I've been in college for a year and a half an absolutely no guys have noticed me. At all. And it makes me feel bad about myself. I don't think I'm ugly but I don't know. I try to be pretty. It's not something I can just walk up to someone and ask about. Friends will probably be nice and say "Of course you're pretty." And strangers will probably say "I don't know. You look alright I guess." Throughout my grade school years I've never had a boyfriend. No guy has ever asked me. I don't think it has anything to do with how you look, honestly. Because I see unattractive girls with very attractive guys. I would think my personality is good. I mean, I think it's okay. Plus I'm smart and I like to do things. I'm active. I love reading. Long walks are great on weekends. I exercise every day to stay in shape, and I even go to the club with my friends. Actually, when I think about it, the gym is a cesspool for meeting people. My friends tell me all about how men have gone up to them and talked to them and asked them for their numbers. It hasn't happened to me once at the gym. Or anywhere else for that matter. I haven't received so much as a look out of the corner of the eye. It might be my body. I'm not very curvy. And I do look kind of young (even though this is a college campus gym and everyone who goes is at least 18). But my friends are curvy and mature-looking. And I know that's not the right way to attract a guy but it suuuure helps lol. But anyway...

I'll be honest. I don't dress very sexy. I don't like that kind of thing. Tight pants and small shirts are uncomfortable. And they send the wrong message (that I want men to look at my butt or breasts). So I don't wear them. I'm not glamour girl. But still. I see girls who dress down even more than I do and they still have boyfriends. I have a lot of friends. A lot of people like me. But no guy-friend has ever taken it further than that. Matter of fact (and this is a funny, true story) My girlfriend and I were hanging out in a guy friend of ours' room. He and I had a lot in common. We both love apple computers and the same kind of burgers. He's sort of a loser (and so am I if I'm perfectly honest) so we click really well. Anyway, I fell asleep on his bean bag and when I woke up, he and my friend were kissing. They later became an item. Now you have to understand what kind of person my friend is. Now SHE'S a glamour girl. She's got the bust and the butt and a tiny waist. She wears tight pants and is current with all of the most recent music and gossip. She's also a 4.0 student (I know, perfect :) ). But she's the type of girl who gets (and has gotten in the past) football players. And the guy is no fool. He wouldn't get with a girl just because of her body. Obviously, while I was a sleep, she executed some sort of seductive skill that resulted in her snagging him. But not on her own. I know her and she is not one to make the first move. So he had to have done something or said something for this to happen. Now the relationship didn't last because they were clearly opposites. But what made him pursue her and not me, when he and I have so much in common?

I don't want to throw myself at guy but, at the same time, I don't want to continue to be of no interest to them. I just don't understand why everyone I've ever known has been in a relationship at least once and I haven't even received my first kiss. I keep in shape. I take care of my hair and face. I dress in slightly baggy clothes only because I don't want men to judge me by the way I look. I have a lot of friends. So why don't guys like me? I don't even get cat calls on the street when I walk to Barnes and Nobles. My friends do all the time when they walk to the mall or something. Some guys even stop their cars for them. I've never gotten a "Hey baby" or anything. Not that I'd actually respond to that kind of a approach, but their casual interest will at least let me know every now and then that the opposite sex finds me attractive. What more can I do? Someone people say "Ohh your time will come soon enough. Just wait a bit longer." But when I'm the ONLY girl in my circle of friends who has never been hit on, or in a relationship, or even kissed, it makes me feel... weird. Like there is something wrong with my but no one has told me about it yet. I don't want to be 40 and in the same situation. I don't want to change who I am and conform in this society where big butts and big breasts rule either but... what can I do?

Thank you in advance :)

You sound like one of my friends.. My group of high school friends.. 3 are virgins, 2 don't really date. 1 has a hard time even talking to a guy.. she is 22 and just got her first kiss. Its not that she isn't pretty or attractive... or nice or anything. Its just she hasent really felt compelled or met anyone worth her time. She is like you, she doesn't like to be showy. Lol, her showing cleavage is like.. seeing a pig fly. It never happens! She feels she will be the 60 year old virgin with all the cats. Anyway lol, when the right guys comes it will work out! And it will be special. Try hanging out at other places, me a different type of guy!

First let me say there's nothing wrong with you!

I think you have to learn to chose your battles, so to speak.
You say you don't want the cat calls and inappropriate perverted remarks (trust me they do get OLD quick!) but just like any girl you want to feel attractive to the opposite sex and those remarks would confirm that you are... BUT you dress in a way that probably won't get you cat calls or draw a males eye in a sea of tight jeans and low cut tops.

