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    guitarinar's Avatar
    guitarinar Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Aug 3, 2008, 02:18 AM
    Girl very into me, now ignoring me?
    All right so, this is my pathetic attempt to get some type of satisfaction and advice.
    Keep in mind while reading, I am a 20 year old male, and the girl I talk about is 19

    Part1 of the story

    Over the passed year or so, My best friends sister starts expressing interest in me. I have known her for years, and we have always flirted a little bit. I had never really acted on anything nor did I really want to, I had respect for the fact that it was my friends sister and hey that's just an awkward situation.

    During June our families (and a few others) rented a house down in obx for a week. It was then that she was really laying it on me thick, and I had been getting proggressively more interested in her to begin with. She had a boyfriend at the time, but he was abusive and sleeping around, someone I knew from high school none the less and I never thought much of him. Things with her and him were unraveling fast before I even seriously considered dating her, by the time I decide to date her he is long gone - partly because I told him off.

    I wasn't going to act on anything without first consulting my friend and letting him know what was going on in full, so we had a heart to heart and he told me that he actually WANTED me to date his sister because "I would take care of her better than anyone ever has" which I thought was a very noble thing to say. So I allowed myself to start getting closer with her during our time on vacation and we talked about things, I still (even after talking with my friend) didn't ask her out seriously or anything because I was still thinking things over deciding what was best.

    We get home from the trip continue to talk more, I had thought it through by this point and realized that this was what I wanted, so I tell her how I feel, and that I really think we could have something, she agrees. We setup date(s) for the next weekend after discussing all that, she sends me edless text messages telling me how much she can't wait to see me over the weekend and all that. The weekend comes, I was going over to her house (also my best friends house) so I get there about 7 pm she's not there.. I hang out with my friend for awhile until she gets home around 12 midnight comes down, kisses me hangs out for about 30 min. then un-announced leaves goes to bed. Next day I'm still there she's not home all day, doesn't come home till 12 again same story. I leave the next day, she's not there in the morning. So basically she planned out the whole weekend for us to hang out and isn't there at all when it actually happens.. I was dissapointed to say the least.

    I decide maybe its time to affirmitively let her know how serious I am/have become. So I ask her out and tell her exactly how I've come to feel, you know.. that whole thing. I really expect her to give an enthusiastic response and be so happy that finally we would be pursuing this. She simply tells me "we need to talk in person" and ever since that, she ignores me completely every time I have tried to contact her, even though half of the times it was to setup an in person meeting so we could "talk in person" right? I would just go over but I have no clue if she'll be home or not.

    Bottom line, recent events don't make sense AT ALL to me.. lol to say the least. Ive taken guesses that maybe she's getting back together with an old boyfriend and doesn't know what to tell me, or maybe there's just some other guy I don't know about or something - But I haven't asked her any of this, simply have persisted to try and talk to her and get her to tell me what's going on. Just to be clear I am not consistently spamming her trying to get her to talk to me, Just enough that she knows I am wondering what is going on and that eventually we are going to half to talk.


    SO NOW THAT YOU READ MY LIFE STORY (APOLOGIES) tell me what can I do? What could be going on? Anything.. I need people to talk to and I really don't know who to go to specifically for this. My parents are terrible dating advice since neither of them actually dated (they met when they were 12 and have literally been together since then. I guess that crap isn't just movies? Lol)

    Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and give me any type of reply! It means much.

    - some guy.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #2

    Aug 3, 2008, 02:51 AM
    First of all, I want to say that it is nice to be able to actually read all of the way through, and understand the story without a bunch of text talk! :)

    The thing that hit me first, is that she is disrespecting you a whole lot. She is making plans with you, and then not carrying through with them. Obviously you like her a lot, but she is "standing you up" quite a bit from what you've said. Then she tells you that she needs to talk to you privately, but avoids that too.

    She may be playing you and the other guy, it's hard to say. But!! that's really not the point. The point is, that she has said things to you, and you to her, and she for whatever reason is blowing you off.

    I would give her one last chance to talk about the "personal talk" that she wants to have. See if she shows up for that. If she doesn't, let her know that you are not going to stick around for games, and you want to find someone who really wants to spend time with you, and you deserve that. You gave her chances, and she played the avoidance card, so you will find someone who is straight up and honest.

