever been dealt. How calm and CERTAIN he is.. I keep grasping for straws(or hope) it's HARD to imagine the Man U love SO MUCH and would have done anything for could be so certain with no ultimatum or warning.. We fought too petty really I assumed it was moodiness from not seeing his kids as much lately.. We've raised three together these past 5yrs.. I keep asking why? And maybe he will change is mind but he isn't :( I've been packing me and my kid up and he is still calm.. Almost normal eating smiling laughing at TV.. Telling me he loves me and its hard.. And I haven't ate in 7 days and can't sleep more than a couple hours have knots so tight in my stomach and a lump and my throat that hasn't left:( I think it's over for real and I hope that your situation has improved for u... But this haunting question among all of I'm incessant tears and pleas and why I love you's there is one more
    "Even if he changes his mind runs to me wraps his arms around me like I'm longing for kisses me and tells me he was infact just moody and he can't bare to live a day without me" how now!? Can I EVER rest in his arms at night and not wonder when or if he will be done again and take me to these depths once again:(
    I don't know the cure the cause or the reason:( it's just hard

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Break Up after 5 years ? [ 50 Answers ]

I met a Peruvian girl in a nightclub over 5 years ago. She moved in with me over 2 years ago. Her parents then purchased a house for her in June 06 so I decided to rent out my townhouse and move in with her. I'm now 37 and she is 34. She runs her own business from the house and I work for an IT...

After 2 Years she needs a break - What do I do? [ 16 Answers ]

Hey Everyone, I just wanted to start by saying I've read some posts about this already and you all seem to give really great advice so I thought everyone could possible help me out too. So here is the situation. Me and my girlfriend met over 2 years ago (she was 15 and I was 17) and we are...

On a Break after 2 years [ 2 Answers ]

Me and my girlfriend went out for 2 years I am 23 she is 21 we had amazing 2 years but the last couple of months have been a little rought being that my mom is dying of cancer and my dad is an alcoholic her parents are going through a divorce. We have been bickering and I guess small fights. So she...

After 6 Years, a break? [ 5 Answers ]

So, I will try to make this brief. My fiancée and I have been seeing each other for 6 years. We got engaged about a year ago. We broke up a couple of years ago for seven months, but got back together after neither of us had seen anyone else. Three weeks ago, she came to me and said that she...

Break-up after 3 years [ 11 Answers ]

Hi, I am new to this site and very pleased to have found it. I thought I was alone in my feelings and now see that I'm not so would really appreciate some advice please. I been with my man for 3 years, we have both been married before and there wasn't much of a break before we got together,...


View more questions Search