What Im trying to say is that you aren't getting that random sexual attention from guys because you are more conservative in your dress code than a lot of girls you and I both probably see on our college campuses... This isn't a bad thing at all though. You'll know that when a guy finds you attractive it isn't just a superficial on the surface type of thing. You know what I mean?

I think it's great that you are comfortable with yourself so much that you don't feel the need to sex up your image for male attention! (Some people dress that way because they like the look but Im willing to bet a lot of young girls do it for the attention).

I will say that I myself am a pretty conservative dresser but I do like being a young lady so I dress to first of all fit my lifestyle (college student and I work with kids) but I don't dress like Im going to the gym everyday either.
You can dress comfy and cute all in one, Accessorize and individualize your look and this will not only keep you being you but it should elevate your confidence in the way you look and this will permeate... those who see you will see this glow you'll have. It may also change the perception guys may have about you... they'll probably still cat call your friends with more "sexy attire" but trust me girl they'll give you a second glance too.

Personally I find the cat calls so rude and obnoxious it doesn't flatter me and makes me a bit nauseous :) Any guy who does that to a young lady isn't worth a second glance, remember that!

And the body shape thing... not all black guys like the curvy thing sure the media portrays that but I was watching Tyra the other day and a black guy was quite the contrary of that stereotype he didn't like the curvy body shape AT ALL... Just focus on your education and becoming a better you so that when that special guy comes along you're everything he could ever want and more :)

sorry so long~

Well if you see a guy that you think you would like and he doesn't come up to you why don't you try and go up to him. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then just wait around and I'm sure the right guy will find you. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you. That one guy will find you, you just might have to wait a bit.

Well if you see a guy that you think you would like and he doesn't come up to you why don't you try and go up to him. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then just wait around and I'm sure the right guy will find you. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you. That one guy will find you, you just might have to wait a bit.

See you all are telling me what I DON'T want to here. The same thing people tell those lonely people who have been waiting for 40 years for their true love. I don't want to 'wait for the right guy to come along'. Why should I be the only girl who has to wait while all of the other girls have guys coming up to them left and right? It's not fair. And going up to guys? That defeats the purpose of the question. I want guys to come up to me. Just like my peers. Why can't I be like them? I don't want to be 'waiting' for 40 years for that right guy (or any guy) to come along. And I don't want to go around asking guys out. Because then I lose some femininity. I like the idea of being pursued. Not pursuing.

Think of it this way many of these college couples that get together and think happily ever after and then they graduate and find out their dreams and goals take them in two different directions. Right now it is really good you put all your focus on getting a head and fulfilling your dreams and then when you are there in your dreams you finding a right guy is better chance of success because you are a whole person. In college it is more like two people trying to find themselves and taking on more.
I hope I explained that as good as I hope I did.

Like I said before, Chose your battles: Either you conform to what the other girls are doing or how they're dressing to get that attention you want OR you can be yourself and wait or go after a better guy.

Do you not realize this attention you are observing is just young guys who are sexually aroused by those girls simply because they're showing some skin and curves?

Is that all you want, some horny guy to say "hey baby, I was admiring your butt across the room" lol

Seriously, you have to change this perspective you have. You are in college where a lot of the guys you see are still very immature... and they are very visual creatures so face that fact and make a decision to be comfortable not being the status quo and realize you'll probably attract a much more mature guy who isn't all about the "looks"... that isn't a bad thing is it?

Really what do you want us to say?
If you were to say you were socially awkward and never had friends or were scared to even speak to guys the advice would be very different . You've gotten the advice you have because you don't have those problems your perception about your situation is quite negative and skewed but YOU don't actually have those problem.

"And I don't want to go around asking guys out. Because then I lose some femininity."
And don't mistake assertiveness for masculinity that will surely set us (women) back a few decades. :/

You don't have to 'ask a guy out' if you aren't comfortable but if you are interested in a guy, There is Nothing wrong with pursuing him (letting him know your interested in hanging out) You never know that guy could easily be shy and afraid to approach you, so if you sit there thinking... 'Im a girl so I can't approach him'... You will miss out!

That's not true mimi obviously because I JUST described relationships that ugly girls who dress down more than me have with guys. I said that in my original post. How come THEY get guys when they are worse off than me? They aren't throwing themselves at guys. I'm not bashing the advice given to me. But the advice that HAS been given to me doesn't take ALL of what I've said into consideration. You tell me either to conform or get over it. But there are girls out there who don't have to do either. How come they have what they have and I don't? Even if they are less sexually attractive than I am.