    Then stick to that, and tell her that you don't have time for games. If she is really serious about anything she has said to you, she will contact you. DON'T contact her! You don't have to be mean, just be sincere in saying, and knowing that you expect respect, and in turn will give it. If you let her know that you will move on, and not wait around for when it's a good time for her (like at midnite) she might think twice. If she doesn't... tell your buddy that he's still your bud, and both of you go out and meet some new girls! :)

    Hope everything works out the way it's meant to be for you! ;)
    guitarinar's Avatar
    guitarinar Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Aug 3, 2008, 09:22 AM
    I really appreciate the good answer. It gave me a few things to think about, hopefully she responds to me eventually so I can tell her something like what you have suggested.

    Well I'll be heading back to college in a matter of weeks (its pretty close by anyway), so I guess she has until then to make up her mind, or at least start talking. If its not going to work out (I would really love it to though) then.. college = lots of girls and I'm sure I can meet someone else no problem.

    thanks again!
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #4

    Aug 3, 2008, 09:33 AM
    Dude.... this is going to sound harsh but I suggest you look for her to see where the hell she's at. Basically, you need to spy on her to get more info; if you confront her, she'll change the subject.. If you find out yourself, that's not a bad case. I feel like this girl is doing something wrong and coming home at midnight. I'm 100% sure your friends' sister does not go to the movie theatres daily to watch the movies...

    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #5

    Aug 3, 2008, 01:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by hjpan
    Dude.... this is going to sound harsh but I suggest you look for her to see where the hell she's at. Basically, you need to spy on her to get more info; if you confront her, she'll change the subject.. If you find out yourself, that's not a bad case. I feel like this girl is doing something wrong and coming home at midnight. I'm 100% sure your friends' sister does not go to the movie theatres daily to watch the movies...
    Starting a relationship by "spying", is just wrong! If you feel the need to spy, then the relationship will not likely work period. If you can't start with trust as a foundation, you have nothing there to begin with. If this is the way you went about things, with a lot of game playing, maybe it's why you are in the situation that you are in now hjpan? Something to think about! Maybe your need a new plan!
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #6

    Aug 3, 2008, 01:40 PM
    You can't spy on a girl... ya just can't.. . It doesn't matter whether you get caught doing it... but your entire relationship will be then based on you not trusting her. One of the best things in a relationship is to be able to trust that person, and give them absolutely blind trust. If you can't do that... why even bother? Might as well a business partnership.
    guitarinar's Avatar
    guitarinar Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #7

    Aug 3, 2008, 01:42 PM
    Despite how frustrating the situation has made me, I gave her my trust and I wouldn't lower myself and credibility by spying. I will admit that I had the urge to try and get to the bottom of it myself by snooping around but I just decided that I would be patient and wait to see if she will come to me and talk, if not then I guess I'll never know - at least I can rest assured I did the right thing.
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #8

    Aug 3, 2008, 02:17 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by guitarinar
    Despite how frustrating the situation has made me, I gave her my trust and I wouldn't lower myself and credibility by spying. I will admit that I had the urge to try and get to the bottom of it myself by snooping around but I just decided that I would be patient and wait to see if she will come to me and talk, if not then I guess I'll never know - atleast I can rest assured I did the right thing.
    If it's consistent... then spying is the only option =/

    that's what I meant
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #9

    Aug 3, 2008, 03:01 PM
    Actually, if it's consistent, then leaving her is the only option. Spying isn't even an option... because you eventually become "that guy" and the girl will eventually end up getting a TRO on you.. . don't be that stalkerish guy, hjpan.
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #10

    Aug 3, 2008, 03:05 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
    actually, if it's consistent, then leaving her is the only option. spying isn't even an option...because you eventually become "that guy" and the girl will eventually end up getting a TRO on you. ...don't be that stalkerish guy, hjpan.
    What's wrong with spying D;??
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #11