I'm not fishing for a specific answer. I just wish I'd get an answer that took EVERYTHING I've said in all of my posts in this thread into consideration. Once I have an answer that does then I'll be happy. But no one has. So of course I'm not going to settle for what you all have told me.

I understand where you are coming from I am 53 yrs old. I didn't really have a real boyfriend until I was 27. And I have gone years at a time with no boyfriend several times. In that time of yrs w/ no boyfriend I would feel like there was something wrong with me because even a Siamese twin or a downs syndrome girl could get bf's but not me. One thing I can tell you though is never go after them cause every boyfriend I ever had I went after and they were cool for about three months and then their true colors would come out and they would take me for granted and treated me like crap. My boyfriend now was after me for 17 yrs and I always laughed him off and one day it just seemed like the right thing to do and we have been together 2 months now and we even have our problems but I know he is really into me. That is the thing if a guy ain't into YOU for who you are it doesn't matter how many bf's you have. Remember quality not quantity.
Hang in there I know you can do a lot better than I did I had bad luck on many levels all my life. I can tell you have a promising future though don't mess it up with guy problems.

Ok I'll put it this way... whatever you are doing/not doing isn't working for you. Right?

So my statement...
((Chose your battles: Either you conform to what the other girls are doing or how they're dressing to get that attention you want OR you can be yourself and wait or go after a better guy.))

Is very relevant to what you've described, I did consider everything you stated.

Besides what you may find unattractive a guy may not... Beauty's in the eye of the beholder... so those not so attractive girls either look good to their boyfriends or they are seeing something within that captures their attention.

Basically, there is no other advice to give. I think I've covered all of the bases given the info./situation provided.

If you don't think you have a physical problem that stops you from getting this attention then what is it? Personality? Are you shy... unapproachable?

Finally, I don't understand why you are comparing yourself to other girls and thinking you have to have what they have (bfs, relationships)
So instead of seeking an answer to, why this? Or why that? Try thinking -- How, how can you turn this situation around?.
So don't waist time comparing yourself and your experiences to others, don't sit back and wait for a guy to come and sweep you off your feet and maybe you won't end up 40 and single...

It really is hard to tell what guys like if you are too confident they think you are stuck up
If you are too independent they think you are unapproachable.
If you are too outgoing they think you are pushy.
You have to get to a place you are happy with you.
Don't worry about the other girls and what they got. Many of them have losers. Many of them have somebody that has mood swings and treats them like dirt.

Like I just said in my last reply go for quality not quantity in life and love.

Let me see here: I want to respond to some of your phrases in the quote above.

1) See you all are telling me what I DON'T want to here [sic]. Well, with all due respect, there are some people who don't want to hear the truth (or at least what others are saying to honestly help).

2) I don't want to wait (for the right guy). If you don't want to wait for a quality guy, then don't expect one. So you want the right guy to come along in *your* timeframe? Is that correct?

3) It's not fair. Is life supposed to be fair? Yes, that fact can be frustrating at times.

5) And I don't want to go around asking guys out. OK, fair enough. :)

Here are my suggestions:

-In general, guys are visual. They will notice a woman who smiles, makes eye contact, carries herself well, dressed appropriately for the occasion, has certain physical attributes, etc. Question: What are you doing to get visually noticed?

-Look in alternative places (as one responder mentioned). This is *GREAT* advice.

-Always maintain a positive and hopeful attitude/demeanor. This will attract quality men as well as quality people.

-Work for what you want. Want the right guy? Be proactive. Not sure how to do it? Be willing to accept advice that does not conform to how you believe, feel, think and/or act.

Yours truly,

A heterosexual, adult male

Be smart... be funny... and be cocky...

But not too smart... not too funny... and not too cocky...

Trust me, what guy wouldn't notice that?

Show intent. You don't have to throw yourself at men but express intent that you "could" be interested...

Remember YOU choose who you will date.. they don't choose you.

Okay Always helping. You took everything I said out of context, which I have gone out of my way to avoid. But I guess I can't expect everyone to be bright and attentive when it comes to other peoples' needs and/or requests. Your telling me to do things that I already said I DID. Go out to new places? I already said I was active AND social. All guys are not all visual because there are clearly ugly girls who aren't even trying who seem to still get the guys (which was my point).

"Look in alternative places (as one responder mentioned). This is *GREAT* advice."

It's awful advice because I already said in my first post that I was already doing these things. I don't need people to regurgitate information that I already know.

"Always maintain a positive and hopeful attitude/demeanor. This will attract quality men as well as quality people."

Obviously. That's why I made it a point to state that I do JUST THAT. Matter of fact, I went out of my way to let you people know that I was very social and had a lot of good friends. It doesn't take a genius to recognize what I'm telling you.

"Be willing to accept advice that does not conform to how you believe, feel, think and/or act."

Excuse me but don't give advice I already said would does me no good. I don't want guys staring at me butt. And I'm not going to conform to dressing that way. Ever. I'm not going to compromise on how I feel because there is nothing WRONG with the way I feel. I don't think I should have to walk around uncomfortable and showing all of my junk for guys. Especially when some other girls don't even HAVE to do that in order to get noticed. You can't recommend me do something that goes against my morals.

Word of Advice to YOU: If someone comes up to you and says "I'm a vegetarian but I'm really thin. How can I gain weight?" Don't tell her to eat meat. If I come here and say that I don't dress sexy but want attract men, don't tell me to wear short skirts and halter tops. If you don't know how to help then don't post a response. I'm sick of critiquing other peoples' posts because they aren't considerate of my morals and beliefs. So Always_Helping? You can take your advice somewhere else because I truly do not need it. And for the rest of you, if you don't know, don't answer. I don't want a whole bunch of bad advice. I only want one piece of GOOD advice.

And Dr.Drizzle, there is no such thing as being too smart. Never. I don't know what kind of person you are but if you feel that some women come off as 'too smart' then perhaps you should take a look at YOURself and readjust who YOU are. Not who the girl is.

iDish... Im talking about basic rules of attraction.

Your basic question stated that "but no one wants me"

If you are having troubles getting guys to notice you, coming off too smart can be an issue.

If you are looking for the love of your life, different rules may apply (of course, only after creating that initial attraction). But you said you were ready to "date".

Maybe, for those that choose to take things personally and feel attacked, I should have said "Dont [appear] to be too smart... "

I'm not knocking intelligence... if you had any idea who I was, you would know this. However...

Too smart and you don't seem like you would be any fun. Guys, especially your age, want to have fun, too.

Too funny and you seem like your all fun... no seriousness... the class clown. Guys won't take you seriously.

Too cocky and you will seem like a stuck up b****. Be confident and cocky but in a fun way. Don't be threatening.

If you want to be approached, whether you like it or not, you have to become approachable.


And let me add something... don't take things personally (thats a big one)... This post, nor the first one, was meant as an attack to you or girls or anyone for that matter. When you go seeking advice, try listening to those offering it.

LIKE I SAID, no such thing as being too smart, appearing to smart, acting too smart, feeling too smart, and so forth. No such thing. For they do not make or break an impression. No man can give me one good example where the girl was too smart.

If a guy feels you are 'too smart' it is because they feel feel inferior for the most part.
While you can never be too smart others CAN perceive you that way.

Since we don't seem to be all that helpful is there anything in any replies that you felt were somewhat helpful?

Sadly, not really N0help4u.

Yes I agree with this, I consider myself a very intelligent person, hell I'm an engineer graduate... I should be, but anyway... there is a time and a place for that... and that is at school or work and when you are in another situation that merits it... you need a personality that is fun, attractive, interesting, and intriguing... I have no doubt that you are very smart but it is probably in some way narrowed down to a certain area, and guess what people who don't care about that area (i.e. mine is computers/technology) do not want to be bored with details that they don't understand... you need a generic personality that fits into the norm of society as well...

Also, if you are going out to clubs and such, you still don't dress up? I mean... I'm sure there are guys out there that are into that style (baggy clothes) but personally I'm attracted to women who wear sexy clothes, and I don't mean skimpy clothes... I like women who look professional and confident with themselves... I don't see that in a girl when I see her walking around with baggy jeans/sweats and a shirt 2-3 sizes too big

You've made a good point though, if that's who you are and that's all you will ever be, then continue in your ways, but as others have pointed out, it doesn't seem to be working, I say be adventurous and try dressing up one night and going out and see what kind of results you get... sex appeal is a huge deal and just because a guy is attracted to your looks doesn't mean he is looking at you as a piece of meat, you are smart, I am sure you can weed those ones out pretty quick anyway... men are sexual creatures and the first thing they see in a woman is physical attraction

And again, me personally I would never date a girl that doesn't dress up at least every now and then, maybe it sounds shallow to you or others, but I don't think it is it at all... its what I want in a woman so its what I should be able to have