    Aug 4, 2008, 01:31 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by guitarinar
    Despite how frustrating the situation has made me, I gave her my trust and I wouldn't lower myself and credibility by spying. I will admit that I had the urge to try and get to the bottom of it myself by snooping around but I just decided that I would be patient and wait to see if she will come to me and talk, if not then I guess I'll never know - atleast I can rest assured I did the right thing.
    You are absolutely right not to sacrifice your name or credibility by stooping that low. I know it's got to be hard, but resorting to that kind of stupidity will get you absolutely nowhere, but worse off than you are now. A little snooping is one thing, but spying?. NO! I hope you get things figured out with her one way or the other, and in the meantime, we are always here if you need to talk about it okay?
    guitarinar's Avatar
    guitarinar Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #12

    Aug 6, 2008, 07:09 PM
    Ok so still I have given contacting her a try (again not spamming her with messages every 5 minutes.. just a few times over the past week). NO MATTER what I say, nothing at all gets me even a simple response, it is clear she is purposefully ignoring me.. what can I possible have left to say.. that will at least guarntee me a reply.

    At this point I accept that fact that we are not going to be together right now, kind of dissapointing - But I'm really more upset that she was the one the whole time that has come on to me and when I finally mull it over and decide I actually liked her a lot and would want to date her, she completely COMPLETELY ignores me. I feel like I've just wasted a bunch of time and that's what's upsetting. Right now I just think I deserve an explanation, not to be shut out in the dark.

    I can only imagine she is thinking "I will just keep ignoring and eventually he'll disappear and stop asking questions" but I just half to refuse in letting myself be ignored, after all the time I have seemingly "wasted".

    What more can I do..
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #13

    Aug 6, 2008, 09:02 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by guitarinar
    Ok so still I have given contacting her a try (again not spamming her with messages every 5 minutes.. just a few times over the past week). NO MATTER what I say, nothing at all gets me even a simple response, it is clear she is purposefully ignoring me.. what can I possible have left to say.. that will atleast guarntee me a reply.

    At this point I accept that fact that we are not going to be together right now, kind of dissapointing - But I'm really more upset that she was the one the whole time that has come on to me and when I finally mull it over and decide I actually liked her a lot and would want to date her, she completely COMPLETELY ignores me. I feel like I've just wasted a bunch of time and thats whats upsetting. Right now I just think I deserve an explanation, not to be shut out in the dark.

    I can only imagine she is thinking "I will just keep ignoring and eventually he'll disappear and stop asking questions" but I just half to refuse in letting myself be ignored, after all the time I have seemingly "wasted".

    what more can I do..

    In 2-5 years from now, you can show up at her house and say "hey, I'm the guy you dated and ignored. Guess what? Look at me now.. I have a successful life, finance is not a problem etc."

    That's what I'm going to do.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #14

    Aug 8, 2008, 07:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by guitarinar
    Ok so still I have given contacting her a try (again not spamming her with messages every 5 minutes.. just a few times over the past week). NO MATTER what I say, nothing at all gets me even a simple response, it is clear she is purposefully ignoring me.. what can I possible have left to say.. that will atleast guarntee me a reply.

    At this point I accept that fact that we are not going to be together right now, kind of dissapointing - But I'm really more upset that she was the one the whole time that has come on to me and when I finally mull it over and decide I actually liked her a lot and would want to date her, she completely COMPLETELY ignores me. I feel like I've just wasted a bunch of time and thats whats upsetting. Right now I just think I deserve an explanation, not to be shut out in the dark.

    I can only imagine she is thinking "I will just keep ignoring and eventually he'll disappear and stop asking questions" but I just half to refuse in letting myself be ignored, after all the time I have seemingly "wasted".

    what more can I do..
    There isn't much more you really CAN do. You said what is really upsetting, is that you "wasted" that time. I know that the not knowing part sucks, but you are still letting her waste your time, even though you aren't together!

    If she will be this way to you once, and ignore you, she will no doubt do it again if you let her have that power over you. You are letting her have all of the control here. The only thing worse than sitting around wondering forever why she did that to you, is sitting and wondering forever and 1 day!
    guitarinar's Avatar
    guitarinar Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #15

    Aug 8, 2008, 11:29 PM
    Ok so some interesting things... I am starting to wonder.. Now I haven't called anymore and I am done with that. But something else is starting to seem a bit off to me.. Every time I had called, I never made any accusations.. I never whined.. chose words very carefully. Now keep in mind I have known this girl for QUITE sometime.. long enough to really understand her personality. I think something is wrong. I really really.. Don't think she is this stubborn.. I mean sure I could believe her ignoring me for a little while until she figured out what she wanted to say.. but this long, without even simple responses, I mean she has said nothing at all. I am almost sure that there is something huge I am missing.. either there is a really good reason or a really lame one for all of this.

    I'm really just using this forum place.. to vent..
    I really want to clarify that I am not dwelling too much on this whole thing, I've spent time with other girls, just kind of continuing on.
    But at the same time this really intrigues me.. someone I know so well to be WAY out of character. Just seems like something is off..
    natasblue's Avatar
    natasblue Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Aug 9, 2008, 03:54 AM
    All you guys are flippen hilarious, anyway from a woman's perspective, if she is avoiding your calls - she is avoiding you. Its probably not about another guy, or whatever other insecurities were mentioned. Look, this is the sisters friend and that can be awkward in the first place. But, I'm guessing that you said somethig that scared her, turned her off, or maybe your breath smelled bad. Ha ha but no really if its not that then maybe she just simply isn't as in to you as she thought she was. However, chances are that she just needed to be wanted by you now that that has been accomplished she really just doesn't want you anymore her mission has been conquered and consider this? What was the level of difficulty (actually) for her to do that. Something to think about. Were you a chase at all? Its really hard to say but I definitely believe that you deserve to know what it was all about, you deserve some closure on the facts regardless. BLESSINGS in your quest. Whatever really happened though don't take it personal. Cause my opinion is that she was selfish and had selfish intentions from the gate. But... what do I know?
    guitarinar's Avatar
    guitarinar Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #17

    Aug 9, 2008, 09:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by natasblue
    all you guys are flippen hilarious, anyway from a womans perspective, if she is avoiding your calls - she is avoiding you. its probably not about another guy, or whatever other insecurities were mentioned. Look, this is the sisters friend and that can be awkward in the first place. but, I'm guessing that you said somethig that scared her, turned her off, or maybe your breath smelled bad. ha ha but no really if its not that then maybe she just simply isnt as in to you as she thought she was. However, chances are that she just needed to be wanted by you now tht that has been accomplished she really just doesnt want you anymore her mission has been conqured and consider this? what was the level of difficulty (actually) for her to do that. something to think about. were you a chase at all? its realy hard to say but I definatly believe tht you deserve to know what it was all about, you deserve some closure on the facts regardless. BLESSINGS in your quest. whatever really happend though dont take it personal. cause my opinion is that she was selfish and had selfish intentions from the gate. but.... what do i know?

    Mmm.. definitely didn't say anything to scare her, and I brush 3 times a day.. lol. As strange as it sounds, she really just stopped talking for what would seem to me no reason, might sound hard to believe but I really that's all there is to it.

    Like I said.. she displayed interest in me over the past couple years.. I never did anything about it just because.. my best friends sister. I was really convinced she wanted something together though, after some of our more in depth conversations.
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #18

    Aug 9, 2008, 06:05 PM
    flash84x:

    that person may not care but at least I proved that I am worth something more than her.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #19

    Aug 9, 2008, 06:25 PM
    I agree to an extent with what hjpan said but I WOULD NOT suggest going to her house to rub it in... word getting around that you are successful is more than sufficient.
    That though is neither here nor there.

    But to answer where things are currently, I would agree with the ones that said she just simply may not find you her type or whatever and you should not take it personal. She sounds like she is not very mature when it comes to having a relationship and is probably enjoying her freedom and fun (whether it includes some guy or not). If 'n when she is ever ready she will let you know so until she comes to you and says she is ready for that talk I think you should get over her and get on with your life.
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
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    #20

    Aug 9, 2008, 06:33 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by hjpan
    flash84x:

    that person may not care but at least I proved that I am worth something more than her.
    I agree with flash84x. The only person you need to prove anything to is yourself and possibly the next girl. Why are you worrying about proving something to your ex? It sounds like it is more revenge than living well for yourself, because you said you would show up at her door in a 2-5 years, and show her how well you've been doing. You are still going to be thinking of her in a few 2-5 yrs?? That screams insecurity, and lack of self confidence! Work on yourself, and get on with it.

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